It will work this time. I feel stronger. He has used pretty much all his bag of tricks before. He will go with anything: from sticking to NC with me as asked to asking for divorce. nothing surprises me anymore from him at this point.

I found out today the proof I needed to hand in the plan B letter. He asked me to go with him on a ride to talk things. I told him it was ok to pick me up. When WH showed to the house I went outside and gave him the letter and asked for all the keys to the house. Told him everything he needed to know was in that letter, took the keys and left.

WH had been lying to both sides again (me and OW). I had it. He was listening to HNHN audio tape these last few days he was trying to find "himself" again. This morning (after he found out I knew he slept with OW again) he said he was mailing me some questionaire the book asked him to fill out and was sending his answer to me and that he wanted my answers too because he thought he found out what was his problem. I almost fell for that one. If it was true for once, then I guess it came too late. It has been 8 months and I am trying plan B for the 3rd time. I am asking for support here this time. Last two times I tried to go Solo on this huge and hard step.

I am heading out again tommorrow to apply for a F/T job. That will be my most important step in sticking with plan B and moving forward with my life. It is all about rebuilding. Rebuild trust in that I can do this by myself, rebuild trust in other people, rebuild my life with my son, rebuild self worth or the idea of it in my eyes, etc.

I need your support. I was following Caren's and David's plan B's. Hopefully I can get the same suport from all at this board. thanks in advance. Love

<small>[ March 01, 2005, 07:16 PM: Message edited by: love of a lifetime ]</small>

He is already lying to her telling OW that I asked to keep the house and the kid! What is all that about. Nice, he leaves me and wants to base his new relationship on lies from the begining. Good going. It wont last. But it makes me think so much about me not wanting him back after all.

I will go dark starting tommorrow. For today I have to snoop around a bit more. Starting tommorrow I will go to look for FT jobs and keep myself busy.

I have his boxes here still all packed. I do not want him to come get them. I want to send them to his parents becuase he will not have the courage to show up his face to their house to ask for them <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Maybe I can drop them off to his parents Th before he may come and get them.

I am getting my house all rekey tommorrow before going job hunting. 9:30AM-appt made already. $98.00 OUCH!

Well, just venting even if getting no response. I will keep snooping today but as of tommorrow I want to go DARK! And I will make them go Dark for me too. Need to start the begining of the rest of my life.

New Year! New Choices! New Life!

Good Luck with your plan B.

You sound strong.

Stay Dark!

Take care.

sss

SSS Thanks for the support. I may sound strong but I am not. I have been down this road 2x before and failed at plan B. I know how hard it will be. The first day is not too bad. It gets a lot worst before it gets better. Hopefully I will hang on this time all the way to when it gets better. Thanks again . LOAL

WH was listening to HNHN and I think he will use what he learns in his relationship with ow. I am so upset that I got that audio tape for him. He did not deserved to listen to them while deep in fog because he will only understand what sounds convenient to him.

I was feeling good about it(plan B) earlier and now I am feeling mad at him. Almost like they (wh + ow)deserve each other. they are in quicksand. starting a thing together based on lies. I can not wish them the best. I wish they have a terrible time together. That he thinks of me all the time they are together. That the fantasy island ow was selling him cracks right in front of his eyes. That he gets home one day to find her with someone else. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Sorry, that was not really myself. I can not blame it on being my brain on drugs either. I am just upset that it comes to this. I am going to sit down and right a list of all the things he hurt me with so I stay strong and remember why I need to stay in the dark.

wish me luck!.

I am not sure how I am feeling today.

I was busy all day looking for a full time job and then at night working my part time job.

It was good to be out of the house. I am just getting in the computer for the first time today. That is an accomplishment for me. I am usually here several times a day.

I am praying to God for time tommorrow. I heard that WH wants to take his boxes to OW house. I do not feel like seeing him taking them. Hopefully he is thinking about doing it the weekend. I plan to go to his parents house (1hr from here) and dumping the boxes there tommorrow. I will tell them that he is moving with her and I did not wanted to see him so he could pick them up there. The good part is that he is so embarassed and his family does not agree with what he is doing that he will not have the courage to go there to pick them up(he has been hiding from his family for a while now, getting distant-a classic sign of an affair).

Also, he will tell OW that the boxes are out of my house and she will not believe him and may even email me asking for the truth. Guess what!? She is not hearing from me. WH is her problem now. It is up to her to trust him <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Yeah! A relationship that is based on lies and she is supposed to trust him ...how!? OW's problem now.

I cancelled the locksmith that was supposed to re-key my house this morning because I got all the keys from WH yesterday when I handed PBL to him.

