</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by CarenMc:
<strong> Oh David, she's just baiting you again.....she doesn't mean that...if she meant that she wouldn't have had to say it....get it? If she thinks that getting you out of her life was the best thing since sliced bread, she wouldn't say a word.....by saying it, she means the opposite.

She's trying to hurt you.

-Caren </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, it works

David,
So sorry you're having to go thru this.

One thing I wanted to mention... about your WW's behavior, the oh-so-lovely things she's saying to you...

It's really close to what my WW did before and immediately after leaving. Just extreme hatred and cruelty... the vile things that came out of her mouth were beyond belief. And that's putting it nicely. Just wanted to say that I understand how it feels.

I could be wrong, but it seems like it's only a selected few of the WS's that do this(?)
I'm not sure I want to know where this stuff is coming from, or what it is about your WW and my WW... those WS's that take the Extreme Cruelty route(??)

Not said well, but... does anyone have any insight they would be willing to share?

Hang in there, David.

Thanks TQT -

I have no idea what I could have done that could cause this. I just know I want out.

David

I am 18 months past Dday so i know what you are going through. Read Justlearning posting to you...that was a good post.

You will get better...Plan B is for you... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by zizzycool:
<strong> I am 18 months past Dday so i know what you are going through. Read Justlearning posting to you...that was a good post.

You will get better...Plan B is for you... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Zizz - I know (hope) JL is right - that the love will return. But what you've all witnessed is that in a 2 month span, a Love Bank can be so depleted that it rusts and falls apart. I may need a complete new one to start over. I didn't even get a feeling of loss or compassion or desire or even friendship today whan she dropped off the kids and left. I felt nothing. Not even anger.

I'll give it time - the rest of this year, at least. But I cannot promise anything beyond that.

David

tqt,
My WS turned into a witch also. It was like I did not even know her.

I wasn't gonna post here, sort of feel like a pest when there are so many people out there with worse needs/problems than mine. Just looking for a little advice.

Been what, 3 days since Plan B started? Haven't heard from her, good thing, I guess. I'm just not sure what to expect from the withdrawals a BS goes thru - I can imagine drug withrdrawals feeling this way - I can't focus, can't sleep, can't keep on any project for more that a few minutes. I'm not 'looking' to hear from her - something tells me I won't - but the emptiness that is here in the house is tangible now.

I'm rambling, as usual - just wanted to hear from someone else with similar experiences; ways to make it thru this, etc. (I do have a voice of sanity that calls me every night) but the rest of the time, I just feel like sitting and staring into space thinking nothing at all. Is this normal, or have I lost it entirely - should I take up basketweaving?

David

<small>[ February 22, 2005, 03:19 PM: Message edited by: tanelornpete ]</small>

David

I believe that what you are feeling is perfectly normal. I have been in plan B for nearly 2 months and I still think of WH and the A every single minute I'm awake. The only thing that makes me think something else is going to the movies or when I am forced to work, which unfortunately is not often enough. In spite of this I am making it thru the day, every day, without major breakdowns. I still cry a lot but only when I'm alone. I actually look forward to those days when I know I will be alone at night and can have a pity party for myself. I guess it's withdrawal. I willlet you know when it gets better, but I'm still in the middle of it.
I don't post often because I AM dark and WH is respecting my PBL and therefore does not contact me although he regularly sees our DDs. Is this good or bad? I have no idea. I have asked but haven't had any answers.
Anyway, you will feel the loss but also the freedom. Work on yourself. Take up basket weaving if that's what you want, DO THINGS. Go to the movies, go for a walk, force yourself. It helps get thru the first few weeks.

Hi David,

I just wanted to give you my support and let you know that I think your doing a great job. How did you manage to not freak when you found out about the other two affairs??

Hello David...I am taking a break from my own pity party to join yours <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I know what we can do....let's switch WS's...I'm sure that you wouldn't think about mine, and I probably wouldn't think about yours, unless she wore that kinky dress....and I was getting hard up..LMAO.

I think you are feeling more for her than you let on, or maybe more than you're letting yourself know.....there are so many things that go on in the background in your mind, that I'll bet she's passing thru there at least a few times an hour. Which may be why your conscious thoughts are zoning out, it's also a defense mechanism to do that, you're body is shutting those negative emotions down......if we feel this crappy just imagine what the WS feels...I mean they made this fricken mess.

