Are you sure? I am pretty positive that I would rather have NEVER known of H's Affair. It caused me so very much pain. I think I would of rather been left in the dark about it. Do I stand alone in this?

If I am to tell him how do I do that 5 years after the fact?

Seriously,

One thing you said you really need to consider. You said it would 'never be forgotten'. It is not supposed to be forgotten. Your A, his A should NEVER be forgotten, forgiven yes, absolutely it should be forgiven, but forgotten...no.

You see you cannot learn from it if you forget it. Neither can he. These events in your life should turn both of you around in such a way, that you both see how important honesty is and in a way that you both see the past errors and avoid future ones.

So don't forget, just forgive. The feelings will fade from the memories that will happen.

God Bless,

JL

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by seriously?:
<strong> Are you sure? I am pretty positive that I would rather have NEVER known of H's Affair. It caused me so very much pain. I think I would of rather been left in the dark about it. Do I stand alone in this?

If I am to tell him how do I do that 5 years after the fact? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You have a moral obligation to tell him. Its a rare person that cannot handle the truth. Of course, you won't know if he didn't want to be told unless you do tell him.

And you tell him very carefully and as lovingly as possible. Plan it for a weekend when you are both alone and won't be interrupted. \

But a marriage based on lies and deceit will never be a good marriage because there is a wall of secrecy between the partners.

If I were to tell my FWH the truth about my WW days that would end our marriage. He does not believe in MC, he thinks that he can do it better himself. My FWH is always acuseing me of having an A- if I talk to any one Male or Female- I MUST want them. If I confess to my A of years ago he will think that I did it with everyone else too, which I did NOT. He will never let me live it down, and he would be nasty to me about it when ever he had the chance.

I did mention reading HNHN with H again last night and he said he would think about it- which is great.

I have been honest with H about everything but the A- which I know is the biggest of all deceats. However when he came back he told me he knew I was not perfect but that the past was now behind us it was time to move on and build from here. I am just not sure if telling him now would be the best.