If I take the boxes to his parents,then the only thing left is his car. That one I can not remove. He got the copies from me long ago(another classic sign of an affair)and I do not have the keys anymore. Maybe he will drive with ow, one of these days that I am not here, and take it.

I guess I am kind of feeling positive today in a way. I do need to find a FT job. Please keep me in your prayers. I have prayed to God to send me the job he knows is good for me. I am looking for one that will bring money, not a position or status. I have a BS degree in Hospitality management and I worked for years in the HOtel business with not a good enough pay. Right now I am looking at warehouse jobs that pay so much more that what I used to make using my "degree". Those come with good pay but crazy schedules. Also looking at insurance companies and goverment jobs. Oh well. God will direct me in the right path cause I am praying for that.

That may be all for today. Focus on myself and get this plan B going on the right direction. WE had NC today. I need to get rid of the boxes because I know contact is coming from what I know. I will have his parents call him and telling him the boxes are at their place.

This will be the first weekend that he has to pick up the kids. Still have no arrangements for that. I am getting my Stepson back from his moms on Friday. I will Text dad to pick him up at a certain time at the end of the driveway.

Still do not know what to do about the baby. He can not handle him for long time. Also it takes more time to explain schedules etc. Maybe I can write it down and give the "instructions" when he picks up the baby. Maybe my Stepson can be the one to come into the house and get the baby so we do not have to see each other. What do you think?

I do not have a mediator so let's not go there. We agree to only text about kids and money issues.

Ok, I think that is all in my mind for now. Thanks for listening. Feel free to comment so I know I am not alone here. Thanks Love

love-

Just wanted to wish you good luck, I'll be watching your thread maybe I can learn something from you, Lord knows I'm really bad at this Plan B thing <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I'll be here to support you, I will at least know how you are feeling :*(

I am sorry that you aren't getting more replies than you are.

Hey, I have a question, how did you find out what WH has told OW??? Just wondering LOL

-Caren

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Hey, I have a question, how did you find out what WH has told OW??? Just wondering LOL </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thanks for your response Caren.

I found out by violating a rule by accepting emails from ow. She offered the information today via email. I know she will stop at one point after not hearing from me but since my WH is such a big liar we emailed for a while some time ago. Like I said. OW's problem now to believe him or not. I am not going to be there to clarify anything for her. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I just want to get rid of his stuff asap before he decides to show up and pick them up. You know, avoiding contact as much possible.

Wait util he realizes it is for real when I start sending him his bills with the kids for him to pay. I have been so far the secretary and banking assistant but not anymore. He will write,sign and mail his own bills AND keep track of his check book from now on. I know this will start a war on his head.

I watched your threads closely. I have been on plan B before so I knew what you were going through while reading yours. Somehow I am more ready and stronger this time. Do not take me wrong. Still not easy at all, maybe just better planned.

Thanks for reading. Love

Amazing how our mind play games on us. I had nightmares all night. It was 64 degrees inside my house when I woke up. My parents(visiting me) and my son were all wrapped up when I got up and I was sweaty.

I am runing to WH parents earlier than what I thought today. I had a nightmare that WH came to the house with the excuse to use the restroom and ended up taking the boxes. I got soooooo mad in the dream that started shaking and throwing his stuff on the grass for him to hurry out. I can not remember more because it was a long detailed and complicated dream that left me exausted by the time I woke up.

I believe it my be the fear of loosing control of the situation. So far I have planned my "moves" by staying ahead of them.

Last night when I went to bed I cried thinking on what will I do when my wh take my dear son for visitation with him at ow place. I do not like my Son being there but I want his dad to be responsible for taking care of him and I do not want to parent alone my child. The baby is crazy about his dad. Do not want to take that away from him. It hurts me like crazy since I have never been appart from my baby except when he has been under my mom's care. My wh does not have a clue on how to handle his own son, but guess what! wh will learn soon the same way I learn-trial and error since kids do not come with handbooks. I trust that they will both be fine. It is just the hurt I can not get over or the idea of how much it will hurt once I get there.

Last night I hurt more by knowing wh will be taking time appart from me and baby than what I hurt when I found out about the A (either that or I am starting to forget the initial amount of pain I had when I found out). That is time taken from me that would not have happened if he had decided to work on us and not on them. That makes me mad a lot but I do not want to allow myself to live with the "what if's". It will not help me to move on.

Yesterday was the first day with NC with wh. I want to be as strong today (taking it one day at a time).

