Hi everybody,

This weekend I read "Love must be tough" and I also read "Surviving an affair" and "Divorce remedy".

Now what gets me confused is this; I have been trying for months to be upbeat, be nice and so to say be the Lighthouse.

But except for very rare contact by telephone (usually initiated by us) there is no way for us (the children and I) to Plan A.

I do send drawings etc. but I do not have the feeling it changes anything.
Now, Dr. Dobson in "Love must be tough" says, that sometimes there is a need to put your foot down and draw the line in order for your WS to respect us again.
In the other books it says, that the BS sometimes will have to forget about beeing proud and still keep doing nice things although you sometimes feel like you are nothing more then a floormat.

I'm right now thinking about all of that, because my WH has asked me to send him some german coffee and stuff and the kids and I put together a nice package with scrapbooks they made for him and so on for Valentine's day. Now I am sitting here, asking myself if I should even send it.
He does not initiate anything, call or email us except for forwarding stuff to our son with not one written word on it or anything, just some stupid pictures.
By the way, in the package are photos, coffee, his favourite german sausages and some paperwork he needs for his compassionate reassignment.
No card from me or anything, just from our children. But of course he will know, that I had to send the package, not the children.
The other thing is, that I always have to mail everything to his work address because at his home the OW will open all his mail and throw a fit or sometimes not even give him his mail.
Sometimes I wonder what the people at work think, knowing that I know he is living with another woman and her children, not taking care of his own kids and still I keep sending him the things he requests.
They must think I am stupid, don't you think?! :

The last time he tried to call us was between Xmas and New Year because he thought I would call th M off.

I do not want to give myself up completely just to Plan A him for ever.
So now what to do, send the package or not? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
Plan B I think is not an option for us because my WH is in the Army and not free to go whenever wherever he wants to.

He is in the US and our children and I are in Germany.

Any opinions here?
Thanks!

Ravenclaw <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Me 39
WH 34
OW 30
DS10,DD4
married 11 years
A startet 12/2003
DDay 6/6/2004
My story

<small>[ February 14, 2005, 02:10 PM: Message edited by: Ravenclaw ]</small>

Hi RC !

I'm in England.

I agree Plan A is tough when you're apart from your H. I will let experts advise you on that.

I will say however that boundary enforcement was a vital part of my Plan A, and that is entirely consistent with Dobson's view in LMBT.

Plan A isn;t about being a doormat, LMBT isn't about being a bully.

Plan A is to help end an affair , once the A has ended, PlanA ends, but continued EN meeting, avoiding LBs, POJA, PORH etc become part of everyday M behaviour.

LMBT is about policing personal boundaries and is applicable both during plan A and afterwards.

Have you exposed the A to the OWs spouse and stuff ?

Plan A is to be used short-term to show that it is safe for him to come home. That home would be a safe place, not a place of retribution and punishment for his affair.

Once that has been shown to him and the affair has not ended, Plan B is to be implemented. Otherwise you are being a doormat and are enabling the affair.

Have you demonstrated the objective of Plan A? I think you probably have.

I would send the package with a nice Plan B letter included.

Plan B is an option. It will tell him that you can no longer close your eyes to his affair, and that you are moving on with or without him. And that your love is dwindling. Give youself a time-line that you will wait for him before you move to divorce.

Thanks a lot BP and W for your replies! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I think I'll do as W says; put a Plan B letter in with the package, so it shows him that we still love him but also that we are not willing to take all this bubbling and ignorance anymore.

I'll have to put sort of a Plan B leter in though because as I said, he is in the US and we are here in Germany.

So if he calls, I will not talk to him but encourage any kind of contact with the children.

As I statet in a post before I am afraid that this will end the marriage since he lives with the OW and her children in the US and he cannot just leave like that.

But maybe it will help him put more effort in getting an assignment back to Germany and show him where he really wants to be.

