Thank you dying....I will need all of you to help me avoid the inevitable pitfalls in Plan B.

Yeah, I'm scared out of my mind. I had dreams all night about WH.....*sigh*

I'm so tired of sleeping alone.....this has to come to an end one way or another.

-Caren

Dear Caren,

Hang in there. I know how tough it is to sleep alone. When the kids are here, I snuggle with my little boy. We put the sleeping bags in the bed and put some glow in the dark stars on the ceiling. We then pretend we are camping. He loves it and we fall asleep.

When the kids are gone, I sleep with their stuffed animals and our cats. May sound wimpy for a grown man to do this but the lonliness is unbearable.

Keith

Caren,

Wanted to add my props! If you can work through the tough early times with the help of everyone here I promise you will feel so much better.

Once I got through that early stage I could literally feel myself getting stronger everyday. That feeling continues right up to today. It's something that is impossible to describe adequately with words, you have to experience it. It is a great and empowering thing!

Okay, I just went to the post office and mailed the OW's copy of the PBL, with a note at the bottom saying: OW, I love WH with all my heart and would do anything to make him happy. I will wait for him to give me that chance.

Then I went to WH's shop. I told him I needed to talk to him for a minute, he said "Why? What's up?" I said "I just need to talk to you for a minute" So we went into the back room. I said, "I want you to take care of yourself" He said "What? Why are you saying that?" I said "Because I love you, and I want you to take care of yourself" Then I handed him the letter. He said "What's this?" (It was in an envelope) I said "It's a letter, it's important" I said "I've gotta go now" He blocked the door and said "NO! What's going on?" I said "I have to go now...I'm not killing myself, I knew that's what you'd think" He said "What's going on Caren?" I said "Read the letter, I've gotta go".

So I came home (my daughter is at my Mom's house) and called Mom and told her I needed a few to compose myself before I came back there (We're going shopping at Walmart).

Then I get on MB, and start typing this post, there's a knock on the door, I thought SH*T!!!! I didn't lock the door. So I walked quietly to the door trying for him not to hear me to go and lock the door, he's knocking and knocking and just as I get to the door to lock it, he walks right in. He says "Caren....what is this?" I said "You didn't read it?" He said "I got to the part where it said if I had anything to talk to you about DD10 to call your sister" I said "Well read the rest of it. He sat there and read the rest in front of me. He said "I'm NOT calling your sister!" I said "You can still call DD10, you just can't call me, so if you have anything to talk to me about you can call my sister" He said "Well, I'm still calling" I just stood there with the door open waiting for him to walk out. Then when he did, I locked the door behind him, and came back out here to finish this post. He came back to the door and knocked again, I just sat here typing, he knocked again, and he said "Caren......PLEASE!" I just sat here.

I'm not shaking like a leaf, I didn't want him to come over here, I wouldn't have let him in, just thought he'd call me, didn't think he'd come over. I was crying a little when I first started typing this, but now that I've had this confrontation, and I see that this is hurting him, I have my resolve again. I can do this!!!! I want it to hurt. He didn't say a damn word about me saying he had to have NC with her.

He folded up the letter and put it in his pocket, so he must be going to re-read it.

So, looks like you were all right, he doesn't want to lose his cake.......all this time with him telling me he didn't want to be married anymore was all fog talk. He just wants us both, well that's not going to happen.

I'm sure I'll bottom out sometime in the very near future, but for the time being, I'm okay.

-Caren

(((caren)))

Deep breath.......you will be ok. You are strong and can do this.

Thank you for your support cookies, I have a feeling I'm going to need a lot of it.

I didn't expect the look of pain in his eyes that I saw...but then again, didn't expect to have to see him after I gave him the letter.

This just might work. He's in pain already, I figured it'd take a few weeks at least, but I guess not........"You don't know what you got, til' it's gone".

-Caren

Caren, it might still take some time. The pain and shock they get at the beginning is often not enough to bring them back. Sometimes, often, the idea of being without you is scary to them, but it isn't enough to result in action.

It might be better if this takes him a while, Caren. You did very well. Keep it up, and don't answer the door if he comes back!

GC

Caren ~

A little perspective might help.

You really aren't losing anything by going to plan B. The man you married, the marriage you had is already lost.

Focus on what you are gaining - for example how about the peace you gain from stepping out of the chaos and drama of the affair?

How about the freedom to care for Caren first - no more plan A, no more protection of H from LBs. Caren must be protected and loved at all cost.

You gain YOU hun.

I am proud of you Caren.

