6+ years (still going) for my ex.

<small>[ March 01, 2005, 10:03 AM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

thanks Chris

A still ongoing,at least to my knowledge.That would make it about 17-18 months now,but sporadic meetings.

O

Exposure was key to ending my H's A. After going on for almost 3 years, it ended for good 9 months after D-Day.

He tried to end it initially 3 months after D-Day. However, he was so addicted to her that it took more time.

Exposure took away the fantasy element. H found that he had to face the harsh reality of what he was doing.

I enabled the A by not confronting him even sooner. I just didn't want to believe or accept that he could do such a thing.

Thanks for your answer Mimi. You seem to fit Dr. Harley's predictions, Thank God.

FYI,

A co-worker of my grandfathers (male - they were teachers) had an A w/ another one of there co-workers (female). He ended up leaving his wife of many yrs and married much younger OW and had a son w/ her. They are still married to this day son is about 25. He is in his 80's now.

On the other hand my H's A ended on D-day. (I suppose you never really know).

<small>[ March 04, 2005, 01:44 AM: Message edited by: white_dove777 ]</small>

bump

My H's first A with a neighbor in 1986 lasted 6 weeks and died right away with exposure. He was remorseful and repentant.

The next started in 1994 and lasted about 4 yrs. D-Day was a little over a year after the A started. The A continued with a couple of false recoveries which included separations to apartments before culminating with H moving in with OW for a couple of months. The A ended once and for all after that big dose of reality. This is the A I submitted my vote on.

The last A with a 3rd OW: d-day was mid-Dec. '02. It was an A that had lasted almost 7 months until D-day...then lasted less than a month after that. We've followed MB principles this time.

He felt he was 'in love' in each A. I heard all the typical lines.

I believe we have been in real recovery since then.

<small>[ March 02, 2005, 11:41 AM: Message edited by: Trix ]</small>

Minor thread JK here(sorry cc).

Trix,

Now that you have been through this 3 times with your WH,how does he feel about this "in love" concept? Does he still feel that it's the one thing he needs to keep hurting you for and looking for to feel....loved? His A's have spanned 8 years each.So,if he repeats his pattern,you will be due(hope to GOD not!)to go through this again in 2010.Ugh.

If you care to share with me we could start a new(mini) thread.I was just wondering.

O

I really admire you Trix! having gone thru this 3 times!!!!!! But obviously your WH responds to exposure. That's good. Means MB really works on him.

Sorry for long threadjack.

Moved to new thread to answer Octobergirl's question.

<small>[ March 02, 2005, 01:28 PM: Message edited by: Trix ]</small>

hoping for more answers

Mine is till going on after 7 months form D-day.

I made alot of mistakes and I think that the affir was going on for some time.

She rushed for a divorce and stopped me from seeing my children. All I could do was remain calm for the first 3-4 months and then I started to loose it big time

bump

bump again

up

In my case, exposure was at first as much for my benefit as to end the affair. D-day was while we were visiting family for Christmas; initially only our parents knew and then only that we were "having problems."

WH was exposed in absentia because he hot-footed it back to our temporary home (and OW) and I remained with family as I was not about to go live with an active adulterer in a city where I knew no one and had no support.

The exposure process involved a concentric circle approach (a la WAT) but only as I was desirous of widening my support network, not to end the affair. When you live halfway across the country and you're living in fantasyland with OW and you refuse to talk to anyone back home who mentions your affair, pressure from disapproving family and friends is only one of the myriad of responsibilities that you don't have to face.

I think that exposure had less to do with ending the affair than did actually having to face responsibilities (kids, finances, BS) and the eventual implosion of the affair relationship.

Timewise, it's tough to comment - it's "ended" a few times now so I'm not sure if this time is really it. But this latest "ending" is roughly a year after D-day and concomitant exposure....

Gris

I did not vote. The day i confronted my FWW it ended. OM tried to contact her by phone she did not answer. NC until 2 weeks later she called him in my presence and told him it was over and to never contact her again.

TMW

Hi,

I found out about my WH in 09/03 which he claims started in 01/03. I found evidence on his cell phone bills for 11/02, so it probably started even before that. He swore NC until I found proof on on-going contact in 09/04. He sent her a NC e-mail, bcc'd me and blocked her e-mail from his account in 11/04 as one of my conditions. Now, is that the end of it? I still don't really know, and I am constantly on guard. Hate living like this!!

thanks for all your replies.
Maybe I should have added that if NC was established on d day or the A ended on that day exposure was not necessarily used as a tool to end the affair. It may be used to ensure the affair has ended.
I am more interested in the length of an affair from the moment it is not secret anymore, which Dr. Harley says is usually less than 6 months.
On these boards one gets the impression that this is not so, too many cases where the affairs are going on long after that period. But it could be biased. That is why I think this poll could have interesting results.

Thank all for yoyr answers