Caren can you go to a neighbors ? -Or just lwave with your daughter ?

I'm not upset, it's just very very pitiful that he's doing this.

I am getting ready to do something else. The phone with the machine just happens to be by the computer, and I was posting.

I have to get into the shower now, I have counseling all day so, I won't be hearing any ringing phones there....and I've lost my cell phone charger, so I won't have that to worry about either, since it's dead LMAO!!!!!!

I actually feel pretty good that he's calling the crap out of me.......means Plan B is working....Mwah ha ha ha ha.

And him stopping calling makes me think he's on his way over here......and that doesn't make me happy, I have to leave for counseling in a 1/2 hour.

So, I'm off to the shower, I guess he can spend the entire day calling my answering machine, if that's what does it for him.

-Caren

Now he's calling and holding the phone up to the TV for the answering machine......alrighty then.

They are ALL brain damaged Caren! All of them...I think my WH wins the award for MOST brain Damaged WH out there! Mine honestly thinks that I will cave since he feels sorry for his OW, and that is OK that he sees her...now remember mine is SUPPOSED to be working on that NC letter! RIGHT, UH HUH, sure honey! You do that...

I think it is good that you find it amusing...I laugh every day at what my WH says, and does...or DOESN"T do...some of the things that come out of their mouths...Caren, ignore the calls! leave the house! go do something for yourself!

Today I am going to upgrade my cell phone...And I might get a pedicure since it is 87 degrees here <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

you hang in there Caren!

I agree with you Mom!
I think they are all brain dead. I'm going out this weekend with a ton of friends and I plan on looking my best and having a good time! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
We plan a girls night out once a month and this time we had to rent a mini bus because there are 17 of us going. FUN!!! I can hardly wait! Hey if you lived here Caren you could go with us! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
I'm moving on with my life!

Just ignore your WH phone calls. Stay tough girl!!!

<small>[ February 15, 2005, 08:22 AM: Message edited by: TreeReich* ]</small>

Caren,

**THWACK, THWACK, THWACK** There are my 2x4s, and I hope they hurt!!

Stop the contact. You dont need to explain anything...your PBL did it for you. You dont think he understands what you said? He understands, I can assure you. That is why he is calling you. He doesnt believe you can or will do it...and e certainly doesnt want to lose his two women in his life scenario. But the threesome is over!! Sorry, buddy...time is up.

Yes it feels like divorce. it is supposed to. rememebr what everyone said about Plan B being for YOU! This is to protect your love for him, but it is also for you to get on with your life. That marriage is ovr. As of Sunday, you are divorcing that marriage and that husband. And good riddance, right? So, you need to go thru this. If you dont, then you wont be ready for your new life...and a new marriage. and maybe that just might be with your husband.

So, yes...this is a divorce...and it is supposed to feel like it. You NEED to go thru this. Forget about him. There is still a lot that you need to do to get better.

Take the phone off the hook when he starts all these calls...let him get a busy signal. That'll frustrate him because he knows he isnt annoying you. right now, in a sick sort of way, he is getting needs met thru these inappropriate actions. And you rewarded his actions by talking to him...or by mailing letters to him concerning anything else than financial/kid issues.

Look at Hosea. Up until two days ago, his wife was as nasty as ever. And then...poof...the fog clears. Caren, that is the way it works. He will be an a%$ right up until he breaks. So, get used to it.

Go back on your thread here and read what I and others said that he will do. He will push you. then he will back off, hoping silence will break you. but you arent supposed to be on his rollercoaster anymore. So, lookat what he is doing as "normal."

If your husband was a cocaine addict and was going thru therapy...he would go thru withdrawals. Would you sit in there and bounce around with him? No. do you think that it will last forever (his behavior)? No. eventually, he will be done jonesing and he will be normal again.

So, NO MORE CONTACT!! Settle down and see his actions for what they are. He is textbook so far.

In His arms.

