Kmej,

Hope the meds help. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

As for the Jamaica present..... well.... gotta ask....

WS: Want t/g to Jamaica in May?

BS: Hm.... nice idea. Not sure though.

WS: Not sure of what?

BS: Not sure what mood you w/b in by that time. Would hate to think all that $$ and plans made on that trip just for us to be uncomfortable with each other as it has been, don't you think?

WS: (unknown response)......

L.

That is just it. DO I say yes- and work the extra shifts to get the money- even though March is rapidly coming and I see no real changes? DO I say no and upset him and push him further away?

I thought we agreed this year to go to supiorer shores for a weekend get away, even picked the place, and started to plan it a little. Now I come home today and he has researched the vacation spot. Saying it is because I have been saying I want to go on a trip....

It is a double edged sword, I could get get hurt either way.

Nothing is booked yet. I told him it sounded nice and that I would love to go there someday, however did not think I could save that much by then. He said we would talk later.

went and looked at the web site on the place that H wants to go. I am really hesitant here.
I think it is a gesture to show how committed he is to rebuilding the relaionship- however I am afraid we have different standards.....

well I took my first A/D tonight. Hopefully with time it will help me think clearly enough to figure out what I am going to do with this mess that I call life. I am so confused by the every day activites of it. I seem to forget which way is up and which is down.

All I want really is a night of peace. I hope that is granted.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by KMEJ:
<strong> well I took my first A/D tonight. Hopefully with time it will help me think clearly enough to figure out what I am going to do with this mess that I call life. I am so confused by the every day activites of it. I seem to forget which way is up and which is down.

All I want really is a night of peace. I hope that is granted. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hey, hon, they do work. Usually takes about 2 weeks for them to really start their job, but you may notice a difference right away. I did. And you are in my thoughts. Here: this helped me so much last night that I'm giving it to everyone:

Night time falls again. This message goes out to everyone out there who may be feeling a little bit lonely, hurt, or scared tonight.

Back in the early days of navigating the globe, sailors used to use the stars to tell them how to get to their destination and then back home again. In the Northern hemisphere they used the North Star, while down under they used the Southern Cross.

Anytime they felt lost and alone, they could look up into the sky and find their way.

Tonight, take walk outside, take a deep breath of air and just look up. if you can see the big dipper, look up off its cusp to the north star.

Close your eyes and think about all the people here in MB offering you their support and prayers, and realize that you are not alone in this.

And from this day forward, when you get scared or lonely - just look up into the sky and find your way home.

DO THAT TONIGHT

Thanks Sprint

David

Are A/D's suppose to give you mind splitting headaches and the feeling you need to throw up? It started last night, I ended up in bed last night at 9- felt a little better when I woke up and then back to the headache and stomach flips.

I am on Lexpro- is this normal? Is my body just getting use to it?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by KMEJ:
<strong> Are A/D's suppose to give you mind splitting headaches and the feeling you need to throw up? It started last night, I ended up in bed last night at 9- felt a little better when I woke up and then back to the headache and stomach flips.

I am on Lexpro- is this normal? Is my body just getting use to it? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I haven't heard of that side effect - supposedly it has less side effects than any other (although it was really harsh on me - gave me the worst anxiety attack feelings I've ever had) - I'll check with the Drs at work and see what they say. You may want to take it with food. Also, any side effects are SUPPOSED to wear off after about 2 weeks. But the headache/nausea thing sounds more like anxiety - you are going thru a lot of stress right now - could just be that. If it continues for more than, say 2 - 3 days, where the symptoms occur after taking it, I'd talk to my Dr. about switching to a different A/D.
I take Prozac without any side effects other than making me really sleepy the first few days till I got used to it.

David

<small>[ February 08, 2005, 11:14 AM: Message edited by: tanelornpete ]</small>

When I tool the medicine yesterday I took it before I ate- maybe I will take it after tonight. My headache has been coming and going all day. I was fast asleep last night by 9- which is super early for me and it felt great! I even slept the whole night! I got up at 6:30 (later then I should) even that helped! I got so much sleep!

The first 2 weeks I felt VERY weird, dizzy,many things...this goes completely away.

If you can stand it, give the medicine 2-4 weeks to build up in your system and for the side effects to go away. It will be well worth it...

If they don't go away after the month (when you see the Dr.) then time to switch to something else, but I'll be willing to bet that things will even out for you within 2 weeks (or sooner).

I'm with StillHere -

The thing with A/Ds is that it takes time for them to work on adjusting the chem levels in your brain - but, like I said, you may feel benefits the first day or so. Sleep is amazing, isn't it?

David

Sleep is great- always thought it was over rated. Now I know better. I plan on giving it a few weeks, the side effects have to be better then being short tempered and not being the parent I want to be. I will manage, As long as my kids reap the benifets.

opps- I must have a twitch <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ February 08, 2005, 05:22 PM: Message edited by: KMEJ ]</small>

I am doing okay I guess. H spent his two days off with friends and then when I complained he told me that it was my fault for not making myself available to him when HE wanted to spend time with me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> . Last night when H got home from work he immediately sits down on the computer and there he sits until I sent him the following text message (as he was ignoreing me when i would talk) Remember me- your wife? What is more important me or that computer? after a few minutes he came upstairs. He wanted OS- I refused- stateing that I am tired of feeling cheap and used and that I need affection and closeness and carressing etc. I guess SSDD.
THis morning he got up and went straight on the computer- when I tried to talk to him- he snapped at me- when I played with his hair and told him I loved him- he ignored me. Several hours and a trip to Home Depot later- He went upstairs and watched a show- I folded laundry and then laid down with him. WE both fell asleep and did not awaken until it was past the time that H should have left for work. He gets mad at me saying it is my fault he is going to be late and left. I know this is just one big run on sentence- and the SSDD- but I needed to let go of my hurt feelings and frustration, and I have no one to talk to- so I thought I would write it down here. However I still do not feel any better.

