My W-2's still haven't come, but something strange is happening....I'm not sure what to think about it, maybe someone could decipher for me.

My WH is calling me "just to talk", he called me just a few minutes ago to ask "Did DD10 go to school" Well yeah, why wouldn't she...but I said "Yep, she went" Then he starts talking to me about finding out one of his friends lives by his new place. I said "Wow, that's cool, did you go see him?" He said "Yeah" I said "How is he??" He said "You know ______ he's still the same" I said "Does he have front teeth yet?" (He got them knocked out in an accident and never got false teeth) He said "Heck no, he'll never get those replaced"(laughing) I said "Hmmmm" He said "You know you think he's so hot" I said "Yeah, men with no front teeth always have done it for me" He said "Oh c'mon now, you know he's a better catch than me" I said "For sure..."(laughing). We talked for like 10 minutes, then he had to leave for work, I talked with him about his work for a few, his job is on shaky ground, and he's really stressed about it. I just listened and asked questions to show I was interested, but mostly just listened to him. (I had to stop myself from "SOLVING" his problem for him...that was hard LMAO).

I think he called me because when DD10 called him last night to tell him goodnight he wasn't home, and wouldn't answer his cell. (This means he's at the OW's house...or at least I gather it to mean that) So he was calling me and telling me about his friend so I would think that's where he was....I never asked, but he was offering the information, I'm not going to ask anything about what's going on....I'll leave the nagging to OW....she can spin her wheels for a while....I'm cool as a cucumber over here..LOL

I think I just might have my emotions in check...that's a weird feeling. I'm sleeping without sleeping pills (Still wake up a lot, but couldn't even sleep for 2 minutes before), I'm actually hungry once in a while....I think my freaking out mode is starting to level off. I attribute that to God.....*sigh* He's just so good.

He also called me last night and we spoke for like 20 minutes about him going to his "Salt Water Fish" club, I acted all excited like how cool that would be and stuff....I think I'm getting a handle on this <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I am trying get him to see me as a friend, someone he can talk to. Now of course, I don't really want to hear about the OW, unless it's for him to tell me he dumped her.

I now believe we will reconcile, I don't think he wants to live without me, he's very attached to me, and I don't think it's just because of our child.....he is attached TO ME....he's calling and talking about his daily stuff TO ME. It worries me that if we do reconcile and he starts becoming depressed that he'll give up and think it was the wrong decision......thinking that him feeling bad means bad choice, but I'm really putting the cart before the horse here.

You have no idea how much better I feel...for no good reason...I mean, nothing earth shattering has happened. (I know I'm prone to bottom out again....this is the roller coaster concept, but for a few days now, I've cried, but not nearly as much....and it's more from missing him).

I don't know, LOL, I'm probably reading too much into it.....but that's alright I guess it's making me happy, I'm happy as a daggone clam when I talk to him on the phone...I think OW's days are numbered. Oh getting my marriage back would be the sweetest revenge in the WORLD...I actually at this very moment feel no anomosity for her.....Whoa....that's new, where did that feeling come from?!??!

-Caren

Man, I grab all my 'moments' with both hands don't I?? I'm all over the board, I'm either feeling wonderful/confident or like crap...no real in between. Why the hell am I so irratic? I never was before.....Oh well...holding on to the good moments works pretty well...LOL

<small>[ January 29, 2005, 08:48 AM: Message edited by: CarenMc ]</small>

Sadness and depression need to be addressed.

If you ask me, happiness is too precious a thing to do anything but enjoy <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Glad you are feeling hopeful again. Moments like you are having kinda help me believe that the rest is worthwhile.

All the best

-OAK

Ok Caren you go for it. I have some good news myself -hope it last forever. Wh came home from work last 2 nights at 5:30 -shock I forget how long it has been that I have seen him before 7pm. Over 2 years. We have had nice nights and am's. He is kissing and holding and saying nice things but more so now. He has to go to his Dad's tomorrow and may have to stay over night. Fixing FIL trailer hopefully alone. Thenhe is bringing Dad back here. I told him I will have to work this wk/end and he said its ok I will be here to take care of Dad. I said Ok -just don't want any problems with expecting me to be here. I may be busy with work and I do need to work now. He was like no prob. Hopefully this is a good sign - says tomorrow am we can snuggle and wanted me to call him to meet for lunch today.So I am about to call him now. Wish me luck -then I have to go get fixed up -gotta keep looking good. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Thanks for the replies

Oak- you're right, sadness/depression do need to be dealt with....been dealing with NOTHING but sadness/depression for a lonnng time...I'm sure they're not gone forever, perhaps they're on vacation...LMAO.

