Okay all, this is driving me crazy. How do I stop hating the OW. I have never ever felt this way towards another human being in my life! <P>My husband describes me as having a wonderful heart. Well, let me tell you I no longer have a wonderful heart. I hate her. I wish she were, _______! That unspeakable thing. There are power in words so I am restraining from saying it. <P>If aliens would pick her up and take her to another planet I would be ever so happy.<P>It has been seven months yesterday. Husband and I have made great strides although he still is in love with her. Thinks he always will be. He regrets ever getting into it. So he is remorseful and I forgive him and so does God.<P>This is a huge burden for me. I pray about it. Pray for her. Sometimes I think the good Lord brought her into our lives so I could pray for her soul as she has no relationship with God. <P>I can't stand these feelings and I don't know how to control them.<P>I tell my daughter she shouldn't hate her. How can I teach what I can't do.<P>For those of you who have forgiven...how long did it take and do you have any secrets.<P>I get so angry that she pursued him and that she knew he was married and that she took love from a man that was committed to me in the eyes of God and the Law for nearly 1 1/2 years. Much of that time he pushed me very far away. <P>Anything anyone has to say would be appreciated. This woman has taken enough from me already. I don't want to give her any more of me. I want to learn to love her and forget her.<P>Please pray for me those of you that do. <P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<BR>

Samantha<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Sometimes I think the good Lord brought her into our lives so I could pray for her soul as she has no relationship with God.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Listen to that quiet voice inside of you. Maybe this is the good that comes out of a bad situation - (Romans 8:28)<P>God will use you in ways you never dreamed possible. He also has a sense of humor as he directs us and comforts in the healing. That could be what God is saying! I don't know, but I wouldn't dismiss this as a possibility!<P>I will pray that you listen to the voice of God, and that your confidence in His voice will grow even stronger!<P>Connie

Sam...you're in my prayers.<P>Mostly I don't feel anything towards the OW. But every now and then as I am watching the weather channel and tornadic storms are marching across her state I just wish... Better not go there.<P>------------------<BR>Joan

Samantha,<BR>You are a better person than I am, I am not having any problem with hating the OW, yes, I wish the same terrible things that you do, I don't plan on changing my mind. In my case it was 3 years, she (IT) was a neighbor, car pooled with my H. No, you won't catch me ever feeling any different about her. Sorry, if that makes me a bad person. AND, I don't think our H's were ever IN LOVE with them, they wouldn't be with us right now, my marriage is so strong right now, 19mo. in recovery, still alot of sad feelings, embarrasement, and a need to be more comfortable. But, we are getting there, I have forgiven my H for the hurt he put me through, he didn't set out to do that, but I will never forgive him for the affair. He knows that. You are a good person for wanting to not feel this way, but you can't force yourself to think any different, after all it is just thoughts, why give her anything, after she has taken so much away from you? Direct all your energy to your marriage, move past this, you are letting her stay in your life, she is still a part of your problem, when you forget her, you will heal a little more.<BR>Almost <P>--------<BR>TIME

I know we should move past this hate, but I also feel so much hatred for the OW I can hardly bear it. She was also a 'friend' of mine. Hopefully, with time, this will pass.

I was having a problem hating the OM that used me last year .... but I've found out that praying for HIS situation makes it difficult to remain angry.<P>Perhaps praying for her as a fellow child of God would help you realize that God loves her too, even after what she's done. He loves her as much as he loves you!<P>

Well, I only have several opinions.<P>1. Aliens don't pick people up and bring them to other planets. We don't even have a verifiable story of someone seeing an alien. Don't hold your breath.<BR>2. I always imagine God's voice sounds like George Burns. Must be those movies.<BR>3. You would have no way of knowing what this woman's relationship with God is. Be careful not to project.<BR>4. Your anger is misdirected. She never promised you anything and she never cheated on you. There is no implied social contract where when you get married, everybody else in the whole world agrees not to sleep with your husband. There are probably thousands of men who would have slept with my wife, if my wife would let them. (Turns out, she did! Anyway, that's not the point.) OW may have committed a sin against God, and that is between her and God. Your husband committed the sin against you.<P>If you are dealing with anger, it could be because you really haven't forgiven your husband at all. Sometimes the easiest way to forgive someone is to redirect the anger at someone else. But it won't stay there forever.<BR>

