Well there is some good news. Evidently you got some chickens in the high command who don't like to get their 'feathers ruffled'. LOL!!!

Ok now FAA, you are gonna have to realize that you can't beg a WS to reconcile. Your H you can beg but not the WS. The more resolute he becomes as a WS, the less of your H you will see.

Silent actions are important right now. CYA, at all times, ok?

If and when those e-mails are used against you, don't deny you sent them. Could go something like:

Judge: What evidence do you have Mr. WS that FAA your W is not fit to take care of her children?

WS: She sent me e-mails.

Judge: The nature of the e-mails in regards to this proceeding?

WS: They show here t/b a crazed vengeful woman.

Judge: Why would they show that?

WS: She doesn't want me to have an Affair. This is an obsession for her.

Judge: Well Mr. WS, most spouses don't like affairs. In fact the law isn't too fond of it either. Now back to the crazed vengeful evidence you have, how does that relate to her being a good parent?

WS: Well she says I can't see my children, says she will stop me from having the OW around my children, wants my paycheck for the family instead of for me and the OW to go out and have a good time with, you know all that vengeful stuff.

Judge: Mr. WS, so far your own words have not proved she is being vengeful or crazed. Would you please submit 2 of those 50 gazillon e-mails you say you have in that folder.

WS: Yes, your honor, these are the 2 I am submitting for evidence.

Judge: (reading e-mails - nods upon completion, then puts hand over mouth). We will braak for a 15 minute recess. Will both lawyers see me in my chanbers.

Chambers: L1 = WS lawyer, L2=BS lawyer & judge

Judge: L1, did you review the proof from your client?

L1: I did read some of it sir.

Judge: Here, both of you read what was submitted. You are both allowing your clients to speak for themselves at this hearing, so you'd better know what they will be saying and submitting, ok? Are you buying this? (judge puts hand back on the mouth and laughs).

L1: He is my client sir

Judge: L2, you ok with this evidence?

L2: As long as we can examine the e-mails in question against my client's copies to ensure it has not been altered.

Judge: ok by me, let's head on back.

In hearing room:

Judge: Ok we're back! Mr. WS. do you have anything else to say or submit?

WS: I really need this job, your honor. My W wants me to fail and end the affair. I don't like that she is forcing me to choose between my family and this OW. I have convinced my superiors my W is crazy. I need t/d the same with you. Please believe me, I am good at convincing the government at whatever I want them to believe. My W should not have the right to tell me what to do. I am my own person and can do what I please. I am a responsible parent, just don't want t/b an H anymore. I'd rather be a WS, it satisfies my sense of greed. I am passionate about my greed with the OW and will do anything to protect it. So please rule in my favor.

Judge: Well Mr. WS, I have to give you credit for speaking your current state of mind...... you certainly think highly of your manipulative ways.
We will now proceed to hear from Mrs. BS.

Mrs. BS, what do you have to say? First let's address the charges of you being vengeful and crazed.

BS: Your honor, during the past _____ months, I have had to deal with a parent/husband who has chosen another life away from his family. This is in addition to serving the country via the Navy. Our family has accepted his career choice and enjoyed it's benefits. I am supportive of my husband's choice to serve in the Navy.

What I find difficult is to support his affair. I was appalled to find out that the Navy c/b so easily convinced that the A was ok. The Navy not only gave their seal of approval but threatened the family via correspondence to me.

Please see the letters sent and received in exhibit A (letters from me) and exhibit B (Navy responses).

Judge: I will read these later, please continue.

BS: I would like to address the e-mails submitted. I have previously consulted with my legal counsel and would like to examine the e-mails in question. If they have not been alterded by Mr. WS or any of his supporters, then I will admit to sending them, provided Mr. WS show you all the e-mails related to them. In a nutshell, I wrote to Mr. WS as his W and mother of his children. I wrote in behalf of my family. Please understand that most of the time, I was not aware of what was going on behind our backs. From our side, we are 1 family. You will find in those e-mails that the attacks were aimed at me and hit our entire family. This distressed me greatly, especially when it came from someone our family once entrusted with our very lives and welfare.

Also, Mr. WS wanted his family to support his A. Even fund it. Bringing over the OW's possessions to my family's home, even tried to bring her over. I felt it was and is an invasion to our family's privacy. We are all deeply hurt by his actions.

I am almost set to tears, your honor.... please excuse me for stopping at this point.

Judge: I understand Mrs. BS. I will review your exhibits and you can have a few minutes here to compose yourselves. Did you lawyers review these 2 exhhibits?

(both lawyers nod).

Ok, I could continue but that w/b for the next week's show. FAA, are you getting my loooong winded play/point? Don't be afraid to confront a WS' accusations. Just make sure your facts and info are accuarate. The most important thing: Make sure you raise doubt on his testimony, evidence and proof. A WS will only present part of the truth and fill the rest with lies. That is the only way they can function in any environment and they know it. Be calm, cool and resevered. That is why it is critical to strengthen your resolve. Strong plan A will lead to a strong plan B and if needed court.