He always tells us that he is working on paperwork to get back home but he does not show any kind of affection or care towards us.
In the rare cases of talking on the phone (which we initiate!)he tells me "Tell the kids I love them, because I do" but there is a difference between what you say and what you do.
Calling them once in a while would show me that he cares but all he does is forwarding these little films or pictures he already got forwarded from people at work.

Well, got to go for now, thanks again! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
If I get a chance later in the day, I'll post my semi Plan B letter for your opinion on it!

Raven <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Me 39
WH 34
OW 30
DS10,DD4
married 11 years
A startet 12/2003
DDay 6/6/2004

Raven,

Yes, make sure that you post that letter here before sending, as you said you will.

The Plan B letter experts here need to make sure it is a good one. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Take care Raven!

Hi Weaver,

I just got home and with the time difference between the States and Germany it is now 11:30p.m. over here and I won't be able to get my Plan B letter together today.

But I'll write it tomorrow or finish what I still have to write (I already startet one a couple of days ago)and post it here for advice!

You all take care and have a good day!
Good night!

Ravenclaw <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi,

here my semi Plan B letter, as far as I got.
What do you think, any advice?


My dear ***,

I’m sitting here in a NYC hotel room, thinking about us, our marriage and our family.
When we met 12 years ago, I loved you from the moment you had your friend Paul hit on me, since you were too scared to do it yourself.
I loved your commitment for me and our children, I loved the way you took care of your job and I was and I am very proud of everything you accomplished during those 12 years.
I loved all the little things you’ve done, like bringing home flowers, taking our kids with you wherever you would go, helping me to take care of the house and the kids etc.

I still remember the day, the MP came in the room with his dog, I thought you would go and kick him in the butt. Or the other day, when it snowed so much and you waited for me for hours, being so worried, that you came running out the building with only your shorts on…at about -4C!
I could go on like this for hours with many more reasons why I married you.
Unfortunately some things have changed and we are now at a point, where I can no longer sit back and watch you raise somebody else’s children while yours are crying here for you.
The affair is hurting our family so very much by now, that in order to make our children feel safe again and to get our lives back on track, I have to take these measures.

I do take full responsibility for my contribution in making your affair with *** possible. We both made mistakes in our marriage and now we are all suffering for
these mistakes.
I am working on myself not to make the same mistakes again and it would be great if we could work together on making our marriage healthy and fun again, just like it used to be a while back!
But I’m afraid it needs two people to be willing to work on reconciliation and I do not see you participate in this effort.

There are no regular telephone conversations anymore between you and our children
( unless they call you) or any other attempts from your side to be a caring father for them, a father that wants to be a part of the family, a father that wants to know what’s going on in his children’s life!
All of this shows me, that reconciliation cannot start until you end your relationship with *** once and for all.

Please respect my decision to separate from you this way,
I simply cannot be with you any longer, knowing that you are with her.
As soon as you are willing to ensure total separation, giving us all the opportunity to be a family again and visit each other as often as possible in Oklahoma as well as in Germany, I will be willing to discuss our future together.

I still want us to be able to rebuild our marriage and our family some day.
I want us to be able to meet each other’s emotional needs and to avoid doing anything to hurt each other.
We need to build a new lifestyle in which everything we do makes the two of us and our children happy.
Then there will never again be a reason for us to separate.
I want us to be best friends, friends that are always there for each other.

*** , I loved you when we married and I continue to love you right up to this day.
You and I had some wonderful times together and I will pray for you and trust that god will guide you in the years ahead.


With my love
Raven


Thanks <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> !

Ravenclaw

<small>[ February 05, 2005, 05:13 PM: Message edited by: Ravenclaw ]</small>

Have you called the IG yet? You still need to do this, to finish the exposure process before even thinking about Plan B.

In His arms.

Hi mortarman,

good to hear from you! No, I did not talk to his sergeant major yet or go to IG <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> .

