Nonpulsed,<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>There aren't too many women who will pursue a guy who says "forget it, I love my wife and I'm never leaving her." I've never heard of a woman who would get involved with a married man unless she thought there was a<BR>good chance she could "win" him. One night stands excepted. Chances are, he was lying to her too.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>There is so much truth and wisdom to what you say here. Especially if the OW herself was married, I can tell you with almost 99% certainty that the betraying spouse told OW anything he needed to in order to get whatever it was he wanted from her, be it sex, be it a shoulder to cry on, be in an emotional crutch, be it money, whatever! We already know that an affair is based on lies and deceit. So, more than likely, an unfaithful spouse who doesn't really want to leave the marriage is undoubtedly lying to both their spouse and the OP, because if they told the complete truth -- that they LOVE their spouse and have no intention of leaving ---- the OP would not be so willing. Believe me. Why would I, who felt second or third fiddle to my H, enter into an affair with a man who, up front, told me that I would only be second fiddle to him??? That makes zero sense. No, the OM told me I was the love of his life. He told me that I was THE one, his soul mate (barf!). That he couldn't live without me. And, I've already told you some of the things he told me about W ---- all lies I'm sure. But that was what he had to do in order to get what he wanted from me.<P>I realize hating the OP for a while is a normal part of the process. If I hadn't experienced being an OW myself, I probably would have as much hatred as the rest of you toward my H's OW. But, that's not the case. I know my H told her lies. Yes, she is the one who first came onto my H, but he is the one who should have told her NO! I do not expect some woman who had no obligation or ties to me on a personal level to show any loyalty to me. But my H should have. (And I should have to my H too!) There's always gonna be some OW/OM out there who is willing. The difference is having a spouse who won't let them in. <P>------------------<BR>Love is meant to heal. Love is meant to renew. Love is meant to oust all fear. Love is meant to harmonize differences. Love is meant to bring us closer to God.

The first thing I felt when the other woman died was relief. I thought, "FINALLY,this nightmare is over." It had just began.<P>The other woman's dead will not bring you peace. Though difficult, compassion and forgiveness helped me let go of the anger and hurt.