needtoheal,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I could have written those words myself. I just can't get over my Husband's A either, not yet anyhow. Perhaps one day I will, I just don't know how or where to begin. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Maybe we could be a good source of support for each other - kind of like a "workout buddy".

<small>[ February 11, 2005, 03:36 AM: Message edited by: frozen1229 ]</small>

Frozen, hang in there. Recovery is tough, Like lemonman said. If you need to click the link in my sig. The Reverse Babble Bible and try some of that stuff.

Frozen-

My WH had an Affair before, 6 years ago.....I know what you're feeling. It's horrible, it feels like it's never going to end. I remember hating him, and the next second hanging onto him for dear life (LITERALLY), and of course he was going through some stuff too, the fact that he'd hurt me so badly, etc. I was a mess, panic attacks, feeling like I was smothering, I wanted to run away.

I made outlandish demands of him, I made him tell me every gory detail of SF with her, then I would cry and beat on his chest. And he would just hold me.

He can't take it all away Froz, if he could he would. He would take it back. He doesn't like to see you're hurting.

What I am seeing is that you do indeed love this man, and if you leave, you're going to be sorry. This is temporary and you CAN get over it.

You're dwelling on it hon, you're letting it consume you, I KNOW, I DID IT!!!!

You feel like there's something wrong with you...THERE ISN'T, You feel like he shared something that was supposed to be only for you, with someone else. You want to retaliate, but there's no one left to fight.

Don't give up Froz, you'll be sorry if you do. Talk to him. Don't bring up the affair only when you're angry about it, tell him how you're FEELING......use "I" statements, I feel ugly and worthless...not you MAKE me feel.....I am so hurt that you shared something with someone else that was supposed to be mine. You can get your point across and talk about your pain without being on the attack.

-Caren

********PATRIOT**********

Get off the computer and talk to your wife!!!!

You made this mess, you need to fix it! You should bear any amount of questions, she NEEDS to know. You should let her be angry, you've taken something from her, and she's thrashing around in pain trying to get it back.

HELP HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-Caren

Frozen:

As a former Marine wife who already went through one war, I think you are trying to deal w/ more that one thing here (not that it seems like you have much choice! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> )

Your "prince charming" who you thought you knew and loved turned out to be human, fallible, woefully real. He is trying to show you he can be all you wnat and you want to believe him. In the best of situations this takes time together to work through, but that is not all... you are dealing w/ the man you love, the man you are married to who is about to be deployed to a hostile area.... Geez! No wonder you are struggling!!

Back before FWH was WH, he was a Marine. Someone I loved w/ all my heart, my soulmate, my friend. When he went away a part of me went w/him... esp during the war! You have every right to be angry, scared, even hopeless... an A alone would explain this, but you are also dealing w/ him leaving the safety of your side. You can't trust him by your side how can you trust him away? But on top of that you obviously still love him and it is terrifying that he is going over to an area from where he may not return... I am not trying to scare you, just validate what I imagine you must be feeling!

Hang in there, pray, have faith... some days it may be the only thing you have to hold on to. I am praying for you, this must be so difficult for you! (((Frozen)))