I e-mailed my community college to see what I can do about the $500 that I owe them, I am hoping we can set up some sort of payment plan so that I can get back in school.

I also checked if they have any sort of "womens program" and they do not.

-Caren

Well I've been trying to talk to someone at the community college for about an hour now....apparently no one works before 9:30 am.

Pray for me, they need to make payment arrangements with me so I can start. Also, I'd be able to get a student loan, which would help me with my living expenses.

*sigh* I have a monster headache today.

But I feel like I'm moving in a positive direction....and that's a different feeling, I've been spinning my wheels for so long that it feels strange to not be in a rut anymore.

Oh, well just got off the phone with the community college, they'll make payment arrangements, but I can't start classes until after the amount is paid in full.....go me.

-Caren

Okay went to the apartment place and they are saying that I have to make 3X's what the rent is per month WONDERFUL, so now I have to get some ficticious document from WH saying he pays X amount in child support and have it notarized before they can even consider me.

Everything that can go wrong DOES go wrong.

But everything also happens for a reason and I trust my God......for he will surely provide.

-Caren

Okay......apartment application DENIED....apparently my credit history isn't good enough, and they are saying that an apartment I lived in 8 years ago says I still owe them money for breaking a lease. And even if I had a co-signer that I would still have to pay the balance to the other apartment complex.

I have been looking in the papers, I have been looking at Apartments.com.............NOTHING in my price range.

I'm going to cry <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

-Caren

Caren can you get section 8 housing ? Try hun try.

Realtor-

They only offer section 8 a few times a year, and you have to be on the waiting list....I've tried it before <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I'm screwed.

-Caren

Caren, I'm sorry if I missed this: did you get an eviction notice?

Caren,
Have you looked into shared housing? Craigslist has a bunch of national listings. I know its not ideal, but it can be a short term solution.

Call your church. Call any church and ask for ideas.

When my H and I first seperated I had to have a roommate for awhile, until I could get my finances in line.

You will be ok Caren.

Caren,

My advice here is more emotional and spiritual than practical. The rest here will help you thru, especially those that have been thru what you are going thru.

I was reading your posts, and as you described what you were doing about getting back in college, and talking about how things seem to be starting to move forward, my typical red flag started waving. And this is something I want you to understand and get used to seeing before it hits you.

As I read that, I was just saying to myself that I would post "Be ready for the flip side," when I read on about the apartment being denied. I see you got the flip side!

My point is this. You are in a spiritual war, Caren. There are beings in your life that you do not know are even there. Some that are not out for your good (demons) and others there to protect and help you (angels). This battle is swirling around you. The demons want to derail your marriage, they want to derail reconciliation, they want to derail you making more money, bettering yourself. They liked it when you were home, your husband was cheating on you...and you did nothing. Do you know why? Because as long as you are there, you cant help others...you cant be an example for others to follow and be lead to Jesus. You are a Christian...but those demons do not want you to lead anyone else there.

I have told you before that you have tremendous power at your disposal. The God of this universe owns all of those apartments. Do you think He doesnt care? That He cant make sure you get what you need? Is your God poor or weak...or disattached from your world.

Let me give you a military picture to describe what I am talking about here. Picture this. You are in Afghanistan two years ago. On a hill a mile away, you can see smoke from mortars that are firing bombs at you. You cant see the guys firing but you sure as heck can see the destruction they are raining down on you. Now, you were given a radio...and on that radio, you have a frequency and call signs of a guy in a bomber at 20,000 feet somewhere above you. Above the clouds. You have access to that guy up there because you are on his team, you are in his "family." Thus, you call him and ask for help. You tell him the situation (which he already knows because he already got the intel about the situation...but he has been waiting for your call that you want him to intercede).

So, you talk to a piece of plastic in your hand, while hell is raining down around you, and a moment later...out of the clouds comes this small dot that grows larger as it falls right at that hilltop. And seconds later, that hilltop and everything on it is destroyed by a 500lbs JDAM. And for that moment, the enemy is silenced, and you are able to stand up, dust yourself off, patch your wounds and begin to move forward again.

