Caren,

Mortarman offered you some sage words. Bottom Line --- Patience!

These things take time. Your marriage did not depreciate to a state of vulnerability overnight, nor will it be repaired overnight.

If you've ever passed through my state, Kansas, you'll notice many of the trees lean towards the north. Why? Well, Kansas comes from the word Kanza, which means People of the South Wind. That south wind is so constant that it causes the trees to actually grow with a "lean" towards the north.

You need to be the South Wind in Plan A. Steady, consistant effort, combined with a Positive Mental Attitude, and the absense of LoveBuster's, and, lastly, giving those things about you that need changing due attention, will make ALL the difference in how your WS continues his life.

All this by exercising your self-control, and making the correct changes in yourself, and your actions.

Changing you is the only way to expect change in HIM.

Stay calm, achieve the detached state I mentioned in my last post, be positive, and most importantly, be consistant.

The steady wind bends the tree.

Best wishes,
SD

Shattered-

Okay...I didn't know that about Kansas, I've only ever driven through there...never noticed the thing with the trees...but I was 16 at the time, on a family vacation...by car to California from Ohio...so I was probably either sleeping, or complaining...LOL.

It's a good analogy though. I'm trying to be steady like that, and I have detached a great deal, like it didn't make me insane to think that the OW was at his house last night....it bothered me a little, and then I started thinking of the grand scheme of things again, and I was okay. Guess it's pointless to obsess over something I can do precious little about. Just a month ago, that thought would have kept me awake all night long.....last night I could sleep.

Slow and steady....okay....I can do this...LOL, this is so hard.

Thank you SD,

-Caren

Okay, well, I've got dinner ready to put in the oven (Tuna Noodle Casserole...not too exciting, but hey, it's cheap), made a cherry cheesecake, my friend is supposed to be getting my movie @ Blockbuster for me....house is clean, now I need a dang shower.

Wish me luck,

-Caren

So, I went to check the mail again yesterday, and my other W-2 was there. I called WH to inform him, since he was chomping at the bit about it. He got off work @ 6pm, and I know he had to go home and let the dogs out, but I guess his uncle and his cousin came to his work with a van to help him get more of his stuff from our house that's being forclosed on. He didn't tell me that. So I called him about 7pm, and he was on his way home...I said Okay, "H&R Block takes their last appointment @ 8pm"

He said "Okay....do you want to just meet me there?"

I said "Not really, my tags are expired" (They expired last week on my birthday..haven't had the money to get the new sticker)

He said "Oh, Caren....."

I'm like "What? I guess I could have stolen the new tags, but then I think I'd be in less trouble by having expired tags then robbing the bureau of motor vehicles, don't cha think?"
He said "Yeah....probably..." LMAO

So we get to H&R Block, and I stop him before we go in and ask...."What address are we going to use?"

He said "Ummm I don't know"

I said "Do you just want to use your new address?"

He said "Yeah, I guess"

So we were talking and waiting for them to see us...nothing exciting, just small talk.

Then we sit down and get our taxes done, and the accountant guy asks for the address...well I don't have it memorized...so he gives him his address, the accountant says, "You both live at this address?"

My husband says "Yep"

Hmmmm not a legal document stating I live with him....LMAO (Sorry I'm evil like that)...anyway, I digress.

I was teasing and playing around the whole time...the guy that was doing our taxes was not all that "quick" in the wit department....so he was thinking out loud....while filling in the different things on the computer, one of the questions was was the taxpayer deceased.....He said "You aren't deceased are you?" to my husband....LMAO

I said "No.....not yet, but that's subject to change" (laughing)

So we get the taxes done, we always do Rapid Refund...we got a check for part of the refund last night, and the rest we'll get in a few days.

The guy comes out with our check and lays it down....my husband is looking at it, the check itself is on the bottom part of the page, and the top is the stub.

I said "Okay.....I'll take the bottom part, you take the top" (LOL)

I was playing around with him like this the whole time. We talked and joked and stuff....we really do get along well, he used we fight all the time as an excuse for us to split, but I swear we really didn't fight very much at all.

So we went and got the check cashed, he put all the money in his pocket, normally I am like..."Uh-uh.....give me my 1/2" This time I didn't say a word. We stopped at the convenience mart and bought some pop and cigarettes, and cough syrup for DD10, she has a cold. He payed for it (Not out of the tax money)...then we get back to my house and I got the casserole out of the oven, made everyone a plate and we sat down and ate dinner. He had to take his pants off because his ragtop on his convertible leaks...(It'd been snowing all day)...so he's sitting around in his boxers. We just watched TV....and then he was complaining that his skin was so dry from the well water he has at his new place. So I said "Well take off your shirt and I'll put some lotion on ya'" So he did...and I put lotion on his back and his legs and arms and stuff. Then I sat down and smoked a cigarette....and he was rubbing my back with his foot....ya know just brushing against it...but he hasn't done ANYTHING that could be construed as affectionate in MONTHS!!!!!!!! I didn't mention it, I just happily made a mental note of it.(Oh, somewhere in there he gave me 1/2 the tax money)

Then I took his socks off and rubbed his feet (I don't know why but he loves that). Pretty soon our DD10 fell asleep....DD13 had gone upstairs to my room to watch TV and DD19 was sitting here at the computer (the only place she is when she's not working or asleep). So I layed down on the couch with him for a few minutes, he was getting frisky now and then throughout the night...so I got up and said "Lemme get DD13 into her own bed"

He said "What for?"

