Thank you Dobie!

No, I do not want drama, at all!
I just feel deep down like the fact that I have some of his things means he isn't 'gone' completely. I know, it is odd and messed up.
I think if I just pack it up and say 'here' I am closing the door...

Danielle

Dani,

Someone called our home last year looking for our OW. We haven`t had contact with her in almost 5 years. It was a bill collector.

My best guess is that the OW gave my H`s name as a reference.

If this happens to you again ask who is calling and ask WHY they are calling you.

<small>[ March 10, 2005, 08:53 PM: Message edited by: Daisy37 ]</small>

Hey Dani,

IMHO, packing his stuff in a large green garbage bag is actually the nicest way I can think of to haul out his stuff. Of course you could resort to what I did after all my packing efforts failed to help the WS leave and my H to return. So I just threw his clothes out the front door. LOL!!! Yep, no bags. I did the suitcase, boxes then bag packing routine each time I kicked him out. At the end, it was costing me money to buy those green garbage bags so I decided to stop enabling the A and just toss the stuff. That's when the police were called in because the WS thought I was going crazy. Funny thing..... those officers said if he did what I was saying, then the WS just needed to pick up his clothes from the lawn, put them into his truck and quitely leave because the WS was pissing off even the police officers. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> The WS just couldn't see straight he was sooo foggy. He tried to take on those officers but was sorely out numbered. They did give him temporary shelter but he had to pay for toiletries. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Then he got to take his stuff up to the OWs place. Not sure which was more comfortable, the jail or OWs. LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Anywho..... my dear.... think about it. No more packing. He doesn't deserve it. But I will respect your decision because you have been going suffering a lot more than anyones deserves. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

take care,
L.

<small>[ March 11, 2005, 12:55 AM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>

Just a morning note to say GOOD LUCK in court today! Not that you need it, your case is so solid.

Dobie

Thank you Dobie!

I dropped off the transcript from the 2/16 case, and some other paperwork at my lawyers office on Friday. I called her Wednesday because I had not heard from her since I left the papers. She said 'oh, I have not gotten a chance to look through them. I will call you tomorrow afternoon'
Thursday 4:30 I called and left her a message because I had not heard from her.
Today 10:30am I called and left another message.
11:45 I call again and her co-worker said that she was with a client and that if I arrive 20 minutes early to court she can talk with me then.
AHH! I wanted to talk to her BEFORE court, to see what her thoughts were on the case, and the paperwork.
Oh well.

I am off to get ready...
Talk to you all later <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Danielle

Hi DaniGirl,

I found out my lawyer was charging me for every time I called him or e-mailed him, even if I was leaving ANOTHER message with his secretary that I was still waiting to hear back from him! Of course I was also charged for every time he did find the time to respond, even if he failed to answer the specific questions I had aleady asked, and was just calling to say he would find out and get back to me...

I ended up getting most of my questions answered by searching online and making phone calls to local domestic abuse volunteers. Then I would have to try to convince my lawyer, mediator, and court of my rights that I had found out about.

Oh well, my WH had to pay the lawyer's bill - not me.

<small>[ March 11, 2005, 08:20 PM: Message edited by: meremortal ]</small>

Question is....Do I pack up all of his clothes? ....... So do I just ignore him? Pack them up and say their in the yard?

You DID say "Advice?" so, here's some: Are there storage sheds for rent in your part of the country? Around here you can rent small rooms in large warehouses, lock the things up & pay 1 mnths' rent. You can then trade the key or the locker code # and the address of the facility for the amount you are out of pocket for the storage with your H. Neat, simple, out of sight-out-of-mind......

Sooooo...good news and bad news.

She showed up, (wearing Jeans and a sweatshirt, looked horrible).
WH did now show up.
The case was dismissed and the lawyer and attorney were awesome.

Bad news, I didn't think she would show up....so I didn't get a court reporter.
I am soOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO mad at myself!!
She got put on the SPOT so bad..
Admitted to having an affair, "to this day" glaring at me with a darn smile.
She admitted to drinking the night in question...
She admitted to living with WH
She admitted to hindering our recovery...
GRRRRRR!!!!!!!! I HATE HER!!!
I am going to see if the lawyers written and sworn statements of what was said, would stand in court. Anyone know?

