Thanks to both of you. Thank you. I hadn't thought of either. MM, you are right, I should be trusting God more and quite relying on myself for everyghing. And AD, that thought never crossed my mind at all. At least I didn't fall for anything, just told her that I wanted no contact.

I'm still going to tell my wife what happened. Not sure when - right now she is openly hostile, blaming me for the entire thing - not even acknowledging the affair to be a part of it - she argues that it just 'opened her eyes' to what kind of man I am...

That's the hardest one to think of as fog, because I know my failings and things I've done.

Gotta get the kids off to school...

Thanks,

David

Sorry! Computer freaked out!

<small>[ February 07, 2005, 02:32 PM: Message edited by: LBelle ]</small>

Double post!

<small>[ February 07, 2005, 02:30 PM: Message edited by: LBelle ]</small>

David,
I have been following your story and I am so sorry for your pain. I wanted to add something to MM post. I totally agree that Satan is working overtime! And I wanted to add another idea to that.

**Satan's main objective is to destroy families! Think of the generations of faithful followers that can be blown off track by attacking the family. Mothers, father, children can be lost in painful breakups of the family. I know that we do not always have a choice in whether our marriages can be saved. It takes both partners working full time to redeem it and make it strong and connected.

**But I do believe that if Satan thinks you might be able to Plan A (or however you can do it)your wife back to you and unite your family......he is going to go after you as well!! He has spent a lot of effort on your wife and he does not want to lose. This is where the XOW comes in! He will use her. Satan will also use depression, despair, anger, hatred, revenge, etc. and all those other "normal" feelings for someone who has been betrayed as you have to destroy you and your hopes for recovery. Don't let him do it! Stay strong and build the "Great Wall of China" around you to protect yourself from temptations that would add anything harmful to the situation that would hinder your efforts to reconcile with your wife. At least on your side of the fence.

She may come out of the fog through your efforts and she may not. You may not be able to produce a change in her right now. But you can stand strong with integrity and protect your children and you can be clear where all the destructive powers are coming from. Strengthen your faith in Christ through prayer and have faith that he knows your pain and will help you through this. You are lucky to have so many wonderful friends on this site.

We are all thinking of you and praying for the best!

Mortar-

I never thought about it that way, but you are so right! We are truly blessed to have you in our midst.

I have a little saying myself, but I never thought about the difficulties I have been facing being Satan, but you're right!!!!! I just say "Satan get thee behind me", and it works great!!! I do that also with my thoughts, if I am thinking of doing something....like today, I was tempted once again, to put all the OW's personal information on a website so the hackers could have their way with her....then I read this post, and I said "Oh no....that's what that was"...."Satan get thee behind me"...and the thoughts are gone, I don't need to do this to her, I am not her punisher, she will reap what she sows, and it's none of my concern.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
-Caren

Caren,

It was the hardest thing for me to do with the OM. I wanted so bad to help the OM do his reaping!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

But then I realized something. God promised He would repay, that He would bring justice. So, there is little ole Mortarman with what little I can do to the OM...and then there is God...who he has sinned against also. So, I just finally sat down and said "God, he is all yours. I release any right to retribution or even anger. I trust you will take care of this and that either the OM pays for his sins against me, my wife and my family...or he repents and comes to you." OM is a heathen, BTW.

If he comes to accept the Lord, believe me, the Lord will lay on his heart the damage he has done. He will take the penalty away for his sins. But, I know that Jesus will also awaken him to what he has done. And if he doesnt repent...well, let's just say that the kind of place he will be headed to is far worse than anything I could dream up for this guy.

As Christians, we have the ability to "see" the spiritual battle going on. If you look, you will see it. It is actually kind of creepy at first, because you really do get a sense that there are others around doing their master's will (angels following God's will, and demons following Satan).

You know, Satan doesnt have to work very hard. He has been pulling the same tricks on us for thousands of years.

