The responses here mirror how I feel from time to time.

Dru has it mostly right, WW had NEVER lived away from home, so often I've felt like I was just a way out of mom and dads home.

CN has a lot right too, and you can't force someone else to do something unless you are a woman and the courts traditionally side with you in custody situations. (Sarcasm, I know.)

I guess I just hold on to the dream of a marriage of respectful equals.

WW accuses me of being disrespectful, not accepting her, etc, yet I have never in the time I've known her mentioned what some call her "flaky" past. I've always (yes I mean always) been about building a better future, and not living in the past.

So my mind and emotions are all over the board, just like the advice here.

I do want to say thanks, it lends credance to the idea that I'm not totally crazy, not yet anyway.

Thanks,

TB

You are not crazy. Your wife has an affair and still is, leaves the home, keeps your daughter from you and refuses to have a conversation with you. You are sad and confused.

I know your problem Java, you are one of those strange people . . . even after what she has done and how she has treated you, you still love your wife.

O.K. maybe you are a little nuts <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Are you friends with any attractive women? What would your wife's reaction be if she just "happened" to see you going out with such a friend? I'm not talking infidelity here . . . and it is probably childish, but do you think she would be jealous if she thought another attractive woman would be interested in you?

Just grasping as straws here.

<small>[ February 02, 2005, 02:10 PM: Message edited by: Comfortably Numb ]</small>

I know a good number of attractive women. I doubt WW would ever even see them.

T

Java,

I don't think I've ever responded to you before, but your post(s) kind of hit close to home.

I just wanted you to know...... I feel you, man.

I've been there.

I am there.

My WW has done/is doing some painful, reprehensible things. Her current affair is her longest. I've basically watched (often from a great distance) as she's bounced from job to job, gotten herself in financial difficulty, moved home with her parents b/c she can't support herself, and lose the respect of tons of coworkers and friends. For what?

For what?

And people would call me crazy, but I hurt when she suffers. I wonder if I still love her sometimes.

Because this isn't what I wanted. At that hurts. It just does.

But there comes a point in time where one has to examine what is, not what could or should be.

But what is.

As it is right now, this is the reality that's been created.

You state that your WW has "baggage", and it's probably safe to say that you would not find this person as a suitable life partner. Now.

I know this feeling as well.

But certainly by now, you know that it requires more than one to make a marriage.

And the bottom line is that she is not contributing at all at this point. Hasn't for quite a while, eh?

Her baggage, her "monsters" are her battle. Not yours.

You need to fight yours (whatever they might be.) Help your daughter learn to fight hers.

The only chance you would ever have for your WW to come back is to truly let her go.

And that ain't always the easiest thing in the world.

Trust me. I know.

Ethan

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I guess I just hold on to the dream of a marriage of respectful equals. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That's a great dream. You deserve it. WW doesnt sound like she was ever close to being your equal. Aim higher next time, ok? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

How you doing? - Dru