Realtor-

YIPPEEE!!! You go girl!! Sounds to me like things are headed in the right direction!!! Fantastic!!! I'm so happy for you!!! Yeah....we can be momentarily happy together LMFAO!!!

-Caren

Emotional need for light-hearted warm off-beat silly conversation .... this I "get", because some of my convo's with my H go sorta like this as well.

REMEMBER this, file this in your brain as a "go-to" when you desire to draw your H toward you.

I think sometimes Caren, you might scare your H with the ferocity of your emotional outbursts. Many a man is not well-equipted to respond in any supportive way when his wife is spinning out of control. Not just your H. Men like to "fix" things, and when his wife is apparently "unfixable", he might feel dispensable.

So hooray for YOUR side ... this is indeed an example of love band deposit for you.

Pep:)

Pep-

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I think sometimes Caren, you might scare your H with the ferocity of your emotional outbursts. Many a man is not well-equipted to respond in any supportive way when his wife is spinning out of control. Not just your H. Men like to "fix" things, and when his wife is apparently "unfixable", he might feel dispensable.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think you hit the nail on the head here, as even my counselor couldn't take the ferocity, and shipped me off to this Intensive Outpatient Program......it's pretty bad when you scare the Begeezes out of your counselor!!!!

I go to see the psychiatrist to straighten out my meds on Feb 9th.....so hopefully I'll be in even keel land from here on out (crosses fingers).

So, I am making a mental note about the carefree conversation thing....I should probably make an actual note as nothing stays in my head these days...LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thanks again,

-Caren

Caren,

I am glad he is making chit chat with you but note your high and lows are still quite close to each other. With that said, please understand that the rollercoaster can take a dip at any moment. So your good feeling now c/b dashed in a twinkle.

How to protect your good feelings or at least prevent the bad from making you want to crash? Get some tough love practice.

You have allowed your WS to see you happy. Good do this for a while but only a short while. Why? Because more than that c/b construed as enabling the A which once you realize that will make you angry....very angry..... you kow where that can lead.

So before he leads you to enable the A (WS do this whether they will admit or realize it or not)..... plan for a time where you will cut the chit chat. Let him know (when U R ready) that you enjoy talking with him but it also hurts you because you can't be your best around him.... limited to chit chat isn't enough for the improved Caren. Well somthing like that..... he may want to know more....and that is when you will have the opportunity and his attention to introduce him to your plan. He probably won't want to sign up for anything (WS take time to digest a good plan <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ) but it will give him food for thought and that c/b important as the A is dying.

JMHO,
L.

LOL Hey Pepperband, Orchid and Mortarman...you've got quite the little fan club going on up in here...LMAO, can I please have your autographs?? LOL

Okay, while I'm typing this, my WH calls yet again....let's see, I just spoke to him 3ish hours ago, now he calls under the pretense of seeing whether or not I've gone to the old house to check for my W2's.

I said "No, I figured I'd go by there when I picked up DD10 from school"

He said "Oh....okay"

I said "When I get 'em YOU will be the first to know!!" (laughing)

He said "Man, some girl just hit on me at Dairy Queen"

I said "She Did?!?!"

He said "Yeah, she came up to me and said 'You look familiar to me'. I said 'I do? Maybe you've seen me at the pet shop I work at?'" The girl says "No...I know where I've seen you, In my dreams" LMFAO

I laughing...and I said "OMG...what'd you say?"

He said "I didn't know what to say, I just took my food and walked out"

I'm laughing really hard, and I said "You are SUCH a player"

Then I said "So, you guys busy today?"

He said "nahhhh...but it's a weekday"

I said "Actually.....it's a weekEND."

He said "Yeah, but everyone's still at work" (he sounds really depressed)

I said "What are they thinkin'?? Having jobs like that....what's the matter with these people?"