Let me ask you a question. How did sin enter the world? Answer: through Adam and Eve's marriage!! Satan knew on his own, he couldnt separate Adam from God. And Adam was the spiritual head of the family. So, he got to Adam through Eve. Eve listened to Satan, and then became the spiritual head of the family. And Adam was a wimp at that moment. Why? You see, everyone thinks Adam was off somewhere in the Garden doing something else when Eve was tempted. And then came back and she led him astray. This is not true. If you read Genesis, Adam was standing right next to her when the Devil tempted Eve. And Adam di what? NOTHING! Adam said what? NOTHING! You see, some people that believe as we did want to blame Eve...but I dont. Adam was responsible, not her. He was the leader, not her. He was right there, and did nothing to save her or turn her away from Satan. He said nothing and followed his wife. And Satan was able to get to Adam and separate him from Gd by turning the family heiarchy upside down.

That is why we get the curse of sin. What does Genesis say? It says that Adam will lead his wife. But the word used for leader after they had fallen was the same word for despot. And it also cursed the woman by saying that her disre will be for her husband. Not that she desires him like in love or lust. No. She desires his position as leader in the family.

So, right in the beginning...the first sin brought about male chauvenism and women's lib!!! And we have been fighting this battle ever since.

Satan's lies are alwys loaded with truth. But even if it is 99% true...that last 1% still makes the whole thing a lie. He doesnt change his ways. And we continue to fall for the same stuff Adam did.

In His arms.

I am with you both, Caren & MM - and I can see where, as I look back, and see so much damage that has been done, that I've been driven to despair. But I also know God's promise in Rom 8:28, and I know my W loved that verse too, and always could bring it up in the toughest of times.

My prayer is that God will pull her out of Satan's grasp soon - I know that the censure our church put her under really bothers her - I know that as W she feels it, as WW she fights it under.

Thanks for the encouraging words, they do help aim my thoughts in the right direction. More hardship coming tonight, she has to stop by to pick up more clothing and shoes, etc. It's hard to see that face, cold as stone, and hear the words come out of her mouth - but I can stand behind God and let him protect me and the kids - they are all home sick again today. DD wont eat, DS11 won't talk, DS17 is just angry. I'm working with them, but the toll this is taking on them is starting to show.

Silver lining - I've lost another 10 pounds - signed up for a trainer at the gym at work. Figured if I'm gonna lose this weight, might as well buff it out too.

In Him

David

Ok, she's on her way over to pick up clothes, shoes, etc. Want's to talk about our situation. Frankly, I'm scared I'll LB or lose it.

Pray for me, wish me luck, something....

David

PLAN A PLAN A PLAN A
"LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES"

Don't feed the A. Don't feed the A. She is just like an animal at the zoo. Stick your hand in to feed her and it will get snapped off.

Don't feed the A.

God Bless,
JL

Oh yeah. By the way. Just Learning left out a very important thing also...

DO NOT FEED THE AFFAIR!!

Just kidding JL. I am not kidding, David.

In His arms

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Mortarman:
<strong> Oh yeah. By the way. Just Learning left out a very important thing also...

DO NOT FEED THE AFFAIR!!

Just kidding JL. I am not kidding, David.

In His arms </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I did amazingly well. Thank God. She just stormed out of the house, angry as....I don't know what. I just shut the door and turned off the light.

I loaded up her car with her clothes, etc. Then I asked her for the rest of my money, she started in by saying "You're taking care of these kids and you have no cash to spend on them?" I said, "I need my money you have in your bank account". She threw a handful of cash on the floor, and that was it. Never lost it, never LBd.

DIDN'T FEED THE A.

So THERE

Hee hee (and praise God)

David

Wanna know something else? It's PEACEFUL HERE. I haven't felt this good in a long time. I hate to say it, but at this point - I'm GLAD she's gone. I'll feel worse later. Right now, just enjoying it. Too soon to feel this good. But, I'll let it happen while it does....

<small>[ February 07, 2005, 08:41 PM: Message edited by: tanelornpete ]</small>

LOL, I understand the logic, but I chuckled when I read "Don't feed the A...like the animals at the zoo" LMAO!!! That was amusing!!

-Caren

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by CarenMc:
<strong> LOL, I understand the logic, but I chuckled when I read "Don't feed the A...like the animals at the zoo" LMAO!!! That was amusing!!

-Caren </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You know what's really bad? I'm glad she isn't here tonight, because I don't think I would do anything but LB her. That's AWFUL of me, but as I realized how peaceful it is here, and I started reviewing the years we've been thru....All I can think of is how many things I'd like to say to her, and none of them would be good.

Thank God she's not here. I need this time.

Selfish David