HTere's even been a case (or two?) of an OP or WS getting on to start trouble. Possibility?

Caren - chin up chica. I've never posted to you, but read along....

IT WILL WORK OUT. Drama schrama. It is not infinite. The drama will end, I promise.

In the meantime keep your chin up and you values close to your heart. You are a worthy and wonderful human, Caren. Your work will pay off for you.

- Kimmy

As much as I love Caren, I will admit to being suspicious about her situation.

There is a lot going on with her and there is a lot of drama.

Good grief, if you can't trust your own H whom you've been with forever, who can you trust?

I'll have to admit that I am 10 times more suspicious than most people.....

So there, I've said it....

See, for me personally, my own situation has drama drama drama but the crazy thing is, it is all true. I WISH even one thing was made up, I really do!!!

Therefore, I completely understand how much d rama these issues can hae.
Danielle

Caren,

Real life c/b drama. How long the drama runs... now that's in your control. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

As for the drive bys who have nothing better t/d than spew and run....well there's a lot of them out there. AKA: OW/OM/WS TOWs and cohorts, etc. LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Like terrorists most of those have nothing good to offer, they just like to antagonize.

The sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me, needs t/b put into action. For now they can only use their words and even that doesn't have much results. When their actions step out of line, there's the law to catch them. It isn't a matter of if, it's a matter of when. Oooh those drive bys can't handle permanent solutions. They thrive on temporary thrills.

Use that to your advantage and let their stuff slide off your back.

Still-in-shock has some good advice for how to use the OH system to get some help. Read up on Still's post. Implement ASAP. I think you w/b in a better place with less drama.

The soap opera won't last. Bubbles don't either. LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

BTW, most of us don't have an active enough imagination to have made up this stuff..... it is too weird. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

take care,
L.

isn't there lots of drama when there is a marriage and cheating? Especially if a couple doesn't make much money to begin with. It makes it worse because you get the added stress of trying to make ends meet!!!

Seems like one situation after another.

There are times in life that when it rains it pours. Caren, I believe what you are going thru is very real. I have a couple of friends (and could include myself too) that at times had had our share of drama. It is life and hard to believe and understand sometimes but it is real to us.

I admit asking myself the question of if your phone was down how could you get in online and then thought of being done through cable and not phone. I do not think I had to question you on that.

What makes me afraid is that those posting with the wrong intentions could be people that know that you post here. I am the queen of paranoia. Sometimes I will stay on the shadow because I am afraid OW will get a hold of my posts in this website by reading or having someone follow my case. Most likely just the paranoia brought from not trusting anymore and having my life exposed to OW by my dear WH making me feel violated in that sense. I am usually a private person and knowing for the longest time OW knew stuff about me and I had no clue and knew nothing about her it made me freak out. Sorry I got off track here.

I really meant to give you my support and tell you I am following your case and getting strenght and wisdom so I can go soon on my plan B again and hopefully be successful this time around with the support here.

Good luck Caren!
Love

Caren and jlseagull,

Many of us can spot what I like to call "hit and run" posters because of their MO.It's their first post.They don't identify themselves,they usually have something mean to say or at the very leasy,unhelpful which leads you to wonder why they are on your thread,and then you rarely ever hear from them again.They either evaporate,go back to the TOW site,change names and re-enter MB as a "new" JM or whatever.

I had someone come on one of my threads a month or so ago like this.The name was purplesuede and he/she posted only once to me but basically told me I needed a kick in the a** because I was not doing a good job of taking care of my kids. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

This person claimed to be a lurker for 2 years and "knew me".Right.They never posted again on MB even after I calmly approached this person and suggested he/she tell her own story somewhere else.No surprise.It may have even been my philandering WH but who cares.They were sumarily dismissed.

Anyway,we most likely will never hear from this okie dokie dude or dudette again unless he/she sees these posts and wants to "show" us.