<small>[ February 15, 2005, 08:53 AM: Message edited by: Mortarman ]</small>

Caren

mortarman is giving you the best advice...

read again exactly what he did to the phones...

he offered 10000000000% access and contact to the children...and took himself out of the equasion...

remember what plan B is about..
it is saying you are DONE with the chaos of being part of a relationship triangle...and that you have no interest in it at all...

all these interactions is powerstruggling minutia that takes the real profound meaning of what plan B is...

it's not a game
it's not a challenge to the WS...to see who cracks first...(I realize this is his statement not yours....)

you must address your ten years old emotions about this..

do what mortarman said..look in to a seperate line or phone for the children....

ARK

Okay we're up to 28 calls since 9 am. I am leaving for my IOP(Intensive Outpatient Program) so I won't have to hear it ringing.

I HAVEN'T given him a letter...I wrote it, but didn't give it to him......*tearing it up now*.

Well have a good day all, I'll be back probably about 4pm EST.

I called DD10's school, and told them that there should be no reason that anyone should be picking her up today. They can't stop him if he wants to, they can only call me and let me know.

I don't think he'll go that far, but I thought I'd give 'em a heads up.

Bye Guys, I'll see ya this afternoon.

Plan B in full swing again <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

-Caren

Caren

Press the delete button on the answer machine do not listen or look at the number of calls from anyone delete the lot.

Take all the plugs out of the sockets tonight have dinner watch a movie with DD go to bed.

Turn your mind off from the craziness.

Stay dark

Stay strong

I hope you dont mind but using your signature to keep my sanity.

It is wounderful i just keep repeating it.

Thank you

I hope this isn't repeating what others have told you too much before, but Plan B is all about YOU!! It's not about the WH, it's not about getting WH to act a certain way, it's about YOU and preserving the love you still have for him.

It is time to remove yourself from his LB's so that what love you have left is preserved and retained for when recovery begins.

Everytime you hear his voice, listen to the phone ring, talk to him, it eats away at that love. Be FIERCE in your protection of that love.

Remove yourself from the home, time to stay with friends for awhile? Spend a few days at Mom's? Get out and take walks for hours at a time? Get out of hte house and remove yourself form the phone, the temptations, and WH constant disrepect of Plan B.

Time to work on YOU!!!

Time to start a new hobby, meet with friends and support, take a trip or a class?

Work on making a better you.

You have been amazing in changing your thought pattern, in keeping the movies and hte thoughts out of your head...now take it a step further, when a thought creeps in, ask yourself "Why am I thinking about that? What do I get out of it?"

You are wonderful and strong, protect that strength. You have been living in the chaos for so long, you have become addicted to it. Imagine the peace of NC with WH.

Well actually this is quite the 360 for WH, he was the one who was *gracing me with his presence* up until now.....now I no longer desire his presence, and he doesn't know what to do with himself.

Per the caller ID he stopped calling @ 10:27 am, the stupid @ss knows I go to counseling @ 10...what was he trying to prove after I was already gone?

I fell GREAT today!!!! The sun is shining...it's beautiful out! My husband is now the one thrashing around in pain.....yes, today is a good day. End the affair.....don't end the affair, it doesn't much matter to me at this point in time....I feel fantastic about me!!!!!!! I feel confident...I could take on the world!

I can't tell you how much better I feel, with no really good reason...except for the fact that I know I can do this.....I know I can make it on my own!!! I feel so empowered!

I concentrated so hard and so long on WH and filling his needs, now I just feel wonderful. I'm not going to analyze it all over the place, I'm just going to enjoy it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I told them in group today what I did, that I told my husband I didn't want to see or speak to him until he dumped his OW......and the counselor said "Whoa....that's quite a switch" I said "Yep, I've put up my boundaries, and he's trying with everything he has to step all over them....but I'm not going to let him!!"

I am keeping a copy of the PBL in my purse in case I see him out somewhere (We live in a pretty small city) and he tries to engage me.

It was quite psycho that he called 28 times (that I know of). I'm sure he's in a WONDERFUL mood today....enjoy OW, enjoy <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Well I'm off to pick up my rugrats!!!