I am really starting to question my reason for plan B and I have been switching for a while now (while I considered going back to plan B), that instead on letting him use this time to realize what he lost here and giving him a chance later, I have been wanting more to use this time to get independent from him, rebuild MY life and move on without him. I have been leaning more about using Plan B(PB) to separate myself from all that and help me build a new future for me.

Wh, of course, is going by what I said in the PB letter that I would be here for him once he was done for good with ow. I do not see things like that for real anymore. I heard somewhere yesterday in this site that we should allow one year for PB. I think it is going to be hard to stay on PB for that long for me. Oh well, who knows anymore, only GOD!

I have some concerns about you plan B...

I found out by violating a rule by accepting emails from ow. She offered the information today via email. I know she will stop at one point after not hearing from me but since my WH is such a big liar we emailed for a while some time ago. Like I said. OW's problem now to believe him or not.

is there a way you can block all emails...
you must must must not read them....
they are detrimental to your plan b and serve you not at all....

Whether or not they KNOW you read them is irrelevant....but as part of your plan B you must stop...

not wait for them/her to stop..

also are you planning on leaving the children with him this weekend and going away....

ARK

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">is there a way you can block all emails...
you must must must not read them....
they are detrimental to your plan b and serve you not at all....
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am blocking her email today.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> also are you planning on leaving the children with him this weekend and going away....

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ark, why do you ask about this? He is picking up the kids. I am not going anywhere but to work my part time job. Why you ask? Please help becuase I feel you have a reason behind this question. Help me understand. Thanks. Love


Today's update so far is that I took my nightmare boxes to my inlaws. WH does not know yet. I will have his parents tell him. I am sure he is scared of going over there cause they told him they wanted to sit down and have "a talk". For a coward like him that is a run away statement. I will be very surprised if he does shows up there for the boxes.

love of a..

This will be the first weekend that he has to pick up the kids. Still have no arrangements for that. I am getting my Stepson back from his moms on Friday. I will Text dad to pick him up at a certain time at the end of the driveway.

I was just confused about this...about how he will know what to do ...

my only concern is that if her balks at the plan B stuff...and attempts to take it out on the kids...do you have back up plans for no shows etc...

that's all...

how old is the baby...

aRK

Ark :
The "baby" is 18 months old.

I am not sure what you mean by
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">my only concern is that if her balks at the plan B stuff...and attempts to take it out on the kids...do you have back up plans for no shows etc...
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If he does not shows up,I will manage ok. As far as what to do, I will send him a Text message (TM) to find out when he will pick them up and I will let him know where to pick them up.

What I am not sure about (maybe becuase English is my second language) what you mean by "if her balks at the plan B stuff and attempts to take it out on the kids" Who do you mean OW or WH as far as taking it out on the kids? How do you think it will happen? Also what does balks at the PB stuff means?

Sorry, I think I got lost here for a second. Thanks LOAL

Sorry love....

not trying to confuse you at all..

sometimes when given the plan b letter....WS don't like it one bit...

so they use the 'no communication" approach as a way to get you sucked in to drama..

not taking kids when supposed
not telling you important things about the kids
etc..

kind of like

if she won't talk to me...
then I'll not show up to take the kids and just play dumb...type of antics...

WS usually don't like plan B and will escalate behaviors and contact...
the old even negative attention is better than no attention type of thingy..

keep up the good work
ARK

Ahhh yes Ark, I know the behavior well, and I fold everytime.....My WH is an attention seeking missle in Plan B.

-Caren

This is not the first time I have given WH a PBL so the previous times he fussed about it but this time he "seems" ok with it for now. Of course, Withdraw has not hit him yet and he has actually stick to NC this time with me. He gets it this time.

Of course, it has only been a couple of days and the weekend is coming when I have to contact him tommorrow via text message to let him know about picking up the kids Friday. He is a truck driver so I am not sure if he will make it Friday. Most of the time he does not gets to town until Saturday. We will see what happens.

I have to go now to bathe the baby and be back after he is out for the night. Hopefully soon. I need the break today.

Be back later! LOAL

Well, I am back! I am not liking a bit the fact that I have to txt msg my wh tommorrow to let him know about picking up the kids. I am not happy with that at all.

I went today and bought a car seat and a play pen and some basic items for him to keep with him for when he takes the baby. He will not like the fact that I will send the baby to spend nights with him. He only manages for a couple of hours at a time with the baby and seem he can not handle more than that. We will see what happens.

I'm arranging with my father and brother to get into our garage and get all his stuff and place them in a storage unit nearby with a combination lock and just let him know where to go to get his stuff. I will see if it happens or not. I am still working on it.