He says "yeah...."

I said "Oh, btw, I'm gonna have to come and get some money from you, I'm flat broke" I said "You get paid today, right?"

He said "Yeah, but it's rent" he said "I can give you like $25, but that's really all I have"

I said "That's fine, do you want me to bring this voucher up to you?" (It's for his gas bill, I applied for energy assistance b4 I moved...so it came in my name, but I don't have gas, my heat is electric, so I can't use it)

He said "Nahhhh, I'm sure I'll see you tommorrow" (Okay......I'm coming up there, but he doesn't want me to bring him this piece of paper, because he'll see me tommorrow.......but I don't know why.)

I said "Have you seen that movie "The Village" yet?"

He said "No...."

I said "You wanna come watch it with me tommorrow?"

He said "Yeah...that sounds good"

I said "Okee dokee...I'll see you in a little while"

I LOVE going up to his work....she just works 2 doors down and I purposely park RIGHT BESIDE her car everytime....so I walk right past her store...and I stay in his store just a little longer than would be necessary for me to be there for any given reason....just to yank her chain a little...I mean he's the one telling me to come up there.....just like to make her twist in the wind, I know she drills him about it...HA HA HA HA HA.

Okay....well that's it for this portion of my ravings...LMAO

-Caren

Orchid-

Sorry dear, I must have been posting at the same time you were.....I keep hitting some button that makes everything I've typed disappear...not sure what I'm doing...so I retyped my last post twice, I just get in a hurry and type all fast, and don't know what I'm hitting apparently.

You have an excellent point, I don't want to appear like I'm enabling. Actually, I told him the other day that the only thing keeping me from the Keebler Elf was him....so she had better pray I stay very happy with him. He laughed when I said it. (This is more like the old me...I wasn't ever the crying, moping, sulking type....I was always quick with the joke or hard [censored] remark.....I haven't been doing that lately) And yes, I realize in every 'joke' or sarcastic comment there is a grain of truth...I'm not trying to play like there isn't...LOL, I'd love to wring her neck....but alas...the New and Improved Caren isn't going to get her hands dirty. (I feel all girly..LMAO)

And yes Orchid, I am painfully aware these highs and lows are close together...puts me in mind of labor pains.....the closer they get together, the sooner the new thing is born I guess....I do need to pull back a tad, but I've already invited him over....I'll have to slide a comment in there that the A hurts me....I hesitate to do this, because everytime I bring up the R it turns into a sh*tstorm post haste, I very RARELY bring it up, because I've learned my lesson on hearing what I don't want to hear.

So, I am still planning on going to plan B, although I feel like I have to Plan A really hard b4 I do.....so he'll remember....he sounds like he's breaking down on me already, he sounds VERY depressed, and seems needy/clingy when I talk to him....I think this thing is turning around in my favor. (I'm so bent, how am I going to be happy over my H's pain?...Well...he's not really my H right now...he's my WH, so I guess I can be happy about the pain...it's gonna be painful extracting my H from the alien)

-Caren

Well, this is all scripted. he is going right along with the Handbook.

And your Plan A is doing pretty well. ddi you ever hear anything about the letter to her employer?

Plan B will be coming soon. at that time, you will force him to make a decision. He either established NC so you two can work on the marriage (and continue laughing together and watching movies)....or you hand the Plan B letter to him and walk away.

The enabling part will be continuing Plan A too long. Where he can be a cake eater. Right now you are filling the love bank. So keep it up. He is relaxing even more around you. You made his life hell a few weeks ago, and he is still having sex with you and wanting to hang out with you. And call a lot. My wife did the same things.

Plan B will almost have to be triggered in the next few weeks. In the meantime, fill his love bank and do not love bust. Then it will be NC time. either he has NC with her...or you will have NC with him.

But my call is that things are going welll...that is why you are starting to feel better.

In His arms.

Thanx for the reply Mortar <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I don't know if she got her copy of the letter I sent to her employer, but I did call them and they got their's, the lady said "Yes, we've chosen not to respond at this time, as we feel it is a personal matter." I said "Okay....thank you for your time" I was P.O.ed but sorta expected it...I think they probably have to put that sort of thing in her 'file'....so file it away. At least they know what kind of woman they have running that store.

