I recieved this e-mail today from a former student of my H:

Marisa,

This is J from Illinois. I met you at Naperville Fencing Club. How are you? This is probably pretty random. I was looking through some old things and found some stuff on your wedding. After Will broke up with you, he has gotten really weird and is doing some ****ty stuff.

I left Illinois and live in California now. A lot of Asians here. I think I increased the average height by an inch. I might be heading to Texas for the Junior Olympics in Arlington. Depends on my school schedule. I heard you had moved back to Texas.

Cali is awesome. Can't beat the weather. Haven't heard the word "windchill" since I left. Haha. Haven't tried Tex Mex, but Cali Mex is pretty good.

I ran into MM from Chicago Athletic Assn. at the last NAC in Kansas, and he was bad mouthing W. W has been bashing everyone in Illinois Division. I heard a rumor that W has been having a fling with J, this 16 year old kid that goes to Naperville. That's sick.

Anyway, hope everything is going well for you in Texas.

J

I forwarded it to that girl's mom and this is her response:

Hi Marisa,

Thanks for your email. J assured us there was really no other relationship except student-teacher. I'm sure you know how people are. They are unforgiving and human are just "BAD". People just love to pick on others which is sad.... I don't understand why we on earth just cannot get along. Personally I think W is just being very nice to all his students overall because he needs his students to keep his job. You have warned me he can sweet talk very well. Thanks for that warning.

M (her h) and I continue to watch J closely. It is very hard to find another competitve fencing club near home. We will discuss with Jessica again. Hope you are doing well. How are you and W getting along?

Thanks

R


Anyway, I just got done having a chat with him on aol... this is what he had to say:
student: hey marisa
student: it's j
student: u there?
IvoryIvy: yup
student: how r u doing?
IvoryIvy: ok
student: is everything okay?
IvoryIvy: sure... as well as things can be
student: yeah... sorry to hear about everything
student: i actually dont know the whole story behind w and j...what is the deal?
IvoryIvy: well, they say nothing is going on now, but she's still his student and so on... I found out that everytime he was going out to ride his bike or exersize he would be calling her. They sent each other little love texts all day and as far as I know it never went beyond kissing and fondling...
student: good lord
IvoryIvy: when I confronted him about it he said he had been unhappy with me for years and she was the only happiness in his life
student: good grief
student: w told me some stuff about him and her, but he followed it with a threat that he'd kill me if i told anyone
IvoryIvy: but she was 15 at the time
IvoryIvy: what did he say?
student: well...u promise not to tell him you're talking to me?
IvoryIvy: i don't really talk to him much anyway, and no I won't tell him
student: okay...well, will said they had "done it" several times in his house while his parents were away
student: he apparently plans to marry this girl in a few years too
student: when i got back from OSU....will had really changed
student: so u never knew anything beyond fondling?
IvoryIvy: when was all this?
IvoryIvy: that's all he said
student: he told me this in like...august
student: i think u were going through your seperation when this all happened
IvoryIvy: yeah, well we're still technically married
student: MM said he noticed they were "familiar" with each other at tournaments
student: ouch, sorry about that
student: everyone in fencing seems to have a problem with w
student: w is bad mouthing everybody
student: and doing this stuff on the side apparently
IvoryIvy: so i hear
student: it's gotten pretty awful
student: so when did u hear about the two of them
IvoryIvy: i found out in late may... he had been acting really secretive so i checked his phone records, and his e-mail
student: ggod lord
student: well, what other stuff is happening
student: how is naperville?
student: cold?
IvoryIvy: it's ok... i came back hoping to reconsile but now I pretty much gave up on that and I'm struggling to decide what to do next
student: did u finish school?
IvoryIvy: no
IvoryIvy: i had to stop
student: that's too bad
student: r u going to finish
IvoryIvy: dont know.
IvoryIvy: don't know what do do now
IvoryIvy: to do
student: thats too bad
student: well i hope everything works out
student: i gotta go pick up a friend
student: i'll catch u later

I'm shaking right now... I don't know what I should do.... I tried to make an appointent with a counselor this afternoon because my mind was filled with thoughts of suicide all day even before I found out about this. I e-mailed the girl's mom a copy of this. I'm wondering should I report him, should I call his parents? I don't know what to do now. I'm breaking apart. I don't want to be here anymore.

<small>[ February 06, 2005, 03:44 AM: Message edited by: ivoryivy ]</small>

Take some very deep breaths. You have reached your maximum tolerance for pain, it seems, and you DO need to call a hotline.

From the symcinc.com website, here are these hotline numbers ~ Please Call!!!

Suicide:

1-800-SUICIDE, or 1-800-784-2433, http://suicidehotlines.com/

My thoughts and prayers are with you, sweetie.

Post back if you need. I will wait for your response.

Spidey

Ivory,

If you told the studen, that you wouldn't break confidence, why would you forward it to the OW's mom?

Leave it be Ivory. He will dig his own hole.

Now the suicide thoughts are with you? How can we help you past this?

I am sorry this is shocking info. It hurts each time it is brought up by someone else. It always will be but in the long run, did you want to know?

R U willing to endure the accompanying pain to be able to give you the strength to heal?

L.

II, calm down. I know, easy to say. It's almost like you've had a second d-day which is why you're in shock again.