I am happy...and mad at myself!
When they said dismissed she held up her hand and said 'but wait, but wait' and the judge said 'if you knock on troubles door, it will let you in'
then she said 'whatever' lol

Thanks for the good thoughts <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Danielle

Danielle,

I'm just overwhelmed by the ignorance. Show up looking and acting disrespectful in court, then show the judge that you're gloating about being an adulteress.

It's too bad that you didn't get the court reporter, but try not to beat yourself up. Who could have predicted such gross stupidity?

You know, "whatever" is just one of those Jerry Springer things. Right up there with "It's all good."

Also, Bellevue's idea about his stuff is a good one.

It may not have been a perfect leap, but you have cleared another of the hurdles. That's one less thing for you to worry about.

How's your son?

Dobie

Orchid I love what you did with WH clothes - but I did better. I lived In NH - I took everything my ex owned and brought it all up to the 3rd story of my old house. Opened the highest window. Threw everything he owned out of the window -just before a snow storm was coming. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Called him at work he worked and hour away and said your stuff is in the yard. You better come get it all. Then had a cup of coffee. One week after he had 3 hunting dogs which he left with me and me with 2 babies and working full time. The dogs were alot of work and at times would bark all night long. I kept asking him to come get his dogs so they could live with his OW (my exGF) he just never came. So this one am after 3 nights of no sleep because of dogs I went outside to the barn and opened kennel door. Called him at work and said your dogs got loose you'd better come get them. He did and bingo no more dogs. Slept peacefully after that. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Why do they just leave us with all their work -because OW do not want to deal with it.

Dani,
Good for you! Don't worry about the court reporter. Done is done. Isn't it sad that she sits there and gloats about all the evil she is doing. In a way, you have to feel mighty sorry for someone who is so low as that and probably will never get their act together.

Kind of reminded me when I told OW that if she called my H again that I would contact all of her family and let them know what she was doing she said she was just calling him and that they were friends and that I should "get a life" and stop worrying about what she was doing! I was so stunned I didn't even reply, but kind of ironic that she was trying to steal my H, ruin my M. Guess she thought I should be the one to get a new life!

Just keep reminding yourself of how strong you are, how far you have come with dignity and character that are a shining example for your children, and anyone who observes you. You amaze me! With a woman like that to deal with, your H is going to be like a train wreck really, really soon.

M23B, Daisy, Mere, Orchid, Dobie, Bell, Relator, Anne....THANK YOU! for the replies...

It really was sad and sickening how OW gloats and is so proud of her affair. She has no idea what she is getting herself into... Right now it is like a contest and she is the winner...in her mind.

It has been quite hectic around here, packing and getting ready to move. No word from WH since the 4th and I was getting to enjoy the calmness.

That all changed last night.
He is supposed to give me (command ordered, not court ordered) 515 a payday. Last payday he waited up till midnight and moved his entire paycheck to OWs account and gave me nothing. Last night I waited up till midnight, and moved 1031 from his personal account to my personal account. I have access to his account because I am listed as an authorized user.
I went to bed.
1am I got a call from the bank security. They had frozen my account until we figured it out. WH said it was fraudulant, and he did not authorize it. He said we were divorced, etc. After explaining to them the situation and having them realize that I am an authorized user, they left the money with me, and released my account. They said they are sure WH is going to call them angry today and they are not sure what is going to happen yet.

WH sent me an e-mail in the middle of the night that bounced back to him because I have his e-mail blocked.
He just (at 10:30) made a new e-mail address and sent me the same e-mail.
It reads

"I suggest tranfering my paycheck back into my account. Or, Navy federal security will do it for
you and then shut your account down with that bank. It's your choice, do it the easy way or the hard way. Your accounts are frozen until this
matter is resolved. I do not owe you any until the 1st of april. You decided to keep the extra $1000. So therefore the next payment for child support is due on the 1st. The navy is also moving you, may I suggest a budget rental truck. It's only $735 verses the $1100 that uhaul is asking. Much better deal. You can't have your cake and eat it too danielle. I know you think I owe you the world or something but I do not. You cannot screw me over. I am going to be providing support for you and the children for the next 16 years anyhow, so you just need to stop being greedy b****. You ruined my life, now it is my turn.
WH"

AHHH! I didn't reply, and blocked that e-mail too. When we get to Maine I will be getting a new e-mail service anyhow. He has not tried to call me, and I havn't heard back from the bank...
Everytime there is a calm, a large wave is sure to follow....
Danielle

<small>[ March 15, 2005, 10:46 AM: Message edited by: DanigirlinVA ]</small>

Dani,

Get yourself some sort of legal representation here. And then do everything by the book. It seems that your H is flying by the seat of his pants and making it up as he goes along... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

He and the OW have NO IDEA what they are doing...