You are defending not an H against a W, but your family against a WS. Present all your stances as a family. If he attacks you, he attacks the core of his family. You and the children are a 1 pkg deal. That way his attempts to attack you will hurt less. I know you don't want to hurt your children, but you aren't hurting them, he is. If you are the only one to take his hits, your family will lose your support when you get too weak to go on. Let them help/support you and you in turn support/love them.

All the best.
L.

<small>[ February 04, 2005, 12:32 PM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>

Hi, everyone. Well, I "chickened out" I did send the retraction letters.

I did not want to and I don't know if I was libelous. However, this could jeopardize WHs career and though as a fantasy it would be satisfying, to actually have him without a career is not a good thing for him, me and most especially not DD.

I just don't have the stomach for this. THe costs are already too great. I now have lost the support of my friend the intermediary. And he wants me to leave. Now.

Sorry guys. I was prepared to do this right down to the wire. But, I can't do this under these conditions. I am fought out. I am backing down for the first time.

I will not try to salvage anything except my dignity becasue I failed.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by fightingalone-again:
<strong> Hi, everyone. Well, I "chickened out" I did send the retraction letters.

I did not want to and I don't know if I was libelous. However, this could jeopardize WHs career and though as a fantasy it would be satisfying, to actually have him without a career is not a good thing for him, me and most especially not DD.

I just don't have the stomach for this. THe costs are already too great. I now have lost the support of my friend the intermediary. And he wants me to leave. Now.

Sorry guys. I was prepared to do this right down to the wire. But, I can't do this under these conditions. I am fought out. I am backing down for the first time.

I will not try to salvage anything except my dignity becasue I failed. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">FAA;

Maybe.....just maybe....this is a sign to step back and reevaluate your strategy here. I can't imagine the pain you are going through now, but there may come a time when "enough is enough" and the "Plans" and "strategies" and need for your WH to "face up to what he has done" take a much needed back seat to you finding personal recovery. The hate and utter pain that the affair casued me was "killing" me inside. I never thought that I could get over it, or find any peace in life without extracting severe pain and retributon to the OM and WW. It was only when I "let go" and found help for myself did I find peace. I am not saying that one can only find "salvation" through divorce, but CLEARLy what you have been doing has not been working. I know you are one tough son of Bi*TH --> and this is not in a derogatory sense, but I fear for you now. I really do. Just my opinion. Take it for what it is worth.

Best wishes <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

LM

FAA,

U didn't fail. Anyone who is trying to save their family does not fail. What fails are the systems we are forced to use and deal with. What fails are those who undermine the family unit for their own selfish reasons.

Hugz, to you and your family. Remember, you did not fail. You went above and beyond what many would do because you believe in yourself and your family.

Do not be ashamed of your actions. Be embarassed for those who enable the A because of their own cowardice and greed.

BTW, what did you think of my script?!??! Do you think I can make a career change? LOL!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Luv,
L.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> U didn't fail. Anyone who is trying to save their family does not fail. What fails are the systems we are forced to use and deal with. What fails are those who undermine the family unit for their own selfish reasons.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Orchid, I agree with this entirely. You said it so well.

FAA, you're tough and gutsy and I admire you tremendously for trying to do the right thing for OTHER people (your website) not just you.

Keep fighting for your own happiness and your DD's happiness. She sounds very much like her mother and will always remember what you did, and are doing, for her.

Jen

THank you {{{Lemonman}}}

Remember that point you asked about? It's here. Nothing that has happened has convinced me that I did wrong. But, nothing will convince me that WH is worth this much endless pain.

For me to survive and to thrive, I am gone. The last of my love was murdered on the altar of infidelity. I cannot fight the military and keep my DD out of it at the same time so, I am letting go.

I am crying tears of bitterness and once again, I am homeless. My friend has asked me to leave. I hope I can stay until the house is sold. Otherwise I might just be in a shelter! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Orchid, yes you could be a published author. And in my heart of hearts, I don't think I would have lost. But, I can't fight this on my own with no place to live and without my DD and without money. THat is my breaking point. TIme to retreat and regroup.

Jen, I agree I have done all that I can do. And I am proud of my efforts. Sadly, and bitterly, I reflect that without this board and the people here, I have fought most of this over the objections of friends and family. I have had plenty of personal support but not the understanding that you all have given me.THank you all

I am not going anywhere. And I am low, low, low. But, I am giving myself time to sit back.

And Other than a fleeting thought of is this life worth it, I am not dangerously depressed. Because of course as I asked myself that question, the thought of DD shone in me. And then the even more horrible thought of WH and OW raising her. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

That snapped me out of my self-pity.

I'm in Niagara area. Are you anywhere near here? Anything I can help you with?

Hey JanetS. No, I am in Victoria.

Thanks for offering. I will be okay. I am just too battered and bruised to even try again. I am mad, too. I guess like weaver says, I am spunky and a tiger. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I just have to lick my wounds and refocus my energy towards me and DD.

Not that there is any guarantee that this had gone away. But, we will have to wait and see. Apparentl libel suits have 3 months to be submitted to the court. Yay.

WH says he was told to get his gear ready. I said are you out for sure? He said not necessarily. So WTH does that mean?