Yeah, he's calling the heck out of me, for no really good reason. I stopped by his shop to get the $$....and he came up to me and said "What's up?!" I said "Ummmm nothing, just stopped by to get that money." He looked frustrated. I said "Is something wrong?" He said "Well, it's just the prospective owners are here, and I didn't know you were coming, it's just not a good time" I said "I'm sorry, I didn't realize....thought you knew I was coming..." He handed me the money I apologized again and went to the store.

When I came back out to my car and put in the groceries and was leaving he called my cell, and apologized, but said it had been a tense day there....like the deal may fall through. I apologized again, and he said "No, it's okay...I'm sorry". This in itself is an improvement....he used to rip my head off over something at work, and then just say "Well...I don't have anyone else to take it out on..." Like I was his whipping post or something. Or as of late, when he's acting like a [censored], and I call him on it he'd say "That's just who I am now..." Yeah....copout much? But today, I didn't even say anything, and he's calling me to apologize pretty quickly.

*Sigh* I do love this big jerk....and yes, I guess knowing that all this stuff he's doing is straight out of the WS handbook makes me feel a little better. Who would have thought you could take someone's depression as a good sign.

I'm gonna pamper the crap out of him tommorrow night, make him dinner...rub his feet....his back, all those things that the stupid OW doesn't know he likes......I enjoy doing all these things for my man...don't know why, always have liked doing that stuff...guess that's why I was going to school for nursing.

Thanks again all <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

-Caren

Caren,

Feeling a bit overwhelmed posting here with the "Awesome Threesome", but nevertheless, here's my experience, which may shed some light on coming to terms with your emotions.

There is simply no pain like what we BS's experience through the suspicion period, the snooping period, confrontation, and D-day, and the ensuing days after D-day, when the WS is in Fogland, and their spew becomes kneejerk defensive, and each word is enshrouded in heart piercing armor.

After a while the pain just wears out. You cannot hurt any more than you already have. You reach a state of NUMB. At that time your feet have a chance to touch the ground again, and your mind has the chance to think rational thoughts. Each of us has a different threshold for all of this pain and we all react differently to the shock an affair brings.

This is the time you begin to rely on your brain to take control of the other emotions that you have been reeling from. While you are in the reeling state, progress is nearly impossible, because we're to much in turmoil to gather our thoughts, formulate actions and enact those formulations. When your feet finally reach the ground, you reach what many call a point of DETACHMENT from the turmoil, and you can begin to have rational thoughts, turn them in to rational actions, all guided by SAA and the fine folks here on this forum, and real progress begins.

You may have reached that point. Or at least not be far from it. We all seem to have the mental capacity to reach this detachment, but it seems it takes different degrees of time and suffering to reach it. However, in my case, when I reached that point, I was able to make daily decisions and actions that furthered my cause to save my marriage. Prior to reaching "that" point, most of my actions were drivin by pure emotion, and most of what I did made NO SENSE and made no progress in my desire to reconcile.

Hope this makes sense...

Best wishes,
SD

<small>[ January 28, 2005, 10:16 PM: Message edited by: shattered dreams ]</small>

SD,

Your post makes a lot of sense. I appreciate how you put it together in such a gentle yet straight forward manner.

I think many a newbie in great pain would understand and see some hope for them. That is what we want to see...... have the BS see hope for themselves. There is not hope for the WS, there is hope for our respective spouses.... but that is also dependent on each WS going away and the spouse coming back.

The point is how to have the hope and how to hold on.

Thanks for your post.... I truly appreciated it.

BTW, there are a lot of awesome posters here.... U R 1 .... 2!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

L.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ((((((((((((((((Orchid))))))))))))))))))) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

SD

<small>[ January 29, 2005, 01:53 AM: Message edited by: shattered dreams ]</small>

Thank You for your input Shattered, I value your opinion.

I have a question about Plan B, for anyone who would care to answer it. Do I first tell my WH that I want NC with OW and if he says no give him the letter? Or do I simply hand him the letter? I'm not sure what to do. I haven't said ONE WORD about the OW since exposure, with the exception of the day I said the only thing keeping me from her was him. I have never asked him to give her up, it scares me to bring it up at all. But, is that what I should be doing?

