WOW…. Where has it gone on these boards? Generalizations and stereo-types flooding through our threads. Someone who doesn’t line up with Biblical, Marriage-Builder, or our own concepts of right and wrong, so we grab the biggest rock we can find and hurl it at them. In the words of Rodney King “Can’t we all just get along”… I’ll be the 1st to admit I’m as guilty as anyone and for those who I have offended, I’m apologize.

Let us always remember that the person you’re typing to is first, a person and because they are here more than likely they are going through some tough emotional times. Sometimes our thought processes and judgments are clouded and influenced by the situations we are in and in some case our opinions and Points of View are simply different than yours. Now I am in no implying that we should agree on everything or be all overly sensitive or anything like that, I am simply implying that we should ALL post with RESPECT.

And to US old-timers out there “SHAME ON US”. Some of us have healed, have moved on, are healthy and aren’t relating to the new comer. I’m saddened when I see a newby post, get blasted, and not return. That’s a person we can’t help because we ran them off. IMHO the “new comer” is the most important member of these boards. Through them we can give back to the principles that helped us and draw from their growth. I have to say that I’m glad that I was greeted respectfully for my life would be totally different now had I not took up residence with the good folks that bless these boards.

Marriage Builders did not save my marriage but it, and the great many friends I have made here, has been an integral part in saving me as a person. For this I am in debt to these boards and the wonderful people that visit them.

God Bless each and every one of you…

Hugs, Thoughts, & Prayers

<small>[ February 23, 2005, 11:47 AM: Message edited by: LostHusband ]</small>

ummm

I have a question...

What if they are from Texas....

does what you say still apply...???

losthusband..I'm sorry I can not control myself....

and I never really do mean to offend anyone...

but as you can see it's like I am possessed....

I'm sorry................

your post stands correct....in all you said...

(just clarify the texas thing....and it's all good...)

OK..I'm slinking off now...
you can break your own guidelines and blast just me......I really do deserve it... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

ARK
I will delete this if you want me to as well..just tell me...

Thank-you Lost and Ark - I really appreaciate that Ark. After you blasted me over my journal I have not written and have not posted what I am going thru. Feel like I lost so much supprt. You see I have no family here, some friends not real close and my best friend lives up north and I am down south. These things are to personal for me to talk to others about. Here it was no one knows me so I felt safe. I thank-you

(((((((((((((realtor))))))))))))))))

I didn't see a post where anyone blasted you, but in any event, don't let that stop you from posting.....ppl blast me all the time....builds character..LOL...JK.

But seriously, keep posting so you can get some support <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

-Caren

see realtor...here's where I don't agree...

I don't see how I blasted you......
I seriously questioned how it makes a spouse feel if the other spouse writes in a journal in front of them...

I still question that...

that's not a personal attack
that's not calling you names...

realtor if my husband chose to go somewhere with me.or I with him (hopefully to spend time with me)..then spent the time writing private writings in front of me even while I did labor......I would feel lonely and isolated and rejected by him...

that's my opinion on that issue...

it's not gospel
it's not fact...

it's something I asked you about...

how do you think your husband feels...

and somehow questioning that equates me running you off the boards...

this is NOT a suport board....
it can't be.... it is an opinion board....
that hopefully offers support in obtaining maintaining healthy marriages....

and if and when you don't like someones opinion offerred..you skip it...

I just went back and read that post on the journal....and I really don't think i blasted you at all realtor...in fact I offerred all kinds of suggestions for things you could try rather than journaling in front of your hubby...

but the beauty of this...is you don't HAVE to listen to me...
you can do whatever it is you want....

realtor please feel free to post whatever you desire to post...
and i will not respond

ARK

ARKs latest post and point brings up the other side of the coin I think.

Respect works both ways. Respect those whom are posting TO you as well. There are people on this board who have been here for several years and who have a wealth of experience and knowledge in infidelity as well as in marriage building.

It is important to remember that what they offer is a heartfelt desire to offer another viewpoint, one which might be just the ticket we need to bring the issue home... and from there to solve it.

They would not still be posting on this board if their motives were anything but pure. The others would have run them off. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I can't imagine a more valuable tool than what is offered here, by both newbies and vets. In fact it is invaluable in my opinion, and one a person struggling with marital or infidelity issues is unlikely to find anywhere else in the world. And it's FREE to boot. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ February 23, 2005, 01:46 PM: Message edited by: weaver ]</small>

Ark I do not seem to make you understand that he was not THERE when I wrote in the jounal. I was alone.

Weaver,

U R such a gem. Able to see the silver lining in all this A crap. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

You are right about the endurance needed to keep posting here. Won't lie and say I enjoy coming here everyday. Sometimes I just want to stop but when I see all the suffering, well it makes me sad, then mad, then I post. Ooops maybe it w/b the other way around?

Well after a while the stories start sounding the same the remedies carry the same steps. How they are individually implemented is what changes.

It truly hurts my heart to see prolonged pain. Can't always do something about it but watch and wait.

Patience is a virtue. Cultivating it has been a challenge.

Just wanted to let you know I appreciate your post. I have been known to send out a few 2x4s. LOL!!! Don't really regret most of them. Just hope they help.

I know they did for me.

BTW what I recall of LH is that he was the one who mediated some of our previous heated discussions. Seems like he hasn't lost his touch. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

All the best.

L.

Ark I do not seem to make you understand that he was not THERE when I wrote in the jounal. I was alone.

realtor...
I was under the impression that the TWO of you went together in his truck...together...

I understand he went UP on some roof...while you sat below and journaled....

MY suggestion is that you use that time more to your advantage of togetherness...that if he knows you have a journal.
knows you brought it..
and might MIGHT get the impression you would RATHER write in it than spend time/talk/help him...

that's it...
and if I was totally misunderstanding...then how I could blast you is even more confusing cause if I was way then you should just disregard my posts as the lunacy they are....

I thought you left your journal in his truck...
realtor if I am wrong I am sorry...

If you don't like my opinion I'm sorry

as I said..post whatever...you want....lots of people here will respond

ARK

Its ok I just wanted you to know that I would never ever hurt him or anyone else. That day that I worte was a hard day for me and maybe I took you wrong. I was alone and wrote my thoughts -I had to much time alone over there and let myself think to much.

Maybe I should change the title of this thread to “Marriage Builders Death Match”…. Our first match places the Ark and Realtor in the center ring but that’s not it folks… Stay tuned for our next bout where Orchid will try to put a reversal on the babbling Weaver….

Since my plea for peace had the opposite affect, let’s turn this thread to a place for those who would like to fight it out to the death. May the best MBer win...

LOVE Y’all


PS. Ark…. Thought you weren’t gonna reply no more…

For what it is worth to all you old timers....I am a newby who by strange but wonderful coincidence stumbled my way through d-day into recovery without MB. Guess I had great instinct or just enough common sense to realize that NC was absolute in order for me to continue another day in my M.

Although my FWH's A had already died a very slow death, with the OW clinging and holding on to the bitter end, when I had my d-day, my not so saavy FWH actually thought that OW could continue to work for him as a freelancer. Duh. I said no, no, h*** no. It took my FWH about 10 seconds to agree.

In any case, not all of us actually need advice as much as we need to know that we are not alone. I came here looking to hear that what I was experiencing was "normal" at this stage of recovery and that it would get better.

I get the "fellowship" I need here from others who share a common sit. Never before have I so completely understood that anyone who hasn't been in this sit, can not imagine how difficult it is. I, for one would have thought that if ever put in the position of a BS, I would have immediately ended the M.

So much for knowing myself....I happen to love my FWH and think that my M, inspite of this setback, is a pretty special one. And so, we struggle to recover even though parting would have initially been much easier.

Hey! Who you calling "babbling" ?

Are you saying I babble?

I'm telling on you LostHusband!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by LostHusband:
<strong> Maybe I should change the title of this thread to “Marriage Builders Death Match”…. Our first match places the Ark and Realtor in the center ring but that’s not it folks… Stay tuned for our next bout where Orchid will try to put a reversal on the babbling Weaver….

Since my plea for peace had the opposite affect, let’s turn this thread to a place for those who would like to fight it out to the death. May the best MBer win...

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">LH,

U R too funny or is it all that wedding planning stuff making you all woozie! LOL!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

We can't all be lovey dovies ya know. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Well I can't address Ark's post though I can relate to it but I do know that I am smart enough NOT to attempt to put Weaver in a headlock. I believe Weaver is not only taller than me but also in much better shape so only a fight of wits has a chance and a slim one at that. LOL!!!!

No headlocks, just handshakes and hugz. Make peace not war!!! Oooh that cliche' was waaay b4 my time. LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

L.

MY DEAR LOST,

I have forgiven Ark and maybe it was good this happened. I am happy all has ended well. Again it goes back to my dumb way of not facing and talking about what bohters me. I have to stop crawling into this dam shell. Burying me head in the sand. Oh well and I do need to learn to type better. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Thanks

Orchid, LH does have a point. You could just reverse-babble me to death. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />


Realtor - please don't crawl back into your shell.

See everythings cool! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

losthusband...

1. I told you I am possessed (wonder if any WS have ever tried that line...)

2. you can say that I can pretty much bring traffic to any thread...even the most ever loving ones meant in the sign of peace....

3. i am not sure that your post had the opposite effect....
because there is always the fine line to wanting just support...and not liking what you hear because it hits a nerve.....

4. Who would win in a match weaver or orchid...
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

but most importantly losthusband...
I follow the guidelines as per marriage builders...including no personal attacks....which is wrong ...
but sometimes the best support is given with a grain of salt...and it stings not because of the messenger but because of the message itself...
(which by no way means implies I think it's my advice/opinion that is right or correct...) but I know it's never given in hopes of driving someone away....


so do you offer what you believe is the best thought out advice even God inspired at times and never meant to drive someone away......or do you just offer support in the hopes that the bad stuff goes away.....

ARK

Hey y'all Orchid brings up a good point... We should settle this with handshakes and hugz... How about we change it from "MB Death Match" to a "Bikini Mudd Wrasteling Tournement", of course I'll still referee... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Oh and Weaver, I figured that little comment would get a smile out of ya..

Ark, I hear what you're saying. I am simply suggesting that we need to be a little mindful of other's when posting. We shouldn't take the attitude if you don't like what I say then don't read it, is that something we'd say to our spouse in an arguement. Just like we need to practice effective communication in our relationships, we need to practice it here as well. And I ain't pointin' you out or picken' on you because honestly I don't know enuff 'bout ya. So I am speaking in general terms.

Whether they're black, white, Republican, Democrat, rich, poor, male, or female if someone is on these boards 99 times out of 100 they are hear with some type of desparation and are looking to improve their lives. Let's all help them....

And if that don't work, I'll start interviewing for the Bikini Mudd Matches....

UHHHHHHHHHH............. LostHusband,EXCUSE ME??????!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Mud wrestling and refereeing??????????????? <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by faithhopelove04:
<strong> UHHHHHHHHHH............. LostHusband,EXCUSE ME??????!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Mud wrestling and refereeing??????????????? <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">too late ... I stole the idea <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />