Hello all -

Quick update -
I have still not left California - getting all my stuff out of the house was a much bigger job than I realized - I guess I was used to having my WW help me move - she would pack, I would load. So I am all packed up, all the stuff that I am taking to TX is in my trailer, and I am sleeping at a motel right now.

Some last minute business has kept me in town until now, but that will be concluded today. Since my WW is watching the animals, I was thinking about going skiing for a couple of days before leaving town - I bought a season pass, and have used it all of 2 times....

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So, to the question. My WW and I have spent quuite a bit of time together recently, and she has repeatedly told me she doesn't want to lose me forever. She still wants to keep her OM until after her trip to Central America - he has major sway over whether she gets to even go at all, then dump him quickly. She knows the moment I leave for TX, I am cutting all contact. She hates that idea, but is still standing firm about not breaking it off until June. I just feel that she values her career above our marriage.

I feel confident, come June, she will end the A. BUT, since she has not earned her way back, how can I maintain any self-respect? I sometimes wonder if I will just be meek and let her set the timetable and the terms of her return. I don't want a D, but I don't see how I can be happy with her returning on HER terms.

The only thing that I have a little hope in is that Plan B will change her mind on NC with the OM.

The other thing that amazes me is how absolutely confident she is that we will survive this. She has little fear of losing me. She says, "We have made it through so much, we will make it through this..." Fog? Me filling her EN's too much? Me being too available for her?

I will not be by the computer (no more cable connection for me - I stop by Kinko's when I can), so I will respond as I am able to....

TM

TM,
I hate to be the one to tell you this but you really need to get yourself out of town fast! Then get yourself in to Plan B and stay there, accepting no communication from your WW at all!

You desperately need this separate, if for no other reason then to give yourself an objective and realistic perspective about this woman that you’re married to. When a wife tells you that ~”She still wants to keep her OM until after her trip to Central America - he has major sway over whether she gets to even go at all, then dump him quickly.”~ I have to wonder what kind of woman she is?

There are names for woman and men who trade themselves, body and soul, for gain and no matter what her professional title ends up being those adjectives will still be accurate. I’m sorry.
Coach

Oh traveling man I have read your posts my heart goes ou to you. I tho feel as coach. Why does she feel it is ok to use OM. Is she so selfish or what ? Has seh been selfish in the past ? Does she realize she is prostituing herself for a trip ? Maybe she needs to hear this from someone -like your SIL maybe ? I am sorry for your pain but I agree what good is it doing staying around town now? I hae a strange attitude I take each time I start a new faze of my life. For the positve reasons I say this is a new adventure now. Smile and have fun on the trip. It is hard but it helps to look at things differently. Remember you only loose face when you do something you believe is wrong. If you choose to take her back -you will be fine. Just be sure in your heart this is what you truely want. Please stay in touch wiht us. We care.

I echo what coach said.

I'm reminded of an anecdote... can't remember who it's attributed to.

Man: "Would you sleep with me for a million dollars?"
Woman: (thinking for a moment) "I suppose I would."
Man: "Would you sleep with me for ten dollars?"
Woman: "Of course I wouldn't! What do you think I am?"
Man: "Well, we've already established what you are. Now we're just haggling over the price."

Stop letting her set the timetable. You're supposed to let her go to Central America with OM, knowing that you'll be waiting for her with baited breath? Hasn't your self-respect suffered enough? And it will suffer more, I assure you.

Right now, she has no respect for you, because you're allowing her to keep up her affair, for such a thoroughly selfish reason as a PLANE TICKET.

I say, put her to a choice. She can have the trip and the OM, or she can have you. NOT both. And she has 24 hours to decide.

She'll be pissed at you. But she will also experience a sudden jolt of respect for you. And in the long run, that's what you need from her so badly if you want to reconcile successfully.

TM,
Haven't been here in awhile.

I'm not completely sure of where you are other than what was stated in your post.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> she has repeatedly told me she doesn't want to lose me forever.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She is being a cake eater. She wants everything. She wants you. She wants her career/ trip to So America

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> She hates that idea, but is still standing firm about not breaking it off until June. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If she hates the idea why do it? Is she going to sleep w/ him on the trip?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I sometimes wonder if I will just be meek and let her set the timetable and the terms of her return. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It's probably the case. She sounds like a strong business woman and probaly will walk over you unless you set AND maintain boundaries.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> The only thing that I have a little hope in is that Plan B will change her mind on NC with the OM.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">More than likely this is the case. Remember a Plan B letter says that you'll have no more contact with her until the affair is over and she's willing to prove that it is via MC letter and random checks.

