CC:

I wasn't sure where to find you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I was counseled by Steve Harley to protect myself legally and financially when my H left.

I really think you need to see an attorney so that the OW does not have access to money that is rightfully yours. He is now totally under her influence.

My FWH, now really my H again, signed a very lucrative (for me) separation agreement, in which I was entitled to alimony and child support.

I'm sure that caused some LBing with the OW, too. He signed it without question, though. I maintained access to his checking account and did not wait for him to send it to me. I transferred it to mine. My FWH was so fogbrained that he did care about money, only about her. Being involved in an A is so self-destructive.We are still trying to get back on our feet financially. I had to take care of myself and our children. I think the OW did want his money although he did not believe it at the time.

GAINING RESPECT AND TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF IS ALSO A CRUCIAL PART OF PLAN B as indicated in PEP's suggestion to DYING HERE.

Thanks for the advice. The thing that stopsme is that contacting a lawyer may make WH think I am after his money at this point. He is paying the bills.But I will talk to a lawyer to see what can be done. I´m sorry that we did not talk about this before plan B. I´m afraid of misunderstandings at this point and since we´re in plan B there is no talk going on.

I would suggest that you see a lawyer anyways because he can stop paying the bills at any time. You don't want to live with that anxiety. I didn't. He is under the influence of an alien.

What do you mean HIS MONEY? You are married. What is his, is yours. That is the definition of marriage. The two shall become one.

OK, CC, What is this type of thinking all about?

Don't worry about a misunderstanding. He will respect your decision to take care of yourself. As I said before, gaining his respect increases your likelihood of RECOVERY.

<small>[ January 31, 2005, 12:29 PM: Message edited by: mimi1254 ]</small>

You are right Mimi.I am such a coward about some things but I will find out about a lawyer tonight and get in contact this week. Thanks

Mimi, should I first inform myself of my rights and get BIL to talk to him before taking legal steps? Down here we don´t involve lawyers unless it is absolutely necessary. He would consider it very aggressive.

Is down here in the US, if I may ask?

<small>[ January 31, 2005, 01:38 PM: Message edited by: cc46 ]</small>

Ok. I understand what you mean now.

Protect yourself according to your own laws and customs.

I will find out anyway. Tonight I´m going to the movies with a cousin in law who is separated and a lawyer.Hasn´t bothered divorcing yet because according to her it wasn´t financially convenient. I´ll ask her.
Some things are different legalwise here

Talked with my lawyer friend and she said I was better off not doing anything for the moment, because if legal counsel gets involved I would probably get less than what he is giving us now. She also said that in her experience when the H pays the bills etc from the beginning he always pays.
So I won´t do anything except pray.

I am not an authority on plan B, but I do know a little about finances and their effect on folks.

If the opportunity comes up, I would maybe think about inflating things a bit and squirrelling away the overage just in case he should change his mind. Expect the best and plan for the worst, ya know.

I don't know if this would be possible or even advisable in your situation, but maybe something to think about.

All the best to you,

-OAK

OAK, thanks for the advice. Actually I jave been doing that for quite a while because of the behavioural changes in WH for the past 2 years (MLC? A?). And I will continue to do as much as I can. I do have bank statements etc which lawyer said can be used if things get difficult. I hope this does not happen, but just in case I want to be prepared.

Hi cc46

Try and save as much as you can because if we actually sat down and worked out what we do spend with the family etc there are so many hidden extras we forget about.

Try and make a list of spending when WH was at home and another now that he is in the apartment. And dont overcompensate on your self.

On another note how was the film?

DH, the film was The window across the street and italian film about near infidelity!!!! Not bad but a bit slow for my taste and not the best subject. But later I chatted a long while with ex-cousin in law/lawyer which was very nice and we agreed to go to dinner on saturday.

boy are you a glutton for punishment.

Near infidelity in an italian film are you sure you didnt miss something!!!!!

I have been playing on this site for ages going to have to get a life soon.

Are you working to day?

As you can see i am not.

Weel i have some here at home but i am ignoring it. LOL

I hope cousin lawyer can give you some good advice but not everyone here is aware of the ethnic influence of legal mattes so be careful. Particularly the legality of other countries.

Now i know in my situation its family first and that includes the whole extended family. Have a wedding minimum guest about 1000 to 2000. Oh yeah.
So tell one person something and you might as well broadcast it on TV.

Is cousin lawyer in contact with your WH will she say anything.

Hi Dh,
yes I am working, but not too much...
Cousin gave good advice and is not in contact with WH. I will post later