Hi Karen, thanks for the hug. I waver back and forth with my emotions. Sad, angry, hurt and loving my WH all in a matter of minutes.

((((FF))))

I can understand that your emotions must be all over the place. I'm so sorry that its come to this for you. Just to let you know that I'm glad you came to a decision.
sending cyber hugs and support.

Thanks for the support and hugs, smur. This is so hard to go through my days with him knowing I have hired an attorney. I know from the way he is treating me that I am doing the right thing but I dread the day he gets served, I dread hurting my DD and I dread becoming a single mom especially to a disabled child. I finally cried yesterday but not enough to get my emotions out. I feel rather dry and numb still.

Hi FF,

Do you have anyone in real life that you are confiding in and who can support you and give you real hugs? </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> This is so hard to go through my days with him knowing I have hired an attorney.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He knows you ahve hired an attorney already? or was this a typo and you meant to say "without him knowing"?

remember you are in God's care.

typo..meant to say without...

IRL I have a b/f but she has 3 small children and not a lot of time. I am ok. Will update tomorrow about MC tonight.

morning FF, how you doing?

Good morning, FL. Get some rest? I had panic attacks a few weeks back and it feels awful. Ok, update. Went to MC last night. Was very tempted but did not mention I hired an attorney. I am so torn about that because I took money out of a joint account to pay the retainer but for now I will go with the advice everyone including my attorney gave me to protect myself and my kids. That said I said in MC last night that I refuse to play this game anymore. I will not be the third point in a triangle anylonger. I expressed my extreme hurt that WH had continued the A, continued to deny the A and that the way he treats me is not acceptable. I talked about the way he "punishes" me for things and that I will no longer allow myself to be treated as such. That I do not want the M such as it is. So our C asked me want DO I want in the M and what do I NOT want. I am not good at expressing myself on the spot but did say as much as I could describing the M I desire to have and I was quite good at expressing what I do NOT want anymore. Then MC what does WH need to do to continue in the M. I said cut out OW. Not cut back, not talk ONLY about OC but cut her out of his life completely. She asked about OC, I said he can get an intermediary to deal with OC issues and C with OC. She asked WH was willing to do this and after much hesitation about the "hows" said "yes". I said this is just the first step in what I require to stay M'd. I am not talking about policing him or treating WH like a child, I am talking about introducing MB concepts and him getting into IC. But I said one thing at a time, he must go NC. Then we can talk about the rest.

I told him on the way home that the "ball is in his court". I am not responsible for what he does so it is up to him or I am stepping away from the M. No mention of attorney is that ok or dishonest at this point?

Hey FF - I think you did great! You told your H what you expected from him... N/C being first and most important on the list...

hey FF---not many peopl are good on the spot....lol

so take your time and write it out and present it to the counselor nest time. your gonna have to do this anyway so get to it. LOL

as far as the dishonesty part.....if you feel unprotected for yourself and the kids...let it go. are you keeping info hidden, YES. do you obviously have good reason....YESSSSSSS!!!

right now until he proves himself....WILLINGLY....you really dont have a choice. your kids are depending on you to protect them. its your job.

as far as the dishonesty part.....if you feel unprotected for yourself and the kids...let it go. are you keeping info hidden, YES. do you obviously have good reason....YESSSSSSS!!! Thank you, Nikko. That is what my b/f and my attorney said. Until he can prove himself trustworthy I need to protect us. I should get the paperwork in the mail today or tomorrow. I can go as fast or slow as I want with the process or indefinitately put it on hold.

Do you think I am a fool for even considering staying in the M?

ff,

I think you're doing great. I don't think you're a fool for hoping that you can work the M out. There's a saying about hoping for the best and preparing for the worst. That's what you're doing right now.

It doesn't sound like he was very serious about agreeing to your boundaries in MC. It's hard to read between the lines, but I think he said it so you wouldn't just drop the marriage. The old cake eating routine. I think you'll have to go to Plan B and initiate D before he'll truly consider it.

It's so good that you're protecting yourself and your children here.

Dobie

It doesn't sound like he was very serious about agreeing to your boundaries in MC. It's hard to read between the lines, but I think he said it so you wouldn't just drop the marriage. The old cake eating routine. I think you'll have to go to Plan B and initiate D before he'll truly consider it. That is what I think too. Not sure if I really have too much hope left for my M and am losing love for WH by the day. Plan B sounds better to me all the time.

{{{FF}}} no time here, but i did read your update and wanted you to know.

I just read an old post of NCW's that he posted a link to on FL's thread. It was about HOPE. I had lost my hope today, maybe I can find it. Thanks NCW for helping someone you didn't intend to touch.

Hey FF,

how are you ?

I agree with the others. I think you told the truth in MC about what you would need him to do if he wants to save the M. I don't have the impression from your posts that you would never take him back now, that you have completely given up on him. My impression from what you said is that IF he wants the marriage, he needs to act quickly and decisively and prove it to you, because you are not prepared to wait for him and accept any more 'punishment'.

It seems to me that he hasn't properly understood yet how important this is to you, so maybe the separation will make this clear to him.

I hope you're feeling ok today.

Hi FF. thinking of you.

faith----if your a fool---then at 3 1/2 yrs later---what the heck am I???????? LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

your not a fool---your a brave warrior fighting for what is right and important. you are honoring your vows and doing what you promised him and god....better or worse.

its not easy and there are many times----even now---that i just want to chuck it---its called impatience! lol hang in---for me it comes down to being able to look in my sons eyes and being able to honestly say----I DID ALL I COULD.

its not easy and there are many times----even now---that i just want to chuck it---its called impatience! lol hang in---for me it comes down to being able to look in my sons eyes and being able to honestly say----I DID ALL I COULD. Patience is something I have never been good at. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Part of the problem is we never get past him shutting down and me getting angry about him shutting down. I told him last night I cannot take his unwillingness to talk to me. I finally got so upset about OC that I sobbed and he held me. Can't he understand how much this continued contact has hurt me? Finally told me he was sorry. Ok, now act!

WH and I had a long talk last night (well as much as we can when he hates talking). Even if we separate he will not be with OW, the A is over but C continues on a very limited basis because of OC. I really do not want this woman in my life forever but if I want the M I will have to accept some limited C.

So, Nikko thinking about your post to me and weighing all that WH talked about last night I am going to try one more time. (please no 2x4's) It was the I have to know I did all I could statement that stuck with me. Have I? I am so up and down with plan A due to my anger issues. He is still dealing with hurt, anger and confusion over my dday. So...here is what we agreed to"

1. He will continue with our MC as IC
2. I will return to my IC to deal with my anger
3.Once DNA is established if OC is WH's we will deal with contact as a family. Meaning we will tell our children about OC and all visits will include myself, WH and two children of the M.

I will contact my attorney to stop the paperwork for the legal separation. I need to tell my WH about the attorney and the retainer fee.

After reading Pep's thread about "pep" peeves I realized that I likely fall under many people's pet peeve. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by faithful follower:


Do you think I am a fool for even considering staying in the M? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">of course not.

Pep