Try to distance yourself a bit from it.

You've come such a long way, don't let him win.

DO call the hotline though. A real person will be able to help you more than we can.

Remember though, we're always here with a listening ear.

Jen

i tol him i wouldn't tell my H and I didn't

Ivy!!!! I was always really ticked at your H but NOW!!!???? Okay, you did the right thing...emailing that STUPID mother the AOL conversation. I could not for the life of me figure out at the time what the heck those parents were doing allowing continued contact. Half the problem here is that exposure to the parents did not do one single thing to stop an obviously inappropriate relationship, I mean what were these people thinking!!!???

Okay I need to calm down here, this isn't helping you. I know this is a blow to find out it went into further PA than you thought. Maybe, just maybe this will jolt those fool parents into getting their child out of contact with your H. i remember how dificult it was for you to make the exposure and the response was a slap in the face but you know what? YOU have done well Ivory, really well.

I don't know if you can hang on to that thought but you should be proud of yourself. You can hold YOUR head up and your H and those parents should be shamed. IT'S NOT YOU, IT"S NOT YOUR FAULT!!! You did right all along. Oh Ivy..please do call the hotline, don't let the STUPID, STUPID actions of others get to you now...you have come too far sweetie.

Please call, you know the number,1 800 SUICIDE. Don't dissapear on us okay...people get worried and I've ben with you from the sart. Please, please call now. {{{{{{{{{IvoryIVY}}}}}} KB

just got of the phone with the hotline... the lady said she thinks I should report him... I just keep thinking that I don't want to feel anything anymore... i've tried to distance myself from him it's not working... i want to call him and his parents to tell them what I know but I know that's not in my best interests... I wish I could talk to a real couselor since they are required to report these things... I can't see myself calling or going to the police on my own.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> just got of the phone with the hotline... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Are you still having suicidal thoughts, or are you calming down?

Ivory,

How are you? R U in need of help for yourself?

Let us know. Make sure you let the proper people/hotline know if you need help, ok?

Now as for that student who you chatted with, they said more stuff was happening but didn't divulge....do you know what that is about?

Why would you want to tell his parents and him? He has been having an A with a minor, isn't that common knowledge to her parents and his parents?

L.

still thoughts... it's not like i'm considering doing it, just the thoughts of cut wrists and taking some Tylonol which I have a severe alergy to keep going through my head... i haven't the energy to do either... i can barely lift my hand to type... i really hate my life... i know i have so much going for me right now... my work even gave me a raise when they heard I was being recruted by another hotel... everyone there likes me but it's like that doesn't even matter to me... it gave me happiness for a few minutes but now it's all gone... i'm spent... i have no happiness left.

they all think it ended back in june and that it never went that far

i keep looking at a photo of my family with my parents and my siblings and all i can do is cry

(((ivoryivy)))

hang in there! you will see clearer... one breath, one minute, one hour at a time!

you are young and beautiful, and your WH is a predator... none of this is your fault... itis not worth it!

i know it's not my fault. i just can't deal with it anymore.

{{{{{ivoryivy}}}}}

One morning, very early, when my then-WH had moved out, I could not sleep. I was so despondent, much as you are describing yourself now. And I came to MB, and posted. And guess what? Someone was here at 3 am. Suzet, who lives in South Africa, it was her daytime. And she posted the most inspirational poem/prayer to me.

It was about how in the valleys of life, we grow. And without the valleys, we couldn't appreciate the peaks of our lives. I also found great comfort in God. I prayed that God would hold me in the palm of His hand, and carry me while I was too weak to walk on my own. I also prayed that He let me know HIS will, because it is His Divine Plan of my Happiness that I am following, not my own wishes. If I was not meant to be with my FWH anymore, then so be it.

I am so sad that the man you have been with since you are so young has let you down so horribly. I have been with my H since I was 16. Your WH has definately lost himself, to everyone including himself. It is so sad. BUT, these are HIS decisions, and HIS consequences. You are now in a position to remove yourself from his chaos. Do what you can for the girl, if you feel compelled, and let your WH go.

Spidey

I sometimes wish I were a religious person. I've tried. I have no faith in anything.

Can you call your Mom? How about a friend from work to come over and spend time with you? You probably don't want either of those things but I'm worried about you being alone right now.

I'm sorry I flew off the handle earlier but there are a few WSs who really get my goat and yours unfortunately is one of them. Those parents....I shouldn't EVEN go there.

Okay, if you spoke with a real counselor they would be duty bound to report...I don't suppose you still have access to the services at school?

I have to run out but will check back later...have something to eat, play with your kitten, petting an animal does help they say. I am just SO sorry you had to hear all this now Ivy, I know that you haven't really stopped loving him. I wish you were MAD to be honest, you certainly have the right and you deserved SO MUCH MORE from everyone involved in this crappy sitch. {{{hugs}}}KB

I wish I were angry too... intead all i feel is hurt...

I tried to make an apointment with a real conselor today but the never called me back and I can't use the school anymore...

My entire family went to Luisianna for my niece's baptism and parade she's in and their phones don't work out there...

I don't really have anyone to call from work... my one friend I tried to call didn't answer. probably asleep...

Well, we are all here for you. Just keep posting, girl.

a friend just called is on her way over