Mac

Coach is onto something there. Added to the fact that even if it is true that she will be back in June...that is not your concern.

June is June. Now is now. If she truly loves you and wants this marriage, believe me...5 months of NC will not happen. She will not be able to do it.

As to how you will feel about your self if she comes back...deal with that when the problem presents itself. Okay?

You are on the road. Stay dark and do not let her break the NC for any reasons. She knows what it will take.

And if she does adhere to the NC and doesnt talk to you for 5 months...and then shows up at your door ready to start again, I would seriously think at that point if you want to be married to a woman that is as Coach puts it above.

But until then...get on with your life. She does not belong in it right now.

In His arms.

Travellin,

I wholeheartedly agree with Coach. Get out of LA ASAP. As much as it hurts, what kind of woman is she?

Man: "Would you sleep with me for a million dollars?"
Woman: (thinking for a moment) "I suppose I would."
Man: "Would you sleep with me for ten dollars?"
Woman: "Of course I wouldn't! What do you think I am?"
Man: "Well, we've already established what you are. Now we're just haggling over the price."

One of my favorite quotes, used often. I believe it to be Bertrand Russel

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by TravellinMan:
<strong>
She still wants to keep her OM until after her trip to Central America -

... come June, she will end the A.
TM </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Oh Puhleezzee!!!! This is absolutely ridiculous. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Begin your Plan B RIGHT NOW... and as soon as possible make your move to Texas. Let her know you`re not going to let any grass grow under your behind while sitting there waiting for her. You`re moving on and if she waits too long to hop off the fence it will be too late.

TM,

Hard to argue with the logic presented to you. I won't I agree. But, cross bridges when you come to them. First, question is the divorce she filed still working it's way through the system? If so, why don't consider this not only plan B, but the entry way to plan D? She has made no commitment to you worth anything and it is unlikely she will change.

However, as MM said don't worry about June until it comes. You may find that you have a lot less confusion in your mind by then. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> In fact, you might find that the decision is a no brainer.

Look forward to hearing from you when you hit TX. Have a chicken fried steak for me.

God Bless,

JL

I'm with the others on this.

That a person would use one man to further her career, all whist destroying her husband is beyond comprehension to me.

If this is the truth and she is just using him, to me this is unforgivable. The fog and accidently finding yourself in an affair is one thing, but deliberately using another is just the most inhumane, cruel thing I can think of.

Either she is so far in the fog that she doesn't realize what she is saying, or she is so callous that she doesn't realize what she sounds like.

Either way, I would be examining my own self respect too, if I were you.

Go to plan B and stay there until you can come to some sort of understanding, or if not understanding than peace in whatever decision you end up making.

I will say that a woman who would use another human being at the risk of breaking their heart is not a woman I would want for a wife or mother of my children. Or as a friend for that matter.

Where is the kindness and compassion that is the very essense of what a woman is?

Continued cake eating. If you accept this now, yes, you will have a hard time respecting yourself and not resenting her big time in future. She now fully knows what she is putting you through and continues soley for her benefit, with no regard to you. Time for Plan B. Now. Hope that penetrates her thick skull.

TM, your title intrigued me, as I've been emerging from denial and trying to balance self-respect with the need(?) to save my M.

Everyone here is right, IMO.

Come on back to God's country (I'm kidding, I'm kidding!) and start healing.

Now, if I could just figure out my own sitch. LOL
PM

I would have to agree with the others... I really don't know what to make of what she has said.. talk about FOG!
I will tell you what I do read between the lines though, You are her backup plan... Are you comfortable being in that position? I doubt it...
Where in TX are ya going?

TM,
Do you still have my cell #?

If not and you need to talk email me at cwmac_2@yahoo.com

Mac

Thanks for all the replies...

To clarify a few points - she is going to Central America to do surgery as part of a outside program associated with her residency. The trip itself is optional, but considered a great privilege to even be asked to go. She learns more there in one week than she learns here in a month. The OM is the drector of the program. She will be paying her own way, not him.

She "fell in love" originally with the OM, but she has since realized that he is not the one for her. She would like to break it off, but is deathly afraid of reprisals from him, as he is the passive-agressive type. She is afraid he would sabotage every opportunity she had to be in surgery. Sexual harassment threats won't work because they work for seperate hospitals, but are required to work in an outside program that he is in charge of.

Yes, my WW has been selfish in the past, and the A has turned her further in that direction. She does things without regard to how it would make me feel. We have had many recent discussions about this very fact, and she has agreed with me that she has been acting very selfishly.