I am seeing a lot of positive signs from him, or what I interpret to be positive......but in the past everytime I've even come close to bringing up the relationship he says "Caren, we're not getting back together" Well....that's when I didn't have PROOF of the A. Now that I do, I don't know what he'll say. I can't imagine him saying this to me now.

I don't know how he rationalizes all this to himself, and I'm actually wondering what on earth he's telling the OW, is she fricken stupid? He stayed the night with me last Saturday, he's coming over again tonight, to watch a movie...which is code for spending the night....WTF is he telling her he's doing? I wish she'd get suspicious and fricken check it out. I kinda doubt that she's not asking any questions, as I've said before the 60 minutes I have on tape of their conversation was like the Spanish Inquisition.....I know that if I were in the position to bargain, as I'm sure she feels she is, I'd be asking him where he was going every Saturday night ALL NIGHT LONG.

I don't know if she knows where I live or not...I mean she has my phone number....I gave it to her exposure day on her voice mail....maybe she didn't keep it....but she could conceivably do the reverse address lookup and find out where I live. I want so badly to blow her [censored] out of the water...*sigh* I'm getting off track, I don't know why I start obsessing on her like that...UGH.

Okay so, tonight I'll be my fun self, and see if we are back in "Oh sheesh....I feel guilty mood" in the morning again....(He always acts weird with me the morning after) and I can't tell why...if it's because he feels like he's "leading me on" or because he feels like he's cheating on her...(That would be amusing if that were the case).

When should I bring up that it hurts me that he is seeing the OW? I know I have to stick to "I" statements and not say things like "You make me feel like crap"...because he's not MAKING me feel anything.

I just don't want to make a Love bank withdrawl...so I'm not sure quite how to word it, but I know I've at least got to mention it to him before I go to plan B in the next week or so....right? Otherwise plan B is gonna look like it's coming out of left field...I haven't even discussed the NC letter or anything with him.

*sigh* this is making me nervous HELP!!!!

-Caren

<small>[ January 29, 2005, 07:59 AM: Message edited by: CarenMc ]</small>

Man this is so hard to navigate...I've always sucked as a navigator--I get lost everytime.

Okay so my WH called this AM, I didn't answer...on purpose, he left a message that he was just calling to talk to our DD10...that he thought she was probably watching cartoons, but he guesses she was being a sleepy head today. (Didn't sound very depressed) Also, last night he called DD10, didn't ask to speak to me....so I waited about a 1/2 hour and called back, he was "ALL BUSINESS", none of the friendly type talk of earlier in the day, which leads me to believe that the OW was there...that's fine, whatever....I want to call him and confirm tonight, but I don't want to be in "pursuit" of him. I let DD10 call him back about a 1/2 hour ago....made him wait an hour....he again didn't ask to talk to me.

So I'm wondering if he good mood...etc is due to the fact that he was with her last night?! Lemme tell you how much thinking that is burnin' my @ss. But, I am determined to keep it in check.

How in the living hell am I going to tell him that I want him to stop seeing the OW?? Any suggestions? I have no clue how to approach this, I've even considered a letter....because I swear to you I can't hear him say "We're not getting back together...." Not even one more time......he hasn't said it in a long time, but then again, I haven't given him any reason to.

So what, he loves the OW, and I'm just icing? Criminy....this isn't gonna fly.

So anyway, can someone help me?? I don't know what to do, I feel I need to tell him these things, but I don't want to push him away....I'm gonna be Plan Bing very soon, and was trying to squeeze in as much A...plan a that is as I could, is this a bad time to let him know that it hurts me to think of him with her?

Here's what I was thinking of saying, but I'm so unsure about it.

WH-

I have really been enjoying the time we've been spending together, I have been having a lot of fun, but there are a few things that I think you ought to know.

I love you with all my heart, and I know that you have love for me also. I want you to know how much it hurts me to think of you with OW. This is very difficult for me. I would like to ask you to end this relationship that you have with OW, and try to work out our relationship.

I don't want you to think that I am being demanding, I am honestly not trying to be. But our marriage vows don't have a whole lot of wiggle room.

I realize that there were many emotional needs that went unfilled when we were together, I regret that very much and am willing to do whatever it takes to make you happy, I just don't know how to proceed as long as OW is in your life.

