Applause..just disregard my post..MM hit the nail right on the head.

TM-

You hoped this thread would be pushed into obscurity.....Ohhh Pffft....that's not gonna happen LOL!!!!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't know that is is fair to go completely dark on her when she has told me, striaght to my face, that she can't live without me in her life.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">OF COURSE SHE CAN'T LIVE WITH OUT HER CAKE!!!!!!!!!! She doesn't even want to entertain the thought of living with out her cake....if she doesn't have it then the whole "Having your cake and eating it too" would really be a moot point.

You are mistaking your WW for your W, and as we know......she's not your W right now. You have to be *tough* for her.....you're not doing this to be mean, you're doing this to HELP HER. She will "eventually" be glad that you stood your ground and helped her to come back to her life.

It is, ultimately, your decision, of course. But I think you're making a mammoth error in judgement here. You are doing this because of YOUR ADDICTION to her....see how this all works?

Mortar knows his stuff....you really oughta listen to him. I think you'll be sorry if you don't.

NOW, that being said, I am going to Plan B tommorrow.................I will pray to God tonight to give me the strength to do what I have to do to give my marriage this one last chance.

-Caren

MM -

Thank you for explaining what kind of sitch I have put my W (or WW) into. That post has helped me grasp the reality of just how untenable her position will be soon. I will talk with her about NC and the potential ramifications. If we cannot come to an agreement, then I guess I will have to revert back to Plan B.

I disagree with you when you say that I am acting on my emotions, because there is little, if any, left. I have successfully beaten my emotions into submission through sheer willppower. It is true, though, that I am acting out of inexperience. I have never been here before, and I lack an outside objective view. Your last post made sense. I guess that's what I needed, a logical arguement as to why my approach wouldn't have worked. I am also not willing to throw my WW "to the dogs" with comments like "don't s*** where you sleep," and tell her tough luck, give up her residency.

I am not thrilled with the only viable choice, but I am willing to go with it. I will tell her to draft a NC letter, and be prepared to deliver it to the OM ASAP. Is there a place to find an ooutline for a NC letter, or at least what should be contained in it? Or is it just as simple as "OM, I cannot and will not speak, email, mail, etc with you anymore. Do not try to contact me unless we must to discuss a case....etc etc"

I just wish there was an easier way....mostly for her sake. Like I said before, right now, I could take her or leave her.....I am the essence of DETATCHMENT.


TM

TM

like MM I dont see why your ww cannot still do residency with a NC letter and why cannot she be accountable for her movements and actions IF she is serious about it.

In fact with a record from you and herself of OM actions she would be in a strong position if OM tried to restart it all again or use his position to effect her residency.

Sadly I think MM has it right, you need to go back to Plan B and maybe you also need get to Tx asap for YOUR well being.

Start moving on with your life TM, start enjoying it again as much as you can, if she is serious she will want to follow you, if not then you at least KNOW where you stand.

TM,

I am glad to hear this. On your question of an example NC letter, you can go to Dr. harley's book Surviving an Affair. There is a good one there that you can modify to your situation.

On your feelings or lack thereof for your WW...I do understand. I have been there, and I too forced my feelings out. Or so I thought. But once my wife (not WW) showed up, those feelings that I thought were gone I found were just hiding behind the scenes. So, while I have no doubt you have numbed out in regards to your WW, it may not be true that the feelings for her are gone.

Hng tight to your plan. it was working. she DOES miss you, that is evident. But it istime you finish the deal and let her find her way home. There can only be one way now.

In His arms.