What's the concensus?

I'm in plan A, WH is sleeping on his sister's couch, A ended 9 days ago. He won't move back in until he's decided that he can be "in love" with me again, when he knows he can committ to the M and begin to fix us.

Do I do something about the love holiday or respect his wishes to "find" himself without intererence from me?


Aarrgg!!!!

-Christine

<small>[ March 15, 2005, 01:11 PM: Message edited by: MommyCBaby ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> He won't move back in until he's decided that he can be "in love" with me again, when he knows he can committ to the M and begin to fix us.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This continues to make no logical sense. I would suggest that you ask him how he plans to work on the marriage by living apart from you.

Mommy, that cannot happen. Recovery requires spending many hours together!!!!

Mimi,

I don't know any other way to reach him. I've made all the same arguements that you cite. He feels that if he misses me enough he'll know there's something real there. I have not been able to convince him to live in the house and work on it.

This is truly a bad sign, huh? Have you ever heard of any WS doing this and then deciding to stay in the M?? Do you think, maybe he just cares about me and is trying to "ween" me off? I honestly don't know.

-Christine

<small>[ February 08, 2005, 01:39 PM: Message edited by: MommyCBaby ]</small>

My hunch is that the A is continuing. The next step in order to bring it to an end is EXPOSURE so you've got to catch him.

Continue to PLAN A as you make your plan for exposure.

Even though he was honest about it from it's conception, you think he would just lie and hide it now? I'm not certain that is happening. He will talk and text me in the evenings, which during the A was the time alloted to OW.

He did make an interesting comment a week or so ago. (Early on in this mess, when I first found MB, he did read the page on basic concepts and he said how it made sense.) (He also knows I post on this site as well). Anyway, he said it was interesting that most WS follow the same script, but he said he wasn't conviced it was necessarily a fog induced babble, but maybe just how people genuinely felt towards their spouses (of course I'm using the MB lingo, he put it into his own words). Makes me think. Maybe he really has just lost his love for me, the affair was an unfortunate by-product, and there's nothing for me to hold on to.

Am I being fog-washed?

-Christine

~Mommy~In answer to your question about what to do for H for Valentine's Day...How about making this cake and taking it to his sisters for all to share?

It would surely be a nice gesture on your part and as the saying goes "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach"~lol~
Love, Julie <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Strawberry Jello Cake
(It is pretty and melt-in-your mouth yummy!)

1 pkg. white cake mix, baked as directed in a 13x9 inch glass pan. (When using a glass pan, bake at 325 instead of 350 degrees.)

Cool in pan.


While cake is baking prepare jello.
1 3 oz. pkg. Regular Strawberry Jello
1 cup boiling water


Mix thoroughly and let cool to room temperature. When cake is cooled, poke holes with a two pronged meat fork all over the cake, about every 1/2 inch...Then gently pour jello evenly over cake, filling all holes.

Let set several hours in refrigerater. The next layer is lemon instant pudding, ending with cool whip

Jello Cake Topping

1 pkg. lemon instant pudding
1 3/4 cups of milk

Mix as directed and pour over cake.

Let set about an hour; then cover with an 8 oz. tub of cool whip.

Refrigerate and EAT! YUMMY!

Blessed Time,

Thanks, sounds like a good idea. I like the sound of your recipe, but H doesn't like stawberries or whipped cream. I will try something else, thought.

I think this is perfect, says that I care and am thinking about him, yet it's not mushy or in-your-face love crap.

Thanks, again.

-Christine

There's always something homemade and 'chocolatie' like German Chocolate Cake....Mmmmmmmmmmm

You'll think of something, sweet young Mommy!

Love, Julie <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> (Granny of 8)

<small>[ February 08, 2005, 02:40 PM: Message edited by: Blessed TIME ]</small>

Julie,

mmmmmmm. I was a chocoholic forever!! A little over a year ago I became allergic to both milk and soy. I miss chocolate and cheese sooo much.

Mommy:

You said:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Even though he was honest about it from it's conception, you think he would just lie and hide it now? I'm not certain that is happening. He will talk and text me in the evenings, which during the A was the time alloted to OW.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I pray that your H is not like mine was. I could not have begun to have predicted the level of his lies and deceitfulness. That is the nature of As. Before you begin to believe him, though, he needs to prove his sincerity to you or you are setting yourself up to be hurt. You can't force this, of course, or else you will be LBing. Just be sharp, perceptive and trust your gut. I am warning you to not be too trusting of him since he has not made the decision to return home. It sounds suspicious to me.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">he said it was interesting that most WS follow the same script, but he said he wasn't conviced it was necessarily a fog induced babble, but maybe just how people genuinely felt towards their spouses (of course I'm using the MB lingo, he put it into his own words). Makes me think. Maybe he really has just lost his love for me, the affair was an unfortunate by-product, and there's nothing for me to hold on to.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Mommy,

Don't listen to him. WHes are clueless. Focus on educating YOURSELF about As and getting stronger in your own understanding of this.

Don't give up fighting for your marriage regardless of what he is saying. Don't be hesitant or afraid about gaining more information about what he is really doing. That's more important right now than listening to what he is saying.

