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Tree -to tell you the truth I see your is so much like mine - I think it was so hard for mine to face that he owned it -the did it- he was deceitful- when he finally got it he almost broke down - he cried and cried. I gave him the copy from MB on what and affair is -tells about the deceit quite frankly and he called me the day he read it. He as horrified over what an [censored] -he is and still is. He will learn I hope.
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realtor... I can only hope that my WH will see what he's done one day. He's so deep in the fog right now..he can't see anything but himself! He just sent me another email (GEEEEEZZZZZZ). this is what he wrote.... "it still seems difficult and awkward for me to talk to you over the phone. Of course, I wonder how things are going for you but I hold back from asking. It just seems strange for now. Its just that the anger, hatred and revenge are something that make things so unsure. I guess over time when the dust settles down the road things will feel much more at ease. For now I just feel everything is put on ... I could be wrong but its my intution right now and I have to stick to it. I often wonder how karly, reiner, bubbles, sniffer and gobby are doing too. " Karly is the cat Reiner is the dog Bubbles is the fish Sniffer is the hamster Gobby is the lizard. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> What the h@ll does he expect from me anyway??? UUGGHHHH!
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double post
<small>[ January 31, 2005, 04:50 PM: Message edited by: TreeReich* ]</small>
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Awwwhh..... he is reaching out and AT&T isn't working. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Looks like he can mention the animals by name but not you and your son. Hm.... odd isn't it? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> He keeps referring to the anger and the like. Gotta wonder, when he is writing those e-mails, is he looking in the mirror? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Stay dark. For now, he'll stay dork. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> L.
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Yes...it is strange how he can worry about the animals but not me and my son. If he was so worried about us then why doesn't he send child support????
If he's sooooo happy then why is he sending me all these emials? It gets quite annoying!!!!!!
He went to his brother's wedding this weekend so I'm wondering if that's why I'm getting emails now again??? Hmmmm...just can't eve know with the alien.
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Wh seems to be calling more often...I think he is hoping that I answer the phone. My son answers if I see that it's my WH on the caller ID. Why is he so concerned about me all of a sudden? I thought he was so happy with his OW. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> I just don't even know what to do. I guess I'll just stay dark and see what happens.
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Probably 'he wants validation for what he's doing' but also he might consider how better deal in the court he could get if you are pleased with his 'mercy', if you are friendly with him... ?
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Of course, I wonder how things are going for you but I hold back from asking. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> silence is golden.... tree...I predict that by spring this man's gonna be at your doorstep in the middle of the night... begging you... begging... what do you think you are gonna want..? seriously... and know a couple of things... his continual emails...is a definite sign that he is "not over you".. not not thinking about YOU... and though we make light of it...cause TBS said to go ahead and laugh...I don't want you to think we dismiss the hurt you feel.... but what do you want tree...cause that could change some things you might do... like answering one out of every five phone calls... being extremely pleasant...but even more so extremely SURPRISED!!! it was him....cause you were EXPECTING a call from someone else... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Also depending on what you want...might be time soon have some nice vase of flowers sitting around...with a card that says... I really enjoyed our conversation the other day (or night).... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> but what do you want.... how are you holding up... ARK
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Yes, 180 degree almost always works! (Pst, that card... should be written by someone else?! unless Tree changed her handwriting <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> )
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Trish, I think Ark is right. Of course she is...duh <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> But stay dark Trish. Your STBX is pursuing contact with you. Don't bother to wonder why, you may never know. What is important is he is pursuing the contact. He may (subconsciencously) be seeing if he can illicit an angry outburst. This will make him feel justified in his abhorent behavior. Don't give it to him. Stay dark, let him pursue. Everytime he does actually get some contact with you, you are allowing him to "get his fix" of your attention. It seems that he wants to have it, even if he is saying these outlandish things. Ark is also right about thinking about what your really want. Make a plan, don't get caught flat footed like me. I'm still muddling, feel awkward and suspicious. Maybe even get some counseling now to help you prepare yourself for a decision. What ever it is that you choose. Set your boundries... reasonable ones and stick to them. {{{Trish}}}
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Tree
His every email talks about how things will be better ( for him) when your anger, bitterness, revenge etc have magically disappeared without him doing a damn thing to help you fix those emotions.
My real, non joky opinion is that your WH is wracked with guilt every minute of every day AND he misses you if not YET as a wife, then certainly as a friend, confidant and as a person who respects him.