I'm so afraid that if I do he will never want to see me again or talk to me.
I was hoping that sending him somewhat like a semi Plan B letter would show him that I do have boundaries and that I am not willing to keep this going and sit by and watch.
I'm pretty sure everybody at his workplace knows what he is doing, that's why I don't understand how he can tell me he is talking to his SGM about help with his reassignment to go home and be with his famiy and on the other hand, openly live there with someone else.

Maybe he really never talked to the SGM about coming back!

Thanks for your reply mortarman, let me think a little more about all of this, I'll keep you up to date before I take the next step! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Good night

Raven <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<<<Bump>>> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I'm so afraid that if I do he will never want to see me again or talk to me.

Ravenclaw...your fear is blinding you..
and you are becoming a betrayed spouse in the thick of your own fog....

lets be logical..

man abandons children
live with another woman and her children
does not/has minimal contact with his children..

and something you do is 'bad' or 'wrong'...
or something you do causes his behavior to get worse...

you have no control a n y t h i n g he does...

he lives in chaos..
he lives in the shadow of reality and uses all his energy and time to pretend that their is a different reality..

he is conflict avoider extroidanairre...

you can free him from his own lies...
you can free yourself from the role you have taken on of avoiding reality as well..out of your own fears...

here is YOUR fog in action..

The other thing is, that I always have to mail everything to his work address because at his home the OW will open all his mail and throw a fit or sometimes not even give him his mail.

you protect your husband from some crazy OW...and let me just add that any woman..ANY woman that finds ANYTHING attractive about a man that can abandon and hurt is children is CRAZY without a doubt.....

so to keep her from upsetting your WS you mail things to his work..
that is your insanity in action... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> and i mean that in a loving don't worry we can fix this way.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> honestly we can fix you....

mail it to his HOME SWEET HOME>>>>>

was hoping that sending him somewhat like a semi Plan B letter would show him that I do have boundaries and that I am not willing to keep this going and sit by and watch.

can't do this..again your fogged thinking..
no such thing as partial plan b...plan b is total removal of YOU from his chaos...
can't partially remove yourself..cause you are still there....right in the middle of it..
it's gotta be total...

you need a plan my friend..
a good strong plan...

1. you need an exposure plan
2. you need a protection plan so that you have your duck legally lined up in a row..what's to stop him from pursueing him having the children come visit him in the states...and play house with his OW and her children...need to protect them...

3. you need to go plan B...

he lives with the OW and her children in the US and he cannot just leave like that.

that's what he did to your children...but the question is what condition must he meet to even come near you...

contact who you need to today..
pursue his so called paper work trail...

get strong...
read here more...

get focused...
you are drowning your confusion and belief that what you do will be your responsibility for what he does...

ARK

Thanks for your reply Ark!

You are right and I know it, just so sad and afraid, maybe even desillusioned!

I'll have to let what you said settle a bit and think about it some more before I can take action but I know I'll have to.

Today I opened the package again I planned to mail to him for Valentine's Day with his requested german coffee, sausages etc.

I took everything back out except the drawings from the children, our son's evaluation paperwork from the american child psychologist
( he says he needs that for a compassionate reassignment) and some scrapbooks with photos that the kids made.

Oh yeah, the kids also picked out cards for him, I guess all of this is o.k.,right?! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I almost forgot; for last years Valentine's Day his mum had send him a mug, which she decorated with our children's photos.
He never took it with him because he was already in the States then and of course did not care about it last summer when he was home for just three days. So now I'll forward the mug with the other stuff to him because he has not been able to contact his mother for several months and we do not know where she is or what happened to her.
I just think that mug belongs to him in case something bad has happened to her. She is a manic depressive and schizophrenic, so we don't know!

So Ark, you don't think that just not initiating anymore contact from our side will do the job as well?
I had send him a letter (Plan A like though) before and he knows that I will not go on like this for ever or do you really think it'll have to be spelled out?