You do have the upperhand here...do everything legally and let your H hash it out with your lawyer.

Have you looked into this?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">"You can't have your cake and eat it too danielle."</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Don't worry about his stupid threats. I don't think the navy can shut down your bank account.

Using Budget instead of U-Haul? Well, heck, I figured you would be using a regular moving company. Who's gonna load all that heavy stuff for you?

LC

Well the money is now gone from my account. I guess the bank decided to give it back to him. I don't know anymore I am freaking out.

I do need a laywer, I move in two weeks and it is on the top of my list when I get there...
There are two volunteer lawyer services in Maine that I am going to be contacting.
Danielle

Dani,

Immediately call the person you have been dealing with at the Navy and tell them what has happened. Also, forward the e-mail on to your WH's mother and father. If they do not have e-mail, overnight a copy to them. I wouldn't be surprised if that money didn't reappear!

Regards,

BB

Dani,

Maybe you should call the bank back and find out EXACTLY what is going on. And explain to them your side of it...you don`t know what your H told them...he may have lied. Get to the bottom of this and explain the situation to them before freaking out.

I think you might also be able to do some consulting with the lawyers in Maine by phone NOW. Call and inquire about this.

I don't post much anymore, just lurk once in awhile,. but I've followed alot of your story. My story here goes back 2 years.

Please save and document all e-mails, phone calls, conversations, etc. with WH and OW.

If you end up filing for D in Maine, file on the grounds of Adultery. I did, just as a matter of principle, and I'm sure the Judge took that into account even though it's not supposed to make a difference.

Not only did I get "everything", but WH got a severe tongue lashing from the judge on his behavior which included not providing support, not providing documention requested by the court in a timely manner or at all (he was fined), etc.

Trust me. When you have truth on your side and you and your children have been victimized in this manner, justice will prevail.

2 days after the D, WH unexpectedly gave up his apt. and moved back to our area.

Now having said that please remember to follow the MB principles Or SYMC if you've ever visited that site.
I was not the poster child for any of the principles, yet I still read all I could and tried to figure it all out to keep myself from going crazy.

My story had all the dramatic elements that yours does and more. The craziness was limitless. My WH lashed out as yours did, said all the same things, the anger and blame...forgot he had children that he adored....family...friends. It seemed he truly hated me for reasons I couldn't understand.
He said and did the cruelest things.

For 2 long years, I never gave up completely, yet I went on with my life as best I could. Financial issue were and still continue to be my biggest worry. Things got pretty desperate at times, but I always found a way.

Here it is almost 4 mos. post Divorce. WH has finally hit bottom, out of work, back living in our area, away from OW but not completely done witht the A.

And guess what?

4 days ago, he tearfully admitted he loves, that he knows he hurt me tremendously, along with some other stuff. We have spent some time together that has been actually pleasant and enjoyable. He's spending time with the kids, doing things around the house....and has even started counseling.

Now this may not mean anything, it is too soon to tell....however, it is a major difference! If nothing else, it may atleast lead to a better post divorce relationship.

Just think about where your WH is at right now and try to imagine what I just described with my WXH. I bet it's difficult to think he could be that person again, right? I thought that too. Many times. It was heartbreaking to see what he was doing to his life. Eventually your WH's world will come crashing down, he's feeling it already and lashing out in anger...

happens, he may decide to
Now I can see the possibilities and my heart is lifted. If we never get back together at least my children will have their Dad back in thier lives, one they can respect again and count on.

Hang in there! You are doing great.
I'll continue to follow your story.

Save the email, send it to the Navy and the bank.

I'm thinking that he has access to your account for the same reason you have access to his...you are still M. My thought is the bank didn't do this, but HE DID.

Contact the Navy, let them know what is happening. Perhaps they can set up a garnishment. When the money is in your account I would go down and pull it out in cash as soon as possible...

Good to hear from you Shugah. Wow, what a turnaround.