Mommy:

You said:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Even though he was honest about it from it's conception, you think he would just lie and hide it now? I'm not certain that is happening. He will talk and text me in the evenings, which during the A was the time alloted to OW.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I pray that your H is not like mine was. I could not have begun to have predicted the level of his lies and deceitfulness. That is the nature of As. Before you begin to believe him, though, he needs to prove his sincerity to you or you are setting yourself up to be hurt. You can't force this, of course, or else you will be LBing. Just be sharp, perceptive and trust your gut. I am warning you to not be too trusting of him since he has not made the decision to return home. It sounds suspicious to me.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">he said it was interesting that most WS follow the same script, but he said he wasn't conviced it was necessarily a fog induced babble, but maybe just how people genuinely felt towards their spouses (of course I'm using the MB lingo, he put it into his own words). Makes me think. Maybe he really has just lost his love for me, the affair was an unfortunate by-product, and there's nothing for me to hold on to.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Mommy,

Don't listen to him. WHes are clueless. Focus on educating YOURSELF about As and getting stronger in your own understanding of this.

Don't give up fighting for your marriage regardless of what he is saying. Don't be hesitant or afraid about gaining more information about what he is really doing. That's more important right now than listening to what he is saying.

Mommy:

You said:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Even though he was honest about it from it's conception, you think he would just lie and hide it now? I'm not certain that is happening. He will talk and text me in the evenings, which during the A was the time alloted to OW.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I pray that your H is not like mine was. I could not have begun to have predicted the level of his lies and deceitfulness. That is the nature of As. Before you begin to believe him, though, he needs to prove his sincerity to you or you are setting yourself up to be hurt. You can't force this, of course, or else you will be LBing. Just be sharp, perceptive and trust your gut. I am warning you to not be too trusting of him since he has not made the decision to return home. It sounds suspicious to me.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">he said it was interesting that most WS follow the same script, but he said he wasn't conviced it was necessarily a fog induced babble, but maybe just how people genuinely felt towards their spouses (of course I'm using the MB lingo, he put it into his own words). Makes me think. Maybe he really has just lost his love for me, the affair was an unfortunate by-product, and there's nothing for me to hold on to.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Mommy,

Don't listen to him. WHes are clueless. Focus on educating YOURSELF about As and getting stronger in your own understanding of this.

Don't give up fighting for your marriage regardless of what he is saying. Don't be hesitant or afraid about gaining more information about what he is really doing. That's more important right now than listening to what he is saying.

Thanks, Mimi.

I know all this, if it weren't for emotions I would just be fine. He still says he needs to do this. Do you think there's a level of shame or pride involved too?

-Christine

Mimi,

Well, you were right. We talked last night and he admitted that he was still talking with OW. Fog crap...he says it's over but hard to cut down from talking with her everyday for months. WH says the "shine" is gone, but they're both talking for "closure". Arg!! He will still move in with his friend on March 1st, which he knows I do not want. He's commended me on my committment and attitude throughout this, but that he's still confused and needs to clear his head. He thinks it may still take a few months. Damn I hate this. Anyway, just wanted you to know that your instincts were correct.

Thanks for looking out for me!!

-Christine

Read my recent post under the DYING HERE topic. This is what I would also say to you. Except, it's not time for you to go into PLAN B. Focus on your PLAN A.

Your WH is following the CAKE-EATER'S SCRIPT. Wonder where they are learning this? Is it printed somewhere?

I'll check it out

I read about your V-DAY on someone else's thread.

It basically sounds great for you.

I'm not understanding why your H does not sleep with you. Why did he sleep on the couch? How could it hurt to be in the same bed after SF?

Are you sure about NC with OW? You might need to do some snooping. Exposure is essential.

JMHO.

I know there's still contact with OW, they work together. He says the way he feels right now, he can not gaurantee he won't hurt me again (emotionally). He thinks SF and sleeping together give me false hope.

I even suggested reading some of the MB stuff I have, he says he doesn't need a book to tell him how he feels.

No Jesus, No Peace
Know Jesus, Know Peace

-Christine

Mommy-

I just read this whole post, and when you were first talking I thought, oh dreadful, he's still in contact with OW, and then that was confirmed later in the thread.

I don't really know your story....When was D-Day? And you are in Plan A, right? I knew right away that the "waiting to see if he missed you" thing was bullcrap......that was a giant red flag.

I'm sorry that he's still talking to her. I hope everything gets better for you. I don't know what to suggest to you, because I don't know your story, but Mimi is good at this <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

-Caren

Mommy:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">know there's still contact with OW, they work together. He says the way he feels right now, he can not gaurantee he won't hurt me again (emotionally). He thinks SF and sleeping together give me false hope.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So, what are your thoughts about this? Does this make logical sense to you? Doesn't this sound like fog talk?

So what's going on between the two of you? What is THE PLAN?

Sounds like to me he has you hanging on. He's having fun with her, taking a vacation from his marriage, sleeping on a couch at someone's house.
OH, MY!!!!

What do you think goes on at the office, Mommy?