I know that this family is important to you, and that you never planned for things to happen as they have. I can accept that, and not hold it over your head. My love for you is unconditional. I accept that you have feelings for OW, but you also have feelings for me.

I want you to think about this before you give me any reply. Is there any room in your heart to give us another chance?
-----------------------------------------
Gawd, I don't know....I'm so scared of the damn answer I'll get....what if he says he doesn't want to be with me...that he wants OW and not me, that he still wants a divorce???

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-Caren

Caren,

Will you relax for just a minute? You are getting the cart before the horse. Yes, you need to tell him NC is necessary. But he is just now settling down, just now getting comfortable with you. You are making HUGE deposits right now in his love bank.

See, here is the thing. You may not have to go to Plan B. Why? Because you may fill up his love bank enough that when you tell him that he has to have NC with OW so you guys can move forward, he will chose you and send a NC letter. This is a part of Plan A, and in some situations, it works exactly this way. Plan A is about meeting needs, about not love busting, and about exposure, and ending the affair. Should that not happen, should he continue to see OW, should he disregard your feelings, should he continue to cake eat...THEN you go to Plan B. Added to those reasons, you also have started to drain dangerously low in your own love bank.

Right now, you are not there. Right now, you are doing the Plan A thing very well. You are meeting ENs and he actually is meeting some of yours (evidence the apology, sex, conversation, etc.). You have a litte ways to go.

You see, you are obsessing about the OW and about her knowing about you two hooking up because you want this all to end today. And that is understandable. But Caren, it aint gonna happen. If you rush this, you will hurt your chances.

What is going to bring your husband back isnt the OW finding out he is still seeing you. What is going to bring him back is not a negative...but a positive. The positive changes he has seen in Caren. the positive times he has had with you. And when you come to him shortly and say that he must establish NC with OW so you two can continue forward, he will have every reason to do so. And then we will see what he does.

He may have the guts to take on the pain of getting rid of the OW....and you wont have to go to Plan B. Or, he will be too scared, and you will have to Plan B.

But since you built up so many positives, when you pull them all away and go NC on him, it will be quite painful. He will have nothing but positives associated with you. He will go to OW, but obviously she isnt capable of meeting all of his needs. So it will get worse for his pain. Added to that, then the underwear and her finding out that you two were hooking up, would be appropriate. Then, everything negative will be associated with her (she will go off on him, she will nto be meeting all of his needs, she CANT be his family...which he needs, etc). And since you are dark, all he can associate with you is the positive interactions you had before you went to Plan B.

So, slow down...relax. Enjoy yourself tonight. Stop trying to push this harder than it needs to be. You cannot make it go any faster, but you can sure as heck slow it down and sabotage it.

In His arms.

Caren, not really up to reading all the responses, but I wanted to say something about your first post.

KEEP UP WITH YOUR ATTITUDE. You can certainly see how really "Plan A'ing" helps boh *you* and your h, right? This was a much better read than your anger posts. Why? Because I think *you* feel better with this "interested but detached" attitude.

Mortar-

Whew, okay...thank you. I just type everything that I'm thinking on this poor board...it's basically just word vomit...but I can't seem to stop it.

I was starting to stress myself out. I was panicking because I thought I should be telling him to get rid of OW tonight...and I DID NOT feel at all prepared.

Thank you bunches Mortar...I feel much better.

-Caren

P.S. - I swear I wasn't like this before all this happened...I feel like TAZ when I get this way....like I could just spin myself right into the ground :S

Aislinn-

I do feel better....my anger posts are usually so I don't go and do something really dumb, I think okay, if I type it here before I actually do it, then someone can give me a good reason to not do it....because once I'm mad, I can't come up with any other options then going over there and knocking the crap out of both of 'em. Thankfully you folks are nice enough to kick me in the butt and tell me it's a bad idea.

Yes, I can see how this is changing me for the better....I am more and more confident...My confidence was swiss cheese before D-Day. I like to say I know I'm not crazy now...LOL...well that's a little over zealous...what I mean is "I wasn't imagining that this affair was going on". It was validating yet extremely painful to find that out.

Thanks for the input Aislinn....glad you can see the improvement.

-Caren