Hi Friends.
I had tried for MANY years to lose 20 pounds.
At 5' tall and weighing 157, I was pleasantly plump! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

But after D-Day, I lost that 20 lbs. in 6 weeks.
It was easy to lose when I was 'heart sick' and had no appetite, could barely swallow with that knot in my stomach.
YOU ALL KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT.

Also, I desperately wanted to be the best lady I could be; in my appearance and in my inner self; trying to have a Plan A, sweet, pleasant, kind & gentle attitude during that trying ordeal! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />
(Still TRYING to keep my attitude that way.)

I think a person loses weight during infidelty two ways...One as the 'cheater' as they are trying to impress the other person...and the other way is the heart broken spouse.

Well, it has been over 1 1/2 years, life is so much better, hubby and me are getting along really wonderfully and guess what?

Those unwanted and lost 20 pounds found me again! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

So, if any of you have any suggestions, other than having an affair myself (just joking) or going through my husband having another affair (I would rather weigh 300 plus pounds)
then please share your ideas and suggestions here.

Love, Julie Jo <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Let me make you feel better.

Pre A Noodle<--- 108

Post A Noodle<--- 170

OK..granted that I was a tad overly thin before.. and granted that there was a pregnancy in there too..that is STILL a lot of weight to gain. Almost 50% increase.

I don't know about you..but I found that my rage was easier to choke down coated with ice cream..which is interesting because I have never been an emotional eater before, but ah now the work of breaking my OWN addiction to doing just that.

How are things going for you?

Noodle

Well, I'm no longer finding SIZE 4s to be too large. I am now SIZE 6. I got nervous when I had to buy new clothes again. I know exactly what you mean. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> We won't talk about lbs. out loud, OK?

My FWH and I exercise together at the gym 5 times a week. We also walk together on the weekend. This has helped me from continuing to gain.

I think maintaining an exercise program is key.

<small>[ February 04, 2005, 11:41 AM: Message edited by: mimi1254 ]</small>

yeah I lost 50#'s + in three months. Now I am a year into "recovery" and I have gained about 15-20 back and am scared to get on the scale everyday. I exercise- but I also emotionally eat. So yeah- my FWH asked me the other day if he needed to put me "back on the diet"! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Meaning you know what! I was livid- got my butt on the tredmill and did not get off for a long time. Working off anger and Calories- like he should talk he has packed on weight too- however I find him attractive no matter what his wieght!

How do we get it off again?

yeah I lost 50#'s + in three months. Now I am a year into "recovery" and I have gained about 15-20 back and am scared to get on the scale everyday. I exercise- but I also emotionally eat. So yeah- my FWH asked me the other day if he needed to put me "back on the diet"! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Meaning you know what! I was livid- got my butt on the tredmill and did not get off for a long time. Working off anger and Calories- like he should talk he has packed on weight too- however I find him attractive no matter what his wieght!

How do we get it off again?

Unfortunately, we need to listen to our FWHs. PHYSICAL ATTRACTIVENESS is a biggy in the ENs Department for men.

I've found it helpful to work on it together with my FWH. Like I said in the previous post, exercise together, if not at a gym, walk in the neighborhood.

Also, change your diet to low-fat, low calorie foods.

I did Weight Watchers in the past and lost many lbs. so I basically stay on their maintenance diet. You can sign up for Weight Watchers and follow their diet on line, I understand. It's a diet that you can remain on for life and eat the foods that you like to eat.

Hmm,
'
I don't know if my reaction is one of having lived the vast majority of my life on the thin end of the spectrum..or something else entirely..but I have never regarded heavier women as less attractive.

As a matter of fact, I was a bit envious of the hourglass shaped ones.

They would moan about their thighs..and I would remind them that those thighs came with breasts and they would think I was insincere..but I wasn't.

It's a vicious cycle of self flagellation isn't it?

I knew I looked "good". I knew my looks were considered better than average. I knew that smoke and mirrors contributed to that more than most people would guess.

So when I gained weight..I didn't really... care . I still feel attractive..what I don't feel is healthy. I'm not.

170 may not be too very far away from healthy for some women..depending on their frame and whatnot..but for me it is nearly passive suicide. Particularly because I am apparently an apple [I didn't know this before..I resembled a twig <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> ] I never got that hourglass shape, I got a very round face and stomach. Prelude to heart probs and diabetes.

I don't feel physically well, and I'm putting a stop to it by addressing the addiction to emotional eating, and by working with a personal trainer and IC. I think this will sort itself out with no big problems in the foreseeable future. I used food as a crutch during a time when I lacked any good options or support. I realize that.

For some reason, I am not embarrassed by it..or uncomfortable talking about it. It seems like such a small thing. So easily remedied.

Noodle

Lost 30 lbs in about 2 months.

One more A, and i'd actually be quite fit (just kidding - but a sense of humor helps)

The problem is that this weight loss is NOT a healthy loss equivalent to gym excercise and proper dietary induced loss.