I am not sure how he will react once he finds out that I took the boxes to his parents house. He may think that I am trying to get back at him instead of that I am trying to mantain NC with him. Arghhh! Why does it have to be this way!

My parents are staying with me for a couple of days. My mom is watching a soap opera. It drives me crazy how loud it is. I try to avoid those type of shows since I have enough drama in the real life and if I want more I come and read on this board <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I do not need to sit in front of the TV and get hooked on TV drama. I have to admit I am hooked on CSI-Vegas but that is only once a week and that's it for me.

LOAL

My MIL told me today that she wanted to keep my SS after school is over because she does not wants OW to have him.

I am so upset with that.

First, they spoil my SS so much because they are so sorry for what he has been through that they do not discipline him at all. He goes there and there are no rules for him and God forbids anyone corrects him in front of her. spoiled! spoiled! spoiled!

Second, WH needs to be responsible for once for his own child. Since we got him, I was the one making changes in MY schedule to acommodate my SS in our house (take him to school, day care, doctors, etc). If WH and OW are just alone without the responsibilities that comes with the package when two people like them get together, then they will not be living the "real" thing. It will be all honeymoon. All pleasure and no business. The changes for the child will come slow. I suggested keeping SS with me until school is over so he does not have to change schools (he is not doing well academically speaking). Then, on weekends, SS will go with WH to wherever he is. It will give SS some adjustment time before he moves out of my house once school is over.

Crazy, crazy! So much going on my head right now. One day at a time! LOAL

WH Text msg (tm) me that he miss us all in he has been thinking about our situation. I am not falling for that this time so it all sounded to me like blah,blah, blah.

I did answered back ignoring his comment and using the opportunity to ask him if he was picking up the kids today or tommorrow and the time.

He sent back a tm asking if his son(my ss) was back from his mom's already. I tm "today at 2:30" but did not tell him I was picking him up at his mom's because do not want him to know my where abouts.

Got to go. Baby wants food. be back later..LOAL

Ok! I have been strong. He has been TM his feelings and I have only replied regarding to the kids. He called the cell phone and I accepted the call and handed it over to my SS who I just picked up from his mom's.

He is going to the doctor tommorrow with my FIL and will get the kids after that.

Then he calls and calls and calls and leave messages to pickup that it is not personal but will no say what. Finally sends a TM that his father has a heart condition and his older brother is sick. I TM back to tell him that his dad is sick like my mom but they are both OK and ask him what happens to his brother. He TM back saying his brother has AIDS. I am not sure when they found out. I am not sure if it is a new trick from his bag meaning maybe it is something he has known for a while and now tells me to get response from me. Do not know what to do. I do not want him to listen to my voice and take care of his fix.

WH just called and was crying so hard on the message he left that I can not even understand him. Apparently he found out today when he called his brother to tell him about his problems and we are not supposed to tell his parents. WH mentioned something that his brother is going to die (I am not sure if they have giving him a time frame or something like that).

What do I do? I do not want to break plan B but at the same time is kind of a family issue. He may be my WH but I am very closed to his family. As close as my own family. WHY WHY WHY NOW!

WHAT AM I supposed to DO NOW! Listen to him! I did tm back saying I was very sorry but do not want to break plan B. Should I just leave it alone and let him deal with it since his parents do not know. I am afraid he may become suicidal. He has not been doing good for months now. The other day he wanted to jump in front of a car. Then he bruised his face because he punched himself. He needs to get a grip and deal with this but I am not sure he is stable enough.

Help me here please.

________________________________________
Ok never mind! I picked up when he called again. No big deal. The brother has known for 5 years. His dad has known. His mother heard his dad praying one morning and found out. So I guess we were the ones that did not know. BAd time to tell him since he is all depressed. Something about the insurance being cancelled on his brother and now do not have money for medications and threatment. He is supposed to stop by to drop something for the baby and I will be breaking plan B to see if he stopped crying and maybe I can understand a bit more what is going on. WH said something about wanting to see his brother so I am not sure if he will pick up the kids tommorrow. Oh well. WH drama,you all know it.

I will allow myself to get sucked in this moment but will explain to him that I will stick to plan B after this one talk only because of the situation.

I do feel strong about going back quickly to plan B right after he stops by. I am mad this happens now. I guess there is no plan B without drama. It will not be a perfect plan B but it will be one as much as I can becuase I am already feeling better about rebuilding my life and let him deal with OW with out me involved.

Any comments will be welcome. I am not failing this time around guys. I will do this. It stinks things like this happen to someone that can not handle much stress and becomes a mess under this circumstance.