O

Dang People, I pretty much just asked a simple question, I was wondering why nobody happened to ask Caren how she was posting with no phone service. I realize there are other types of internet connection, I've got Cable myself, but that plus my regular cable bill comes to over $80 a month. When she was adding up her expenses, I didn't see that in her list, so I thought to ask.

I don't think Caren is making up her whole story, You are all right, this infidelity thing can be stranger than fiction. The reason I had never posted before is because I have never had the time or desire to do so after spending so much time reading the posts. I am a BW and find a lot of support and information here on the site, that's why I'm here, not because I am a Troll or a TOW or anything else.

For what it's worth, I follow Caren's posts because I feel for her in her situation, I know what it's like to be overwhelmed finacially, and I've been pulling for her to recover her marriage. I think she is an articulate and interesting person and I hope she soon puts this hell called infidelity behind her and gets back to herself. You just keep plugging along Caren, don't let this crap your H has created keep you from following your dream of becoming an RN. You can do anything you put your mind to.

Peace Out

Well,

Welcome back okie.Your second post sounds much better than the cryptic and suspicious one you left before.I hope you can understand that we are protective around here and have had more than our fair share of hurtful people coming here and creating more pain and flames.

If you are supportive and understanding of Caren,I am sure we all would love to hear it and we would also like to help you too if that is what you need.Welcome

"Peace out".Sounds familiar.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">"Peace out".Sounds familiar.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Same here...was racking my brain...

spezztura? (sp)

Yes,the poster who also said PEACE OUT was sprezzatura.Good memory.Last time she posted was 9/04 as far as I can tell.


Hmmm.And how would *you* know being a new member and all? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

<small>[ February 22, 2005, 03:47 PM: Message edited by: Octobergirl ]</small>

C's-C-s:

Sorry I had to respond to this before I read anything else....I did hear your advice, and I was in quite a bit of an emotional state yesterday.....I'm sorry, the FRANKLIN COUNTY CHILD SUPPORT ENFORCEMENT BUREAU said it'd be 8 months....but I should have relied on a blip on the computer...my bad.

-Caren

(((((((((((((((CAREN)))))))))))))))))))))))

Thought maybe you could use that.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Wish I could help more.

Still-n-Shock
Thank you, I actually got a site from the FCCSEA that calculated it and he should be paying 300ish dollars per month. But they said they'd send the papers, I haven't received them yet, and they said it was 8 months from the time I put them in until the time I actually saw some money. I do plan on going to get on ADC, but I had to go to group today. I agree on the hotrod thing, he better drag his head outta his butt and figure out what he's doing or that's what I'm gonna have to do, force him to liquidate some assets....I plan on telling him that this evening.

Cs-Cs:
Quote: Ohio is reasonably a cheap place to live. My rent for a 3 bedroom apartment is $350.00 a month. It's in a nice neighborhood with good people and good schools. It's all in the choices you make.
Where the heck do you live???? I don't know anywhere around here the rent is that cheap......mine is only a 2 bedroom for 650.00. That's the going rate around here. I am not further traumatizing my kids by taking them out of their schools....and I don't know where you live....is it central Ohio?????

StillHere-
I was discussing this same thing in group today. When I am in these situations, I usually go Billy Bad @ss, so I understand why I USED to want chaos....I get "euphoric recall", I am actually euphoric when it's going on....why? Dunno....It doesn't upset me in the least....I mean, it does get my adrenaline going...but it doesn't remotely scare me...I'm sure a lot of women when I described him turning off the ignition and acting like that.....that would scare them.....doesn't scare me one bit. Now I don't know if I *Want* it ..... or if I'm just *Used* to it.......but something has to give. In a twisted way, if I'm getting a reaction out of him, I know he at least still gives a sh*t.....does that make sense? I'm not saying it's right....but it's honest. I can own my reality. I don't think it's my WH or his OW flaming me, I tend to be a little abrasive, and rub people the wrong way...it's all good.

JLSeagull....psssst, you're a member. And sorry, I wasn't trying to put down *junior members* I was restating that it appeared someone Acquired an ID for the purpose of flaming me. I type LMAO to signify something I find funny.....if I can't find the humor in something I'll lose my mind. I'm not trying to say I don't like the drama....but it's probably not a good thing that I do. I'm a work in progress here.
Kimmy-
Thanks for the support, and I did need the hug....ty ty ty.