Oh, I know, he got posted off the ship? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Ya, right.

Oh, like I requested in December to command? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Oh, like I asked WH in October and November? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Maybe I missed it, but why exactly is your friend asking you to leave?

J

Because I was dragging my feet about the retraction. And because he is also a friend of WH. SO, I guess he thinks he is in the middle. And doesn't like it. He was blindsided yesterday by WH who never let on that there was anything wrong when I talked to him earlier other than insisting that before he signed the mortgage that I agree to give up custody of DD if I defaulted on the mortgage. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

So my friend went with the support papers to get signed and WH showed him emails that I sent and printout of the emails that I sent to the bigwigs that he got from his XO I guess. ANd told my firend that the military is out for my blood. I have a feeling that this was a ploy for WH to get out of the toilet. But my friend believed him over my doubts that it was a psyche game. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

You know the thing that just ticks me off in all of this is that I have been honest and open and even was stupid enough to tell both the XO and WH what my steps COULD be. Now that is taken as a threat.

I am really not sure why my friend is so unnerved. He knew what was on the site and in the emails.

<small>[ February 04, 2005, 05:55 PM: Message edited by: fightingalone-again ]</small>

Very sorry bout all this, faa. wish I could do more to help.

Hey maddy. NADT.

I am very dazed right now. I am not sure if it is the depths of WHs vileness, the reaction of my friend or the sitch. Likely a combination of all of them. I am not happy about dropping this. BUt, there is such a fine line between obsession and herculean effort, isn't there?

And, I don't know that there is much I want to gain. Being right? I know I am. Getting WH back. Not frickin' likely. Do I want him back. My H and I could talk. This thing guised as my H makes my skin crawl. He is so self righteous and cruel and even cunning but comes as as open, honest and really likeable guy (and he is). ICK! Me, I am passionate and honest but have a sharp tongue and therefore come across as a bi+ch on wheels. ANd I really don't care to stay with the status quo. I do what I feel is right most of the time. I am tough as nails on the outside but quite a mush on the inside with friends and fmaily. I guess that is why I am so low. I really am alone right now.

have you ever tried to Plan B? Seems like you have an awful lot of interaction or is all of this through intermediaries, such as they are?

I know you you feel. I just want to gather everyone here up and toast marshmallows for them. Nothing like a toasted marshmallow to bring someone back from a freezing WS.

You are not alone Fighting. I'm sure everyone here will tell you that we really on your side with recovering your marriage, and pray for stregth and wisdom for both you and your husband.

IMHO It is going to take nothing less than conutinued "herculean" effort to win this.

As the BS, I really feel for you. There is no pain quite like this. I doubly can empathize, as I even know several people posted in Vic. They are friends from when I was in the PPCLI who remustered into the Navy some years later.


I know its a small thing to offer, but BE KIND TO YOURSELF. It is so easy to beat yourself up over these things. Seriously. Buy yourself some Nestle "Ice Java" drink mix, rent a funny movie, and spend some time rewarding yourself for your monumental strength.

You have far more strength and courage in you then you will ever imagine.

God bless...

FAA,

How are you doing? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

L.

Orchid, I am Okay. Just staying low these days. I found out definitely that there is an evil lurker keeping track of my vents and plans to report to the Dork. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> So, I am staying neutral so anything I do is kept off the boards. Let's just say, I have revised my strategy to a Plan B except for legal and DD matters.

Dork! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> He wants to proceed right to D. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

FAA,

I'm bothered about a lurker ratting you out. Do you know who it is?

CSue. I don't know exactly who it is. But I had a meeting with Dork to sign papers yesterday. And he quoted some stuff, I said here <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

BUt, I figured that was about to happen when I got all these threats through The dork and my ex-frined. So, I have gone through and edited a lot of my posts. Which makes me so angry becasue there was good information and the vents were great. But, since the DOrk is determined to go straight to divorce, I cannot give him ammo. He told DD that I was irrational and was going to try to prove I was an unfit mother! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Which could NEVER happen becasue I have raised 4 children including HIS son. ANd they all would testify. BUt, that's the kind of threats he has been making. Gee, I wonder who is giving him "counselling"? Oh ya, the DP who WH says counsels him because she cares and REALLY listens to him. No vested interest there, right? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

ANyway, I am trying to stay under the radar. I WISH I could Plan A at least so that we could talk without him being so evil. BUt, can't even do that. AND Oh, ya, DP and WH get to go to sea together for 3 weeks. Sure there is no misconduct. Ya right. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

faa,

It doesn't have to be anyone here. He could be reading it himself without ever becoming a member.

Dobie

Dobie, I know that. BUt, the DOrk has a hard time reading anything. He is an action person. Reading bores him to tears. Still, I think it is. BUT, I also know who pointed him here. Which means that not only the DOrk but whoever else he shares this info with knows what I say, think and feel.

I could care less what the Dork thinks. I haven't said anything here that I haven't said to his face. THough of course he doesn't hear what I say. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> And, frankly he could use some frinkin' insight as to disgusting and common this behaviour is.

BUT the idea of the DP or my exfriends reading here makes me want to vomit. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />