Hi Tom Joad,
Is this a boys only thread or can I jump on?
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> She wanted back into my life. She said she'd do whatever it took. But it was just a bunch of words. She just says what she wants and then does nothing. I guess she thinks it will just magically happen without any committment or participation from her.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My H does this same thing!! When I actually get to hear about his ENs, which is when I recorded a conversation in his car and our last round of MC (the previous rounds he was present, but mainly non-participating and/or denying all probs),,, I have tried hard to meet HIS needs!! I have tried to explain my needs all throughout our relationship (in good and bad ways, talking, begging, AOs, nagging, begging..) and MY ENs seem to OFTEN fall on the back burner - if they don't fall behind the stove entirely and get eaten by the mice or grow fungus- !!
HOW LONG do our spouses expect us to live on empty??
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She claims no contact but I found something that leads me to believe she did try to contact him on Valentines Day. She denies it. Says she did think about him, (which I honestly appreciated - just wish she would have told me the whole truth) </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So sorry, but you can't have it both ways..I have actually told my H (before his suspected A), that my needs were being so totally ignored that I came this [] close to having an A, but realized it woukd be BIG mistake. I know that this hurt him (and maybe on some level I wanted to and get his attention) but I HAD to tell him, or the NEXT time... well, not yet, anyway..
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> She hasn't opened herself up to me, or let me check anything. So there really is no way for me to verify anything. She keeps everything secret. Which makes me very uncomfortable.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yeah, my H is the same way and he "forgets" alot too. If I push and finally get an answer, he jsut didn't already tell me because he
forgot !! Or didn't think that it was important, even if I had asked him specifically about something..
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I thought we were starting some kind of recovery plan. The only problem was I was the only one doing anything. She was all talk. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I AM the talker, but I guess I AM the one walking recovery alone also. This leaves me in limbo-land all the time, also.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I am working on myself. Everyday. And it feels good, I feel good. I really look forward to being in a real partnership with someone in the future. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Keep up the GREAT work. I try to read your posts. And you are doing an amazing job! Caren could take some pointers from you, but don't tell her that I was talking about her!
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">MY STBX apparently isn't ready to be in that kind of M. I have moved on, I've learned, I've changed. I can't change her and I won't live like I did before. So where does that leave me?
I think daily that I should just get the DV over with. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Whoever said don't rush is 100% CORRECT, that optin will still be an option tomorrow!
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> If I counted all the things she said she'd do and didn't. I'd run out of fingers and toes. The extent of her participation is "I want" a better M. "I want" to be happy. "I want" to make you happy. "I want" you to trust me.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yeah, EXACT same thing here. "I'll do anything", "I just want you to be happy". WORDS (from my H's mouth also). And to his credit, he meets some of my ENs, just not my TOP ones. And then he tries to fill ones that I never claimed to have needed in place of ones that I do need. Tourniquet on the wrong limb, die from loss of blood regardless of "intentions"...
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> The only problem is that is all there is. She won't do anything. I point this out to her and say Instead of saying what you want, how about saying what you will do to get what you want.
What you have + Work = what you want. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Here, Here!! DOES sound like a child!!!
Glad you are feeling better. That dream/nightmare thing can be horrendous. On the other hand, I used to have dreams of "mystery man" that was perfect!! Loved to go to sleep then. I'll have to remember what kind of alcohol brought that one on!
{(TJ)} - timid girly hug from
jls
