OM knows because when I first saw the phone number on WW's cell phone I ran a reverse phone number check and found out who he was and called him from her phone and asked him why he was calling my wife. He said they were just friends. I told him my wife did not have male friends that were not mutual friends and that I did not appreciate him calling her and I wanted him to stop. He said "I'm sorry you feel that way but you need to talk to your wife about it" I repeated myself and said goodbye. Thats when I first confronted WW.

Hi, FogLight.

No tea leaves, but the weight loss would make me get hard into my efforts on planning for the worst (see my earlier post).

WAT
Are you satisfied with the current level of exposure?

Gimble

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Gimble:
<strong>
WAT
Are you satisfied with the current level of exposure?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Of course, I am not the grand pubah for determining how much exposure is warranted. My default recommendation - like that of most others here - is that exposure needs to expand in concentric circles until the affair is adversely affected or the BS runs out of circles. This is based on exposure being limited to those who can reasonably be influential to either affairee.

Here is FL's last post concerning exposure: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Exposure has been other than a few of my coworkers and my family and her mother. Her mother knows that see is talking to OM on phone. Her entire family knows we are having problems (but not the EA) and have encouraged her to work it out. However, WW has chosen to ignore them at this stage.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sounds like there can be more to her family and more details to her mother.

WAT

Her mother is driving her crazy and currently she won't hardly take her calls. When she does they are very short and to the point. There are three good friends I could expose this to but I was holding out on doing this for now.

What about her other family members?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by FogLight:
<strong> Her mother is driving her crazy and currently she won't hardly take her calls. When she does they are very short and to the point. There are three good friends I could expose this to but I was holding out on doing this for now. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You might consider NOT telling the friends. If there are three, there is a good chance that at least one of them is a 'facilitator', possibly already involved.

Gimble

Other family members would be brother, aunt, grandmother. They all know we are having problems and all of them have tried to convince WW to work it out. They just don't know what the problems are. They all seem to like me as an in-law.

Foglight,

It sounds if the brother, aunt and grandmother must be your next circle of exposure if the A doesn’t stop… I agree with Gimble – it will probably not be a good idea to expose to the friends…except if you know for sure that one or two of them is a friend of you and your W’s M as well and will help to influence your W to stop contact with OM. But still, exposure to the 3 family members above will be the best option on this stage. Maybe you can first expose to the person who is the closest to your W and have the most influence on her (probably her brother or grandmother?)

Suzet

Good Morning Gimble, Suzet and WAT. First all of our family lives 750 miles away. We are in FL and alone as far as family goes. Next I am pretty sure WW has contacted an Attorney. I brought some more items from the rental house yesterday and WW stood in shock as I brought them in. I got lots of deep sighs last night and this morning. I am beginning to wonder if this is really what I want. Is this normal. I feel like throwing in the towel. Also WW left the computer on and there was a spreadsheet saved as Divorce Settlement with a breakdown of personal items and who would get them. I really think she is serious, but I could be wrong. DS commented that WW said that OM had nothing to do with her wanting a divorce. I am reluctant to open my email this morning because I know I have another bomb comming.

FL

Yep, right on schedule. I just got this.


"I want you to move out and I want a divorce".

Friends, I just can't take this anymore. I am loosing any sanity that I ever had. I am worn out and loosing hope. How long does this typically go on and what hope do I really have at this point?

FogLight, please don’t lose hope my friend… I’m praying for you right now… I’m sure Gimble and WAT will jump in soon... Please hang in there...

My suggestion: Respond calm and loving to your W again and just continue with the advice you received previously from WAT and Gimble. Say to your W again (like the previous times when she pushed you for a divorce) that you love her, don’t want a divorce and want to fight for your M… Don't give in to her request OR move out! You are still in control (like all the other times) although it don’t feel so to you right now… Foglight, I understand you feel like throwing in the towel and from what I’ve read on these boards, your feelings are VERY normal on this stage. But please don’t make any drastic decisions or take drastics steps right now while you're feeling so upset and emotional...

Take care,
Suzet

<small>[ February 22, 2005, 06:28 AM: Message edited by: Suzet* ]</small>

Just got a phone call from WW. She says what are we going to do. I can't live with you anymore. I told her just to get on a plane and go to him and see if that was what she wanted. She said that is not what she wants and I reminded her of the emails. She says its not him she just cannot live with me anymore. She is going to an attorney to file for a Divorce?

I did Suzet, I told her that I had no intention of getting a divorce and that I was fighting for our marriage, but I'm having second thoughts because she seems so intent on following her feelings.

FogLight, whatever happens, DON’T move out of the house! If she REALLY wants to separate from you, SHE is the one who can move out and start to experience the consequences of her actions. Remeber, SHE is the one who wants a divorce now...NOT YOU. So you don't need to participate in any of her plans or actions right now.

Suzet

<small>[ February 22, 2005, 06:57 AM: Message edited by: Suzet* ]</small>

I agree Suzet.

Just in - the latest email -----

If you are not going to leave - then I am

Hi Foglight,
I don't have a lot of advice to offer you but just wanted to respond because in many ways it seems like my WW and yours could be the same person. Unfortunately, my stint has been going on much longer.

Anyway my WW has also been saying she wants a D for almost a year but she hasn't done anything yet. It almost always seems to come up when she becomes defensive about her A. Of course I always respond that I believe we can make our marriage work and that I will not help with the D.

My WW also says that her feelings about this have nothing to do with the A that she wanted a D before the A happened. However, she never mentioned D before the A. But don't get me wrong I know she must have had feelings of getting out of our relationship or she wouldn't have entered into an A but if she truly wanted a D wouldn't she just go get it???

Well, I truly wish you the best in all of this. Just know that you are not alone and keep your head up high even though I know it is extremely hard!

CR

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by FogLight:
<strong> Just in - the latest email -----

If you are not going to leave - then I am </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Foglight,

Just tell her that you are very sorry to see her leave but you will respect her decision. I wonder if she really means it or if she is simply saying this to manipulate you into leaving again?

You did real good moving yourself back in. Like the others said, it is never a good idea to move out.

Thanks for the support.