</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by MelodyLane:
I do remember the other lady, who also had a great success story! She had one small son around 4-5.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That's the one ... Hope4Future ... and she was a WW not a BW.

She's a straight shooter and I think the world of her.

ADDED IN EDIT*

H4F's story has drama throughout. Her A began shortly after their home was completely destroyed to the ground by a tornado <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> The storm threatened to destroy the family , then the affair threatened to destroy the family. BUT BEFORE THIS ---> H4F's childhood was one of nightmares... her mother was mentally ill and ended her life ... H4F lived with her father who was a genius who drank, and he fell into alcoholism leaving his little girl to fend for herself emotionally, then he also ended his own life <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> .... and she was totally abandoned by her family. Her husband is a strong man's man, the silent but trustworthy salt of the earth farm boy ... and they adopted a child.... SEE WHY I FELL IN LOVE WITH H4F???

Pep

<small>[ February 04, 2005, 09:44 AM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

Just a bump. I think a few newbies need to see this thread.

JL

Well a few folks could see myself and my Squiddy recovering but I couldn't six months ago.

I went thrugh attempted suicide, the tragic early death of OMs estranged son, non-violent abuse of my kids by Squid , the TERROR of exposing the A to OM GF and some of the most poisonous fog ever toreach a place today where our lives are loving and better than ever, with only the spectre of the affair still to deal with.

Miraculous, hard work or a combination of both. Not sure, but know that I went from minus fifty to plus 75 in six months using MB and prayer.

bravo bob

In the midst of all the pain here ther have been allot of bright spots. Not just the recovered marriages but the strength some indivduals gain regardless of the outcome of their marriages.

How many of us thought pre-A that we'd be on a message board trying to help others with infidelity/marriage issues??? Big freakin' suprise to me.

Not to toot my own horn but but I think my lovely wife and I are a MB "surprise."

her two A's, my A, and a 5 month separation....not the typical ingredients for a successful marriage, huh?

But here we are two+ years later better than ever. The biggest surprise to me is how this experience has changed me for the better and how God has/is using it.

God Bless

Doug

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Not just the recovered marriages but the strength some indivduals gain regardless of the outcome of their marriages. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Exactly! This is the most important to me here at MB, because nobody can FORCE a spouse to come back to the M, do what is required to come back to the M.

One of the GREATEST turnarounds I have seen here, personally, is a certain lady I'll call LL. Her H was having an A, pretty openly, and was a alcoholic to boot. Everyone kept telling her Plan B was the only way, because you can't Plan A an alcoholic. And she just couldn't let this man go! And he was hurting her and her kids all the time.

LL finally decided on Plan D, after months of soul-searching and introspection. She is NOT the lady I once knew. She has always been funny, but now, she has a quiet strength, a self-assuredness that peaks out from behind her self-effacing humor.

I consider her a success story of the upmost caliber, and she sure did suprise me!

Spidey

I have a MB surprise....

I'm finding myself thinking of my WH less and less each day! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Thanks to the encouragement on the board...I am doing so much better than I was 7 months ago. Thanks to ALL of you!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

When I look at his picture now I don't cry my eyes out....I simply feel nothing. I'm sure this has a little to do with the attention I've been getting from the opposite sex. I now know that there are other fish in the sea and when all this divorce stuff is done.....I can live again!!!!!!

You go girl. Sounds good. At first it is awful losing your marriage and being alone. But it DOES get much better.

Before D-day, my life consisted of working full time, and taking care of kids and WH. I got up each morning, made breakfast, packed lunches for kids and WH, then went to work. After work, I made dinner, took kids to sports, shopping, etc. Weekends I did grocery shopping, laundry for the week, and cleaning.

Yesterday I got up and went to garage sales with some friends, then out to breakfast. For dinner, I went with roommate for Chinese food. Today I'm going to a SuperBowl party at the Yacht Club. Next Tuesday and Wednesday taking a trip to Mexico.

I haven't talked to WH for a couple of months. He keeps leaving notes at my home to call him. I just haven't had time to do that. It feels GREAT!

Good for you believer!!!! I'm starting to realize that my life will be happy without WH. There is NOTHING he can do now to win me back. I hope he's happy with the life he chose...cause it's HIS now!

I've been keeping real busy too. I go out with my friends and have fun...going to a super bowl party today. I have such wonderful friends...I'm so thankful for all of them. They have really supported me and make me feel good about who I am and where my life is heading.

I KNOW for sure I will meet a nice man one day when I'm ready and will be happy once again. I'm happy right now so if a wonderful man came along that would just add to the happiness. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I can't believe how far I've come when I look back on how depressed I was 7 months ago. Amazing!!!!!!

Have a good day believer!!!!!! ENJOY!!!