On my other thread concerning my Plan B (full Plan B letter) I got a couple of good comments on it from Orchid and other people too, would you please read that letter for me as well and give me your opinion?! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Thanks very much and take care

Raven

me 39
WH 34
OW 30
DS10,DD4
married 11years
A startet 12/2003
DDay 6/6/2004

Is this older Plan B letter better?

<small>[ February 06, 2005, 08:23 AM: Message edited by: Ravenclaw ]</small>

Your Plan B letter needs more work. Don't send as is.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I loved your commitment for me and our children, I loved the way you took care of your job and I was and I am very proud of everything you accomplished during those 12 years.
I loved all the little things you’ve done, like bringing home flowers, taking our kids with you wherever you would go, helping me to take care of the house and the kids etc.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It's hard for me to put my finger on what strikes me as a slightly off key note here ... Could you perhaps re-word this so he appears attractive to you not so much for what he can do for you but for who he is inside his soul? (sorry if I am not being clear enough)

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I still remember the day, the MP came in the room with his dog, I thought you would go and kick him in the butt. Or the other day, when it snowed so much and you waited for me for hours, being so worried, that you came running out the building with only your shorts on…at about -4C!
I could go on like this for hours with many more reasons why I married you.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Speak of how he delights you sometimes....

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Unfortunately some things have changed and we are now at a point, where I can no longer sit back and watch you raise somebody else’s children while yours are crying here for you.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">"Some things have changed" ???? Are you meaning to say "Now you have left our family to be with another woman" ... Is this what you mean? Be very clear and precise so there is no room for misundersatnding your meaning. Fog makes the WS dense and you must not be suggestive of what you are talking about, but precise.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The affair is hurting our family so very much by now, that in order to make our children feel safe again and to get our lives back on track, I have to take these measures.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Better to say your love for him is in jeopardy, and to protect that love that means so much to you .... you must keep the hurt of the affair away from you. Don't make this part about the kids, but about your relationship with him. Because one day, kids are going to be gone.... it's about husband and wife. OK?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I do take full responsibility for my contribution in making your affair with *** possible.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Is this true? I doubt it. ONLY take responsibility for the state of the marriage not the affair it's self.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">We both made mistakes in our marriage and now we are all suffering for
these mistakes.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Made mistakes due to not having the required skills to keep love alive between husband and wife. Talk about the love being the center of your relationship, not the duty of family.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am working on myself not to make the same mistakes again and it would be great if we could work together on making our marriage healthy and fun again, just like it used to be a while back!</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Mention how you are learning different marriage/relationship skills that will help keep love alive. I like the "fun" part.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">But I’m afraid it needs two people to be willing to work on reconciliation and I do not see you participate in this effort.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Do not mention the word "fear" anywhere in your letter. Say something more like "I am certain our marriage can be joyous and loving, if both of us decide that is our mutual goal."

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">There are no regular telephone conversations anymore between you and our children
( unless they call you) or any other attempts from your side to be a caring father for them, a father that wants to be a part of the family, a father that wants to know what’s going on in his children’s life!</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Eliminate all of this ... smacks of a disrespectful judgement... it will only make him defensive and none of us are drawn toward someone who we feel defensive about.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">All of this shows me, that reconciliation cannot start until you end your relationship with *** once and for all.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Own this... "I must separate myself from this pain that your relationship with OW causes."

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Please respect my decision to separate from you this way,
I simply cannot be with you any longer, knowing that you are with her.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This can be made more clear of what you expect him to do if he wants contact with you ... he must end forever his affair. Don't ask him "please" to respect your decision ... you own this. "I have made the decision that you and I will not communicate any further while you are involved with OW."

Time to be bold and decisive. (or else, he will not believe you mean business)


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">As soon as you are willing to ensure total separation, giving us all the opportunity to be a family again and visit each other as often as possible in Oklahoma as well as in Germany, I will be willing to discuss our future together.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am only available to discuss our future once OW is completely out of your life."

