both

Thanks, Im just sharing what I did to become "normal" again. Everyone is different. I agree with you, focusing on negative traits is a lovebuster. I did what I had to do.

After plan-a, I decided not to put her on the pedestal any longer. I was not going to continue to enable or reward unacceptible behavior. No more $$, no more love letters, no more I'll watch the kids while you party. I was still respectful to her but my contributions to her world of sin ended.