But just like this day, tomorrow there will be more enemy, more mortars fired at you. The question is, will there be more JDAMS? The answer to that is...did you ask for one?

God said He will never leave us nor forsake us. As a Christian, you know that He is right there in the battle with you. And the end of the war...we already know who wins that. But this battle will be won or lost based on what you do. You can charge that hill alone, and bleed and suffer and fail. Or you can call on Him and say "I do not have the power to take that next hill...please step in Lord and show me your power around me and thru me." And guess what? Just as in my example, in an instant, a "JDAM" from the Lord rains down on those who would destroy you...and they are taken out for that moment. And you can move forward again.

Unfortunately, this is the lot in life for a Christian. As you get closer to God, the demons dont work on you less...they hit you harder!

So, what I was saying about red flags is this. When things are going well, prepare your prayer life, the practicalities of your life, to expect the next enemy attack. You dont know WHERE or WHEN it will come...you just know it will. Then, when that "DENIED" notice comes in, you know where that mortar round came from. And even though it hit hard and hurt...you were ready. And then you pick up your "microphone," and you talk to God and say "Did you see me just get hit? I cant take these guys. Please rain heaven down on them so I can get back up and do your will." And then you watch the show!!

I have watched so many hopeless situations change in my favor in an instant while doing this. But I had to trust a God that I couldn't "see," to hit an enemy that I couldnt see, to stop destruction that was tearing me apart. So, I prayed...and I heard His voice come back with "Roger...stand by..."

As an infantry guy in the middle of a battle, nothing is more comforting than to have a "roger...stand by..." Because you know, the entire American Army, even the American people, are spending every last dollar and ounce of energy they can at that particular moment, to come get you and/or help you. And yes, those few minutes...while the battle still rages around you...that it takes for those planes to set up and get in position and then for those bombs to fall...seem like an enternity. But we still know that the end of that battle is certain. We dont know when, but we know in the right timing...hell is going to reach up and swallow our enemies.

So, we continue to fight for those few minutes. It seems like during that time that we begin to doubt a little. Are they really up there? Why havent they come by now? What is taking so long? We just lost two more guys...it is their fault for not getting here in time? And so on and so on. But then you hear something...and you look over your berm you are firing behind and you see that little speck in the sky. And it is that point you realize that when you heard "Roger...stand by..." you werent talking to a piece of plastic, you werent talking to a mythical person up there some where. They heard you and they responded. And as that bomb hits and the enemy in front of you is destroyed...your faith in those guys "up there" is fully restored.

Let me take this a little further, since I went down this analogy road. In the Marines, do you know what their fighter and bomber pilots have to do? They have to serve first down on the ground, with the infantry grunts. They have to go into the "battles," to hump thru the woods or desert. Why? So when they are cruising at 20,000 feet in their climate regulated plane, and they get that call "I need everything you got...NOW!!" and that pilot hears that guys voice, he hears the battle being waged in the background, then he knows PERSONALLY what is at stake. He has been there...he knows what is going on.

Sounds like Jesus, doesnt it? He came down here to experience what we are going thru. Every emotion, every temptation, He was subjected to. So, when you get on your knees, you arent talking to some "pilot" that doesnt understand what you are going thru. No. Instead, you are talking to a real person, who really came here, really lived, really died (and of course, really rose again). So, you cant say "Well, I would pray but what good is it...He wouldnt understand what is happening to me." Really? He doesnt understand betrayal? Or pain? Or the loss of a loved one? Or hunger?

I went very long here Caren, but I hope you get my point here. Expect both the good and the bad. Expect it. Rest in the good, and have your defenses ready for the bad. That way, many times, you can "see" the enemy well before he fires...and you can call on God to launch JDAMS on him even before he had a chance to do anything.

Think about it. This is war. Your life, your marriage...all of it is part of the battleground.

</font>

• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"></font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ignore this battle, and be caught in the middle of it.</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Fight it alone, and you WILL be destroyed.</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Join the battle and use the tools given to you...and you will succeed in destroying the enemy everytime.</font></li>

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

I am not saying it will be easy. Wars are messy, nasty business. But, I am saying you will have peace in the battle, and victory at the end.

