Well what the heck Froz, what state do you live in??? My hair is HIT...LMAO, I have this big bride of frankinstein grey streak at my right temple...LMAO

-Caren

Mimi-

I just read the thread you posted, now I can't help but want more. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />


I don't sit around and think about WH being with OW anymore, I actually haven't done that for a long time. I don't wonder where he is, I haven't asked where he's been or what he's doing in so long I don't even think about that part.....it's just hard for me not to have the time I had with him, even though it was with my WH and not my H, it was something. I know this is what I have to do, no one has to convince me of that, and I'm not afraid of losing love units while in B, I love him so much I can hardly stand it, and when I hear a message like he left this morning... I Hear My HUSBAND in there.......he's still in there <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> .

I've never been a very patient person, that's probably part of my problem, I want everything to happen yesterday....so as you can imagine...fishing is out for me..LOL!!!! I freak out, I can't sit still.....and this, to me feels like fishing, I'm supposed to calmy wait for something to happen.......Now I know I'm gonna get 2x4's for this comment.....but I'm going on with my life as best I can. Everyone says, concentrate on you...do more for you...plan for you....don't think about this, don't feel that....well ********, I can do this Plan B...I can break contact and stay dark, but nothing anyone can say is going to make me stop WANTING it. I almost feel like I'm doing something wrong because I don't feel numb, or I think about the outcome too much.

I realize it's for me, I realized that this past week when it all came crashing down around my ears.....and like I said before it wasn't anything he did that made me feel like ****, it was that I caved in that made me feel bad. So in that respect I understand it's for me. But in another respect, even though I'm doing all these things for me....end result is I want my husband back, plain and simple, you can explain the **** out of it, you can admonish me for saying it, but that is what I want......that's what my focus is on, the prize, I can't help it.....I don't like to lose.

So I will play this game (And IT IS a game now, stop it) and I'll play it well, I'll follow the rules, even though I hate them. My mind will ALWAYS try to find the shortest route between point A and point B....that's who I am.

And as for putting too much thought into all this, ya know what I was thinking today? I was thinking "I remember having the gut feeling that something was wrong, my husband was acting so strange and I didn't know why, but in my gut I knew it wasn't good...." I think the OP must get this *gut* feeling too......she's gotta know there's something awry in fogland.....and that made me smile for a minute, to think that maybe she's starting to feel how I felt....I already know WH is in pain, that's evident.....I know it's demented to want someone else to be in pain, and I know she probably will never feel 1/10th of what I have, but even just a little.....she's got the copy of the PBL......and now he's acting weird, if she even has 2 brain cells firing she'll start putting the pieces together.

I don't wonder *IF* it's gonna happen....I wonder *WHEN* it's gonna happen......Overconfident? Maybe...but as I said before I WIN. There's going to be a loser, and it IS NOT going to be me.

I know, I know....I'll be a winner with or without my husband......it's going to be with my husband.....I simply can't accept anything less. He's going to fold, I can tell.......if he didn't have a specific list of things that were hard to do, he'd already have folded.......but he's not fantastic with confrontation, or with being *the bad guy* He has a huge problem with *being the bad guy*....Hell I can be the bad guy all day long, not a problem, but he has a problem with it. So he's not going to march up to the OW and proclaim his love for his wife and family and that he's leaving her....Nope...he's gonna do the exact same thing he did to me, he's going to pull back, he's going to not want to talk to her on the phone, he's going to nudge her until she breaks it off with him....and if that doesn't work....he's gonna go to her house...maybe have someone else take him....and he's gonna tell her he wants to start the hot rod, take it for a drive...you know, because you gotta make sure all the stuff is running right, and he's gonna drive that car to his house and park that *****in his garage, and then not answer when she calls to find out when he's coming back. He's trying to figure it all out right now......I know him, I know the way he works.

-Caren

<small>[ February 20, 2005, 05:59 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

In a land far, far away. About 1000 miles away. Patriot looked it up for me.

As for your "Bride of Frankenstein" look -
I wouldn't mind giving you an internet consultation, free of charge, of course. Perhaps if you tell me what you are wanting, I can advise some inexpensive ways for you to achieve it.

What did you buy from Bare Escentuals? What are you having trouble with?

Froz

Caren, seriously, I am not at all attacking or even criticizing you. Not what I am about, heck, I think you are one strong chic! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

BUT... as someone who had BTDT, I was that little girl, and I have never completely recovered from that pain and resentment! And whether it is right or wrong, I resent my Mom the most! My Dad was sick (ok, she was too, but not as much) and she was my "stable" parent and was supposed to protect me & SHE DID NOT!

IMNSHO, write it out just as you did the PBL...under NO uncertain terms will you allow DD to be an intermediary for you two in any way, shape or form, she is not to be asked to relay messages effective immediately and if he is unable to abide, contact with her will be broken until he is calm and ready to talk to DD only about her life and the things she should be concerned with!! Period!

You are the one who is being called upon to protect your child. WH is obvioulsy unable to see past himself to the damage he is doing, but you must! Please, trust me on this! I have a great deal of resentment for my Mom for this. Even still she insists it was all his fault, but I now know she had the ability to stop it & chose not to, effectively condoning the continuation of the behavior.

The day I asked WH to leave, he asked to talk w/ DD13, wanted to know if she wanted him to leave (didn't realize this when I handed her the phone)... I immediately ended the conversation, stepped out of the car (we were at a gas station) and told him he would not put our children in a position to choose nor we he put them in the position to make adult decisions! Heck NO!!! This is not negotiable. Their psychological health and sense of well-being depends upon it!

And don't assume just cause you are not seeing her tears or pain that it is not there. I was very good about not telling my Mom how hurt I was by it all. She still fusses at me tothis day, why didn't I tell her what I really felt... the real question should be, as the child, why should I have to?! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Froz-

I just want to do the same thing with my hair that I already have done, it's colored a really bright auburn (Much redder than a natural red...I like it that way), and I have blonde chunks on the top layer. It's basically striped..LMAO not frosted...the blonde is pretty platinum, I don't tone it or anything. I could do it myself if I could take my head off..LMAO, but I can't.

As for the bare escentuals I have the foundation, the warmth, and the mineral veil. I mean I'm putting it on the way it says to, but I have dark circles under my eyes, and I don't know what to do about that except slap some liquid foundation on. I think I might have chosen a shade too dark in the foundation too....I'm pretty fair and I got fairly light. I always buy some porcelain shade and everyone tells me it's too light. Criminy. Anyway....the make up is good...it's better than anything else I've tried, but I can't really expect miracles.

I've got stupid adult onset acne on my chin, and it really ticks me off, because I never had 1 zit in high school....I would've rather had them in HS than now. I use Neutrogena anti-blemish/anti-wrinkle cream for that...not that it helps, and I have damn proactive, and well....the acne is still there....I'm sure it's hormonal....it's not like everywhere...but it's like 2 or 3 zits and it's totally annoying.

I'm pretty vain, it's probably a little ridiculous, I even bought that facercise book, because I can't fricken take aging...I just can't take it. And I'm so obsessed and have been using anti-aging stuff for several years, that my skin looks a hell of a lot better than any of my friends skin looks...but is that good enough, oh no, no, no...we're lucky I'm not rich, because I'd be having plastic surgery..LMAO.

Okay enough about how obsessed I am with my looks.

Tx-Rn-

I understand what you're saying, I really do. I don't think he thinks about it when he's flippin out like that, and I don't think any amount of explaining or writing it to him is going to change it.

I can take the phone away and tell him not to talk to me through her, and discontinue the conversation......I think I will next time.

I have talked to her about it. She doesn't show her emotions about what's been going on .... and the counselor couldn't drag it out of her either. But today in the car, I said "Brooklyn, I'm going to tell your Daddy to stop telling you to tell me things." She said "Why?" I said "Because doesn't it upset you?" She said "No." I said "Not even last night when he was acting all crazy?" She said "No...it didn't bother me." But she does do this *sigh* thing like "Damn can't you two figure out your stuff and get it overwith....this whole situation is beginning to bore me."

I know that it can harm her, even though she's saying it's not, I know she tries to protect me, but she HYPER protects him.....she can't stand to think that his feelings are hurt. So I get what you're saying there too. I think maybe it's a girl thing....I always tried to protect my Dad from my Mom when she would yell at him....although that's a little different, my Mom would start on him the second he walked in the door...for no reason (Or reasons I didn't know about) she does it to this day. They stayed together because they loved each other......they never comtemplated divorce......but they haven't had SF since my youngest sister was born....she's 34. Not a whole lotta needs getting met around that house (It was Dad, not Mom), so who knows what was going on there, I can't really think he ever had an affair or at least one that Mom knew about, because she would have axe murdered him in his sleep for sure.

Okay so......I guess that's all I have to say for now.

