Well I talked to him some about this yesterday afternoon. I felt I needed to really clear some things. Here's a summary of what I said to him:
(1) this was an important weekend for me. It meant alot that we were going to spend time with each others families. So I am very, very hurt that your family is shuting me out. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />
(2) I'm trying to focus on "us" only but I admitted that I do feel some resentment towards his family throwing a wrench into our lives.
(3) regardless of why they feel awkward it is unacceptable behavior to exlude me from family events. (I wouldn't allow my family or anyone to do the same).
(4) I have accepted (but not easily) that this will not be resolved this weekend. That this is an open issue. We both must make each other first priority over everything else. So, we are going to have to actively work on coming to an agreement on this.
After I finished with this speech, my H told me the following reason why he thinks they may feel awkward. One resaon has to do with some holiday time we spent with his family earlier this summer. When the plans were made I told my H to call his sister and discuss everything with her. Well he didn't call her and we just showed up. At some point in time over the holiday she talked to him about this. He told he new nothing about having to call, so she concluded that I lied to him. And instead of coming to me right away to clear this up, no one told me until yesterday (2 months later).
I reminded my H that i did tell him to get in contact with her to make sure the plans were acceptable. He NOW remembers this to be true and it was him who forgot.
Ok resaon #2 regards other sister. At this holiday I mentioned to her that I would be calling in next several weeks to invite them out for H birthday. She said sure, give her a call. So, this is what I did. But apparantly the timing of my call was not good. It occured shortly after she left a message for my H inviting him to a birthday celebration she arranged - that I was not being invited to. (See previous posting -
I'm not invited. ). So, both her and my H thought my invitation was some sort of plan to get mysef invited to her dinner.
As, I write this down it all seems ridiculous to me. Again had it been discussed right at the moment it occured it could have all been cleared up. There is no conspiracies just a timing coincidence.
In the end I told him that these are still not valid reasons to exclude me. Unfortunately I have to accept that at this point it is more important to my H to please his family over me. This is a symptom of a greater issue that he needs to work on. And believe me I am definitely going to make sure that our counsellor knows about this.
So is there any good news? Well, even though he did leave without me, he says he will talk with his sisters to clear this up. We'll see how this goes. And when I did ask him if we were making any progress and moving closer together he did say yes.
This is where were at. Not pretty but not unworkable. I just have to remember to think about the big picture and that there are no quick fixes (ugh, thats a hard one to swallow).
Very rambly - should try to keep these shorter. Oh well. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