You now get the rest of your life back. Your new life started this afternoon. This anniversary will be more important to you than your wedding anniversary. A new Caren and a new future are here.

You know the drill. It will be a tough couple of weeks. Stay busy and concentrate on you. You have read enough of the problems in Plan B to know what to expect, and wha tto do.

I agree with your assessment of your husband. For the first little while, he will not believe you...and will press to go back to the status-quo. He will call, he will show up. He will complain of illness. Anything to feed his addiction to you.

But you have now given him a choice to make...and chose he must. His addiction to you, or his addiction to OW. Either way there will be pain. But in most cases, it is the BS that has the most invested in the WS...thus the addiction and withdrawal to them is much higher than the OP.

Added the connection with children and you can see wha tthey have to go thru. I want you to remember something though. The feelings of withdrawal you feel for him will also be present in him for OW if he comes home. So once he does, you must be patient with him. You will understand him because you will have been there also.

So, hang tight. Here we go!!

In His arms.

Thank You MortarMan!!! I'm so glad you posted. I'm so glad for everyone's support! I appreciate it more than you'll ever know.

I am getting TONS of calls....."Blocked" calls where the person just hangs up on my machine.....I think it's him, because as soon as I don't answer, the cell rings....no message. I don't know what to expect, he get's off work in an hour, and I don't know what's going to happen then. I have to wonder what he told his OW about him hauling [censored] out of the parking lot right after I left LMAO!!! Anyhow I won't be here @ 5, I have to go get my kids from my Mom's and DD19 from work, which he has to pass on his way home, hopefully he won't see my car...arrrrgh, if he does, I have a copy of the PBL in my purse.

A bunch of people were looking for my plan B letter, I took Travellin' Man's letter and just personalized it. So here it is below:

*************************************************
My Dearest XXXX,

I write to you today with sorrow, but also with a sense of peace and hope for my own future.

I love you with all my heart, and my commitment to you and our marriage was unending. I have always been so very proud of you, proud to have you as my husband, and proud of the man you were. You have always been a wonderful father to DD10, and I respect you more than you will ever know.

I regret that we find ourselves in this place that is lonely and confusing for both of us. Until August, I did not understand how truly miserable you were. I did not realize how my inability to let you be the true head of the household, my lax approach to keeping the house clean and the selfish way I approached our life together affected you. I was lost and did not know how to change. I did not understand how to properly display the love that ran so deep, to the very core of my being. I repeated the mistakes of my mother, and foolishly over-ruled decisions regarding the children, when I should have presented a united front with you. I didn’t understand what your needs truly were, and how I could meet those needs in order to allow our marriage to flourish.

I have done a lot of soul searching over the last several months and believe I have found the tools we need to make a marriage in which we are joyful, loving and supportive. I have made many changes in my life over the last months. Some of these you have noticed, some you have not. Some you may never know. I must continue with my changes and have demonstrated to myself that it’s possible and they are permanent. I still have much work to do, but with every success I have, the hope for MY future brightens and I have confidence in my ability to make positive changes. My hope is that I will be able to share this bright new future with you.

As my hope for my future increases, so does my sorrow over how easily I have been cast aside by you. I find my love for you dying. In order to preserve the love I still have for you and to stop my bitterness from overwhelming me, I must remove you from my daily life. I will avoid seeing you and speaking with you on the phone. I must give myself a fresh start in a happy, positive environment. This is not a punishment. This is a safeguard of my love so that if there should come a time when we can both commit to working on rebuilding on marriage, there is still love and hope left with which to do that.

If you need to contact me regarding DD10, or any other matter, you can do so through my sister XXXX, her number is 000-0000.

WH, I have the greatest of confidence that we could have a wonderful marriage if we both committed to making it happen. I have learned so much these last few months and would like nothing better than to share it with you. Should there come a time when you feel you could commit to trying to build a new life with me, it is something that I would like to discuss with you. For me, a commitment toward working for a reconciliation would include:
1. An agreement for you to break all contact with OW.
2. The removal of your car from her garage
3. A letter to OW stating that you wish to have no further contact with her EVER.
4. An agreement to go to marriage counseling

My hope is that you will think hard on this and choose this commitment. If you do, I would welcome a discussion with you about it. Until then, I ask that you respect my wish for no contact with you.

You have always been, not only my husband and lover, but my best friend WH, and I can't imagine who I'd rather spend the rest of my life with.

I Have Always Loved You,

Caren

*************************************************

So that's about it for now, I was kinda having little anxiety attacks in stupid Walmart, but I did okay I guess. I know this is gonna be rough for a while here. I know I'm addicted to him, so at least if he does come back home, I'll know how he's feeling when he's in withdrawl.