I know I've heard you and TQT both say that you think your WS is too prideful to return. I feel the same way, I think his pride will stop him, so hopefully, you can get around that by being accepting. I know that I am going to keep restating over and over to my WH tonight....None of this would be happening if you'd just give up OW.....None of this would be happening if you just give up OW. If I say it enough, maybe he'll think "None of this would be happening if I just gave up OW." I was thinking today DANG IT, how can I send subliminal messages LOL!!!! That would rock, you could just slip some subliminal messages into the movie they rented that said things like: Psst this is your fault......Wasn't that great of an idea to leave your BS was it?....etc etc...LOL They'd call you up and say "Hey...ummm I think this is all my fault, and that it wasn't that great of an idea, but I'm not sure why" LOL

David, I know I'm a fine one to talk, you are doing so much better than I am, but I really think you're gonna be okay. I think that your wife won't last too long without you and her kids...I wouldn't, it would wear me down. And David, does it make you feel any better to know she's crying about this, because she is. She is crying when the OM is busy and she knows you won't talk to her and the kids are asleep and she can't talk to them either and all she has left is herself....she's thinking about it, and she's crying.

-Caren

Yo David!

Loads o' fun, eh?

What your feeling is normal, normal, normal!

And unfortunately, normal sucks... no way around it. I know what you mean by the "staring into space..." thing.
At least for me, yeah, I knew I should be keeping busy, but I couldn't find much to do that made any sense... it was frustrating, and even frightening in a way.

Just try to remind yourself that yes, how you're feeling is normal, and that you're going through the worst of it, and not only ARE you surviving it, but it's onward and upward from here!!

Stay strong, bro'!!

Hey guys - just got a TM from WW ---

She wants me to dig up the rose gardern for her and pot it. I bought them all for her, wouldn't mind having them gone - I can create my own....plus I wanna expand the herb garden. But GEEZ why not? Hey, David, can you tear the roof of the house for me - I like the work you did last summer, want it on my home...

Not breaking Plan B no reply, although I may dig up all her roses and set them in the driveway for her. That was a HUGE garden!!!!

Grrrrr

David

BITE ME GRRR GRRRR GRRR GRRR.

I never get mad! What's the matter with me?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She wants me to dig up the rose gardern for her and pot it. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Did somebody cut off her limbs, or what?
Why can't she do it?

Caren - you have no idea how much I identfy with you! I truly think you have a better chance at your M than I - but who are we to talk? Both of us are so F**...er messed up that I don't think we hear what anyone is telling us.

In any evey - I think about you all the time and want everything the bst for you..... It seems that you have it together better than I -it's just that I'm a guy and have been indoctrinated to never let anybody know my probs....

Always in my mind and in my prayers....David

<small>[ February 22, 2005, 07:40 PM: Message edited by: tanelornpete ]</small>

(((((((((David)))))))))) Hello....you're WW is making up reasons to contact you...this is a good thing <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Don't go diggin' up the rose garden, but it's still a good sign. I wouldn't dig them up and put 'em in her driveway, I don't think I would even let her take 'em, she shouldn't have the comforts of home without home.

I think you're gonna be fine, I think I'm a friggen disaster....I can't even think to write this list of things I have to talk to him about, I have tried 3 times and decided to wing it...good plan...it's the no plan...plan.

No net.....death defying? We'll see.

David, I know this sucks worst than the suckiest thing you can think of...because it does for me....I keep saying, if I post I will keep my sanity...I don't know about all that. But in any event I'm gonna be better off in the long run.

Yeah, I don't know what the hell that said either, that made no sense....so I see where you're coming from, I can't concentrate either, I can't eat (AGAIN) I don't sleep so well...better than before and yet not good. I find myself worrying about things that are WAY far ahead, like reconcilation....I keep going OMG, I don't know how I'll get through that, OMG I don't know if I'll be able to be nice, OMG I think I'll be a crying blubbering mess and he'll be a mess too and he'll think it's not working and he'll give up....see where I'm headed with this...yes that's right STRAIGHT INTO THE GROUND.

Does it make you feel any better that I'm as off in the head as you? It makes me feel worse, but hey...it's for a good cause <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

-Caren

Actually, Caren, you made my day. At least we can be insane together.....


You may be the only person on here (tho I doubt it) that feels so alone......

TAKE US AWAY TO THE FUNNY FARM!!!!!

<small>[ February 22, 2005, 07:47 PM: Message edited by: tanelornpete ]</small>

double quote

<small>[ February 22, 2005, 07:47 PM: Message edited by: tanelornpete ]</small>

Hey Caren!

Remember when you first went into Plan B, and those first few days when you were feeling really strong and confident -- you were even saying things like "I'm going to be ok no matter what happens!" (excuse me for paraphrasing you)

Is it all this financial stuff now that's making you feel differently in "Plan B mode" -- differently than you did before?

Sorry David!

I'm trying to keep up with both you guys, and I posted the above post on the wrong thread.

This is all too confusing for my simple brain <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />