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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by tanelornpete:
<strong> L - if you are still on, thank god. Yes, I have the flu - as bad as it gets;, But my question it this:
This is supposed to be Marriage Builders (MB). What happens to a spouse that is ready to give completely. I mean, I'd rather do Plan D than Plan B. Am I to leave MB? I see no hope for my M - the more days pass, the less I see, no matter how hard I try to be neutral, Plan A, Plan B. It feels and seems (from a logical standpoint) gone. I want all of your support - especially in recovery. But what if this is NOT TO BE, which is what I RATIONALY see (I am an ENFP, so rationality is hard for me). I don't truly want that woman back, and she is too far gone to see any diference. I am at a loss. I want freedom, if only to be alone for the rest of my days (something I can't see happening - I'm too 'cuddly' for that) But what am I to do? You've seen all that has happened in the past few months - surely you see my point of view. My kids are primary. I don't care what else happens. But how can I HONESTLY do a PBL when I have lost all feeling?
David </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Dear David,
Hope you are feeling a bit better today (though if you are in the middle of the flu that c/b just wishful thinking). Take all the pampering you can get. You still plan to go to the movies? YIKES!
Ok, to your questions, you are losing your love that is why plan B is critical. I have to go run some errands and visit my sick aunt. I will post more later.
Keep warm and drink plenty of liquids. Let your fever ride for as long as you can stand then take something to break it. My kid is blood O type and can't take tylenol so motrin does the trick. I also used a lavender pillow to help cool him down.
Taking a cool shower may help.
Will check up on you later.
L.
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Hi L (Orchid) -
I'm 'pampering' myself, and I have the perfect nurse to keep me in line (too bad she's working today and only contact is IM) but she is hard-a**** when it comes to taking care of me - always been GOOD at that (kinda scarey how she can tell what I'm feeling and need to do - uncanny). Didn't have time to give WW the PBL today -she dropped the kids off early to get ready for her d****d date.
Tried to get into a fight with me - I keep packing her stuff and putting it next to the front door so she can load her car up when she arrives. Was angry 'cause she wants to sort thru it and throw away or donate whatever she doesn't want. I told her it was her stuff, she could do that at her 'home'. Told her I was tired of stuff lying all over the house, and you would not believe how much better my house looks now that I've been able to DUMP STUFF!
I'm turning into a master of plan A (still suck at RB's but, hey, who cares?). Will try to get her PBL this weekend.
Stuff is gonna HIT THE FAN THEN!!!!
David (still sick - uggg - keep falling asleep, even with the kids here. Some dad, huh?)
<small>[ February 19, 2005, 08:31 PM: Message edited by: tanelornpete ]</small>
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">(still sick - uggg - keep falling asleep,</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, we'd better wait and go out for a beer or two or three some other night... I'd look like an idiot dragging you from the barstool to the car....
Hang in there, bro!
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by tqt: <strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">(still sick - uggg - keep falling asleep,</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, we'd better wait and go out for a beer or two or three some other night... I'd look like an idiot dragging you from the barstool to the car.... Hang in there, bro! </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">LOL!!!!!
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So......Wifey's out dancing and having a great time in her party dress - and throwing her marriage away. Smart move, W. Hope your evening sux. Hope you feel guilty all night long. And stop by tomorrow. I have a letter for you.......
David
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by tanelornpete: <strong> So...... Hope you feel guilty all night long. And stop by tomorrow. I have a letter for you....... David </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">GOOD.............You will feel better when you start the Plan B and TAKE BACK YOUR LIFE. I hope that you find the personal salvation Plan B can give you. I didn't really know it at the time, but I did a quasi Plan B and it saved my life. My marriage did not survive, but in the end I am ok with that. I did everything that ***I could do*** to save it. When you find yourself in personal recovery you will NEVER go back to your old way of life. Whether you want to accept it or not, your life is going to change...........and for you to survive, YOU HAVE TO EMBRACE THIS. Goodluck tomorrow. LM <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <small>[ February 19, 2005, 10:36 PM: Message edited by: lemonman ]</small>
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Now if I could just get past the temptation to file D papers on Tuesday.........