Yay! Conflict! Kmej is standing up for herself a bit!

He doesn't like it at all though..does he?

Expect him to turn up the heat.

What is your plan?

Noodle

No Noodle he does not like it at all. He is blameing it on my second job that he does not like- and is trying to get me to quit again. He is also acuseing me of having a boyfriend- because "these thoughts have to be comeing from somewhere!" - Like I can not have my own thoughts that do not co-inside with his-PLEASE <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> .

I also have a staff party because the resturant that I work for won Store of the Company for 2004 and the Company is throwing us a huge party. H is mad because I am going to go and hang out with those "losers". They are good people and several of them my friends. I earned my right to go. I have a sitter lined up and I think I deserve a night out of fun. I know he will try his best to sabotoge my plans- but I am hopeing that his guilt trip will not get to me and that he does not cancel the sitter.....

H asked me out on a date for Tuesday night for Valentines day- however I am yet to find a sitter for that day- H is upset because he thinks I do not care enough about him to get a sitter like i did about the party. Not the case I swear- I want to spend time with him- it is just when he makes time for me does not always work out- and that is not my fault- why can he not see that? Why can he not find a sitter?

Why is everything my fault? Better question I guess is why do I accept the blame?

There is such an imbalance in your relationship. It is fine for him to go bowling or to cards with his friends but you can't get one night out? You deserve to be able to have a night out without the accusation of having a boyfriend but it would be nice if the two of you could get a sitter from time to time and go out together. So glad you're getting some sleep. I get so mad with your WH for waking you up!! TT

KMEJ,
This is from a Harley radio program conversation I had with Dr. Harley and Joyce. If you look at what you are doing, you are standing up to him because you think it is no longer fair. Fairness in marriage means trying to balance win-lose agreement -- he goes bowling, you go to the party. If you are competing with your husband for time away from the kids and money, you both lose.

What I have come to is simply not agree to win-lose arrangements and not ask him to accept win-lose arrangements. The path you are headed down is one of more abuse because sooner or later he'll think you're not being fair. You need to find arrangements that work for both of you.

"The point is that if we have a mutually caring relationship, neither of us should have to feel bad so that the other guy feels good. And so as a result we shouldn’t allow sacrifice in our relationship. So if Joyce wants something of me, I have a perfect right to say I don’t think I’d like to do that, and Joyce would say I care enough about you so that we need to negotiate some other way of approaching that problem so that you would enjoy whatever it is I need from you. So in a marital relationship the only kinds of agreements that really make sense are win-win agreements. If any of the agreements are win-lose, somebody’s not caring for the other person. Whoever’s on the receiving end is not caring for the one that’s on the losing end.

If you believe in sacrifice in marriage, you are not bonded to this person. What you have is an arms-length relationship where you say I will give to you this time and you give to me next time and I’m not going to close enough to you to feel your pain and you’re not going to be close enough to me to feel my pain when we sacrifice for each other. But if you’re close enough, if you’re bonded to each other, you will not allow the other person to sacrifice for you and the other person will not allow you to sacrifice for them.

In a caring relationship you must care enough about each other that you would not require sacrifice. That is such a huge concept and for many people it goes against the grain. You get the feeling that if I am thinking of myself when I care for you, I must be selfish. And I keep coming back to the same argument, yeah, but in a mutually caring relationship, both people care enough about each other so that neither would want the other person to be hurt. It just seems to make common sense."

Cherished

<small>[ February 13, 2005, 05:40 PM: Message edited by: Cherished ]</small>

Thank you for sharing that Cherished.
I do not feel H is sacrificeing for me to go to the party- as he will be working-

The date he asked for on Friday night and I am working on the sitter. I do enjoy time with him.

No I am not competeing for time away from my children- I would rather he come and join me out having fun- however he does not like going out with me, he would rather be with friends. I want him to have fun, I want him happy. I just wish he found happiness with me as well as with his friends, or that I could be includeded.

We were making pretty good progress in our talks this week- or so I thought. I am doing better at not getting emotional with him and what he says- he seems to be listening when I talk- however I am not sure he HEARS me.

I realize that the state of our marriage is equally my fault, and I am reading what I can and soul searching deep in me to find my inner peace and happiness. With out that I can not expect to get it with my H.

Try Buyers Renters and Freeloaders.

Basically, Harley's approach is that you don't do anything without the enthusiastic agreement of your spouse, which means you wouldn't go to that party.

Cherished

if I waited for H's enthusiatstic approval for everything that I did, I would ONLY leave the house to go to work, and that is it. No shopping (food or otherwise) no friends no nothing, and he would not do the same back?

Why is it that a work party is not something that should be acceptable?