I know how you feel. I don't like to ask for help either. I'm stubborn that way. I want to do it all on my own. Are you getting any money from your WH at all? My STBX has given me $300 in 8 months. Nice huh? I just don't understand how he can go on living his life knowing that he's not supporting his own son. I'll never forgive him for that!!!!!!
God will get you through this!!!! You are a strong woman!!!!!!
Can you call the phone company somehow and let them know the situation and see if they will work out some kind of payment plan with you? I did this with my car payment and my electric.

I know how you feel. I don't like to ask for help either. I'm stubborn that way. I want to do it all on my own. Are you getting any money from your WH at all? My STBX has given me $300 in 8 months. Nice huh? I just don't understand how he can go on living his life knowing that he's not supporting his own son. I'll never forgive him for that!!!!!!
God will get you through this!!!! You are a strong woman!!!!!!
Can you call the phone company somehow and let them know the situation and see if they will work out some kind of payment plan with you? I did this with my car payment and my electric.

I feel like going to his work and saying "YOU'RE RIGHT, I CAN'T PAY MY BILLS NOW YOU CAN BE TOTALLY JUSTIFIED IN ******* SOMEONE ELSE, I'M A PIECE OF ****, AND YOU ROCK"

-Caren

<small>[ February 21, 2005, 04:13 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

Caren,

Instead of doing that..let's circle the wagons and keep your dignity intact.

Now..why is the electric in DD19s name..is it due to credit probs? Does this mean that DD19's credit is now being dragged through the mud?

Let's make a plan, would you like to?

Noodle

Caren - Go sign up for all of the assistance you can get. There is a way around this. Plan B allows for talking about kids and financial issues.

Get proactive NOW - get the birth certificates and get help. Talk to the phone and electric companies.

Check out grants for going to school. Look for a roommate. There is a lot you can do. Don't despair - get busy. It is not your fault, but now you have to save yourself and your children.

Yes my credit is shot, so therefore the electric is in DD19's name. I'm not trying to drag her credit through the mud, but I am apparently failing to keep it clean either.

I live in a 2 bedroom 1/2 double, with myself and my 3 girls....4 people 2 bedrooms....how can I get a roomate?

The phone company isn't going to work anything out with me, they want money....not excuses. I may be able to make arrangements on the electric, but that still leaves unpaid rent.

I know I'm not this incompetent, I can't worry about these little daily details constantly or I'd go insane.

I could talk to him about financial issues if I had a phone, or if I could stop crying for 5 seconds. I can't let him see me all destroyed like this, although it tugs on his heart strings, it also confirms to him that he's made the right decision. ***** him.

-Caren

P.S. Yeah, a plan would be good.

<small>[ February 21, 2005, 04:16 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

I dunno, maybe this is good for my Plan B, he knows my phone is off, and I sure as **** ain't calling him for the $$. Maybe it'll show I don't need him???

Oh ****, I don't know, cuz I actually do need him......I need SOMETHING. I need a lot of things.

Damn it, just when I get things going okay a wheel falls off again.....I feel like I'm doing okay in Plan B.....that he's probably reconsidering his position, I've been trying SO HARD, to keep the bills up...now I confirm what he thought I suck at paying the bills.

-Caren

<small>[ February 21, 2005, 04:17 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

(((((((((Caren)))))))) It's so very tough but you can do it. I was "raised poor" and I know exactly what it looks like. It means no haircuts, entertainment or meals out. It means cutting back and everybody pitching in. You've said DD19 works. Can she pitch in? When I lived in California, I was told that in our town, that 30% of the high school students had jobs that made a major contribution to their family's income. Harsh for DD but everybody has to pitch in.

Don't worry about the documentation. You are obviously living on the edge and any government drone can see that. You have your driver's license. You have the bills, receipts and things in hand. Go for food stamps, public assistance, anything you can. Talk to your creditors. The phone company can get you a basic service at a cheap rate because generally they have a philosophy that everybody should have a phone. The power companies have assistance programs.

I also think one of those pro bono legal people would just LOVE to get their hands on your case. WH with OW and the other family suffering. Such righteous justice.

Read CJ's story. I forget her poster name, Faithfulnewcj or something. She went through hell and back and is doing great.

YOU CAN DO THIS <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Caren, there is emergency service the phone company can provide. Basically allows you to make 911 calls and I think receive calls. Call them the worst they can tell you is no. Call the electric company and work something out with them too. Why does your ex only pay 130.00 cs? That is outrageous in MHO. Your WH needs to be providing support as well. If your DD 19 is living at home is she helping you out financially? Can someone lend you the money to get copies of your birth certificates etc. so you can get emergency food stamps? How old is your youngest child?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by CarenMc:
<strong>
I know I'm not this incompetent, I can't worry about these little daily details constantly or I'd go insane.

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Caren,

I don't think that these things are "little daily details". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

These ARE the things that need to have your serious attention.

committed

Caren,

***** him indeed.

OK..first things first..go and apologise to your daughter for marking her credit in this way..and never ever do it again. If your credit is keeping you from something..there is a reason for it..so bringing in another person does not solve the problem. Don't make me get the stick <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

OK..it sounds pretty dire..it really does.

