Absolutely! It's really a gorgeous spot and there's nothing better than staring at a campfire at the end of the day sipping a couple.

Bring some of your CD's so I can be exposed to your eclectic taste of music too! Speaking of which, what was the name of that group you posted a link to several months ago? "Sum" or sumthin....they had a female lead with a voice like pure syrup. I’ve been trying to remember it so I can find the disc.

Got a call today from my buddy who acts as the intermediary between WW and I. He said he didn’t know how to approach this latest diatribe from WW. He essentially said that she feels my demand for NC is an ultimatum. She further goes on “in an emotional manner” about our marital problems go beyond her present “relationship” blah blah blah . Communication regarding the kids may require counseling yada yada yada…..she “may” call her lawyer again…yackity yackity yackity.

She showed up to our son’s hockey game today too. That’s the 2nd one this year she attended. I wondered why she’s in town as she usually spends her weekends in the OM’s town. Of course I now realize it’s one of the $150.00 / plate fundraising gala’s her agency puts on. He’s here.

Why try and save this marriage you might ask?

Heck of a question. I don’t have an answer tonight.

In fact I look forward to demeaning myself in shallow physical relationships with vacuous women. Maybe a rich swimsuit model with heart condition….and a fishing camp. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />


Edited to add: Actually.....she'd be marriage material!

<small>[ March 05, 2005, 10:21 PM: Message edited by: Binder ]</small>

A rich swimsuit model with a fishing camp??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

DREAM ON, CANUCK BOY! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

It sure sounds like she is deep in the fog bank. So she is still seeing the OM?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> So she is still seeing the OM?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Is Helen Reddy?

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Another chat with MIL....she began discussing WW as she received a call from her this evening. WW will be up in our city for the next couple of weeks and will not be going down to OM's city. Why? Who knows? Maybe because the kids have spring break right after Easter. Maybe he has his boys and it's uncomfortable with her there. Doesn't really matter and I really don't spend too much time thinking about it.

She also told MIL that she "won't end up marrying this guy". That much I already had figured out long ago; Way before she did. She never did bring up anything else about her life and family. No indication that she was going to try and fix the damage caused by her shameful actions.

I fear my WW has grossly overestimated her options in regards to preserving our marriage. As each day passes the effort required for her to salvage this family grows and my desire to do so diminishes. My fixed date whereupon I will initiate a divorce looms. That date will not be moved over some feeble attempts to gauge the reception she may receive if considering returning to her family. If she is actually so arrogant to believe the choice is solely up to her, she will have a rude awakening.

Binder, do you think she thinks she has that option? How far away from divorce are you?

Hi Mel,

I'm not sure what you're asking. Do I think she's considering that option or will I consider that option if she indicates she would like to return?

WW cannot be alone; never really has been. I met her in college while she was in a fairly lengthy relationship with her High school sweetheart. We had an on and off again relationship for about 7 years until we married. She has never left a relationship to be single for any time...she's terrified to be alone.

So yes, I think she probably sees this marriage as a soft place to land and maybe actually figures she can simply keep it in her back pocket until needed.

If you're asking if I will consider that option the short answer is maybe. I will always consider the possibility of restoring the integrity of the family unit, but not forever and not without some real measures on her part that indicate her commitment to the process. For instance, remaining in her present job is not an option if she would like to be my wife again.

We are not presently involved in divorce proceedings, but have a separation agreement. I
will give her time to get her cranium out of her rectum, but I have a date in mind in which I will initiate the divorce should she not. As everything is divided, it would be a mere paper shuffle that would take a few months. The date I have set to initiate that is not too far away. There will be no dramatics if I go that route. I will not tell her I'm going to do such, I will simply call my lawyer and get her to start the process and call me again when she needs me to sign whatever one signs when divorcing.

Yo Binder, what did your Plan B letter say in this regard - was there any statement pertaining to your timeline? Could she say you implied "forever" for your willingness to rebuild your family?

