I wouldn't say that his wife isn't very smart, SH says that a person having an affair's IQ is cut in 1/2.....so although I'm sure she's smart normally, she's not acting very smart now.

I've heard this many times before on here.....but it's never been truer than in your situation. Your WW is not acting loving or lovable, she is going to rape and pillage unless you get this in check. File the papers....not because you want to divorce her, but so you can stop this rampage she's on.

David, you're going to be sorry. I know you're hurting right now, but having her take your kids and play house with the OM is going to add insult to injury, no the A may not last, but the effects off all this on your children WILL.

Please listen to these people David.

-Caren

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by tanelornpete:
<strong> Orchid - there's just something about my wife - when she's not around, I can hande things, figure things out, do very well. Wouldn't even be in debt right now. But when she's around me, I'm putty. She's always affected me that way - I would do anything for her. Never good enough, of course, but I'd try anyway.
David </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">David, we are SOOO alike it is scary. WW always wanted more than I could afford, and should've provided, but I always found a way. when she walked out we were over $50K in debt and this was just the Credit Cards!!!!

I know where you are coming from, I would do anything for my W. and sadly still would in part. So understand that I am not giving you advice that I am pulling out of my rump.

Check into a lawyer that will set up a payment plan. also check if you can file without an attorney down at the courthouse, the key is to get the legal protections that filing IN PLACE. you can then get an attorney to help you fix any misdtakes, and solidify your case.

BE STRONG

Hosea

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by CarenMc:
<strong> I wouldn't say that his wife isn't very smart, SH says that a person having an affair's IQ is cut in 1/2.....so although I'm sure she's smart normally, she's not acting very smart now.

I've heard this many times before on here.....but it's never been truer than in your situation. Your WW is not acting loving or lovable, she is going to rape and pillage unless you get this in check. File the papers....not because you want to divorce her, but so you can stop this rampage she's on.

David, you're going to be sorry. I know you're hurting right now, but having her take your kids and play house with the OM is going to add insult to injury, no the A may not last, but the effects off all this on your children WILL.

Please listen to these people David.

-Caren </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Caren - I'm trying. I thought I had it all orked out, but when I s/w my atty today, he demanded way more money than I have to even start the work. I have a check coming but have to pay rent...somewhere. I'm trying to get some sort of loan, but that isn't as easy as it shold be - I borrowed money to buy the truck, and my dear WW has hidden everything else. I have nothing but an empty bank account waiting for the next check, and the 'promise' from my WW that she will give me my money from our joint account (everything in it was mine) but she took my name off it yesterday.

She may not be working on all cylinders, but she has a large group of loyal friends who woulod love nothing better than to see how much they can accomplish in hurting someone if they work together - its a sort of law school lab experiment. One atty I talked to today said he has seen more wonmen change in law school than in any other place in life. They get a taste of the power they have, and they start to use it. I fear I'm on the losing end of this one - mostly because she had it all so planned from the start. She didn't expect the affair to be discovered - that really upset her, and she's had moments of doubt, but by getting a house on a one year lease, removing my name from our bank account, and notifying all the utilities, etc, of a change in responsibility (removed her name) I can tell shge is getting some very good advice from somewhere. She's in this to hurt me, on purpose - I guess I must have really done some bad stuff somewhere to create this much hatred in my once best friend.

David

David,

Do not let those kids go!! Mission number one is to fight for them. Do whatever it takes! I understand the money situation. Go to your church and see if they will help. Family. Whomever. Get this thing filed immediately!!

On the W-2 thing, report her to the IRS immediately. Call their help line, and tell them what has happened and ask what procedures are in place that you can stop the refund and the actual tax form from being accepted. I understand it was electronic, but it was fraudulent because you were not involved. As a matter of fact, there is a form that must be sent in with both of your signatures stating that you both agree with the electronic filing (cant remember the number on it). So, she has to come to you to get you to sign that form (unless she forges your signature, which lands her in even deeper water). Do not sign that form. With all of this, she may just have an IRS agent on her doorstep very shortly.

Your wife moving out is not the end of your marriage. As you can see from my situation. But right now, you MUST protect those kids. No agreement she makes with you should be considered valid. She is under the influence of fog, and will say and do anything to get what she wants. Get that order, change the locks on the house...and do not let her remove anything from the house. I am serious here. Once it is out the door (furniture, TV sets, even the kids) it will cost a lot of money to get back. Especially the kids!! Once they are out and under her control, especially if you went along with it, then it will be very difficult to get them back. And since yo uare a man, it will be very hard. When you go to court, the judge will look at you and wonder why you let them go if you thought the living situation they were headed to was wrong. But if you fight and temporarily lose them, you can still win custody down the line as you build your final case. And you will have fought for your children all the way.

I got custody of my kids. You can too. But you have to start from a position of strength. Leaving stuff of yours (journal, W2s) where she can find them is not protecting yourself. You cannot trust her!! Everything of value, and everything of importance, should be at a friend's or family member's house. Not where she can find it and use it!!

Come on man. Forget about her right now. That battale is later, when the fog wears off. Right now, you are letting her suck your kids into that world. Do everything you can to stop it. Like you said, God will provide. You just do everything you can, and rely on Him to provide what you need.