She has agreed to no sex. I have no way of knowing for sure, but she has never lied to me to my face in the past that I know of. I guess I will have to go on that. She is aware of the potential consequences of sex with him again. On the trip they will be rooming with other residents, so physical contact will be minimal, if at all...

As to the divorce - I have never been served papers. She tells me she has no intention of serving me at all. She filed on the OM's urging, and out of fear that I would file first in TX. She is supposedly going to look into cancelling the filing....

She has outright told me that Plan B will probably break her. She confessed that when I delivered the original PBL, she put off opening it for two days. Once she read it, she called me and met me right away. I wish I would have stood my ground then, as I would probably not be in this sitch now. I am fairly sure that it won't take too long for her to come around, but by then I will be in TX, and it will be hard for me to make sure she is in NC from 1600 miles away.

I am sticking around for a couple of days to go snowboarding. I figure I owe myself a little fun time.

I appreciate everyone's input and good wishes.

TM

TM,

You said a few thing I thought I would reply to.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
She "fell in love" originally with the OM, but she has since realized that he is not the one for her. She would like to break it off, but is deathly afraid of reprisals from him, as he is the passive-agressive type. She is afraid he would sabotage every opportunity she had to be in surgery. Sexual harassment threats won't work because they work for seperate hospitals, but are required to work in an outside program that he is in charge of.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">First, you have NO evidence that she is not still in love with him and lying to you. All you are sure of is that she can and has lied to you. Second, there is an organization that is responsible for running the program she is in and OM is in. They recieve funding from another source, I KNOW THAT IS TRUE. Since OM is her effective supervisor and makes decisions that have impact on her career and educational advancement, YOU CAN SUE SOMEONE FOR SEXUAL HARRASSMENT. So don't believe this horse pucky about working for different organizations. If you/she are inclinded find a lawyer and set this man straight and if all else is as she says: THE AFFAIR WILL BE OVER.

Do you belive that? I would need to see her go to a lawyer, find out the truth of this, AND end it with OM within the time you leave as well as get letters from her hospital and his that such actions have been taken.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, my WW has been selfish in the past, and the A has turned her further in that direction. She does things without regard to how it would make me feel. We have had many recent discussions about this very fact, and she has agreed with me that she has been acting very selfishly.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And so given that you have no children, just what do you expect to change in the future? What would prove to you that things have changed in the future? To quote another Texan: "How's that workin fer ya?" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

During your STRICT plan B you need to be thinking about these things and making lists of what it would take and why you really think staying would be to your benefit at all.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She has agreed to no sex. I have no way of knowing for sure, but she has never lied to me to my face in the past that I know of. I guess I will have to go on that.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Excuse me, she lied to you about the affair and OM. She lied by omission and then to your face. I recall you finally figuring out there was an OM and who he was. She has lied. This is NOT a good time for selective memory. This is why Plan B will be good for you, because you need to remember ALL of the things that have gone on in your marriage (good and bad) so that you can make a better set of decisions IF you really have a decision to make.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> She is aware of the potential consequences of sex with him again. On the trip they will be rooming with other residents, so physical contact will be minimal, if at all...</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She is aware that YOU cannot find out the truth and have no way to varify what she says. She has made use of that in the past and she shows no indication that she won't in the future.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">As to the divorce - I have never been served papers. She tells me she has no intention of serving me at all. She filed on the OM's urging, and out of fear that I would file first in TX. She is supposedly going to look into cancelling the filing....</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">In another words the divorce is still in the mill. If she had decided NOT to serve you wouldn't the easy thing to do is to remove this action from the courts and prove it to you? She has not done that has she?? TM, you need to look at actions NOT words. They are NOT squaring up. ANd until they do, this deal is done. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She has outright told me that Plan B will probably break her.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">WHat the heck does this mean? Break her???? She knows what she is doing and she is doing it. There is nothing to break. You don't count so what is there to break. You really don't have a marriage, so there is nothing to break. She might not get all of her needs met when OM goes back to his W after school is out, but that isn't going to break her, it is simply going to make her find somone to meet her needs until something else comes along. She has not acted in any way shape or form in a manner that she will greive for this other than she will have to find some guy to take care of her as you have.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> She confessed that when I delivered the original PBL, she put off opening it for two days. Once she read it, she called me and met me right away. I wish I would have stood my ground then, as I would probably not be in this sitch now. I am fairly sure that it won't take too long for her to come around, but by then I will be in TX, and it will be hard for me to make sure she is in NC from 1600 miles away.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Come around? What does that mean? She will NOT do anything until June. She has told you that. That is her schedule and that is when OM ceases to be of use to her. Now she may still be in love with him so the A might continue, or OM will be tired of her and go back to his W reenergized by this little interlude. She is NOT going to come around until it suits her purposes or OM dumps her. She has shown you that.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am sticking around for a couple of days to go snowboarding. I figure I owe myself a little fun time.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Have a great time TM, enjoy the slopes and the great snow pack we have on the "left coast" this year.