-Caren

Wow. Caren, I offer no advice only support. You are in my prayers. Listen and pray to hear God's will for you.

Thank you Betrayed, it is appreciated <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Man, I feel so whooped, I could just go to sleep...but I can't, because I have to go pick up the rug rats, I'm so stressed....like my shoulder muscles are threatening to snap my neck.

This was completely emotionally draining, and I'm sure the fun isn't going to end here....since he is REFUSING to call my intermediary, and is saying HE WILL BE CALLING HERE...well he can call here, but I'm not talking to him.

-Caren

I read your letter Caren and it brought a tear to my eye. I'm hoping I don't have to deliver a Plan B letter to my wife, it will be one of the saddest days in my life. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I'm very proud of you, I was hard on you for a reason, this had to be done for you to have any chance of getting your husband back.

I'm going to Bible study in one hour, I'll say a prayer for you and your husband.

God speed.

TA-

I know you were hard on me for a reason, and I appreciate it.

And I appreciate the prayers as well....we need all we can get.

And Yes, I pray for God's Speed.

-Caren

Caren,
Plan B CAN be emotionally draining, but it also can be an emotional life saver <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
You have the strength to do this, you just have to find it within you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Danielle

Right now it doesn't feel like I do, but my mind is made up.

Oh, I forgot to mention that I also burned a CD with only 3 songs on it....

1, Boys II Men-Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday, 2, Hoobastank - The Reason(He said that song reminded him of me)
and OUR song
3, Tim McGraw - Wouldn't Want it Any Other Way.

So on top of my PBL that is obviously causing him a good deal of pain, he can listen to those songs.....ya know, a little salt for the proverbial wound.

-Caren

P.S. - He's going to be in a FOUL mood.....well, I'm not going to be the recipient of that....hmmm wonder who will.

<small>[ February 13, 2005, 04:02 PM: Message edited by: CarenMc ]</small>

Wow Caren! Just read through the whole thing!

You are strong and you deserve this!! Good for you!! I am praying for you... you can do this!

Now if I can just get my FWH to cooperate! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Caren -

Just thought I would add to the already strong support you are receiving here. Keep up the good work....also I am humbled by your use of my PBL, but I must give props where they are due - Native00 and aislinn - mine is more or less a composite of theirs....

Keep up the good work and - don't answer the phone like I did <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

TM

So the flippin' onslaught continues, I went upstairs to take a nap, and the phone rings. I look at the caller ID, it's WH. So I just put the phone down, my DD10 answers it, I hear her talking....then she says "No! I don't want to, she's sleeping" Then I hear her coming up the stairs, I act like I'm asleep still. She shakes my leg, I just kinda move, she's says "Mommy?" I said "What honey, what do you want?" She says "Daddy wants to talk to you", I said "Honey, I don't want to talk" She's still got the phone to her ear and is pointing at it and looking at me (I don't want to put her in the middle) So I take the phone, I said "Hello?!" He said "Hey did you text message me?" I said "No" He said "Hmmmm because it says 'Please Call'" I said "Did you break up with OW?" He said "No" I said "Is your car out of her garage?" He said "No, why are you asking me all this?" I said "Well then, I have nothing to talk to you about." and called for DD10....I can hear him say "NO! CAREN! WAIT!" I hand the phone to DD10, she talks for a second and says "Daddy says he got the state income tax check back, and you guys need to get together and cash it" I said "I don't care." and she said "He said to tell you 'Okay I'll just burn it'" I didn't say anything. So she says "Okay Daddy, I love you too, goodbye".

Oh wow, the stupid state tax check is the big $103 dollars.....woo hoo, I don't give a sh*t.

And ummmmmm mail doesn't run on Sunday, so why exactly was he telling me this today, he did talk to me a couple times yesterday and this morning before I gave him the PBL.

NO CAKE FOR YOU!!!!!

-Caren

<small>[ February 13, 2005, 05:15 PM: Message edited by: CarenMc ]</small>

Okay Caren...as you can see he is in pain and is going to try everything. There will be more. Then he will get quiet as he thinks that you dont mean it so he will sit there in silence thinking you will break. Stand firm.

One caution from a post you had above...this CD you were talking about. Did you already give it to him? If not, then this kind of stuff is NOT allowed!! No contact. No letters sent, messages sent...nothing. On practical issues (finances, your daughter, etc), use your intermediary.

It has started. Dont let up and dont back down. each time you do, it will make this last longer and make it tougher.

In His arms.