I said "Ummm so we can go up there"

I layed back down and started kissing him....he said "No...I have to go home..."

I said "You do? Is it past your curfew?" Still kissing him.

He said "Yeah...it is"

So I got up, got DD13 into her own bed, came back down put DD10 on the couch and he went and locked the front door and we went upstairs.

The SF was wonderful, as usual. I find myself drifting off and thinking about the A, but I can rein it in and stop it now, I never used to be able to do that. So afterwards, I lay on his shoulder, sorta nuzzle in his neck (My favorite position...I miss it so much). Then I roll over onto my pillow because I'm getting sleepy...and he put his arm around me and we went to sleep. At one point during the night he even held my hand.

He wanted me to set the alarm for 8am, because the dogs were in their kennels all night, and he needed to get back there and let them out.

So the alarm went off, and I got him up....I layed in bed for a while longer. Then I got up and went downstairs. He had already started his car (It snowed tons during the night)....and had come back inside. He was getting his coat/gloves on to dust off his car. He leaned down and gave DD10 a kiss goodbye, then turned around and looked at me, and kissed me goodbye.....HOLY CRAP....I haven't gotten a kiss in months either. Maybe I was standing there looking longingly....I don't know..LOL, but I got one!!!

He went out and started dusting off his car. I leaned out and said "Hey....call me when you get home so I know you made it okay" He said "Okay"

Well I waited for like 35 minutes (He only lives about 4 miles from here)...and he hadn't called so I called his house. He said he had just walked in the door. I said "Okay, I just wanted to make sure you were okay, I was getting worried"

He said "I'm fine"

I said "Are the roads bad?"

He said "not the main roads, but the side streets are"

I said "Okay, just wanted to make sure you weren't in a ditch somewhere"

He said "Nope, I'm good"

I said "Okay talk to you later...bye"

So he calls me like 20 minutes later and says "What are you doing?"

I said "Not a thing....thinking about making some breakfast"

He said "Are you going shopping today?"

I said "Grocery shopping?"

He said "Well yeah, and to get whatever you need since you have that money."

I said "Yep, I am"

He said "Get a new broom" (He commented that I needed a new one last night...not sure why that's so important to him...but okay)

I said "Yep, I'll put it on my list right now"

I said "What are you doing?"

He said "Nothing...just standing outside letting the dogs out"

I said "Is your backyard big?"

He said "Ahhh, it's alright"

I said "Are the dogs having fun in the snow?" (They love the snow)

I said "It's hilarious when they stick their faces in it and then blow air out of their nose"

He said "Yeah, they are running all over the place." (We have 2 boxers)

We talked about the dogs for a few minutes.

Then he said "Okay...that's all I wanted."

I said "Okee doke, talk to ya' later."

I'm not sure why he calls like that...I mean I think he wants to just talk to me....his calls have absolutely no purpose....I mean, I don't have any food, I told him that, so of course, I will be going to the grocery store today. Now don't get me wrong....I love to talk to him...he can call me 20 times a day if he wants to....it's just, ummm different. I mean the fact that he calls me like that is a good thing , right? He must miss me already. *sigh*
I love him so much. I didn't sleep very well last night, I never do when he stays over....I spent the night sleeping for an hour or two, waking up....laying there watching him sleep, then praying that God would let him see the light I've got burning in this lighthouse, that God would guide him home...I must have done that 5 times during the night...needless to say I'm a little sleepy today....but I'm so excited that it seems to be going so well....*crosses fingers*

Okay well that's enough rambling for this post.

-Caren <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Went to the store, got some groceries...(It's in the same shopping center as WH & OW's shop) then I went to Odd Lots (I don't know if anyone else has a store like this or not, it's a store with overstock and buyout merchandise...let's just say you can buy stuff pretty cheap..lol) I bought a couple bathroom trash cans...I've lived here for 5 months with only one damn trash can. I bought a couple more camisoles (I've got to be setting some kind of record with the amount of lingerie I have)then I went and bought 2 table top picture frames for WH's house, I am going to put family pictures in them and give them to him as a house warming present.

This is so hard, I want it to be done with right now...I know it can't be, but I'm not a very patient person. I keep looking for the fast forward button, or the rewind button or something....damn.

It's just so hard. I love him so much it kills me to be away from him, and it's even worse knowing that he's with another woman...arrrgh.

Have most people on here told their WS's that they want them to stop seeing the OP while in plan A....I mean people keep saying "He won't stop seeing her" or "She tells me she's in love with him" and my WH hasn't told me a dang thing. He doesn't say he loves her, he doesn't tell me anything....ACTUALLY, he's acting a lot better since I busted him, once I proved it and he calmed down, he's been much nicer....it's almost like he wanted to be caught....is that possible? That maybe they want us to catch them...like they need limits imposed on their behavior????

Oh well, I can analyze it all day and night...won't change a damn thing.

-Caren