Samantha-MI,<P>Don't feel like the Lone Ranger. I too harbor a tremendous amount of hatred for the OM. I have not seen him since this all ended 11 months ago and could not guarantee what my reaction would be if I did. I worked with the idiot for 10 years and did not like him then. I went on to another job and my W got a position with my old employer. His W dumped him and he set out in pursuit of another victim. My W hates him now that she sees him for what he really is but oh was he ever smooth! Manipulating her for all she was worth. Anyway I MIGHT have an easier time with letting it go if I thought for a second that he ever had cared at all about her. All He ever wanted was financial gain and sex.<BR>Interestingly enough he helped prove my point ny moving in with W's best friend(recently divorced) the day of discovery. I know it is not Christian to harbor this hatred, but for now and the forseeable future that is the way it has to be.

Samantha<BR>You know how intense my hatred was towards the OW! She still disgusts me. I really was angry at myself for feeling that emotion for the first time in my life too.<BR>Now the good news. I realized about a week ago that I really haven't "hated" her for a while.<BR>Disgus - Yes. Pity - yes. Hate No.<BR>It is a really big struggle. Some situations are worse than others.<BR>I think Almost Happy has the right idea. You have to accept that you are not going to forgive this woman. I know I never will. You have to accept that you have a right to be angry with her.<BR>A lot of people will say that she didn't do anything to you. It was only your H. I don't agree. She had a responsibility as a fellow human being to respect you and your marriage.<BR>So stop beating up on yourself. Your feelings are justified and acceptable. Once you accept them THEN you can leave them behind. We talked about this justifyable anger in one of the forgiveness Workbook threads.<BR>Now get the anger out in any way you can SAFELY.<BR>But accept that it is okay for you to be angry. Don't let anyone tell you that you don't have a right to your feelings. Once you own them you can do away with them<P>BTW You know that if I can stop hating the OW anyone can!!!!!!!!!!

Hi Sam<P>Don't waste your time even thinking of the other squid (OW). It's OW lost and your gain for being a better person. I found that after thinking about the OP feelings and intentions it made me feel better because wow what a loser the OP is. Where are they going in life? In order to go on in life successfully is to drop all feelings for OP. Who cares, no hate, no feelings at all. No need to hang on to extra baggage in life.<P>Good Luck<BR>_____________________________________________<BR>"Better to die on your feet than live on your knees"

Oh Samantha, I am not going to be much help to you . I thought I was the only human being who could carry soooo much hate and anger, in fact I had asked here for some advise on anger/hate mgmt.I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL!! It gets so bad that you can't even concentrate on anything. It takes over your brain, your heart is doing a tripple beat and you just feel so bad.I hate that witch and I wish she'd rott in hell. It's almost an obsession on getting somehow even knowing that it's not up to us (god will take care of this)BUT I don't feel like waiting.Get this,<BR>she said to my h she would never stand infidelity when she gets married my h said then what do you call this? You know I'm married and yet you pursued me. She said oh well we are just having some fun before your wife moves here and she does not have to know <BR>our little secret.So, I moved and within 4 days my h confessed everything .He wanted to get away from her and the only person to help him was me .He wanted to come clean! I HATE<BR>THAT BIMBO!!! I want to put her thru a meetgrinder and feed the scum that comes out <BR>to pigs .I am venting again. Samantha, let's do lunch.. you're in Lake Orion I am outside Ann Arbor. I am new to Mi and I would love to meet you in person. If it makes you uncomfortable please let me know. Maybe us two hatemongers can come up with a plan to get us thru this.<BR>

Why is that the OW is the scum of the earth and the H is the salt of the earth? He commited the same sin. He is an adult and made the decision to have the affair just as much as she did. Quit living in denial about your wonderful husbands. Grow up girls.

Thank you Nander. I couldn't have said it better myself! In my situation, I tried so many times to break off the affair. But her H kept pursuing me. Almost to the point of stalking me. At that time I was too blind to see him for what he is, and could only resist for so long. Yes, I was wrong. But I finaly broke free from the situation. Now I hear the things that she says about me,(she actually has to make things up about me!! As if what I did wasn't bad enough! She lies about me! That's just sick.) and it makes my blood boil. And then I just laugh to myself. She walks around town, acting all smug, going on about her wonderful, happy, recovering marriage, feeling really superior, as if she won a contest or something. Little does she know that her wonderful, "remorseful" H calls me almost every day, begging me to see him. He tells me how much he loves me, and is only with her so that she doesn't "take him to the cleaners". What a loser. Ya, I second what you said Nander, and add to grow up - wake up! It is possible that your husbands weren't led blindly into this. Some of them went looking for it all on their own. Seems there could be a little misguided anger here.