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I still want us to be able to rebuild our marriage and our family some day.
I want us to be able to meet each other’s emotional needs and to avoid doing anything to hurt each other.
We need to build a new lifestyle in which everything we do makes the two of us and our children happy.
Then there will never again be a reason for us to separate.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Take all of this out.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I want us to be best friends, friends that are always there for each other.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Include that you not only want to be friends, but lovers. Do you really only want him to be your best friend? Make your intentions toward him more appealing to his sensual side.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">*** , I loved you when we married and I continue to love you right up to this day.
You and I had some wonderful times together and I will pray for you and trust that god will guide you in the years ahead.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I like this part.

Hope you recognize some of your mistakes... really, the letter needs to be rewritten from a non-fearful tone.

Attract him as a woman, not as a dutiful friend he co-raises kids with.
Do you see why?

Pep

Thanks a lot PB for your reply.
I see what you are saying and you are right!
I am too fearful where I should not be. I have never been this way in my whole life, my friends don't even recognize me anymore, so I guess I'll have to work on myself before I do anything else.
I'll print this out and rewrite the letter to post it again later!

Again, thanks a lot and have a good night!

Raven <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hello,

I'm back with an update and another question about bubble talk.

Since we did (the kids and I ) not call or email my WH for about 2 weeks now, he finally did write an email to our son.
The way it sounds I get the impression though, as if the content is ment to be for me rather then for our son.
Or could he really be so fogged not to realize that he cannot bother a 10 year old with that kind of stuff? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Our son sees his dad still as a knight in shining armour, so I wonder why my WH sends him an email like that.
Maybe he totally lost sight of how to treat a 10 year old boy that he has not seen for almost 1 year!?

Anybody think that is possible?

Well, this is the mail;

Hello ***,

How are you doing? I'm hanging in there. I sure do miss you and
your
sister. So what did you do this weekend. I went to work saturday for
awhile to help my students with they're class project. I'll take some
pictures and send it to you. The camera got here last week, I haven't
had
time to go get it yet because I'm teaching and the mail room is only
open
certain hours. Last week was a hard one. I had a student fail an
exam, so
I had to work with him late thursaday til 8pm and be at work 0445 the
next
day.
My class graduates this wednesday. I have a civilian instructor here
for
13*** now. I'll be showing him how things work here and he'll teach
the
next class. Other than that same 'o, same 'o. The corvette got rear
ended
in the parking lot a week ago. It's not bad, just a paint run mark
that
I'll take to the shop next Friday to get fixed. It's going to cost me
$500
and the insurance company will pay the rest. The accident is under
investigation still. So I'm tight on money, again. Just as I think
it's all
going to get better next month, something else happens. I guess when
it
rains it pours. Well gotta go for now bud. I'm going to get
international
calling on my phone sometime this week so I'll be calling you soon, ok.
Well tchuss, und ich liebe euch. Bis bald!


Love
Papa


Any opinions on this mail? Is it bubble or what is it?
Our son did not send a reply, neither will I! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Raven <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Me 39
WH 34
OW 30
DS10,DD4
married 11 years
DDay 6/6/2004
A startet 12/2003

Hello,

I'm back with an update and another question about bubble talk.

Since we did (the kids and I ) not call or email my WH for about 2 weeks now, he finally did write an email to our son.
The way it sounds I get the impression though, as if the content is ment to be for me rather then for our son.
Or could he really be so fogged not to realize that he cannot bother a 10 year old with that kind of stuff? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Our son sees his dad still as a knight in shining armour, so I wonder why my WH sends him an email like that.
Maybe he totally lost sight of how to treat a 10 year old boy that he has not seen for almost 1 year!?

Anybody think that is possible?