There is a decent goal keeping program from the good folks at Pacific Institute (Lou Tice) that helped me keep weight coming down and keep exercising. Not to unnecessarily plug someone's stuff, but it has helped in many respects; particularly A recovery process.

Works like this... Imagine a boat heading to a North destination on autopilot. You "try really hard" and steer the boat east for a while. What happens when you let go? The boat returns to course. But to get BACK on course, it has to go west of North. This is very like human cognative behavior. When you "try hard" to quit smoking, you may eventually release the proverbial wheel. You go right back to smoking, only worse than you ever were before.

Translate this to "trying hard" to lose weight. What happens when you stop? Weight and bad habits return with a vengeance.

So change your "autopilot." in humans, this is simply a vision of "where do I truly want to be?" Make weight loss a VIVID imagination combined with a positive EMOTIONAL attachment.

I love exercising and fitness, and have such an easy time eating right. I think about what it has done for my life, and I feel GREAT about myself.

Create your vision and let go. Your mind will help return you to that course.


Best wishes

I think we all know what to do:
EAT LESS AND EXERCISE MORE.

It sounds so very simple but it is VERY difficult.

I am sure, for most of us, if we could just give up junk food (except occassionally) we would be healthier and would lose weight naturally.

I agree with 'noodle', I would rather be CURVY than SKINNY....More bounce to the ounce!~lol~
And Noodle, 108 was too thin, find a 'desirable' weight somewhere in between and shoot for that as your goal weight for 2005.

Mimi and KMEJ, you're lookin good right now.

And something else, we all know, that a mate can stray even if the wife is a beauty queen...that is NOT the reason...Although, we definietly should look the best we can for our husbands.

I am older than most of you (54) and in my younger days there was a book about greeting our husbands in saran wrap (only) and being submissive loving wives...It was called "Total Woman" by Maribel Morgan...The idea is our H's put us on a pedestal when we are the kind and loving wife God wants us to be.

I applied it for quite a few years but let it slip...However, I doubt anything I could have done could have kept him from getting 'infatuated' and 'smitten' with this young unmarried 'thing' that threw herself at him and used ALL her feminine charms!!!!

OH WELL, that is the past, today is NOW!

Love, Julie

P.S. My man prefers a soft body to hug...but it is about 20 lbs. too soft.heehee

<small>[ February 05, 2005, 05:40 PM: Message edited by: Blessed TIME ]</small>

My wife left me after she broke off the A with the OM. At that time I didn't know about the A, so my stress and weightloss was because of her leaving. She came back after two weeks to fix our marriage and we both dieted. I lost 60lbs and she lost 30lbs. She felt so guilty about the A she told me on X-Mas 2004.

I have been able to keep the weight off for 6 months and have even gain quite a bit of muscle. In fact it is driving my wife nuts since I get hit on all the time. btw...she also looks fantastic and says I look better then the whole time she knew me.

Wanna know the secret to weight loss...minus how I first started loosing weight, since I don't suggest an A or a spouse leaving to kick start a diet...Exercize and eat less. No magic diets or magic pills. I walk three miles, six days a week. I go to the gym three days and do push ups every morning before work. I stopped eating junk food and don't drink any alcohol on work nights. When I eat I always stop eating when I feel the slightest bit full.

I look back at all the tourture I caused myself thinking about my weight and in hindsight it pisses me of because of how easy it was to loose it and get in shape.

I look too damn good and feel too damn good to ever gain it back again. My wife is all over me any chance she gets...It's kinda like she is having an A with me on my old fat self.

Before
Me: 6'4", 267lbs, Size 42 pant, XXL T-Shirts.
Her: 5'5", 142, Size 31 pant...unknown shirt :-)

After
Me: 6'4", 215, Size 34 pant, L T-Shirt(I like to show my pecs and arms...
Her: 5'5", 110, Size 25 pant, or 0/1 pant.

You are right, Sprint, once our lives got back to 'normal' (well, actually never back to NORMAL but a NEW NORMAL) and our appetites came back, we were in the same old eating patterns as before.

It is hard to stay 'on course'....

And the key is, when we do get off track, to get right back on, don't totally derail. (or let the boat sink, whatever analogy we use.)

For many of us, we have broken hunger meters and have to control them MANUALLY.(We tend to eat for other reasons than HUNGER.)

I learned that from reading a wonderful book called "Getting There Staying There" by Jennifer Klein....I would highly recommend it, she lost 70 lbs., not by dieting, but eating healthy like normal people eat and an occassional treat. (like normal people)

I guess we will make this our official weight loss thread. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Love, Julie (always stuggling to lose, rarely succeeding)

P.S. Yep, let's keep our sense of humor, it gets us through some rough times, that's for sure.

Hemidart....WOW YOU DID WONDERFUL.
OH MY GOODNESS, you lost 60 pounds!
That is 3, 20lb. bags of lumpy potatoes.~ <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ~

CONGRATULATIONS!