Okay - <P>Let's try not to get upset with each other........<P>The betrayed are venting about THEIR PARTICULAR OW'S........<P>Nothing is aimed at anyone else.....<P>Relax and please try not to take offense!! <P>The betrayed can be just as defensive OR OFFENDED when betrayers speak of their situations.....<P>It does work both ways and we all are here to vent, learn and try to get through ALL the different pain.<P>Thank you,<P>Hugs and May God Heal ALL of US!!!!<P>Sheba

Sheba,<BR>You are right. I offer my apology for getting worked up. No one wins in this, do they?

WOW----<BR>I am kicking myself for responding here. I see that you both are still getting some kind of satisfaction in negative comments.<BR>I think what we are all trying to accomplish here is, moving on. Giving the betrayer a chance, reaching WAY down in ourselves to find what we once had. Years of marriage, years of happiness. We all realize where the blame lies, on BOTH parties, but there come the time, as we are healing, our spouses are remorseful, Trust is building, that we channel the bad feelings towards the OP, who isn't remorseful, isn't worried about our feelings (as our spouses are now) doesn't care about us and our future, doesn't care about our children. I hear what you are saying, I see your pain too. We are trying with every inch of ourselves to get through something that we didn't ask for. The subject is: will you take me back and forget what I did, go back to normal, forgive me? This is a BIG task to get through. Give us a chance to help each other, Give us a chance to be positive about those questions. <P>------------<BR>TIME

And I am sorry too. My comments could have been worded better. In my situation, I ended the affair out of guilt for his W and my H. I made a clean break and never went back. Unfortunately, three months later his W began harassing me at work to the point that I had to quit my job. I still did not contact him. That was not enough. Then she began harassing me (& my fam) at home. It went on for five months. Still I did not contact him. Finally when I felt forced to tell him (via email) what she was up to, the **** hit the fan. She contacted me accusing me of still being in love with her H and trying to get him back. She said I slandered her and that she never made the calls. Tried to make me look like a complete idiot. We had to put privacy manager on our phone at home. All she kept telling me was how wonderful her H was and how I was the homewrecker/man-eating shark. Ha! The things I could have told her about her husband!! But I didn't. I'm not as bad as you all think. And by the way, she was not the greatest wife and they had a lot of problems in their marriage (she admitted that to me at least). So, yes I was guilty, but so was he and so was she. Why did HE come out smelling like a rose?

nander-sorina <BR>In our case the ow IS the scum of the earth<BR>and then some. My H and I were seperated due to a job relo and he had to move before us.<BR>Well,it took 8mth to finally be together again. In those 8 mth H became depressed,lonely and stressed with the new job.The Bimbo started talking to him, knew he is married and is a family man.Yet she pursued him saying lets just have some fun you don't have to tell. My H had to be totally blasted EVERY time they were together he didn't want to be there so he got numb.<BR>He could not get rid of her until I moved here. WHAT KIND OF PERSON IS SHE? To US she is SCUM no caracter or morals. She earned that reputation.I hope some day this will happen in her marriage,only then will she know what it feels like. As for my H he really doesn't remember much and wishes<BR>he had stayed strong C should have gotten a blow-up doll probably get more satisfaction)

I agree with you Almost Happy. We are trying to move on and forgive our husbands, but its so hard not to hate the OW when she walks around with a smug look on her face and still trys to talk to my H when she thinks I won't know or even stop by to see him when she saw him playing tennis. She has also been heard bragging about getting pregnant by a married man and she thought, destroying his marriage., and she is suppose to be a christian??? Its very hard to deal with. I haven't found the place to deal with her or the child.

Hate, is something I feel with a passion for my wife's OM. Yes I know that all three of us are to blame in some way, but I know my part, my wife is not acting like the woman I married so she has an excuse(for now), which leaves him. I don't know him so I expect him to understand what he is doing, even though he is probably in lala land too. I heard from my wife that his wife is supposed to have had an affair too, but that only makes it easier to hate him because he should know what our family is going through.<P>On a lighter note, since I know who his wife is supposed to have had an affair with I conjour up this picture of the whole town involved in some sort of chain affair and I'm the last one in the line.<P>Hopefully one day the hate will disappear, for now I have no conscience about it.