Well, this is the mail;

Hello ***,

How are you doing? I'm hanging in there. I sure do miss you and
your
sister. So what did you do this weekend. I went to work saturday for
awhile to help my students with they're class project. I'll take some
pictures and send it to you. The camera got here last week, I haven't
had
time to go get it yet because I'm teaching and the mail room is only
open
certain hours. Last week was a hard one. I had a student fail an
exam, so
I had to work with him late thursaday til 8pm and be at work 0445 the
next
day.
My class graduates this wednesday. I have a civilian instructor here
for
13*** now. I'll be showing him how things work here and he'll teach
the
next class. Other than that same 'o, same 'o. The corvette got rear
ended
in the parking lot a week ago. It's not bad, just a paint run mark
that
I'll take to the shop next Friday to get fixed. It's going to cost me
$500
and the insurance company will pay the rest. The accident is under
investigation still. So I'm tight on money, again. Just as I think
it's all
going to get better next month, something else happens. I guess when
it
rains it pours. Well gotta go for now bud. I'm going to get
international
calling on my phone sometime this week so I'll be calling you soon, ok.
Well tchuss, und ich liebe euch. Bis bald!


Love
Papa


Any opinions on this mail? Is it bubble or what is it?
Our son did not send a reply, neither will I! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Raven <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Me 39
WH 34
OW 30
DS10,DD4
married 11 years
DDay 6/6/2004
A startet 12/2003

Hello,

I'm back with an update and another question about bubble talk.

Since we did (the kids and I ) not call or email my WH for about 2 weeks now, he finally did write an email to our son.
The way it sounds I get the impression though, as if the content is ment to be for me rather then for our son.
Or could he really be so fogged not to realize that he cannot bother a 10 year old with that kind of stuff? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Our son sees his dad still as a knight in shining armour, so I wonder why my WH sends him an email like that.
Maybe he totally lost sight of how to treat a 10 year old boy that he has not seen for almost 1 year!?

Anybody think that is possible?

Well, this is the mail;

Hello ***,

How are you doing? I'm hanging in there. I sure do miss you and
your
sister. So what did you do this weekend. I went to work saturday for
awhile to help my students with they're class project. I'll take some
pictures and send it to you. The camera got here last week, I haven't
had
time to go get it yet because I'm teaching and the mail room is only
open
certain hours. Last week was a hard one. I had a student fail an
exam, so
I had to work with him late thursaday til 8pm and be at work 0445 the
next
day.
My class graduates this wednesday. I have a civilian instructor here
for
13*** now. I'll be showing him how things work here and he'll teach
the
next class. Other than that same 'o, same 'o. The corvette got rear
ended
in the parking lot a week ago. It's not bad, just a paint run mark
that
I'll take to the shop next Friday to get fixed. It's going to cost me
$500
and the insurance company will pay the rest. The accident is under
investigation still. So I'm tight on money, again. Just as I think
it's all
going to get better next month, something else happens. I guess when
it
rains it pours. Well gotta go for now bud. I'm going to get
international
calling on my phone sometime this week so I'll be calling you soon, ok.
Well tchuss, und ich liebe euch. Bis bald!


Love
Papa


Any opinions on this mail? Is it bubble or what is it?
Our son did not send a reply, neither will I! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Raven <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Me 39
WH 34
OW 30
DS10,DD4
married 11 years
DDay 6/6/2004
A startet 12/2003

<small>[ February 07, 2005, 01:28 PM: Message edited by: Ravenclaw ]</small>

This letter to a 10 year old who misses his dad was ... (ummmm, trying to be kind here) .... lacking in empathy for the boy.

But.... the situation is what it is. A father trying to assuage his guilt and gain sympathy for his problems.

Some adults have this wrong idea ---> "Kids wants want their parents to be happy."

~wrong~

Kids that age are way too egocentric. Kids want their parents to meet their needs. Parental happiness is not on kids' minds. An absent parent cannot meet a 10-year-old's needs.

This letter is basically ~poop~.

No answer required.

Hang on ~~~~~~ This ain't over yet.

Pep

Thanks Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I will (hang on) I mean <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> !


Have a good night <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Raven


Me 39
WH 34
OW 30
DS10,DD4
married 11 years
A startet 12/2003
DDay 6/6/2004