David,

Listen to Mel. I think you blew her mind when you agreed with her about the D, AND gave her a very very generous settlement offer. It will cause her to think.

But, remember this, if you agree to this or start talking D to her, be ready to do this. It is really not a good bluff, although I have this little feeling in my mind that she is using it on you as a bluff.

It will be tough to control you, when you have let go, and that will bug her no end.

Used to live in Albuq. and spend more than a little time in Durango skiing. Also spent some years in TX as well. I also live on the "left coast" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> .

have a good weekend.

God Bless,

JL

David-
Good for you!

However, I think you need to amend the child support thing to : "We can wait six months after you have graduated before you begin monetarily supporting our youngest children." That gives her time to get through school, find a job and THEN be a responsible parent by helping you support the kids.

I'd bet she would understand. ok, I'd HOPE she would.

OctoberGirl, I guess the message is clear: DON'T MESS WITH TEXAS!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ March 04, 2005, 08:38 PM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>

I gotta say that whenever I see the word 'backbone' in a thread, I feel compelled to read in the hopes that I might learn something...

And indeed this evening, I have.

You, sir, are my hero.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

For the sake of argument though, I'd like to respectfully offer you a different perspective on this:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by tanelornpete:
<strong> I told her: "Very simple. I have residential custody of the kids, you can have open visitation anytime you have the time for them, and that I would not require any CS."</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Good on the custody/visitation issue. If she chooses to leave the family unit, that is her choice. She does not have the right to make that choice for the children.

As for the CS, well I don't think that technically you have the moral right to deprive your children of benefits that they deserve. Nor is it your place to relieve the mother of your children from her responsibilities.

You are free to release her from any spousal support responsibilities, but not child support. This may even be the case legally, depending on where you are.

In my case, the amount of child support I pay is checked on a chart that combines various factors. That's it. No battle, no fuss. I pay my support directly to the gov. They issue payments to the ex. She gets paid wether I pay or not. If I don't pay, it's the gov that chases me, not her.

Dunno where you are, but maybe it's a non-issue?

dewt

Well Pete

I think you hit betwen the eyes. However once D is being discussed just be prepared to have to go through with it, but I suspect it may be only a bluff, still be ready if the worst happens.

As for CS I think you need to reconsider. If in the future you could not easily provide for your children because of cicumstances - god forbid accident etc - she MAY then use this as a lever simply because she can if you have relieved her of that obligation. Go for what the 'State' says CS should be IF it comes to that point.

Of course I hope it does not for you. Wishing you the best for yourself, kids and family.

David,

Like the others, I am quite proud of your comeback. Disarmed the WS. Must be interesting to see you leave the WS to have an A without anything to hold 'em up. LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

All the best.

L.

melody---welcome to the wonderful world of the eights!!!


<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

not all of us are angrily insane!!!LOL

david--i think you did perfect. but i would reconsider the support issue though.

Just a note - I am offering to leave out CS for the duration of my wife's tenure in law school - she doesn't make that much, and what she does she really needs for her expenses. On the other hand, I can provide for my children - that's what I do: work, make the meals, do the laundry, ge tthe kids to a nd from school, Dr appts, etc.

On the other hand, I am still working on part of the negotiation where after she passes the state bar and starts making the money I know she is going to, I don't think it would be unfair or unwise to expect support.

I don't want ANY spousal support - that's something that will come my way from someone else someday.

On the other hand, I don't know how the state handles CS - since we are considered property of the State, it may be some sort of automatic requirement.

David

<small>[ March 05, 2005, 08:32 AM: Message edited by: tanelornpete ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by aussieswife:
<strong> Well Pete

I think you hit betwen the eyes. However once D is being discussed just be prepared to have to go through with it, but I suspect it may be only a bluff, still be ready if the worst happens.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Aussie - I know my W (and pretty much the WW) - I highly suspect this is not a bluff. She wants out because she wants a 'better' life......

She can have it. I have found mine.

$h*t David....you're doing pretty good there buddy.....the planets must be in alignment for us LOL!!!!

On the subject "I don't want any spousal support" Oh screw that, if my husband was going to stand to make big bucks in the near future I would BURY his [censored] in CS and SS.

I don't take very kindly to the whole being scorned thing.......therefore, hell hath no fury.

-Caren

Blank spot here because CAREN GOT MAD AT ME FOR POSTING SOMETHING PTPTPTPTPTPTPTPTPTPTPTPTPTP (Big rasberry)

<small>[ March 05, 2005, 09:44 AM: Message edited by: tanelornpete ]</small>

Mr. T,
Although I’ve never posted to you before, I have followed your story. I think at this point its worth noting that in most cases, it’s not what a person says but how that say it that delivers the message. You delivered your message in a way that communicated self respect and a sense of dignity. Communicating this way is never a LB.

One last thought. I wouldn’t concern myself to much with the specter of divorce. Divorce doesn’t have to represent the final chapter in any relationship. As your wife, the “law student,” will tell you, divorce is a legal term. In that marriage is a legal contract divorce is simply the legal remedy for ending that contract. It has nothing to do with what people may eventually decide to do about their lives. I think it’s worth noting that at times it takes the finality of an ending to awaken some to the reality of what that ending actually means.

If your wife, as you suspect, has decided on divorce because she is seeking something more in terms of a life style, then one can only hope that she will eventually awaken to the fact that how we live our lives, has more to do with the style of the life we end up living then the material accoutrements that we acquire along the way. It doesn’t take a genius to know that who we are is more important that what we have or who we call our friends and acquaintances. And sometimes it takes the loss of something really valuable to remind us of this.

Coach

Thank you so much, coach - that was very well stated. You are right, divorce is a legal end to a contract, not necessarily the end of a relationship. That's one of a couple of thoughts that have given me the strength to go thru with my decision.

As well, my W is (and has always) been 'searching' for that elusive something that can only come from a change within, and that's a change that cannot come about without a spiritul change.

Right now, humorously, she beleives that she is, since the affairs and moving out of her home, a 'much better person'. I wish her much happiness, but I know she will not find it, and I feel great sorrow that one day she will realize what she has done.

The sad part is that by that time, I may have well moved on beyond her anyway - I have already realized that had I known about her now what I do some 20 years ago, I would never have asked her to marry me.

David

New update:

WW was upset because she 'had to watch the kids' while I worked tonight (as if I don't have the perfect built-in babysitter in DS17), and she had 'plans' for the night, but couldn't stand the thought of them being home 'alone.' DS17 said he wasn't staying the night anyway and was taking the bus home, but at the same time I called and said I was coming to get the kids, they needed to be ready.

She had them ready to go when I got there 15 minutes later.....

Sheesh.