This really hurts him and in his fog his DREAM is to have frenchy in his bed and you as his best friend, providing all the stuff she cannot or will not.
You have ALL the cards Trish. You KILL him by staying dark and having a boundary that your atitude will NOT change until his behaviour changes. Like training a dog, rewards must follow the right behaviour.
I have learned through my studies on here and from MC books that if your WH had made a fog-free, once for all move out of your lives e would have done so sustainably - leaving support in place for you and Cam of at least minimum level.
But he has just jumped ship and vascillates terribly.
PLEASE do not forget THIS: He wants you to be friendly and supportive with him while doing nothing to change his financial abandonment of you and Cam.
Really, girlie, stay dark. By so doing you will provoke him into doing something HARD to assuage his guilt, like setting up sustainable maintenance or something.
If it were ME I would write an unemotional list of the abusive and unsupportive acts he has excuted and make sure he gets them through a mediator with a message that goes "Anger, resentment and hatred cannot go away when these reminders are in our lives every day" or something.
NO promise to be happy for him, just a way to gt some financial support rom the wastrel.
All blessings Trish. Be strong girl.
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ark..... </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">what do you think you are gonna want..? seriously... I've given this question a lot of thought over the past 7 months. In the beginning I would have done anything to save my marriage. Now, I know that I could never be with him again. I don't want him back! It's a hard decision but I know that I could never truly be happy with him after all that's been said and done to me. I want someone in my life that respects me for me and who will love me unconditionally. Is that too much to ask? </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">but what do you want.... how are you holding up... I'm holding up as best as can be expected. I have my bad days just like anybody else. I try to keep busy. When my son is staying overnight with his dad I make jewelry. It's my new hobby. Actually I've been selling some too. Makes me feel good!!! Belonging to Nowhere..... </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Pst, that card... should be written by someone else?! unless Tree changed her handwriting ) I honestly don't think he would care! I think he really wants me to meet someone else. He doesn't seem to mind that someone else would be with me and be around our son. I don't understand that!!! Maybe he's covering up his feelings well...don't know! TJ..... I think I am better off alone than with him. Even if he came here begging....I just couldn't take him back. I would actually love for him to beg to come back so I could tell him.."sorry..too late." I've made up my mind and I don't want him back!!!! I wish you the best with your situation. You are in my thoughts! Bob..... I do believe that my WH misses me...otherwise why would he be emailing me so much? I think he always thought I would "be there" no matter what happened. When I read his emails I do hear guilt speaking loud and clear. I think he's so lost right now. I can't help him anymore. He's going to have to work all of this out on his own. He made his bed and now he has to lie in it. I tried so hard to be here for him and he pushed me away. He abandoned me and our son and that is something I can NEVER forgive him for. He will have to live with what he has done for the rest of his life. Hope he's happy with that decision.
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This man can't get you off his mind. That's why he keeps emailing. Trouble is, with the drivel he writes, he just keeps making you see what a jerk he is and the result is you are getting stronger.
Incidentally, you really are the Queen of Double Posts. Don't bother to edit - good stuff is worth reading twice! TT
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TT.... You are so right...I am getting stronger. It appears he may be getting weaker. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Incidentally, you really are the Queen of Double Posts. Don't bother to edit - good stuff is worth reading twice! TT I know...I don't know why. LOL! My computer goes crazy or something!
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by b0b pure*:
My real, non joky opinion is that your WH is wracked with guilt every minute of every day </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And here's the rub....
One who feels guilt cannot make progress until they acknowledge that they did something WRONG!!!!
Therefore, your Dork is stuck in a place with no exit until he admits he has wronged you.
Pride goeth before a fall....
Pep
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It's as if your Dork has taken in his mouth something very bitter .... but he is refusing to admit that he has made an error and therefore cannot spit the damn stuff out! If he lives the rest of his life with this bitterness in his mouth, he will be one miserable SOB. Be wary of him, he's trying to place the bitterness into your mouth so he can claim innocence. Do not taste the bitterness that is his choice. YOU determine what YOU choose to taste ... joy and sweetness are yours for the taking. As you read his sad emails, visualize your WH holding the most bitter thing on Earth in his mouth ... and turn away from it. Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
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Thanks Pep.... I like the way you explained that! I will think of him tasting something bitter the next time I read his emails. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I choose to taste something sweet. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> LOL!!!!
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<small>[ February 01, 2005, 10:33 AM: Message edited by: TreeReich* ]</small>
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