I would ask your parents if you could move in with them for the time being, based on what you have posted..you have no immediate way out of this. These financial problem s were not created in a day, and they will not be fixed in one.

So if you posibly can, I'd move in with your Mom and Dad and YES this is taking advantage of them and YES it is unfair..but they love you and you need help.

Shut everything down and make a payment plan so that they do not send the credit bandits after you..stay in contact and BE FAITHFULL about those payments.

Medical needs..not much you can do about that..as a matter of fact..staying on your ADs and seeking help with anger issues is an asset so maintain that.

Let's break it down and then you can tell me what you think..and where you fit from there..ok?

I'm not a pro..but I'm pretty good at this money stuff..and I'm sure some pros will be along in time to chime in.

Learn the difference between an asset and a liability..very important.

You should have a minimum [and with the current economy more like 8 mos] of six months living expenses available to you..all of them..which means that if you had ZERO income..you could live for 6 [8] months with no problems.

Until you have that cushion..you have NO expendable cash. None..not for a coke..not for a lip gloss..not for a cookie. Certainly not for a cell phone. No driving unless you MUST. No nights out. Nothing. Times are about to get very lean.

So take a look at your fixed expenses..things that you MUST pay..and that the amount is not determined by you [groceries are NOT a fixed cost]..and compare that to your income..what have you got left?

If you have nothing left..then you are FAR beyond your means and you need OUT pronto because the hole can only get deeper.

Let's not rely on WH..he is currently a ******** and despite the perfect world scenario in which he is forced to meet his responsibilies..I think you and I both know that these things can be dodged..at least for a period of time..and time is something you don't have.

So..is your life sustainable [fixed expense wise]? Yes..and we work from there..no and you make a call to mom and pop.

Noodle

<small>[ February 21, 2005, 04:25 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

Caren,
I don't have any good advice but I am thinking of you. We are in a similar situation here, and just dealing with it the best we can until we can get home with family.

Noodle...thank you for that post. The cookie, coke, etc thing was a line I needed right now. If my bills are paid for Feb, and I have 'extra' money, I see no harm in going out to dinner. The problem lies when March bills come in, and I don't have a dime. NOT GOOD! I can do a lot, I just need to do it!

Danielle

I'm sorry, I worded that wrong, I meant I can't worry about the daily details constantly everyday...or I'd go crazy...I know I don't have enough money to fricken make it. I took $700.00 my 1/2 of the income tax and put it towards back rent.

THEY WON'T LET ME GO BACK TO WORK!!!!! THEY WON'T RELEASE ME!!!!!!!!!!!

I work at a hospital, and it isn't enough money to make it on my own, the principle behind getting this job was to get my foot in the door for when I got my nursing degree....well I haven't been to school for like 6 months, I tried, I can't concentrate.....I got this job when I was still with WH, and he lowered the boom on me within a month after I'd gotten my job.

I don't know what *extravagant* purchases I've made that you're talking about noodle. Since living here I have bought 5 pairs of new underwear, 2 new bras, a vacuum cleaner because I didn't have one, 30 dollar make up and a couple books.....Oh and 2 used tires for my car....what purchases are you talking about?!?! I went to the movies Saturday...that is once in 6 months.

I think I may have spent $250 dollars total on myself since I've lived here...MAYBE, and 50 of that was tires for the car because one blew out and the other one was ready to...I literally got steel belt splinters from touching the tire.

Could I afford the 30 dollar make up? Probably not, but I decided that for once I would buy something for myself....that's apparently not the right decision either....people kept telling me to do a little something for me, it'd make me feel better...so I did....now I feel guilty.

I bought a 50 dollar sweeper...(I'm including that in my extravagent purchases) because I didn't have a sweeper..and I'd put off buying one for 6 months!

All the underwear including the bras totalled about 40 or 50 dollars, I think...the bras were like maybe 15 dollars a piece...but, I only had one bra, and it had broken, and I'd kept sewing it back together.

You should come and see my extravagantly decorated house and my extravagant wardrobe...I own 3 pairs of jeans, Oh I'm sorry 5 pairs but 2 pairs are 3 sizes too big. I have a really nice couch, it has a big fricken hole in the cushion, I keep trying to patch up. My kids sleep on a mattress on the floor, I don't even have a kitchen table. I drive a really extravagant car my Dad GAVE me, it's a 1980-something Bonneville.

I have my computer...but I've had it for 2 years. I guess I could sell it.

-Caren

Caren:

What about the idea of living with your parents? I thought that was a good idea if you could for awhile. Also, you would probably qualify for Food Stamps and use of Legal Aid as others have mentioned.

Okay, everyone is giving you hugs. And you need them...you do. But when you are done sitting in the corner playing woe-is-me, come back and read what I am writing here...

