This is an abreviated account of events since D-day...

I went to bed on the night of November 26th 2004 with a beautiful wife, and 2 great kids. My W had been unhappy, partly because she was in job hunting mode, and it was not going as she envisioned, but the dawn had broken there, and she had started a job a few days before. We had reservations at Ruth's Chris Steakhouse for the next night, Life was going to be just fine after all <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> or so I thought...

I woke up at 3:00AM to find her not in bed, she was at the computer, drinking a glass of wine, and reading & sending emails, I read 1 from OM & 1 from WW, basically, MY WORLD CAME CRASHING IN ON ME <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

The next morning, WW confesses that she has rented an apartment, and has not been happy for 12 years (FOG TALK), had been contacted by OM on email about 3 Nov 2004. and was moving out on 1 Dec 2004. I went into reaction mode, and shock & disbelief mode. I gave her my wedding band (MISTAKE #1) and then offered to change. It did no good, she had found her "soulmate" and she was "going to live for her happiness from now on". Nothing I said or did mattered. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

She left on 2 Dec 2004 (I had to be out of town on the 1st, so she stayed a day to look after the kids. My depression was almost more than I could bear, but my Lord was greater than that, and He has carried me through. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Fast forward 2 weeks (still no progress, just more PAINFUL discoveries about the A, & I found MB) I exposed, and that unleashed a lot of rage from WW. Son is faced with horror of past event, and requires hospitalization. WW doesn't come to visiting hour, DS is again dejected.

Next week, I had to go out of town once again, and the kids were to stay at her place. She had arranged for OM to come to town (EA turns to PA now) and she leaves kids alone with $20 to buy themselves dinner, and she comes home at 1:30AM (must've been the first night of PA), next night WW leaves kids alone with OM for 2 hours, after they first meet. OM gives DS a cig, lets him smoke, and tells them "I'll be nice, but I won't take any crap from you 2, I've got my own teenagers". I cannot do anything to protect them until I return to town the next day. After this encounter, WW & OM take my kids to mall to "celebrate" Xmas as a "family".

Next day I return to town, I get kids, and we go to my sisters for the holidays, WW tells kids "I'll call you on Xmas (9 days away). She calls kids 2 days before Xmas, DS asks her if OM left town, she said yes, he then asks her "How come you didn't call us until he laft?" This catches her by surprise, and she tells him "I was busy" He responds with "I guess he comes first". I hope & pray that this will open her eyes a bit, but no such luck. She wants me to fill out some forms so she can file for an easy & painless (for her) divorce. I tell her "I am not ready emotionally, and we can deal with this later"

I ask her repeatedly to keep OM away from kids, she refuses, meanwhile DS emotional issues spiral downward, and she sees no relationship between the A & his condition. I move into child protection mode, and UNFORTUNATELY have to hire attorney to explore options.

OM moves to town with his 2 kids, they move into WW's apartment (1 bed, 1 bath w/loft). I file the D papers, and move for Emergency custody hearing. Next day she tries to sign kids out of school to meet their "new step siblings", I alert the school to plan & WW is again enraged.

DS has a siezure at school & is rushed to hospital, I call WW & she comes there, we are together for 6 hours, she tries to argue about attorney, I tell her "Not here, not now". She is served papers while we are at hospital (actual service is her apartment, OM recieves papers for WW). Still no sign of Fog lifting. Son is released from hospital, with instructions to reduce all stress. WW wants to take kids to dinner, I inform her of Dr. instructions, she agrees to not have OM present. She lied, and has dinner with kids, OM & his kids. After dinner, WW & OM go 1 way, all 4 kids go other, they occaisionaly see each other during night. I am livid at WW's idea of spending time with kids.

DS has another downturn in emotional state, again needs hospitalization, NOW WW tries to be "perfect mom" because she is concerned about upcoming legal sitch. WW insists on signing all documents. she doesn't read or really care, she even adds her name above DS as patient on 2 forms (irony noted she does need help <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> )

Emergency mediation is set for 2 days from now...

TO BE CONTINUED

<small>[ February 08, 2005, 12:03 PM: Message edited by: Hosea_2004 ]</small>

Wow,Hosea that is the fastest moving A I have ever seen. How long were they in the EA before it moved to PA? How is your DS doing now? You know one day your WW will look back with deep regret and pain over how she treated your children and you. Stay above the fray and above all else, love and protect your children.

{{Hosea}}

{{{Hosea}}}

Wow, getting flashbacks myself.

Take care of your kids. It is bad enough to be abandoned and betrayed by your spouse, imagine how hard it is for a child to be treated this way by a parent.

I won't share my own disgusting story, but the most important thing right now is to protect your self and your children. Your WW is a bull in a china shop. We all say Fog, but it is not an excuse or even a good explanation in my book for abusive treatment.

.

FF - I edited my post to include that tidbit of info, but here is more detail:

OM & WW dated briefly in 1986, 2 years before I met her, and 5000 miles away as well. According to WW, OM paid for an internet search, and found her, the first contact I can verify was 3 Nov 2004.

Not to worry, I am protecting my kids, regardless of the costs, and always will.

Oh, ok that helps to explain the speed of the A. How much self examination have you done about your M? Are you in IC to help you get through this?

My IC has been with my pastor, and the occaisional call to Focus on the Family. I do get the support of close friends and that helps a lot.

TY for the concern. I am getting more accepting that I may never get into recovery, and it bothers me less each day.

WW is out of state on business this week, we have the mediation scheduled, she tells me today she will need to reschedule. My lawyer said that since it is based on an emergency motion, resched. is generally not allowed. I may win by default. That would be nice, especially since it would spare me emotionally, and take care of my kids at same time.

UPDATE:

WW calls me today, and says "I'm in NC and I called to change the hearing tomorrow, they said they can't unless the other lawyer agrees, SO I want you to call your lawyer and tell him to change the meeting" LMAO <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I told her "I'm not going to do that, you chose this course of action, and you have to realize there are consequences, and this is one of them."

Her reply: "I can't be there, there is no way", I said "Have your lawyer attend in your place" to which she had to admit that she had not retained an attorney (ANOTHER LIE BITING HER). I told her I was not willing to change this meeting, and she needed to make arrangements.

Then she got mad, and said she "didn't know why you are doing this to me, I wouldn't do that to you" I simply responded that I wasn't doing anything to her, she was doing to herself, AND WHAT SHE DID TO ME WAS FAR WORSE!!!

We'll see what happens next...

Hosea_2004,

Hang in there and vent in here.

-rh-

Personally I think you have got to ignore her response and what she thinks and just proceed ahead and get some legal protection for your son. The sooner the better from the sounds of things to me...

You can worry about you and her's relationship after (or whatever's left of it by that point), but right now you have to protect your son from the path of destruction she is causing.

Hang in there and keep doing the right thing!

Miker

Well, WW was able to cancel the mediation, but it has been noted to the court, now we move to get an immediate hearing.

I learned from Ww that the reason she has no attorney retained is because she cannot afford it. Maybe she will start to see the damage she has caused.

I'm thinking the LBs between WW & OM should start soon, if not already. He has no job, and doesn't appear to be looking very hard either, when WW learns that she will have CS, as well as the costs she has supporting OM & his kids, the shine will come off of that penny real quick

OK we just got back from DS's therapy session, I don't know what the Dr. said to WW, but she didn't seem to concerned when they came out.

She said she wanted to take the kids to a mall tomorrow, I let the kids get in my truck and then I walked over to her vehicle and tried to talk to her. I told her about an upcoming appt. at DS school, and then said that if she wanted to have the kids tomorrow, I can bring them to the mall, and hang out in the shadows until it is time to go home, the reason is that I know she lied to me about having OM around the last time, and I wasn't going to let her do that again. She tells me, "you are not going to control me, and you are not going to stalk me."

I said to her "I'm not stalking you" and she replaies "you would", so now I'm afraid if I don't let her have the kids unsupervised, she will accuse me of stalking or worse. I told her that until the court makes a ruling I cannot trust her alone with the kids.

Then I think I dropped a huge LB on her, I said "You know all you ever needed to do was make a choice between seeing your kids and seeing your boyfriend, and the sad part is, YOU NEVER CHOOSE YOUR KIDS OVER YOUR BOYFRIEND, not once have you ever chosen your kids instead of your boyfriend!" At that point I walked off, and left her to think it over.

I tell you I'm getting to the point where I don't care about even trying to Plan A her, and part of me wants to tell her to drop off of the face of the planet.

bump, need input please

Hosea - Sounds like you are maintaining your boundaries well. Are you maintaining a semblance of family life with just you and the kids? I'm sure your wife will come out of this, but it is extremely hard in the meantime.

I think lots of family activities will be good for all of you. Let your wife stew in the pot. I would remain friendly toward her (and knock off the LB's, I know, it's hard), but also protect your family. You are doing just fine so far.

Thanks, but what about tomorrow? Do I let her take the kids alone, or not? I don't want them exposed to OM, but I can't afford for the judge to think I am keeping them from their mother.

Hosea, first I do not think that was an LB at all. It was the plain unvarnished truth! As for the mall, I would offer to drop them off and pick them up. You can't control her and you can't do much about the OM until courts intervene. At least if it is in a public place they won't have to see too much interaction between your WW and OM.

{{Hosea}}

here is the update since my last post:

WW called the kids the next day, she is using OM's last name on caller ID now <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> She tells them "I'm not going to see you because daddy told me he would stalk me if I picked you up" Needless to say they were hurt, and my son was mad at ME. I talked to him and explained that what she said was a lie, and that she is making excuses to justify chosing OM over her own kids.

