Oh good Orchid. I left one on her cell but haven't heard back yet.

I am going to run an errand for a couple of hours. Hope she calls my cell or one of you all.... just wanted to post that here.

Mom, if you are reading this..... I don't think you should be saying goodbye to us yet. It s/b a happy send off not a concerned one. ok? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Call Kimmy or one of us to let us know how you are doing.

Hugz,
L.

<small>[ January 25, 2005, 07:01 PM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>

Orchid,

If you haven't already left, could you email me really quick. I have a question I'd like to ask you.

FIM

email above

I feel for her. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Lost her husband, maybe the kids, her home, NO $$$ and NO job. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

It's a lot of stress for any one person to handle. I'm not sure I could handle it.

I'll say a prayer for her.

I hope she has family for support both mentally and financially.

UGH Mom....I'm so sorry. I know how you feel, I am currently in a program because I had suicidal/homocidal tendencies due to all of this.

I understand your pain.....I'm sure a lot of people do, I know that doesn't make it hurt any less....but it'll get better.

I still have simply awful days, but I no longer feel suicidal, I know that's not the answer.

I know you don't want to hear people talking about do it for your children....I know I didn't want to hear it, the pain was so intense that I couldn't think straight.

Please call somebody....call anybody.....just don't do anything you can't undo.

Praying for you,

-Caren

FIM, you have mail.

Mom please contact somebody. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

"I can only love them."

You can love them. That's what they need. How would a stepmother/OW treat them compared with her own child? They need you.

Cherished

FIM,

You have mail. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

All,
I am still home but about to run out. I just got off the phone with mom..... she was stressed but is doing better. Your support here is helping her. We chatted for a while and she may call back later. She is also aware of how concerned you all are.

It makes my heart happy to see such support when we hit a crisis. Others don't really know how quickly and out of the blue these feelings of despair can hit us..... enough to knock the socks off our feet. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

The support from this board has been lifesaving for me. I welcome the opportunity to do the same.

Thanks for your help, I am sure mom will post later.

All the best,
L.

Orchid,

Thank you so much for the update.

I thought I was gonna have to jump a plane and head to Texas.

Granted, there are a few things I could take care of down there <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> during a visit, but I'd rather it be under better circumstances.

Mom, if you're reading this, know that there are prayers and positive energy abounding for you tonight <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

FIM

((((((((((Mom)))))))))))

Things will get better hon.

-Caren

Hi all....I'm talking to mom right now....she's okay and thanks everyone for their concern.

thanks Star. I tried calling and couldn't reach her. Glad she has you there for her...

Glad to hear she is ok.

MT3B,

I just found this post, and the more I read, the more concerned I became. I'm SO glad someone finally did get ahold of you.

You have a had a really tough year with your husband's antics and the loss of your father. But you know what? You've made it this far, and you WILL make it further!

I haven't been through a fraction of what you have this year. You have proven to me and to all of us just how strong you are. And don't think it will go unnoticed with your boys. You've been there for them, too.

Now, about what you can and can't give them. I'm sure Ed has made decent money during the years and your boys have the opportunity for a lot of material possessions. They may have gotten used to that even. SO WHAT!?! They are just things!! And in my opinion, the more "things" kids are given, the more they expect and the more spoiled they become.

It's a valuable life lesson to let your kids see that everything won't necessarily be handed to them on a silver platter--that to succeed in life, you need to work for what you have.

If you can think of someone who meant a great deal to you in your life...a mentor...a great friend...someone you really look up to. Do you look up to them because of all the "things" they have, or because of some "thing" they gave you?
I doubt it. I would imagine you look up to them because of who they are, how they lived, or what they gave of themself.

You are the boys mom, their nurturer. They need you. And yes, it is really HARD being a single parent. I only have one child at home now, and she's about driven my sanity over a cliff a few times with her rebellious antics. But I'm still her mom, and I still believe she's best off with me.

You can do it MT3B! Yes, a new start. And yes, you will have to give some things up. But he should be paying decent child support for 3 boys on his salary. I know alimony is hard to get in some states, but I'd fight tooth and nail for it.