JL has posted one of my all-time favorites here---FC's story. Believe it or not, I know of three other similar stories that were of similar situations---these people were on the board, but not public about their situation (with OC's). I had email contact with all of them (back in the old days when I coached on the side), and they all successfully got the truth out AND recovered/improved their marriages, although none quite as dramatic as FC's.

Honestly, since I've been here I've seen hundreds of marriages recovered through hard work, faith, and MB education. There are also some heartbreaks---one of the most profound losses I remember is Glenn's death in a car accident. He had battled so hard to work through his wife's affair, and battled with his demons as well. They were recovered (and gone from the board) for a year or two before Glenn was killed.

K - That would be sad - to go through all of this stuff and then die.

I got an IM today from H in Belgium. She is going to school full time and working too. Her FWH is making huge efforts now to save the marriage. He cooks and cleans and tries to meet her needs. Now he is the asking about their marriage. She just tells him the same thing he used to tell her - "Let nature take its course".

She is young, smart, beautiful and confident. Now he is seeing what he may lose.

It's unfortunate that sometimes the WS sees what they are losing too late. I have a feeling my WH will be in those shoes in the future. Oh well.....his loss. He should have tried to save the marrige before.

That really is sad about the guy Glenn. Wow!!! I wonder how his wife must have felt?

Tree - Yep, he will probably regret it sooner or later. But life is short, and then you die. I don't know if my WH will ever realize what he lost. After 2 years of this, he is sending me notes about how sorry he is. But he is still with OW. She won "the prize" - BWAAAAHAAAAAHAAAAA!!!!

Well, I don't think your WH won. Look at what the prize was...a homwrecker who will more than likely do the same to him one day....a dishonest person....someone who helped tear his family apart. Boy...what a prize to win huh? I can't wait for the day when my WH wakes up and sees what he's done. I will be moved on and happy. That will be a wonderfule day. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Like I say in my sig. line....."what goes around comes around."

Believer-

I think that your WH is probably waking up as you speak...if he's leaving that sort of note, his conscience is weighing on him.....

Tree-

Girl your husband is already regretting being a dumb@ss....I can tell from his retarded e-mails...that boy is going to be begging you to take him back on his hands and knees in the near future, and I know that you'll feel victorious as you step right over him and keep walking <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

My WH on the other hand was here last night, we watched "The Village"(It's not scary don't waste your money). He took DD10 to Wal-Mart to get some clothes and bought this really nice sweeper for his house, it was only $58.00, so I said "Oh I'm gonna go get one of those tommorrow" So he's already calling me today, apparently very concerned about whether or not I've gone and purchased the sweeper....He cracks me up...what difference does it make if I got it or not?!?! I'm not sure why the cleanliness of my floor, or lack there of is on his mind enough to call me from work about it....LMAO

-Caren

<small>[ February 06, 2005, 01:31 PM: Message edited by: CarenMc ]</small>

Caren.....
LOL....I love the way you word things. Yes, I will be grinning from ear to ear when I "step right over him."

It's so funny how as time goes by...the more I see my WH the more I'm glad he's not in my life. Of course I have sad moments of who he used to be...like we all do...but the man or alien he has become is not appealing to me AT ALL! He has become such an evil, disgusting person to me. The thought of being with him again makes me feel sick. I deserve sooooooooooo much better and I plan on getting it! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
He will forever be stuck in his misery and that makes me feel all fuzzy inside. Hehehehehe!!!!!

I remember Glenn. I've often wished I had asked for one of their flying pigs....

I think it is safe to say my H & I were a MB surprise. We didn't reconcile until 2+ years after the PA began, we had 7 separations over 21 months. I began posting shortly before the 2nd separation--so much turmoil in my posts the following 1 1/2 years. I served the D papers at about the 2 year mark.

When we reconciled, a rather infamous, BANNED MB poster asked me "why would this time succeed when we'd failed so many other times?" And, "why are you willing to settle for so little?"

The answer, we didn't "settle", changes were initiated and followed through BEFORE we moved back in together the last time.

At nearly 5 years of recovery, despite this past year of H's deployment, I've viewed us as a MB success for a long time.

Love, committment and happiness can return, but it takes consistant long-term effort, forgiveness and grace.

And...a great counselor helps too!

Lor,

Yeah, I count you guys as another 'miracle' success.

And don't you miss D99H?? (I think this is the one you're thinking of). <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">TR says:
It's unfortunate that sometimes the WS sees what they are losing too late .... He should have tried to save the marrige before.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hey Tree, Yep. They drive every decent feeling out of you, and then want to pick up where they left off.

Believer this was a good idea for a thread. Some crazy stuff has happened on here. Helps me put my own little Jerry Springer episode in perspective.