I got back on the phone, told her some reality, and to come get her kids, she eventually did, but they both didn't really want to be with her. I say this because they told her they were tired and wanted to come home over an hour early, then 5 minutes later they tell me "let's go do something". They did say that she asked them if OM & his kids could join them at mall, my kids told her "we are ok with his kids, we just don't want OM to be here" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> WW said that would not work "cause they do things as a family!" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> How blind can she be???

I later learned that WW told them they would probably lose their home because I made her spend $2000 to hire a lawyer instead of doing the D her way.

I sent her an email the next day telling her to LEAVE OUR KIDS OUT OF THIS. She seems to get the message about that part anyway.

She has since taken a parenting class (required in FL) and hopefully that will get her to stop screwing her kids up.

She seems to be trying to be the perfect mom (while still in the A) since she knows I am serious about protecting my kids, stinks that WW can't see the damage she is causing.

We have a mediation set up for Valentines day (how romantic <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ).

I continue to hold out hope, I mailed her a letter revealing what the Lord has been doing and showing me since she left. Part of me hopes this will rekindle her desire to follow Jesus. I'm not sure if she will even ackowledge recieving it.

I'll post more later

Hosea

<small>[ February 08, 2005, 12:13 PM: Message edited by: Hosea_2004 ]</small>

Hi Hosea,

I'm sorry you are dealing with all of this.Your DDay was just a few months ago but mine was over a year ago and I can't tell you how better I feel not dealing with my WH.I know that you still hold out hope,and you should,but I just wanted you to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel if this doesn't work out.

Your WW sounds like a nasty manipulator saying those things to your children and she is blatantly dragging your kids through this mess and it's hard to hear especially with your son being so vulnerable and having issues before.It is so callous of your WW but you know,she is in the fog/addiction.It is best to stay away from them when they are like that,IMO anyway.I don't what she is doing to try to be the "perfect" mom.Sounds like she is far from that.

Well,you are doing well so far.Keep your strength up and keep protecting those kids like you are.That's the best we can do given the circumstances.Your WW's OM sounds like a real slime.Yuk.Sorry,I don't think I have called anyone a slime before but...there's a first time for everything. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

O

DOUBLE POST

<small>[ February 08, 2005, 04:12 PM: Message edited by: Hosea_2004 ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Octobergirl:
<strong>
Your WW sounds like a nasty manipulator saying those things to your children and she is blatantly dragging your kids through this mess.........I don't what she is doing to try to be the "perfect" mom.Sounds like she is far from that.

Your WW's OM sounds like a real slime. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

O </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well what I meant by trying to be the perfect mom, is she is now taking time off from work for Ds appointments, I guess in her eyes that is all he needs, she is calling them more often as well, every other day, but not when she promises them.

As far as the OM, I agree he is a slime. I continue to pray that the Lord keeps him & I apart until I can control my urge to introduce him to life support equipment.

Hosea

Hi again, here is this weeks events. Some of you may have read about her wanting to take them to the FL State Fair on Sunday. Well I still haven't heard from her on that front.

DS had another appointment with his psychologist on wednesday, I had a feeling that WW wouldn't be there. I was right. DS asked me as we were in the waiting area if WW knew about the appt. I told him that we were both together when the appointment was set. He asked me if he could use my cell phone to call her, at first I said no, but then decided to let him. I knew he was going to get another excuse, but he wanted to make the call.

He calls her, and asked her if she was coming, she said she didn't know what he was talking about. when he told her he had a Dr. appt. I could hear her yelling in the phone to him, and asking to talk to me. I got on the phone and this is how the convo went:

Me: Hello

WW: Did you tell me about this appointment?

Me: WW, We both made the appointment together, the Dr. wrote it on a card and gave each of us one.

WW: [censored], I'm on the other side of town, I have to see the VA at 6:00PM to see about my education benefits (she is trying to get the VA to pay for college since she retired, and was in between plans in the service).

Me: OK

WW: There is no way I can turn around and make it there.

Me: OK

WW: Tell DS I can't be there today, I'll be at the next one.

Me: Here you can talk to him.

I handed the phone back to him, she talked to him & DD for a few minutes and then that was it.

I could see the rejection in his eyes as he was talking to her, and his voice was just getting softer as he spoke, it pisses me off to see he screw her own kids over like that.

Dr. told me that he was very up front with WW last session, and told her that she needs to help DS deal with the anger and rejection he is feeling towards her & OM, or she will have NO R with him at all soon. She is oblivious to what he told her, she refuses to discuss anything with DS.

I told him later that I was sorry he had to deal with that, and that I didn't want him to call her so he wouldn't have to hear another excuse.

It has been 2 days since she talked to either kid, and the total of her conversations with them this week is probably less that 15 minutes for both kids combined.

I can't wait until the mediation is over on Monday, so we can get the hearing scheduled, and get this custody settled. Unless things change for the better REAL SOON then I'm off to Plan B land.

I will post the letter I sent her on Monday in my next post, I think it is a pretty good Plan A letter.

Thanks for listening, and as usual comments are welcomed

<small>[ February 11, 2005, 03:24 PM: Message edited by: Hosea_2004 ]</small>