Please hang in there. Don't give those boys up to him. It's not in their best interests, and I'm afraid he's pulling a guilt trip on you just so he can have his little "fantasy family" all together. Don't do it!!

And please don't leave these boards. We care about you.

LL

MT3B,

Penny says the following:

"Send her back over here and everyone please encourage her, and anyone in PP, to move their thought focus and their energy away from the WP and the affair and toward taking care of themselves. Engaging people in PP in conversation about the A and the WP only makes the panic and pain response worse. The best thing you can do is validate and normalize in a very low key way - "Yes, that IS terrible, I'd be upset to," and then CHANGE THE SUBJECT.

This is part of no contact. Because contact is not just about communication it's about where one's energy is focussed."

P

MT3B:

Sorry for your recent troubles. I think everyone here can relate to your despair now. You can and WILL over come this. You are FAR stronger than you are giving yourself credit for. YOu have taken a fist full of life's worst punches and are still standing. Come on girl.....this is a bad day...you are allowed this. Tomorrow is a new day. YOur children need you. I know that you are not giving up here. NOONE goes through what you have been through and "gives up" and I don't think you will. YOUr down, you feel like dog $hit...it is ok, we ALL have those days. YOU will rebound. YOU WILL REBOUND.

Cheers <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

LM

Kandi, you have my e-mail still because I got the beautiful holiday picture of your boys. E-mail me any time!!! I am telling you right now your boys will not be better with that selfish OW and Ed. Never! You will get a good job, and you will get good child support and alimony from Ed. Don't let him snow you. Your boys will be better off with you and a smaller house, than with the aliens.

Mom, you were so upbeat just yesterday. You can get back to that place. Keep posting here. We all care about you. I am sending prayers and hugs! CV

Hang in there Kandi,
I know..you're having a really bad time... it's okay... you're are SO entitled to this feeling. Do NOT beat yourself up...I personally won't allow it.

You have shown more grace, courage, and dedication than alot I've seen come and go.

You may not be able to see your worth , your value today...but let me tell you something...you are the GLUE..that holds that family together.

Yes...YOU are the glue. I think you're getting ready to have that meltdown you and I discussed awhile back. You've been through SO much this last year, with D23, and your dad's illness and passing...you want to quit..throw in the towel... remember..the fight or flight..you're tired of fighting..so now you want to flee.

You flee if you need to..you throw as many towels as you need in...because I know it's only temporary. YOU have an incredible strength and beauty about you. Your passion for life, will pick you up, and so will the people that know you, and believe in you.

Hang in there Kandi...we all believe in you, and we know you're doing the right thing, and we know that you'll come out of this better. You'll get your peace back...I promise you ...you will.

From me to you...I know what's going on... I'm feeling it...because of dday... nobody knows...but I know...it's rounding your 1 year... please know I'm thinking of you... you and I...we came round these parts the same week with the same time frame...so I KNOW that's what it is...piled with lots of other stuff I can't BEGIN to imagine.

email me..or don't... you know I'm behind you 100%...and always will be. I'll pick up your chips when they're down.

Thanks be to God! I have been checking back periodically, praying for you and thinking about you all day Kandi! Hi! My name is Crissi, and I'm a Mom who has been through hell, too, been to that brink and didn't like what I saw.

It is amazing to me the outpouring of love and affection I see here. After the R was going so well (I thought!) after last A, I quit coming. Would pop in now and again to offer support to other so fresh to this outer edge of reality.

Wow, I am just overwhelmed. So much pain here, but so much love!! (((hugs to all)))

I think you need some hope... well here's a couple of things I noticed :

1. Custody issues...

The stuff your WH is telling you about custody is bunk. If its stressing you out go see a lawyer and find out what the real situation is, just because you have stayed home with your kids doesn't mean you won't get custody... actually its probably quite the opposite. But don't let him get to you, he's trying to manipulate you.

2. The pain and hurt...

Believe it it or not the pain does diminish it time... you'll just have to trust us on this one. Its terrible when you are going through it but you've got to have faith that it'll get better. It will!

3. Support...

Is there someone you can call in to help with the kids while you get some more strength up to fight? I had my Mom come and help me out and I don't know if I would have survived without her...

Hang in there girl. We're all rooting for you!

Miker