-Caren

<small>[ February 20, 2005, 05:41 PM: Message edited by: CarenMc ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by CarenMc:
<strong> in another respect, even though I'm doing all these things for me....end result is I want my husband back, plain and simple, you can explain the **** out of it, you can admonish me for saying it, but that is what I want...... that's what my focus is on, the prize, I can't help it.....I don't like to lose .

I don't wonder *IF* it's gonna happen....I wonder *WHEN* it's gonna happen......Overconfident? Maybe...but as I said before I WIN. There's going to be a loser, and it IS NOT going to be me.

I know, I know....I'll be a winner with or without my husband......it's going to be with my husband.....I simply can't accept anything less. He's going to fold, I can tell.......

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Caren:

Very heartfelt post. I hope that you someday get the "prize" that your Husband so obviously is. If it's any consolation, I can tell you girl
that I 100% believe that you WILL INDEED get another chance with him. You'll indeed get the "prize" and will not lose (assuming we are talking about you getting back your WH from the OW as "winning"). It is not IF....it is WHEN.

Be careful what you ask for Caren.....you just may get it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Stay Strong.

LM <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

LMAO Lemon....yes that's always a danger when wishing LMFAO!!!!

Thank you for the vote of confidence Lemon, it is appreciated. The magic 8 ball confirms your diagnosis as well....LMAO....for some reason I have 2 of them sitting on this computer desk...does that make them magic 8 testicles?

LEMON!!!!! David used me in a sentence to describe weakness!!!(In my best Awwww I'm telllinnnnnn' voice) Isn't that against some unwritten law? I basically verbally gutted him on the post...now I sorta feel bad....well a little bit. He just went to Plan B....I should go back and make nice.

-Caren

Ok, well I feel better that you understood what I was trying to say w/o getting offended! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I think I was trying to protect my Mom more... but now that I am older and see the mess she has made of this M I have new perspective on what my Dad had to have gone through being M'd to her! Isn't amazing how different some things seem looking back? Not to excuse him... he was a sadistic SOB who had more respect for his friends than his own family. He had a nasty drug and alcohol problem, sexually abused me and beat the he** outta my little brother! This was my adopted dad, BTW... my bio-Dad was the poor soul that died Monday, not him. Not sure I will even shed a tear for him, he's been dead to me for a long time.

Wow, sorry bout that tangent! You get the picture!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by CarenMc:
<strong> LMAO Lemon....yes that's always a danger when wishing LMFAO!!!!

Thank you for the vote of confidence Lemon, it is appreciated. The magic 8 ball confirms your diagnosis as well....LMAO....for some reason I have 2 of them sitting on this computer desk...does that make them magic 8 testicles?

LEMON!!!!! David used me in a sentence to describe weakness!!!(In my best Awwww I'm telllinnnnnn' voice) Isn't that against some unwritten law? I basically verbally gutted him on the post...now I sorta feel bad....well a little bit. He just went to Plan B....I should go back and make nice.

-Caren </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It's ok Caren - I appologized with my most heartfelt and deepest appology. I couldn't think of another way to decribe it that wouldn't be paragraphs long. I renamed it a Davidiotism. I'm so sorry!!!!!!! You have NO IDEA the respect I hold for you.....

David

<small>[ February 20, 2005, 06:27 PM: Message edited by: tanelornpete ]</small>

David-

Relax buddy.....It's okay. You don't have to re-name it a Davidiotism...that's far too long to say, you have to think of the people typing these things when you make up names for them...leave this to the professionals.

Tx-RN- I don't offend easily, I think I just sent David into a panic attack over some fake anger...so I should probably just put that away...LMAO


Caren's Warning Label:
*************************************************
WARNING: CONTENTS ARE UNDER PRESSURE, THEY ARE NOT BEING RELEASED TO THE APPROPRIATE PARTIES AND ARE THEREFORE SUBJECT TO EXPLODE AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT.
**************************************************


-Caren

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by CarenMc:
<strong> David-

Relax buddy.....It's okay. You don't have to re-name it a Davidiotism...that's far too long to say, you have to think of the people typing these things when you make up names for them...leave this to the professionals.

Tx-RN- I don't offend easily, I think I just sent David into a panic attack over some fake anger...so I should probably just put that away...LMAO


Caren's Warning Label:
*************************************************
WARNING: CONTENTS ARE UNDER PRESSURE, THEY ARE NOT BEING RELEASED TO THE APPROPRIATE PARTIES AND ARE THEREFORE SUBJECT TO EXPLODE AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT.
**************************************************


-Caren </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Caren - I took it in good humor - just realized that it may be a little tasteless to identify one's own weakness with another human being........don't worry about it...

David, you just don't appreciate the irony in it...LMAO, if you knew me in real life you would.

I can be a scary chick.....one of my opening lines on any date (And I'm dead serious about this)"If you ever feel like hitting me...if that's what you think makes you a man....you better kill me, because if I can get up, well......let's just say, you gotta go to sleep sometime."

-Caren

YES!!! I'm in anger managment, sheesh.

HA CAREN - MY WS could KICK your WS's ***in a minute.....heee heee

<small>[ February 20, 2005, 09:01 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

Well my XFNQ could WB Your IPNZ......so there.

-Caren

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by CarenMc:
<strong> Well my XFNQ could WB Your IPNZ......so there.

-Caren </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ok, so I didn't understand a word there.....got me, you silly person........


Davididiot

OK, got through your the past few days posts...what chaos. Plan B is removing yourself and not concerning yourself with your WH.

Here's an idea to deal with the inappropriateness of your WH...

You are offering the contact with DD10 and WH to maintain their R, not hurt her, and establish visitation for later (in case of court separation). BUT, you do not have to allow contact if he acts inappropriately.

So...you talk with DD10 and let her know the next time WH asks to talk with Mommy or asks DD10 to ask Mommy a question the phone call will end. You need to be strong and protect her...she CANNOT say "NO" to her father, you HAVE to be the bad guy hear. You make sure you talk with her BEFORE a phone call happens.

Next phone call she hunts you down, you take the phone from her, hold it towards her and say, "Say goodbye to Dad punkin." then hang up the phone. Then TURN THE PHONE OFF.

Let her call before she goes to bed. If questions get asked she is expected to pass on, you take the phone each and every time ask DD10 to say goodbye to dad, then HANG UP...and turn phone off. They will both learn, although DD10 is not doing much wrong, it will give her the weapons to say, "No daddy, she'll hang up the phone." so she can blame you instead of you expecting DD10 to stand up to dad.

The visiting thing is a manipulation that may take something more serious. No more visiting until you have in writing what the plans are...drop off, pick up. You can send a message through sister that no more visits will happen until he writes time he will pick up, where, how long she will be there, drop off, time, who will drive, and where drop off will be. Once that is in hand, then expect that to happen...if it doesn't, and he tries to play games again...you CALL THE POLICE. You have threatened and you will need to enforce this threat sometime. The paper may not wash, but with no paper you wouldn't stand a chance.

Like Mortarman said, spending WAY too much time, energy, and thought on this alien. Get out of his head...

Okay....so roller coaster boy has only called 1 other time today.....to ask DD10 if she was getting her hair cut. She called him when we got back to confirm that against my better judgement I did use the $20 dollars he gave her for a haircut instead of that crack I was going to buy with it....well it was a toss up really....either crack or get a flea bag hotel room and shack up for an hour with that charicature artist guy....but good won out this time and I used the money for it's intended purpose.

He makes up all sorts of non reasons to call here...it makes me laugh.

Ohhhhhh I neglected to mention that in the past like week or so I've been getting mad blocked hang up calls.....someone blocks there number and calls me and then hangs up on me.....hmmmmm who could that be? It's not WH...he only prank calls my machine in hopes that I'll answer it.....let me think, let me think...who could it be???? I'm not sure what it accomplishes for her to do this, but I got one the other day @ 2:30 in the morning....it's a little strange that it coincides with my PBL and the underwear thing...I think she's calling me when she can't get ahold of him, although this is pretty pointless and juvenile, because hanging up on me doesn't answer any questions....but alrighty then.

Apparently Affairs have an anti-aging effect on the brain, and it reduces people to pre-teen mentality.

So anyway....I haven't had the urge to call him, but then again, I've really only called him a handful of times in 6 months, he always called me.

I think he's in accepting his fate mode today......it'll be so much fun to see if we're in a valley or a plateau tommorrow. I'm sure he'll find some reason to whip himself into a frenzy over. Perhaps while I'm at lunch with my friend tommorrow.....my friend Lori, he's never met her...she's the youth minister at the church...but I think she'll sound made up LMFAO!!!! I'm sorry....I always think about his imaginary friend "Phil".....Poor Phil has fallen by the wayside here lately, oddly enough that happened after exposure...suddenly I didn't hear another word about Phil, I'm sure that Phil is heartbroken over all of this, here he thought he had a new buddy...but it was all for naught.

R.I.P. Phil He was a good imaginary friend, he will be missed.