I'll be back later,

-Caren

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by CarenMc:
<strong> I feel GREAT today!!!! The sun is shining...it's beautiful out! My husband is now the one thrashing around in pain.....yes, today is a good day. End the affair.....don't end the affair, it doesn't much matter to me at this point in time....I feel fantastic about me!!!!!!! I feel confident...I could take on the world!

I can't tell you how much better I feel, with no really good reason...except for the fact that I know I can do this.....I know I can make it on my own!!! I feel so empowered!

I concentrated so hard and so long on WH and filling his needs, now I just feel wonderful. I'm not going to analyze it all over the place, I'm just going to enjoy it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

It was quite psycho that he called 28 times (that I know of). I'm sure he's in a WONDERFUL mood today....enjoy OW, enjoy <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Well I'm off to pick up my rugrats!!!

I'll be back later,

-Caren </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Caren - you should feel great! You are doing the right thing, and WH is feeling it all over the place.

There's this vindictive side of me that wants to do it to my wife just to hear her squirm - yes, I know that's totally wrong, but hey, I had to say it........

David

<small>[ February 15, 2005, 03:56 PM: Message edited by: tanelornpete ]</small>

David-

I don't think that's mean to think that....does she find it mean when she tells you she loves the OM?? She's not taking your feelings into consideration, so why should you?

He's at work, and my DD10 usually always calls him as soon as she gets home from school, but it's a beautiful day outside, so she's outside playing, and I'm not fricken reminding her to call him anymore, she call him when she's damn good and ready to call him.

I hope the b*tch got her copy of the PBL today..LMAO, that will explain his foul mood....and that conversation will be a little less than pretty LMAO!!! He can be brutal when he argues, she's on her way out the door....bye bye b*tch.

I don't care about how much pain either one of them are in, they've both caused me the more pain than I could ever imagined possible....what comes around goes around.

Okay, I'm going to drink a giant glass of orange juice and take a nap....see if I can't get rid of this stupid, stupid cold.

I'm sure I'll have something to report later on...LMAO.

Oh BTW, my Mom tried to deposit the state check for me, and the bank said they couldn't without us both being there....so I had to get into an argument with my Mom about NOT going to sign it with him. She said "Oh yes you are!" I said "No...I'm really not" She said "You wanna bet?" I said "Yeah, I'll be a 100 dollar state check that I won't!!!" I am flat fricken broke too, but I am not sabotaging my plan for a hundred dollars. I'm just going to try to deposit it into my checking account through an ATM.....maybe that'll work LMAO!!!!

-Caren

<small>[ February 15, 2005, 04:52 PM: Message edited by: CarenMc ]</small>

Well, I called my MIL today, just to have her call WH, make sure he isn't getting all suicidal or anything.....he's prone to depression and has refused to get back on his anti-D's. I said "Don't tell him I called you, and I explained what I was doing, so I said I can't call, but I just wanted you to call in a what's up kinda way and just see if you thought he sounded okay." I told her she didn't need to call me back or anything, but I told her that he called me 28 times this morning and wouldn't leave a message.....so she thought it'd be a good idea for her to call. I asked her twice not to tell him I talked to her, and told her again that I wasn't going to talk to him or see him until he broke it off with OW. She said "No, I won't tell him, and you're doing the right thing." She said "You know he doesn't tell me anything that's going on." I said "Yeah, I know he doesn't" I didn't ask her to get in the middle of anything, and I feel confident that she won't tell him I called him.

I know I'm not supposed to worry about his well being, but I don't want him to get so depressed he goes off the deep end, someone oughta check up on him.

At one point in our M he was depressed because we'd split up briefly, and he called me and told me he was going to commit suicide. I wouldn't go over to the house, because generally people who are seriously suicidal don't mind taking you with them, so I called his Mom and I called 911 and they found him under the basement stairs crying with a noose he'd made in his hands......I don't want him to get that bad again.

It's so tempting to call the OW and tell her to tell her boyfriend not to call me 28 times in a row.....I won't do it, and she wouldn't believe me anyway......but it's tempting LOL!!!!!