Now apply this to your housing battle, your marriage battle, your work battle, your college battle, etc. And see what happens.

Caren, you have more power at your disposal than you know. You may not be able to "see" it...it may be at 20,000 feet. But it is yours to call on.

In His arms.

<small>[ March 11, 2005, 10:57 PM: Message edited by: Mortarman ]</small>

Caren,
On the school thing. OK, you have to pay them back, so as soon as you can, start working on that. In the meantime, check into whether you can qualify for a PELL Grant instead of trying to get another student loan. You have to take at least 12 hrs/semester, but you don't have to pay it back. Sometimes, the PELL Grant is enough to help pay some living expenses, too, after you pay your tuition and for your books.

As far as housing goes, if you can find someplace to scratch up the $500 (maybe your WH could cough up some back child support????!) and pay the school off, could you qualify for campus housing while you're in school?

ETA: I just had another thought on the school situation...could you work out a deal to work off the $500? Maybe do cleaning, PT secretarial work, whatever....until the $500 is paid?

Also, why not check to see if you can find a position as an apartment manager...in exchange for rent. Heck, see if you can barter some kind of services in exchange for what you need...or at least for a break on the price.

LC

<small>[ March 11, 2005, 09:58 PM: Message edited by: Lady Clueless ]</small>

[treadjack]

MM- that is one of the coolest analogies I have ever read regarding the spiritual battle we are in. I hope it will help others as much as it has helped me.

[/threadjack]


TM

Thanks TM. I thank God I had my military experience because it so allows me to see things more clearly, and be able to put up with a lot of BS.

You sir, have a classic battle on your hands. Added to that, you have a man "your WW" who is MIA. You are not aure if your wife is "dead" or "alive." But you have a mission to run...a job to do now.

Remember CPT Scott Ogrady in Bosnia afew years back? He got shot down. Remember, his wing man eventually had to return to base, not knowing if CPT OGrady was dead or alive? And for days after that, his wingman went about his patrols...had to go back to work. But, he always had that channel open on his plane, listening to see if the darkness would be broken with the news that he was still alive. And then, one day, his receiver crackled...they verified that he was authentic...and his wingman responded "You're alive!!" Kinda what you are about to do in Plan B. You have to leave the seen. Dont knw if wife is dead or alive. but you have a life to live. But out of that darkness of plan B, you just might get that voice of YOUR WIFE wanting to come home.

Anyway, didnt want ot waste too much of Caren's space. Just want every Christian to know...your victory is certain...and you have more power at your disposal than you ever dreamed.

In His arms.

It wasn't a threadjack Travellin, you're right, that actually puts the *battle* more into perspective, I hadn't even thought of it that way.....maybe that's why it's not worrying me, it should worry me...I should be frantic, but I'm not worried.

Lady Clueless -

You can't get a pell grant unless you are enrolled in classes....I do qualify for them, I was going to school for about a year and a 1/2 and when the proverbial sh*t hit the fan with my marriage, I crumbled, and dropped my classes, but it was after the date. It was better to drop them then to get an F for the class.

The college is perfectly willing to make payment arrangements with me, but I can't attend school until it's paid off.

It's a community college......they have no student housing, only universities have student housing to my knowledge.

My husband has told me that he wants to get back together, yet again, but he has his hot rod in her garage, and his other car with the blown engine in her garage, and that's what he says he's waiting on......fog babble, maybe....I don't know. I don't want you guys to get all 2x4ee on me, I am not hanging on his every word...I want action not words.

-Caren

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> My husband has told me that he wants to get back together, yet again, but he has his hot rod in her garage, and his other car with the blown engine in her garage, and that's what he says he's waiting on......fog babble, maybe....I don't know. I don't want you guys to get all 2x4ee on me, I am not hanging on his every word...I want action not words. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Not to scare you Caren...but I've been listening to this for over a year now! Words and hot air!

Mom-

Yeah I know.....it's just words, and his words don't really mean jack crap.

Last night I kept getting these blocked number hang up calls, everytime the kids answered the caller would hang up.....so the 3rd time a blocked caller called I answered and they said "You need to stay away from him b*tch!" I said "Excuse me? Who is this?" And they said "You heard me stay the [censored] away from him!" Then they hung up. I was FUMING. I called WH's answering machine b*tching up a blue streak. He called back about a 1/2 hour later and said "Caren....who do you think it is?!" I said "You know who I think it is." He said "It couldn't have been her....I was with her all afternoon" I was like "Well isn't that f*cking cozy" What *HIM* could the caller have been talking about Mark??!?!?" Then I said "Ohhhh I thought you wanted to get back together, but you were with HER all afternoon??!?!?" He said "I do Caren, but I have to keep her happy until I can something done with those cars"

Well I went over there, I had drank 3 beers (Yes I'm a light weight) and we got into it (DD19 was watching DD10, as I was supposed to have a night out with the girls that fell through). I was screaming "This is such a crock of sh*t...you aren't just keeping her happy, you want to be with her!!!!" He said "No I don't, I don't know what to do about the cars!" He said (handing me the phone) "Here, you wanna call her and tell her we're getting back together? Then I'll be f*cked on my cars....but here you call her" I tried to take the phone, but he wouldn't give it to me" I said "I am so outta here....." he said "No, Caren you've been drinking you're not going anywhere" So we sat there and talked about all this, he said "Caren I love you, if I didn't love you, you wouldn't be here....blah blah blah" I said "You don't love me, if you loved me, you wouldn't be doing this to me"

I said "Ya know what, you still got that letter?" He said "Yes" I said "Well those conditions in the letter haven't changed....those are what you have to do if you want to work on our marriage." He said "Caren, you're not controlling this!" I said "No, you're right, I'm not controlling THIS, I'm not controlling YOU, I'm giving you a choice....you can chose to do the things I need you to do, or you can chose not to....I'm not forcing you to do anything, I'm taking control of ME! Of my future, of my destiny that's what I control, and if you want to be part of my world, those things are what you have to do."

He wouldn't let me leave, which was probably a good idea, so I slept over there last night...he didn't want me drinking and driving, at least he cares that I don't die in a drunk driving accident....although that's probably because he doesn't want sole custody of our daughter.

I don't feel bad, I know I shouldn't have even drank any beer.....but I was at the end of my rope.

I keep thinking I should call OW, and tell her exactly what he's been telling me....but I really don't think it'd be any good, she'd probably just think I'm a liar.

Oh well, God will provide....I've already asked his forgiveness for drinking and acting like a looney last night (I didn't get confrontational, I stayed reasonably calm after the initial screaming at him....but still...I was not very happy).

Also there's the extra added bonus of, if it wasn't her................then who on earth is calling me and telling me to stay away from whoever "HIM" is.....I'm certainly not messing around or even speaking to any other guys, I even asked my only male friend to stop calling and stopping by, because it just created more tension....so I don't have a clue who it was if it wasn't her. And if he was with her, he wouldn't have sat there and let her call me and say those things, because he knows that the end result would be me in a police cruiser, because I'd stomp her into dust.

-Caren

<small>[ March 13, 2005, 07:33 AM: Message edited by: CarenMc ]</small>

Maybe she put someone up to it? One of her trashy friends?

Glad you didn't drink and drive! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Okay my friend Casey is going to lend me the $500.00 to pay off the college, so I can schedule classes for this quarter. Then I'll get my student loan dispersment (sp?)and will be able to pay her back.

So got that part of my life under control. WH is still saying today he wants me to move in with him, he is supposidly making arrangements to move the cars from her garage, and telling her that it's over, then sitting down with me and making a NC letter and my 1st appointment with my IC is tommorrow at noon, and he will also be my marriage counselor (HE'S A CHRISTIAN COUNSELOR!!! I'M SO HAPPY).

So he appears to be complying with my PBL requests without actually being in Plan B. Note that I said *Appears* to be doing these things, I'll believe it when I see it.

But at least I'm back on track with the school thing <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

-Caren

P.S. I can also start back to work next week!

<small>[ March 13, 2005, 02:08 PM: Message edited by: CarenMc ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by CarenMc:
<strong>
But at least I'm back on track with the school thing <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

-Caren

P.S. I can also start back to work next week! </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Good. Get your life including school and work on track first. Your energies are being misspent in the wrong places. Control what you can, and TOTAL accept responsibility for your life. I would not expect anything from your Wayward. You should EXPECT to do good in school and get back to work to do a great job to move up that ladder. I hope you can keep the focus on those things and stop with the "drama" and "saga" that YOU MAKE your life. Bravo for you.

LM <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Caren,

Let's take any and all words said to each other this weekend out of the equation and look at this, okay?

</font>

• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He admitted he was with her the other day.</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">His cars still sit where they have been, in her garage.</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He still has not met ONE part of your PBL in deed or action.</font></li>

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
Now while he may still come around without Plan B, I still say the odds are not good. Why? Because absolutely nothing has changed in practical realities.

Do I think things have changed inside him? Sure. I do think he probably wants to come home. But, he hasnt done a thing so far. And he wont, because he is a coward right now. He is afraid of the pain, afraid of the confrontation with this OW.

I think you handled yourself well. I think what you said about controlling YOU was very well said. But Caren...this is a dance that YOU are continuing. And allowing to be continued. You are allowing him to see OW while "saying" that he wants to come home. You are allowing him to continue to disrespect you, and to cause you to go on this rollercoaster (thus, the getting drunk).

You have control over your part of this Caren...and right now, it is almost like you are giving him permission to continue as he has been. He says you arent going to control this, and up until now...he is right. He can control it, and you will allow it.

Take control of your part in this. Set healthy boundaries without LBing. That means that he doesnt get to stay with OW and see her, and put those cars or whatever else, ahead of you.

You should be in Plan B Caren. It is obvious that call was from the OW or one of her friends. She is probably upset because she too can see that WH wants to come home.

You want to send that relationship spinning completely out of control? You want HUGE problems over there? Then go to Plan B! I will bet that within a day, the OW will see your WH spinning out of control and will be POed at the fact that YOU are the one he wants and still holds his heart. That, my dear...will spell the end of that relationship.

You are doing some great Plan B stuff, with school, finances, etc. So the part on working on you is going forward. But Plan B is a complete plan. And it includes letting your WH have the fog and the OW...and see how crappy that is going to be.

So, I still wait for you to stand your ground. You said to him that the PBL are the conditions that have to happen for you all to work on the marriage. But then you "work" on the marriage with him anyway, by hanging out with him, etc.

You are enabling him Caren. If he was a drug addict, handing him a piece of paper saying he must stop seeing drugs, see a counselor, etc really means nothing without action on your part. "But Caren, I am slowly bringing down my habit...I only had two lines of coke today."

How would you handle an addicted husband? You would use tough love, and leave him in his addicted world alone. if he wasnt willing to do the right thing.

This addiction is NO different. So treat it that way.

In His arms.

Caren -

I know you tease me about this, but I really wish you'd pay attention to MM - he is right.

I lost my marriage because I took the steps I needed to to protect my kids and work on myself - I took the chance that things would bring my WW back.

You know my story better than most here, I imagine. You know that I lost that particular 'gamble' - but I've made out better in the end after all - I have grown in unbelievable ways, and I'm happier than I have EVER been - I found out that 18 years of marriage, and what I felt about W and WW was not what it seemed in the end.

I want your marriage to work out. I really, really do (you know how much I do). But you have to stop the 'dance' - as MM pointed out. Yes, I'm agreeing with him, but if you want any respect from your husband, any love - you will set those specific boundaries and refuse to step beyond them.

My lord, girl, he's playing you like a fiddle and you are going along. Stop performing for him and see what happens - give it serious thought, please.

Things may work out the way you want them - but as you well know, unexpected and better things can happen when you least expect them. Do what is right, and what is right will follow.....

David

<small>[ March 15, 2005, 01:34 PM: Message edited by: tanelornpete ]</small>