-Caren

Caren -

Nothing wrong with being concerned about your looks. Sometimes feeling better about yourself on the outside can be a catalyst for feeling better on the inside. I've seen this happen many times and it is the most rewarding aspect of my career. It is a wonderful feeling to help someone feel better about themselves. I can recall a time (several, actually) that my client was a teenage girl who felt so plain but was so beautiful. I spoke kindly and understandingly to her and then through my skill taught her how to enhance her beauty and then saw the way she looked at herself in my mirror, with that little smile and sparkle in her eye. Pretty powerful stuff for us girls and for a lot of men, as well.

So, with that said...

As far as your red all-over color. Do you know what your hairdresser has been using? If you do, I can translate professional haircolor into something that you can buy yourself (over-the-counter) that would achieve the same thing. I would need to know either the brand and/or the number and letter (such as 7RG). Hair color in that language is pretty universal. If you don't know, you could either describe the color you prefer to me by shade (such as coppery-red, plum red, red-red or just any description you can offer) and then how dark/light you prefer it. I could then translate that to a letter/number formula and translate THAT to something you could get that would cost you maybe around 10 bucks as opposed to the 75+ you probably would spend having it done professionally. As far as your highlights go...we professionals refer to them not as "stripes", but as "chunky highlights". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
To achieve those I could easily tell you what product to use and you could then either: a) take your head off, as you suggested, or b) see if one of your DD's might assist you, as I suggest. Chunky highlights are actually much easier for the non-pro to accomplish as opposed to the non-chunky variety. If you're interested, see what info you can get ahold of.

As for the Bare Escentuals...you CAN expect miracles - the stuff is amazing! You just might not be using to it's full potential. The right shade is a must. Stop listening to tan people that don't understand us fair-skinned redheads! A darker foundation doesn't give someone the illusion of having a tan. It gives them the illusion of looking like they won't accept that they DON'T have a tan! Stick with matching your skin tone - it looks more natural. You can mix some of your Fairly Light with the Mineral Veil to lighten it up so it's not a complete waste of money. Next time you can get the Light.

When you apply it, be sure not to overuse it. More isn't better. I apply a little bit with a brush, then (this is the key here) buff the hell out of it. There is something about this makeup in the buffing - like when you buff it, it just sort of melts into your skin. It also seems to prevent it from looking cakey later in the day. I don't know if you are buffing or what you are buffing with, but if you don't have the Kabuki brush you're going to need it. If you don't have it, make do with another brush until you can get ahold of one. After you've buffed the hell out of it, then do the same thing with the Mineral Veil (swirl, tap, BUFF).

As far as the dark circles and any blemishes - their concealer (a powder also) is freakishly amazing. I highly recommend it. I also highly recommend their Clear Radiance. It is exactly what is sounds. I usually apply after foundation, Mineral Veil and concealer (in that order). Use a light sweep of it all over your face (but no buffing). It gives your skin that pretty glow that a four-year-old's skin has (or the closest you can get, anyway).

As for the Warmth - keeping in mind that fair-skinned redheads look freakish when they're trying to look tan, I only use it for a contour color. Sweep a tiny bit of it in the contour of your cheekbones (not too close to your nose - about halfway to it) and save the apples of your cheeks for blush. Only apply the blush on your "apples", as no one naturally blushes all the way back to their ears. Some other good contour areas for Warmth are just on either side of your nose (only a tiny bit) to slim a wider nose or to just define the bridge of your nose. You can also use it just under your jawline, on both sides of your throat, or on your cleavage <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> . Just use it sparingly to avoid that "muddy streak" look.


Hopefully, this will help you save some $$ as you stated it was kind of tight.

Froz

Awwww Froz, I'm your pet project <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> LOL

I had typed this GIGANTIC post about everything, and then I thought, no one else cares about any of this.....ya just wanna e-mail me?? I give my e-mail out freely as it's only used for MB stuff. It's the_pieces_of_my_broken_heart@yahoo.com I'm starting to not like that ID though, it sounds too needy LMAO..I have a needy email addy. God e-mail me please...LOL!!!!

I think we'd get along pretty well too Froz, I'm good for comic relief if nothing else.

So e-mail me so we can save these poor people who are trying to talk about infidelity from reading about my zits and being escentually challenged <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

-Caren

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by CarenMc:
<strong>Thank you for the vote of confidence Lemon, it is appreciated. The magic 8 ball confirms your diagnosis as well....LMAO....for some reason I have 2 of them sitting on this computer desk...does that make them magic 8 testicles?

-Caren </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is the first time I have literally laughed out loud from reading a post here....

You are just too d@mn funny!


TM