I hope you understand that the way you are thinking is NOT going to help you and frankly will not help you rebuild and recover your marriage. You need to be ruthlessly honest with yourself and your evaluation of this situation or you will get used and used and used. Further, since there are no children in this marriage, the reasons to stay are much less. Harley stated himself that if his W had an affair and there were no children he woul d probably leave it.

So enjoy your snowboarding, enjoy the bluebonnets if they have not already gone, and start to enjoy YOUR life. You are young and have a lot of it to live.

God Bless,

JL

I appreciate everyone's input and good wishes. [/quote]

JL -

Thanks for the reply -

Some responses to your responses <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

- The program is run by a board of doctors - all independent - it is a privately funded program to help children in need in Central America and Mexico. She has no way of contacting the whole board, and there is little chance of her getting anything resolved that way. She also runs the risk of clouding her name at the same time - and she will need other doctor's recommendations to get privileges at other hospitals in the future.

- She is no longer "in love" with the OM. She stays with him only out of fear. She has taken time to evaluate her feelings and has realized what attracted her to him in the first place. I call this the "one issue voter syndrome"....He doesn't react, ever. He is very passive, and listens, but avoids all conflict. I am a reactive person, taking conflict head on. I also react much more than I ought to. She found the opposite in him, so she "fell in love". Now that time has passed, she sees that he has only a few desirable qualities, and all in all is not the man for her. She has told me that I am the only person in this world who she can have the level of intimacy that we shared. I believe this, fog or no fog.

- As to her selfishness...she has admitted that she needs IC as much as I do. She has committed to me that she will begin it once her residency is over. I feel that I have learned so much both here and in my reading (presently reading "Boundaries" by Henry Cloud - a good read!) that I can effectively interact with her without feeling taken advantage of.

- All of her lies were over the phone. She asked for a D, then promptly moved out. I originally never dreamed there was an OM, but found out a week later via Eblaster. She has lied many times to me over the phone, but if I am looking into her eyes, I don't think she can do it.

- I do hope that she will take the first step of showing me (instead of telling me) how she feels by cancelling the filing. I am not going to suggest it just yet, so she can be the one to make the first move.

- When I say "break" her, I mean just that. She feels that within a short period of time of Plan B, she will give up her wait-until-June plan, and commit to NC, come what may. She is very afraid right now, stuck between two potentially bad decisions. I know, I know, she got herself into this mess, but I do feel a shred of pity for her.

- OM will not go back to his W. He apprently was never in love with her, and has been looking to get out of the M for 4 years now. He is a wimp, to put it nicely. Even his mother and sister agree with his decision to D his W, although not with his chosen method of achieving that goal. They think he married beneath him. I wonder where he got his great morals, huh?

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Boy are my arms tired! I have tried my hand at snowboarding for the first time today. I have skiied for over 10 years, but boarding is a whole different animal. I am slowly getting used to the different feel, though. It really sucks to have to start over learning to move on the snow again. Nothing broken yet....

TM

I wanted to do this in a different post...

My WW called me while I was on the slopes and we talked for almost an hour. She was very upset, and wanted to talk to me about a way out of the sitch she has found herself in.

She understands all of my concerns about me losing m self-respect, and does not want that for me. She wants out of the A, but doesn't want to burn any bridges with the program or the OM professionally. She also doesn't want to lose me forever.

The best thing we came up with thus far is for her to let the OM know that she has no intention of moving to San Francisco in July. That is where he will be moving so he can "co-parent" (?) his son. He has made it clear to my WW that he is moving there - period. So she thinks that she could approach it like..."Oh, so sad, we were so great together, but our life circumstances just won't allow us to be together..." That way, he won't get mad at her, and try to take any revenge on her.

Any other ideas (except, of course, what most of you are thinking - full NC now, no questions asked)...

My WW also asked me today not to move to TX. She wants out of the A, and me back, she just can't figure out how to do it with the least amount of damage to her career...

I know I am going to get 2x4'ed for this (I can feel Mortarman warming up in the on deck circle right now), but I just can't seem to just abandon her when she is finally reaching out to me.

TM

Sheesh TM - Saying he was apparently never in love with his wife is just the same old BS.