Mimi-
It's okay, I try not to be suspicious of people's posts...but that makes me sorta overly trusting...for some reason since I don't lie, I expect that from others too....and I know this isn't the case......same with stealing, I would NEVER steal from anyone, so I don't expect to be stolen from. I understand what you mean about the trust issue though Mimi, I'm sure I'll have a bigger problem with it in recovery. My story is all true though, I assure you. And yes again, guilty as charged....I seem to unconsciously seek the drama I guess....it's retarded. And maybe there's so much drama because I won't fully detach. It's unhealthy I realize, but I can't seem to fully do it.

Dani-
Yeah, I know hon, you have too much and you don't want it. I'm sure it gets old after a while.

Orchid-
Thank you, always a welcome perspective...actually when it's a perspective and not what appears to be an attack, I have no problem with criticism AT ALL. I will tell you that I get a lot of information in a short period of time on here and it's hard to report it all back or even remember what was said to me, but I do try.

Enchanted-
Yeah, I think there'd be less drama if there were more money. If I were more stable in my job, or if I'd gotten my degree before this happened I probably wouldn' t be nearly as freaked out about it. A lot of the people in my group are getting divorced and they seem to want it and I'm just stunned by that.....and they look at me like I'm a freak. I say "Are you sure??? " They're like "YES...I'm SURE." And I just think to myself "Hmmmmmmm.....how can they be so sure" Which one of the counselors keeps translating to mean I want to be where they are, but I don't think so, I just don't get it. I married my Husband for life, and I'm sorry that I have a hard time swallowing it being over, since my *LIFE* isn't over yet.......but they're not thinking about God when they're talking, and I am. I always list God as my first support.

love-of-a-lifetime:
Truth is stranger than fiction a lot of times.....I'm like the anti-paranoid though.....I always have been. I'm just out there when I'm talking, nothing embarrasses me really, and I don't really try to hide ANY of it.....I don't know why. It seems strange to me when someone is embarrassed that they're parent is an alcoholic, my Mom was....it wasn't my fault, why on earth would I be embarrassed about it? Same with my situation, I'm not embarrassed, I didn't start it.......but I have to live it. I didn't choose for my WH to cheat on me. And I'm not embarrassed that he did either. I don't feel that I had a hand in causing him to make a choice to stomp all over our vows....did I have something to do with our marriage getting to the point where that could happen YES.....and I have been working so hard to correct this stuff.....you really have no idea, I REALLY had no idea....this is all so new to me, I keep thinking that I'll be better when I STOP feeling all of this, that's what I keep trying to revert back to.....I was thinking that today in the parking garage on my way in, I was feeling kinda anxious and I thought, "You know, I'll be glad when I stop *Feeling* all this crap" LOL my counselors are like....no Caren, you got sick because you WEREN'T feeling anything.....it's the problem, not the solution. So, hey, I'm trying.

October-
I appreciate you hon, you've been defending me left and right on here....((((((October))))). I don't know why I let one person posting something negative derail my train of thought like I do, I was talking about that today too......they said..."Why? Why do you let it bother you?" I said "I don't know, but I couldn't help but respond....and it didn't really make me feel any better...and I don't even know them, so I'm not really sure." I'm just easy to get a rise out of I guess <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I think a lot of people get upset at my laughing in my posts....even when I'm crying, I can see that this situation is so ridiculous sometimes that it makes me laugh.....maybe it's another defense mechanism...I dunno, I seriously can't run around *feeling* everything constantly...I wouldn't be able to function.

Okay now....I tried to reply to everyone this time.....I was typing it on a word pad as I went so I wouldn't forget to include someone...if I forgot, I apologize.

