hello cc46

How are you doing any news on your side of the world.

I really have not planned the NC yet in any way I guess I am going to go cold turkey. Just go very dark actually i have missed out that bit on the letter must edit.

Back in a minute

I dont feel too well today think it is the flu my mind is a bit fuddled.

I think I have missed out on some points that need specific clarification on the Plan B letter hopefully someone will point them out soon.

Are you children still on holiday from school?
Also any sign of the new job?

Dying,
first thanks for the greeting. No news here from WH except that he is being very generous financially, thank God and hopefully will keep that up so I don't have to worry.
Yes I did get a job offer yesterday so I will be talking to the "boss" on monday to see if we can work it out. I'll let you know. I still have hopes of another better paying job but that can't happen until march or april.
The girls are on holidays at least until march. So far they seem OK but we have really not talked about the sitch much yet. WH invites them out tolunch every now and then but nobody has visited his apartment. I suspect it's because he's living with OW but I haven't tried to find out. I am really keeping dark because very time I do hear something about WH I get emotional. Just yesterday I was thinking that I am still astounded, shocked and disgusted by his A and him so it's not a good idea to see him at this moment. I'm sure I would regret how I would act. Feelings change all the time and time does let you get over the emotional reactions and lets you think in a clearer way, but I'm not there yet.

Anyway Dying, enough of me. You HAVE to think and include in your plan B letter how you are going to handle the children and the financial aspects of your situation. Since you have to go dark you need someone to be an intermediary. You have to be strong and be true to waht you say in your letter so prepare yourself to avoid allcontacts and give WH options for solving those day to day things.
keep posting

I'm surprised that nobody's picked up on this:

Dying, this was from your post on 2/10/05:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">"But some of the things he said about me to his friend really struck home. Like we has SF but the magic is gone. He will have to look elsewhere for convience maybe go to the club with his friend." </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't your H saying that he's going to continue to cheat?

I would definitely specify in the Plan B letter that one of your boundaries is that there is to be no sexual activity with anyone outside your marriage.

LC

Post deleted by dyinghere

Lady Clueless

I did pick up on this and this is where he crossed the line with me a lot of my love died at that point.

I felt very used then.

But as all what he says is fog babble I must try and put into perspective that I should not believe anything he says even when he continually tells me he loves me

Detached is when you make the move from... the feeling of losing your WS, to the feeling that your WS is losing YOU.

Caren has this quote on her thread I am going this
way.

Could not hug WH this morning. He said happy valentines day i said it back he asked do i get a hug then i said you have a cold. Well he does have a very bad cold.

As he was leaving for work he asked are you going to be here when i get back i said what do you mean he asked again i said of course i am.

Havent put much effort into Plan B letter since last post i am begining to feel like i dont want him.

Its that rollercoaster isent it one minute you feel one way the next minute you feel another sigh.

Right back to letter.
Need to make it more personal and state exact conditions NC etc.

Okay back later. Children off school this week so having to work around them.

I re read last post i sound dispondant not good.

Now i have decided to be happy smile and laugh because when you do this it makes you feel better.

I read somewhere that laughting helps the chemicals in the brain so once you get the feeling going the chemicals start working so you start to feel better etc etc

Okay rambeling

re doing letter not finished yet

Dear WH

I love you and adore you with my heart, my mind and my body. The past few months have been the most difficult time of my life. The pain and emptiness that I experience on a daily basis is almost too much to bear. It has become evident that our marriage has suffered due to neglect by both of us. While striving to meet the needs of family, work and business we have missed each other’s needs.

We have three wonderful daughters who love and respect you very much. We love them unconditionally all through the night feeds when they were babies down to can you take me here can you drop me there, dad can I have some money. They will always need us and I know we will always be there for them.

H as you know I am willing to do whatever it takes to correct the mistakes that we have made in the past and make our marriage together stronger and closer than we ever though possible. With all my heart I would like to build a new marriage with you. One in which we both feel loved, safe, cherished and honoured. I simply cannot continue my efforts to rebuild our marriage while you are still involved with OW.

If it is over it is over no ifs, ands or buts you seem to be doing more talking about ending the relationship than ‘doing it’. The only thing that shows the truth is your actions and so far you are still seeing and talking to her.

You are right no one can stop you from doing something including wild horses, but you also cannot stop me from going on with my life with or without you.
WH you are my husband my best friend my lover the father of our children and I would like to think that you wanted to be all these things too.


If our marriage is to stand any chance at all of reconciliation then you must have:

1. Absolutely no contact with OW including all phone or texts.
2.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You are right no one can stop you from doing something including wild horses, but you also cannot stop me from going on with my life with or without you.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Dying:

I would delete this sentence. This is the "you" language that I was referring to. Focus on "I" statements.

An important statement that I included in my letter that stuck with him was "I do not want you to be a man that does not want to be with me";"I want all of you to myself" or something like that.

Dying, PLAN B will take you off of the rollercoaster. It will take you out of the drama. It will remove you from sharing your life with another woman. It will be painful for you but at least you will be free of a life tainted by her.

Be specific about how you will do the office. You will need to have a mediator for business communications between the two of you.

These are some of my thoughts.....

Are you out there????

Post deleted by dyinghere

DYing:

To be honest, I am really frustrated with you.

It's like you have not heard anything that we have had to say.

IMHO, your WH is continuing to cake-eat.

I would not settle for anything less than him breaking it off with her right away. He's got you fooled again. Now, he's using the honest strategy. "BEEN THERE, DONE THAT"

Nothing less than breaking it off immediately!!!!

It's your life. It's your choice. However, I think you are prolonging his A.


You are setting yourself up for more hurt. I would do PLAN B then until he is finished with whatever he has to do.

SMALL STEPS??? You are kidding me, right? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Good girl mimi

But i am a good girl too that is exactly what i told him it took me a couple of hours to figure it out though.

Its 6.30 here cant post anymore today will post tomorrow.

Dying, I think Mimi knows what she is talking about.


You have the possibility of plan B until he definitely ends the A, work, etc. Takes care of all those things.

It would give you some air to think and breathe.

Please consider it.

Listen to Mimi.

hello cc46

yes yes yes yes yes

Am doing it

Talk tomorrow bye

Dying,
what are you up to now? What is your situation? Let us know.

bump