And your wife only lied to you over the phone?

I think you might be in a tiny bit of denial.

Have fun snowboarding.

TM,

I am sorry to seem so hard hearted, but that is my job on this site. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> You said </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I wanted to do this in a different post...

My WW called me while I was on the slopes and we talked for almost an hour. She was very upset, and wanted to talk to me about a way out of the sitch she has found herself in.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ok, sounds good so far doesn't it?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She understands all of my concerns about me losing m self-respect, and does not want that for me. She wants out of the A, but doesn't want to burn any bridges with the program or the OM professionally. She also doesn't want to lose me forever.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Let's see is there anything else SHE wants. How about wings so she can fly? That would be nice, perhaps a practice that brings in a mill or two? That would be nice. Sorry, but I see NO actions do you? She called, her lips moved and she DOES lie to you over the phone right?

So other than a list of wants, does she offer any plans for you to NOT feel the way you do? Does she offer to put you, the marriage, or ANYTHING above her career?

She has already said she doesn't want to "burn any bridges", and that my man would be YOU. You are bridge she doesn't want to burn, but she has the torches warmed up to cut the last strand of the suspension bridge called your marriage, and she has already cut through most of them INTENTIONALLY, because she LOVED THE OM.

God, I hate to be this harsh, but you are the one in the fog. Yup, she is in a bad situation but ONLY because she wants IT ALL. It is tough to get it all no matter what one is talking about, but really tough in a marriage to a man who is planning on leaving because SHE wanted an OM as well as a great career, and who knows what else.

WHAT ARE HER ACTIONS TM? That is the question I am asking you. Please please look to her actions.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The best thing we came up with thus far is for her to let the OM know that she has no intention of moving to San Francisco in July. That is where he will be moving so he can "co-parent" (?) his son.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">But, until he moves what is her plan? To keep the A going right? Through June right? So what has changed from her original plan? NOTHING. You have just been brought into the loop to help her have it all and she not feel too bad about it.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> He has made it clear to my WW that he is moving there - period. So she thinks that she could approach it like..."Oh, so sad, we were so great together, but our life circumstances just won't allow us to be together..." That way, he won't get mad at her, and try to take any revenge on her.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">When she ends the affair NOW? Or when June comes around and she can have it all, you, the affair, her career, whatever?


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Any other ideas (except, of course, what most of you are thinking - full NC now, no questions asked)...</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Has anything else worked?? I am a pragmatic guy, do what works, and appeasing her has NOT worked for YOU, but it sure works for her. Frankly, I think YOU need the plan B as much as she does. You need to really step back and see things are they seem be seen by those of us that are NOT in your situation. She needs to see things in a different light as well. Your love is sinking fast, and if she continues the EA and probably PA with OM, how is that going to make you feel? Used? Perhaps. Disrespected? Oh Yah! Second choice? Without a doubt. Is that how partneres in a marriage should feel? Absolutely NO.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My WW also asked me today not to move to TX. She wants out of the A, and me back, she just can't figure out how to do it with the least amount of damage to her career...</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Perhaps she should consider getting out of the A with the least amount of damage to her marriage? What she wants, and what should happen are two different things. You have plans to go back to school. You have already packed and loaded to move to TX. You have already heard a lot of this stuff before.

So what ACTIONS have you see that make you believe this. I know your ego is getting massaged by her calling you and telling you she does not want you to move, but you did not want her to have an affair either. More importantly what SHE wants is really of less importance to you than what you NEED to do right now.

The A is on. The A may or may NOT be over in June. The career is prime importance. I don't see how you can stay with no assurances, and let's not forget she is telling you this over the phone and she does lie over the phone (puleeaze).

Nothing has changed TM. She just doesn't want her cake to walk out right now.

Just a quick question for you. Did you help put her through undergraduate school? Did you help put her through this school? At what cost to your time, effort, work, and education did these sacrifices come? I am thinking plenty.

I am not talking about revenge, I am talking about seeing a change in actions and focus on her part. From everything you have said she has NOT changed a thing. So why would you change your plans?

Please think about this. Y may not realize this but I want you to have a great marriage to your W, but if somethings don't change you will just have the same marriage, and we all know where that went. Further, you will have set the stage for her to run over you any time she wants, because she knows she controls you.

God Bless,

JL

I know I am going to get 2x4'ed for this (I can feel Mortarman warming up in the on deck circle right now), but I just can't seem to just abandon her when she is finally reaching out to me.[/quote]

<small>[ March 09, 2005, 09:08 PM: Message edited by: Just Learning ]</small>