First, you didnt think Satan was going to let you do the right thing here and get off scott-free, didya?? Come on...you know how this works. You do the right thing...and he hits HARDER. What is the worst emotion you can think of? For me...it would be hopelessness. Because with that, you cant do anything else. At least anger or pain can lead to action. Hopelessness leaves you right where you are. And in life, if you arent moving forward...you are moving backwards. So get it in your head that everytime you do this right...and take a step forward, Satan will knock you back. So many eyes are on you now. Your kids. Your WH. Even people on here contemplating on going to Plan B, but waiting to see how it turns out for you. If Satan can get to you, and make you give up...there are a lot of people that are going to go with you. And all he had to do was shut off your phone...and he was able to affect so many other people. Dont you see? It is a battle. You are a Christian. If you stop, and sit there and LOOK...you can see the battle, see the war going on between Heaven and Hell. And my dear. you are right in the middle of it.

Satan wont fight those that are sitting still...they arent a threat. But you did some mighty brave things this week...and he cant have you succeed...that would make others think they can succeed. That would teach your girls the right things to do...and then he couldnt get to them.

Come on Caren...open your eyes here.

Now onto a practical matter. This is why I told you Plan B is good!! All this mess was there before he left. All of this mess was there while in Plan A. But in all that, you could hide from it. You cannot hide in Plan B. And that is good!

Do you know the difference between "easy" and "simple." Child birth is a very simple process. But from what the gals tell me, there is nothing EASY about it. Your problems are rather simple to correct...but not that easy. And remember, as soon as you try to do something, Satan will try to stop you again.

He will wisper in your ear that you cant afford to go back to school and become a nurse, so you can make $50 an hour. He will tell you arent emotionally ready to go back to work, and your financial life gets worse...which worsens your emotional well-being. He gets you in that cycle and you can never get out.

Your problems are not hopeless...but they arent easy either. But the way out is simple. The plan is simple. That's why you should be using this time in Plan B to make that simple plan...and to begin. When your husband comes back, then it will be easier. but until then, let us sit down and come up with a battle plan.

Losing, surrender...are not options you can afford to take. So, stand back up...dust yourself off and step forward. And this time, have a plan...and expect to be hit again as you move forward.

I just laugh at **** like that when it happens now. Shoot, just me writing this for you will probably cause me some pain later as Satan tries to hit me for being helpful.

He has no power over me...not anymore. I know who I am. Caren, you are no longer Caren...you are Christ-in-Caren. That isnt the same person. That is a new woman. Caren had no ability to solve this mess.

But, C-i-C has the power of the Almighty God within her. Now, you think this problem is too tought for him? How big is your God?

Your situation is NOT hopeless! You can do this! So, stop listening to the lies.

In His arms.

<small>[ February 21, 2005, 04:33 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

No it's not sustainable, and I already asked them if I could move in and they said NO. They're in their 70's they don't want me and my 3 kids to move in. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> If they would have let me move in I would have moved there instead of here...they said NO.

My fixed bills are more than my income.....not including food. I only drive to the stupid hospital for my group meetings to take the kids to school and to take my DD19 to work....yes she contributes, but not very much. She gives me way over 1/2 her check, but that isn't really even a 100 dollars and I usually use it to buy groceries, 3 kids eat a lot, I don't eat ANYTHING....I eat once a day MAYBE. I ate a scrambled egg yesterday, and I haven't eaten anything today.....I save it for the kids. DD19 doesn't do anything either. She doesn't buy clothes or anything...she doesn't go out...she sits here at home unless she's working.

So short of the homeless shelter, or living in my fricken car...that's about it.

-Caren

GO MORTARMAN!!

Ok Caren,

So what are you going to DO now?

O <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Ok, Caren. First awesome post MM. Caren listen to what MM told you. Satan is on the OUTSIDE attacking you because Christ is on the INSIDE of you. Get yourself to a church, foodbank or whatever and get some food in your house. You have to eat! There is a reason on airplanes that you put the oxygen mask on you before you put it on your child. You have to be ok to help your child! Your kids need their mom well, not starving. Next, I know the situation is dire but there is help out there. Is your youngest five or younger? If so do you have WIC where you live?

Think Caren and PRAY. The almighty will not let you fail.

{{Caren}}

Caren,

Have you tried asking for help from the church that you attend?

I went to a church that paid for counseling sessions for me, gave me a check to pay rent, and really helped me at a very desperate time when I was separated from my FWS.

Your church can be a good emergency resource for you. They usually have funds that they set aside for situations like yours.

Love in Christ,
Miss M
Miss M

Thank you Mortar, thank you everybody. It's just so uphill all the time. I just dropped to my knees and prayed, I told God I can't do this alone, I need him, I can't fight this all by myself, I can't fight Satan all alone. When will it be better? When will it be okay? I try so hard.

Okay, pulling myself up by the bootstraps, I have to at least stop crying if nothing else, I am going to spend part of what I was putting on the rent to pay the stupid phone bill. This is not winning WH any love units...it's really not for every hardship I have to bear because of him it puts another nail in his coffin.

I guess I'm stronger than I was, because I would have contacted him by now if I weren't. I mean the neighbors have phones, and there are payphones around somewhere, his work is only about a mile and a 1/2 from my house...I could go there but I haven't.....guess there's something to be said for my current state, I can't depend on him, and even though I'm screwed beyond belief I won't ask him to help me.

-Caren