I understand Mel. I will see if I can get the pictures.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by options:
<strong>
My mom doesn't want me to show the pictures...
She wants to hide that cannon in case we need them for legal help. I don't know....

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What am I missing? Does she feel that showing a picture now will somehow neutralize this source? Because I don't believe it will. You can still use the P.I. and you can still use this ammo in a divorce case, if need be. But I don't want this GO THAT FAR. I want you to use this ammo NOW to end this affair so that it doesn't go to divorce.

Showing it now does not preclude you from using it in a divorce case, though. Nor does it prevent the P.I. from future work.

p.s. Opt, I do not mean any disrespect to your mother! [I LOVE THAT WOMAN! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ] I am trying to understand her thinking on this.

Mom feels showing the pictures will drive the A into greater secrecy and make it extremely hard even for PI to gets proof (and she wants to load the cannon more). She wants me to get legal advice as to also help protect me and the kids. I DON'T EVER want this to go to divorice but feel I should be prepared at all angles in case it would. I am looking at legal advice today. Do you agree?

I am still working on getting the pictures too.

I couldn't take it. I just sent OM an email with one line. "What are your intentions with my wife?" I will see if he responds. I am just <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> and had to make some contact with him. I know you said no emails but.....

Opt, see I just don't think you are at the point where you need to seek legal protection. That is a serious [although very necessary sometimes!] step and I don't think you need to take it yet. If she is jeopardizing you and the kids [ie: threatening to take the kids] then you would want to do that. BUT, if you do it this early, it just causes unncessary damage.

I don't think this will drive the affair further underground, I think it will scare the hell out of him to know that he CAN'T HIDE FROM YOU. That is a powerful motivator to end an affair! He doesn't have any idea how you got that picture so he has no confidence that he even CAN hide.

I don't think he will want to continue the affair if there is going to be trouble. And I don't think he will sneak around and see her if he KNOWS he is being watched.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by options:
<strong> I couldn't take it. I just sent OM an email with one line. "What are your intentions with my wife?" I will see if he responds. I am just <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> and had to make some contact with him. I know you said no emails but..... </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What time does he get home? Do you know?

Options,
I agree with Mel here. If your wife finds out about the lawyer it may cause an unwanted escalation. Get lawyers involved and it can very easily spiral out of control.

Your mother is trying to protect you but keep in mind her feelings of W. Isn't she the mother who practically said, "I told you so?"

Tell your mother that you appreciate all her help but the reason that you told her was to offer moral support and for no other reason. You need to direct the action here.

Will she give you the photos/video?

Mac

<small>[ March 10, 2005, 12:40 PM: Message edited by: cwmac ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by options:
<strong> I couldn't take it. I just sent OM an email with one line. "What are your intentions with my wife?" I will see if he responds. I am just <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> and had to make some contact with him. I know you said no emails but..... </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">" My intentions are to be a friend to her, and help her rebuild he rmarriage with you".

I mean Opt WHAT ARE YOU EXPECTING ????

" I mean to bonk her as often as I possibly can without spending too much on her or without falling off this fence".

Its SUCH a bad idea to contact OP like that.

I hope it goes well for you.

Ok, I see. Big mistake (email). I am trying to control my own emotions here....work with me... My plans now, as you have told me, are to GET the photos and confront OM in person. My mom doesn't think it is a good idea to stop at his house. She thinks he can have me arrested for that. Other opinions? She wants me to head him off somewhere else.

Opt.

He gets home around 4:00 (guessing)

Bob, what exactly are you objecting to? The email or the idea of contacting him at all?

Options,
Many reason for no e-mail contact with Om

One is there is a paper trail that he can take to the police later.

IMHO you never want to have a converstion over the phone or via e-mail if you are trying to determine whether that person is telling the truth. You need to be able to see them and watch for signs of lying.

Other than his home or place of work where else could you have the conversation?

Mac

PS

Remind me: What does your wife resent about your marriage?

Bob, what exactly are you objecting to? The email or the idea of contacting him at all?

Bob, what exactly are you objecting to? The email or the idea of contacting him at all?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Originally posted by cwmac:
Remind me: What does your wife resent about your marriage?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">W has told me she resents me for not spending enough time with her and the kids and not being open with her and sharing my inner feelings. I now realize I wasn't meeting her needs for affection. She also told me one time that she thought I was cheating on her a few years ago. (I NEVER DID) Looking back now, I see I could have reassured her more than I did but I thought it was so crazy that I sorta blew it off. Those are the main things I think. I think we both the put everything in our lives as a priority above our relationship. ie kids, careers, home improvements....

How does she feel about your family?

For the most part she likes my famliy with one exception.... She likes my dad but HATES my step mom (which is pretty common. Step mom is not a nice person). Step mom was WS when my parents split. W liked my mom pre A. She likes my brother but doesn't see them much. So overall not the relationship in the past has been pretty good with my family.

Update:

Just got email from WW about SH appointment;
"Wednesday at 2:30 would be best"

I am scheduling now!!!

Opt.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by options:
<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Originally posted by cwmac:
Remind me: What does your wife resent about your marriage?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">W has told me she resents me for not spending enough time with her and the kids and not being open with her and sharing my inner feelings. I now realize I wasn't meeting her needs for affection. She also told me one time that she thought I was cheating on her a few years ago. (I NEVER DID) Looking back now, I see I could have reassured her more than I did but I thought it was so crazy that I sorta blew it off. Those are the main things I think. I think we both the put everything in our lives as a priority above our relationship. ie kids, careers, home improvements.... </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Opt, can I ask your ages and the ages of your kids? How long have y'all been married?