You are gonna be one of the few that do keep it off because I can tell you have the determination to be
BEST YOU CAN BE.

And you are so right that all we need to do is eat less and exercise more...Not go on some crazy all protein diet, just eat less and stop when we are full.

Many of eat just because we like the taste of food in our mouths, or we're bored or stressed or a million other excuses and reasons.

Hemidart, now you look back and think why you didn't do it before but you know you couldn't until that determination was 100% in your mind.

That is where I want to be.
Just not there yet.

Keep encouraging us here....THANK YOU FOR POSTING.

Blessed TIME,

Lost 41lbs, regained 11 lbs

I had lost about 35 pounds in an 18 month period prior to my divorce. Having had weight problems my whole life I had "let myself go"...at 5'10" 250 pounds was way too heavy. XW was also 5'10" and weighed about 130 (a bean pole)...so when I was served I weighed about 215...within 5 months I was down to 168!!! XW gained about 20 pounds during this time and having never struggled with weight she is having a hard time "dealing". This was last April. As XW and I recovered I gained about 15 back and look good...feel good but I'll always struggle.....

Problem I have with all of this was the perception that I lost the weight because , as some put it "You're back in the game" aka dating. That had NOTHING to do with my weight loss. I lost weight the old fashioned way....I DID NOT EAT!!! I felt queasy eating...I remember having my boys and being asked at 4:30 PM on Saturday "Daddy, are we going to eat today?"...made me even sicker...I was neglecting my children....so...no my weight loss should never be looked at as an accomplishment. We have all been on this diet and it sucks....

Cynmanca...Had you been wanting to lose weight before D-Day?...Gaining back ll is not all that bad, maybe you had lost too much before?

I couldn't click on your website.
Could I make a suggestion?

Under where we write our messages is a place to click 'URL'...If you click that and then put your website in there, it should come up ok so others could click on it. (I give computer lessons and it is hard to not 'give advice' so I hope you don't think I sound like a smarty pants!) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Blessed, just remember that we are never more beautiful than when we are confident about ourselves.

As an old adage goes, if you are not confident, fake it!

Even fake confidence will take you a long way. After a while, it won't feel so "fake". It will merge with the "new you" that can be created through a healthy, sound exercise and diet plan.

Learned behaviors become a strong part of who you are, and if we can learn to feel worthless, we can just as easily learn to be confident.

Good luck to you!

Send me on my way.

I understand completely.

Not having an appetite and not even being able to swallow because of that constant knot in your stomach...(An acutal feeling)

However, think of this as a plus, you have made yourself a more healthier man; a more energetic Dad for you kids, so at least one good thing came out of this sorrowful time in your life.

I am glad you have gained back 15 lbs. At 168 and your heighth, I am sure your family and friends were worried about you that you were dwindling away.

Hang in there buddy...I am glad you and your wife are in recovery.

Now I am going to disconnect from the computer, set the timer for 20 minutes and WORK...then come back for awhile..Hubby gets home at 4pm so usually not much 'putering' after that.

Sincerely, Julie Jo <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Good idea 'Sprint'.

So let's all "Fake it til we make it"
and be happy now today at this minute in the body we are in! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I had to change the way I see food. I used to get pleasure out of eating, but that pleasure was replaced by guilt. All the foods I eat now are what doctors say people should eat. Lean meats, fish, fresh vegetables, fruits, tons of water. I won't eat or drink anything with High Fructose Corn Syrup. No fried foods and I stay away from processed foods like white bread, pasta etc. After doing this for five months all the bad foods I have been staying away from actually taste bad to me now. I used to love Coke, but now it tastes way too sweet.

I had people say they don't have time to excercise. Well the only thing I did to first loose the weight was to walk three miles a day and eat better. That three miles takes me 45 minutes. That is 45 minutes less couch or computer time. Anytime you find yourself zooning out on TV or sitting doing nothing just think you could of walked. You will feel better.

I say anyone can do it. Trust me if you knew where I was mentally before my wife left you would know that anyone can do it if they TRULY want to.

Good luck and I wish you all well.

Hemidart.
I will tell you this:
YOU ARE A GREAT INSPIRATION TO ME as well as others here at MB.

And I am so impressed that you are only eating healthy food.

Now remember, if you do eat a cookie or two, that it is OK....If we set ourselves up for 'perfection', we will feel like we failed if we eat something from our 'bad' list.

Always keep in mind, that normal sized people, eat a piece of cake at a wedding and THEY DO NOT FEEL GUILTY. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I want to be in that place that I don't feel guilty for occassionally eating 'sweet junk food'

And potato chips are a real NO NO..
Suggestions are if you have to have some, to buy a 1 oz. bag and eat that, so as not to be tempted by the big bag and second and third servings!

Us Americans, eat way way to much processed high fat, high sugar food. (Myself included.)

Trying hard to change.
Keep inspiring us, Hem!