On a "warmer" note, going fishing next week in Fla. with my son on our annual spring break trip. Could be the last one he'll go with me, - opting next year to go to a REAL spring break with his buds.

Ice melted yet?

WAT

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Binder:
<strong>

So yes, I think she probably sees this marriage as a soft place to land and maybe actually figures she can simply keep it in her back pocket until needed.

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">See, this is what I suspected. I think she feels like you will be there waiting for her no matter what happens. THEREFORE, she has all the time in the world. Have you considered filing for divorce to wake her up? I suspect it might be a huge blow to her. Especially when there seems to be trouble in the affair.

I think divorce would achieve one of two things, wake her up or allow you to move forward and get on with your life. You have already seen that the status quo isn't going to wake her up; you could be sitting here with your life on hold for the next 20 years at this rate. [or until she gets her jollies worked out of her system, whichever comes first]

Waiting around doesn't seem to be doing anything for your situation. What is your timeline for divorce?

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Yikes, Mel and I thinking alike - again?

WAT

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by worthatry:
<strong> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Yikes, Mel and I thinking alike - again?

WAT </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Great minds think alike! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> EXCEPT ABOUT FISHING! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

For the record - I do not endorse filing for divorce unless you want one. I do not believe this very serious step should be taken with manipulation in mind.

That said, when a BS has exhausted his/her love bank and affair fighting arsenal, divorce is the only reasonable recourse. If that has the shock and awe effect of knocking the WS off of top dead center, new negotiation can be considered by the BS. After all, marital love is conditional.

WAT
-------------
The fishing is ALWAYS terrific! Sometimes the catching is, too.

<small>[ March 21, 2005, 09:03 AM: Message edited by: worthatry ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Yo Binder, what did your Plan B letter say in this regard - was there any statement pertaining to your timeline? Could she say you implied "forever" for your willingness to rebuild your family? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Just looked it over...I guess she could say "forever" was implied as it simply said some words to the effect she needs to "permanently separate" from OM before I would consider speaking to her regarding a reconciliation. I further state that I will "guard my love" should she choose to recommit.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> On a "warmer" note, going fishing next week in Fla. with my son on our annual spring break trip. Could be the last one he'll go with me, - opting next year to go to a REAL spring break with his buds.

Ice melted yet? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ahhhhhhh yes, "soft" water fishing...must be nice. It appears that March will be "going out like a lion" here....we got a fresh dump of snow and it will be going down to minus 6 degrees F later this week. I'm hoping to get out ice fishing on Friday. There is still 2 1/2 feet of ice on the lakes.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> See, this is what I suspected. I think she feels like you will be there waiting for her no matter what happens. THEREFORE, she has all the time in the world. Have you considered filing for divorce to wake her up? I suspect it might be a huge blow to her. Especially when there seems to be trouble in the affair. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think getting served may smack her in the head, but I didn't want to go that route as a tactic. I will still hear her out if and when it gets to that point, but I didn't want to move up my timetable "to see what happens". I need to be at peace with that action once I commence it; I feel I will only attain that by sticking to my original plan.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Waiting around doesn't seem to be doing anything for your situation. What is your timeline for divorce? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">By the time it is finalized it will have been just shy of 2 years (barring unforeseen complications) of the date this whole mess started. I will be able to sleep soundly with that effort and will be able to explain it to my children one day should they ask. As WAT has said before "a clear conscience is priceless"

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
That said, when a BS has exhausted his/her love bank and affair fighting arsenal, divorce is the only reasonable recourse. If that has the shock and awe effect of knocking the WS off of top dead center, new negotiation can be considered by the BS. After all, marital love is conditional. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Agreed, the additional 2 months works for me though and I will not completely shut the door upon initiating a divorce, it will just be that much tougher for her to open it.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> The fishing is ALWAYS terrific! Sometimes the catching is, too. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Absolutely....fish actually have very little to do with fishing!

<small>[ March 21, 2005, 02:43 PM: Message edited by: Binder ]</small>