It is okay to come here and blow steam or express fear or doubts. But what I am worried about is yoru lack of action. Of how she is steamrolling you. STOP IT! No woman loves a man that she cant respect. And if she can walk over you, she does not respect you. My wife said the very first thing that made her consider coming home was the fact that I stood up to her (filed for custody, went to Plan B, kept kids with me, etc). Stand up man...do what is right! If you do what is right and trust the Lord, this will all work out in the end. But you continue to sit there and let her do whatever she wants, your situation worsens. And so does hers...because yo uare making it easier for her to stay in the fog.

Get this done now. Do what you have to do to make sure NOTHING leaves that house, most especially the kids!!

In His arms.

Mortarman - I'm TRYING to! She has all of my money in her purse. She is out with the OM. If I had even suspected anything like this I would have acted sooner. But swhe did this ALL AT ONCE. I was working a good plan A, but I think she was planning this for a long long time. The lies and deciept are much deeper than I could have ever thought possible. And I KNOW she has to be getting some expert advice from somewhere. She is covering EVERY BASE, two steps ahead of me. I had planned on pulling my money yesterday and putting it into my new account - and she did it ahead of me.

This is pure evil, and I aim to fight it, but so far, every avenue I've pursued (I haven't slept in two days) has come up empty. My pastor is calling me in a few minutes, I'm going to ask the church for help, but it is a very small church, and not able to do a whole lot. Family, I have asked. My brother is trying to borrow, but he just refinanced and remodeled his house - he's having a hard time getting another loan.

I know this is up to God, and I have not quit the fight, but I am stuck right now. I don't know if she will have the time to move the kids this weekend - that's all I need - to make it to Monday. I should be able to complete at least the basic forms myself by then and get them filed.

This was not an impulse thing by my wife, this was deliberate, and if she's in the fog (I know she is - she's so confused right now it's pitiful) she is getting extreme advice from someone who knows his stuff. She says she can't afford a lawyer, was going to write up the D papers herself if I didn't agree to let the kids stay with her part time (sleep over there, live over here, basically).

I don't believe a thing she says. I'm expecting to be served papers any minute, I expect cops to show up with a RO, who knows? I sure don't. I feel like I've been hit by a train.

David

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No woman loves a man that she cant respect. And if she can walk over you, she does not respect you.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Please listen to these words, David, because MM is right. Women don't respect men they can run over. And for us, love is very much contingent upon respect.

You say you are scared? Well, guess what? Everybody would be scared in your situation. YOU SHOULD BE SCARED! But you don't have the luxury right now to accommodate that fear. You have children you have to think of. You have a job to do!

You are the only sane parent they have right now and the only protection they have from a woman who is so fogged out that she would drag them from their warm beds right into a sleazy, sordid affair.

As their father, you have an obligation to protect them. Your fear cannot supercede their need for protection! You simply don't have that luxury right now.

melody - i understand that. I am doing what I can. Right now, time is very short, I've spent all day talking to attys, banks, family, etc, trying to find aa way to do this fast. I was taken by her again yesterday, but she has broken the final straw. I don't even care if I ever see her again. I'm trying to do the right thing. She told me last night that she was goin to start moving, but when I got home, nothing was any different except that the house was trashed and she had left the door completely unlocked. Totally out of character for her, she is so afraid of intruders. I need help NOW, just not sure what it is that I need. I'm picking up the d-forms tonight to fill them out at work. File myself, I guess. I'm battling God knows how many law students & faculty, hence my fear. My only hope is in God. I'm doing what I can.

I am pulling for ya, David! Hang in there. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Ok, question time.

I just spoke with WW over IM. She messes me up so bad when I talk to her. I told her I needed my money from our bank account - she said it was still in the bank, that she'd get it to me tonight. She asked me why, I told because I needed to gas up my truck and it was mine - need to put it into my account.

Then she started talking about how she had found a used refridge for me so that she could move ours to her place. I told her I didn't want to talk about that over IM, she asked why. I said I can't trust you with any information I pass along to you - we have to communicate face to face.

She said, you know we need this separation to get a perspective on things. She said, I'm not leaving you, we just need to be apart to work this out. I just said this is too much and logged off.

I can't get past this: she is so good at making me feel wanted and rejected at the same time. I want her, but I'm so angry at her. I don't want to hurt her, but I want her to feel what she's doing to me. But then, I wouldn't wish this pain on my worst enemy. This is INSANE! Good God, she's making the biggest mistake of her life, I'm watching her fall and can't save her, and that hurts so much I can hardly bear it. She's destroying all her relationships with all of her real friends, family, church...Why the H*** do I care so much?

David, back to square one, except I am still doing the D papers. I just don't know how much of this I can take. I know God doesn't give us more than we can handle, but for cryin' out loud, why do I have to handle so much?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by tanelornpete:
<strong> I told her I needed my money from our bank account - she said it was still in the bank, that she'd get it to me tonight. She asked me why, I told because I needed to gas up my truck and it was mine - need to put it into my account.

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So sorry for this mess you are in. I cannot even fathom what it must feel like to be you having to ask your wife over the internet no less for YOUR MONEY to gas up your truck. I hope that you have "real life" support to deal with your anger and pain. I feel sick just reading your posts, so I cannot imagine what you feel like. I am hoping the best for you to find your way through this. Good God, the challanges God gives us.

Best wishes <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

LM

David, why can't you just get the money out of the bank yourself? Why are you asking her?

About your frig, I would just tell her no, that she is not taking any furniture from your home. If she wants to equip her love nest, she should do it all on her own. She shouldn't be allowed to do it at yours and the children's expense.

Don't let her throw you off track, David. If she has this kind of effect on you, then recognize this and don't commit to anything when you speak to her. Just tell her you will think it over and get back to her.

Just calm down and keep focused on your mission, which is to protect your children and keep her from disrupting your home as much as possible.

Just KEEP YOUR FOCUS and don't let allow her to pull you off your track. You are a man with a mission.

David,

Do hang in there like Mel said.I know this is tough on you,we all do.Listen,all of 2004 I dealt with my WH's adultery,his loss of THREE jobs(fear of losing our dream home over and over),my dad's bladder cancer diagnosis,my children's sadness,high American Express card bills from my WH( I do not have any major credit cards,only bank card),and so on.We all have more than "just" Infidelity on our plates but you have to keep the focus on the priorities: your kids,your home and yourself.Don't lose sight of that.The marriage,unfortunately,takes a backseat right now because your WW is out for herself and doesn't care who gets in her way.And,she is acting just like a smoothtalker the whole way along.She WILL drag you into her confusion,don't let her.Ignore the fog talk.

STOP TALKING TO HER.Let your lawyer handle all the discussions and information.At this point you should be letting him handle everything because this has gotten serious on many levels.If D is the order of the day then your WW cannot take anything out of the house until you legally "split" all assets,etc.Refuse to let her do anything until this is decided legally.She wants to take the frig now? No way.Don't let her.She wants a separation? Fine but she can't take whatever she wants.You have a home to maintain for yourself and most importantly your kids.

So,what is the status with your Lawyer? Do you feel he is competent?

O

<small>[ February 04, 2005, 05:53 PM: Message edited by: Octobergirl ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by MelodyLane:
<strong> David, why can't you just get the money out of the bank yourself? Why are you asking her?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She took my name off the account! I don't know how.

David,

Remember your WS IS NOT thinking rationally at this point. It is up to you to think rationally. You are now dealing with a different person than your wife was. Show her you are strong and composed and nothing else.

I feel for you, been there and am still there.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Octobergirl:
<strong> David,
So,what is the status with your Lawyer? Do you feel he is competent?

O </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He's a very good lawyer, except that he needs the retainer fees up front - and the loans I tried to get all day didn't happen. I have no atty, he's just ready to file once I pay him.

Good lord. Just talked to her on the phone, now she's all crying and upset and stressed and sick. She's truly an alien. She's hurrying over to the bank to get my money because she doesn't want me to 'hate' her - she needs me! AAAAAARRRRRGGGGG!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by tanelornpete:
<strong> Good lord. Just talked to her on the phone, now she's all crying and upset and stressed and sick. She's truly an alien. She's hurrying over to the bank to get my money because she doesn't want me to 'hate' her - she needs me! AAAAAARRRRRGGGGG! </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Good! Get your darn money and THEN explain to her that she is not taking the kids and she is not taking any furniture. You will gladly help her load up the truck, though.

Are you making sure she does not have access to your money anymore? Have you protected yourself financially?

Focus, focus, focus. .....

Is there no way you can communicate by e-mail instead of phone? At this point David,it is going to keep tearing away at you to hear her emotion and alien fog speak.I can't tell you how much better I felt when I didn't have to HEAR my WH talk.It was more "businesslike" over e-mails,at least most of the time.I am just worried about you enduring her wild emotional swings while she is in the midst of the A.If she needs you she will STOP making this so hard on everyone.Don't buy it.More crocodile tears is all.

O

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by MelodyLane:
<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by tanelornpete:
<strong> Good lord. Just talked to her on the phone, now she's all crying and upset and stressed and sick. She's truly an alien. She's hurrying over to the bank to get my money because she doesn't want me to 'hate' her - she needs me! AAAAAARRRRRGGGGG! </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Good! Get your darn money and THEN explain to her that she is not taking the kids and she is not taking any furniture. You will gladly help her load up the truck, though.

Are you making sure she does not have access to your money anymore? Have you protected yourself financially?

Focus, focus, focus. ..... </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Once I have the money in my HANDS she won't have access to it. Although according to the IRS, she CAN electronically file my tax refund into her account because they have no way of elctronically verifying signatures. But they gave me two options: 1) file again - it will stop both filings, giving me chance to file again into my account, or 2) wait for the money to deposit and then notify their fraud dept, which would ruin her law carreer, and guarantee me custody.....hmmmmmmmm. How much do I love her...

OG, I was wondering if he shouldn't go to Plan B right away for that very reason? I don't know his situation well enough to say that though. I can see that contact jeopardizes his situation in a very big way because of his reaction.