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by tanelornpete: <strong> Now if I could just get past the temptation to file D papers on Tuesday......... </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Divorce is a PERMANENT solution and you should NEVER EVER EVER threaten or file divorce UNLESS you are willing to go through with it. I don't think you are even near the divorce stage yet. For me it came quickly.....but for you it should come on your terms, when you are ready. Filing DV will not "cure" you or take the pain away. I just won't. I am sure that you know that. While it was a step to my recovery, I am hoping that it is NOT a step to yours. LM <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
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David, I only have one thing of which I would like to remind you. Plan B is meant to protect YOU. It's not meant to end the A or end the M--but just to steady the rollercoaster of emotions, end the unending crises, and take you out of the game that the WW is playing. I'll give you an example. In Plan B, you would only speak to your intermediaries, so you would not have heard about the kinky dress. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> You would have heard: "Your WW is requesting if you would watch the kids Sat. night as she will be unavailable." See how that protects you from the emotional tsunami?? In Plan B, you would not hear about the OM doing stuff for her either, because she would not be asking you for help. So, for the first week, it is HELL. The WS's kick and scream and moan and whine and threaten and ... The BS's cry and ache and feel confused and want to call and miss them and ... It helps if you envision a drug addict and a codependent family. The drug addict will do ANYTHING to get their drug fix--including lie, cheat, steal, and hurt their family. Eventually, the family has to do an INTERVENTION (Plan B) and send the drug addict to rehab for cold turkey--and trust me when I say, the drug addict will DO or SAY ANYTHING to avoid going to that rehab! That is why the WS acts like that!! They don't want to have to go cold turkey on their A fix!! And furthermore, when the drug addict leaves, the codependent family members feel withdrawal, because for all that time, they were participating in the drug dance too--denial, control, avoidance... But in the end, it's what's best for the drug addict AND it protects the codependent family from anymore harm. I can hear in your posts that you sound like you are approaching indifference. I would like to suggest that you do the Plan B FOR YOU, so that you can stop being stabbed in the heart, start to let some peace and serentiy back in your life, and then in solitude, make decisions that are wise and in your own best interest. Then, in the end if your M were to end in D, it is a very comforting thing to know that you were upright in your behavior and did all you could. You will be glad you did. Listen to your Wise Council, write the best PBL you can that is also from YOUR heart (hey, shoot...none of them are perfect! Just do it!), and then rest and restore your heart!!! FNCJ
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LM - I can't/am too sick to make that decision tonight, or tomorrow. However, new informatio came up this evening from two totally unrelated source who do not know each other, and the news makes recovery for me even harder. I was able to put together other things that have bothered me throughout the years. I understand that Plan B is for me, I have no problem with that - makes perfect sense to me.
But as to the END result of this process. I am more convinced that she has and has had no intention of coming back. That is a reality that I must always keep in mind. And with the new information I have not, I am not sure I wish to stay with this woman. So I am condidering a 'final' situation - although a divorce ever ends a relationship - just changes it. I have a lot of thinking to do, and may need to reveal more about what I found out in order to get more advice.
Let's just say I am greatly disappointed in what I learned, and find it harder to find reason to desire recovery.
Wish this wasn't real
David
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Thanks CJ.
Can't add any more...
David
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CJ
Thought I couldn't add more. But I can. I can see how plan B has to protect me. She came on line after her 'date' - and although she never spoke to me - I signed off right away - I relize I'm not sure I can even see her face. Not for a while. Just the thoughtlessness of her actions - thru the years, has been hitting me while I'm trying to sleep - very restless and lonely. I can't take anymore - thought I was stronger tonight - I can see I have a ways to go....
David
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David, How are you doing? Seems like Lemonman and CJ are giving you good support. I like their posts. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Ok, so r u ready t/d plan B for the right reason? BTW, that confused feeling intermixed with your fever (which is also affecting your brain), is common. It is called anxiety. For those BS on the verge of plan B but afraid to take the plunge, those anxious moments will continue until plan B is executed and enforced. So that feeling is up to you. Within your control. L.
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Orchid: <strong> David, How are you doing? Seems like Lemonman and CJ are giving you good support. I like their posts. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Ok, so r u ready t/d plan B for the right reason? BTW, that confused feeling intermixed with your fever (which is also affecting your brain), is common. It is called anxiety. For those BS on the verge of plan B but afraid to take the plunge, those anxious moments will continue until plan B is executed and enforced. So that feeling is up to you. Within your control. L. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, Orchid, I'm ready for plan B. CJ helped more than anyone cam imagine, and I need to face the trials to come (hesitancy because of what happened to Caren) but I'll post my best draft tomorrow and then try to get it to her as soon as possible. DS17 came home very angry from her house - she's trying to make it as 'homey' as possible so that the kids will want to go over there. He doesn't want anything to do with it. I fear they will be thrust right into the middle of this. I'm really counting on you all here for support - have very little at home. Thanks again CJ, LM, O. David
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I'm in an LBing frame of mind. Hope she doesn't show up for a while. Arrrrgggggg
heh heh.
She was 'up too late' to stop by to pick up more of her stuff till later.......
Up too late.
Grrrrrrrrrr
David
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