And I'd like to retract that venom I spewed at Cs-Cs's a bit ago, I won't erase it, because I said it....but I want to apologize for it, You were trying to help, and I DO remember you post, I must have gotten a misinformed person at the CSEA. I am going to talk to WH tonight, and lay the options out for him.....none of them are pretty for him really.

Even if he decides to work on our marriage and dump OW....that's not gonna be easy either...there are no easy options for him....kinda makes you feel sorry for the WS, they have created a really tough spot for themselves, and they have to be or at least act like an adult to get out of it, there's no way to get out unscathed...hopefully they'll remember and not do it again.

BTW, someone give me a NICE way to say this to WH tonight, what I want to say is "Get your head out of your @ss, you MADE this mess....YOU clean it up!!!" Okay someone nice that up for me please....LOL that would be a big DJ/LB to say <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

-Caren

All right, let's all chill a little.

Really, Okie DID just ask a simple q. And I was kidding, Okie, when I said except that "okie thang", I hope ya' know.

Caren, you aren't getting out of sorts, are you? Was that just you being sarcastic (the blip on computer remark), or did I read that wrong? I can't imagine what your prob would be?! Just because your H is having an A and left you and kids, with no FS, you are poor and sick with lots of other probs, you think that gives you the right to be cranky?! HA...Just kidding, okay?

Really, I do think that MOST people here just want to help. Caren might be a little overwhelmed with all the responses, conflicting and such as they are. But Caren, I understand and know all, and you should only listen to me , just ignore all the other posters, old-timers or new, recovered or not. LOL

Caren, responders DO probably want to help - so check into some of the junk, it can't hurt... Well, maybe just your brain and self-esteem a little, but you'll get thru it.

I like the "Peace Out" and remember a lot of old posters, but I really have been lurking for well over a year.

OT: Dealin-d, LOVE that signature line, hee hee, even with a chainsaw,hmm?

JLS

Hi again Okie. I am sorry I took a simple question and made a big hairy deal out of it, it was an honest question, but it's hard to read the *sentiment* in something that's typed...you don't hear the voice, so there are no indicators....I actually thought this same thing, they're gonna think, hey if her phone is d/c ed hows she posting, but forgot to address it.

-Caren

JLSeagull-

Now see....sarcasm I can relate to...I find your post very, very funny!!!

I do get a little overwhelmed, and yeah, I bite sometimes when I'm like that.....I apologized for it though.

I'm not sure about this, but I think a lot of ppl are upset about me going to *talk* to my WH about my finances, It is supposed to be an okay thing to talk to him about, or at least that's what I read. I'm tired of playing with him, I'm not completely breaking plan B....I haven't talked to him since I asked him to meet me....and dependant on what he says, I may not talk to him after, but it made sense to me that I should at least let him try to do the right thing....I haven't been telling him ANY OF THIS, he doesn't know my financial state....so I'm letting him know. Of course any normal person would think about these things, but he's a WS, not a normal person.

-Caren

Sorry Caren,
Cross-posted I guess. HARRAHH, I'm a member?!! I ffeel so ..good?, I guess...Whooppeee me, I must have posted more than I thought!! WhooHOO me.

And Caren, I AM the one who recognized that you handle yourself with humor and I like that. Puhleeze, get it right. What IS wrong with you girly? LOL

I can understand the drama thing, although I have learned that life is pretty ok without it too. My H and I had a fight once (well, more than once)when we were dating and I overreacted (more than once on this too) -- HE said that he knew then that I cared. Even GUYS get it, well some of it anyway, sometimes.

See, we're (posters) not all that bad, are we now. -(says in patronizing voice)

And remember, ONLY me = I KNOW ALL (just ask my family).

JLS

Caren I'm in eastern Ohio and yeah Franklin County IS much more expensive. I have cousins there.
As for what to tell your husband tonight, how about "sweetie lose the BIRS (brain in rectum syndrome lol) and focus on facts. Then lay them out for him in plain english.
AFDC is your best bet right now. They will give you immediate help.
Good luck tonight. We're all rooting for you.

<small>[ February 22, 2005, 05:15 PM: Message edited by: Cs-Cs ]</small>