Tonight he actually complied and left a message on the machine, and DD10 called him back and talked to him. I was taking a nap, so I was none the wiser.

DD10 is kind of bummed because I usually dropped her off at his shop a few times a week to see him, and she'd help him feed the animals and do things, but in order for her to go, I'd have to pull up in front of the store, and he'd most definitely come out there...so that's out...(I don't feel comfortable parking down a ways and having her walk) I told her the next time she talked to her Daddy she could ask him if he'd like to have her for a while on Thursday night, she does miss him.

So, my cold's no better...LMAO stupid cold.

-Caren

<small>[ February 15, 2005, 07:18 PM: Message edited by: CarenMc ]</small>

Caren,

I know you are going through a tough time right now. I wish I had magical words for you but all of us are behind you!

You don't deserve the pain you are experiencing but you know you aren't alone. I will pray for you tonight and I think of you often.

Take care,
Keith

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by CarenMc:
<strong>
I know I'm not supposed to worry about his well being, but I don't want him to get so depressed he goes off the deep end, someone oughta check up on him.

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Caren:

PLEASE BE CAREFUL WITH THIS. This is how it all starts Caren. You see a little success and now you are calling your MIL to try and get a "fix" for yourself indirectly. Please don't be naive thinking that she won't say anything to him. She will and you probably "subconsciously" know it. You are trying to dictae an acton from your husband INDIRECTLY.

I am not being negative here, but don't be the dieter who loses 5 pounds and then celebrates with a piece of chocolate cake and soon before they know it...it turns into a all you can eat buffet binge fest.

Your WH needs to FACE ALL OF THE CONSEQUENCES of his actions......you cannot cushion any of this for him....even if he "goes off the deep end" and is depressed. REALIZE YOUR CO-DEPENDENANCE HERE. You cannot do anything for your WH here....THis PLan B is for you. Please put to the rest the notions of your WH leaving the OW or any of that stuff. While hopefully (and if I was a betting man,,,,probably)that happens, it MAY NOT, and you are doing all of this to be able to prepare for that outcome. IMHO, any "fix" you get from him is setting your own personal recovery back. STOP worrying about the number of times he calls. Take the phone of the hook. Leave the house. Untill you do all of these things, you are still giving him control.

Everyone knows here that I have never been a cheerleader of ALL of the Harley Principles, but I will readily say that the concept of PLAN B is simply brilliant.......IF FOLLOWED as it is set out by Harley. The principles can only work if you work the principles.

Good luck...I for one am in your corner and am rooting wholeheartedly for your personal recovery....hopefully along the way, you can recover your marriage...IN the end, it will be you who is "saved" and you can still live a great and self satisfying life whatever the outcome of your WH and your marriage.

Cheers <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

LM

Caren, I agree with LM. I understand you're worried about him. I've been there, too, worried about a WS becoming distraught.

He has a way out. He knows it. He just doesn't want to take it!

No contact darlin'. Don't put your hand in his life again until he begs you to and makes his commitment. Got that?

GC

Lemon and GC:

Duly noted. I'm a fixer...and it's hard to get out of fix it mode. I really don't think she'll tell him, there have been many things over the years I've talked to her about and asked her not to say anything, and she hasn't, but I won't contact her again regarding WH.

I guess if he was actually suicidal he'd call me, I don't know what I was thinking.

He thankfully did not call anymore yesterday except the one time while he was at work, and left a message for DD10 to call him.

Okay, well, it's 5:03 in the AM, I woke up because my cold is making me feel terrible....so I took some medicine, now I'm going back to bed.

I'll give you an update on anything weirdo [censored] does today <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

-Caren

Oh yeah.....starting to feel the withdrawl now...damn it....what the hell!!!!! I'm not going to call him, but I miss him...it's so twisted, why would I miss sharing my husband with someone else.....I must really be a big crazy.

He hasn't called this morning....no one has...ARRRGH someone call me I'm so damn bored.

I have no money, so I can't go out and do anything...all my friends are at work *sigh*

Oh well, guess I'll go take a nap.

-Caren