Maybe I am different, but I wish no ill will towards OM, I admit, at first I was hopeing that his W would leave him, but, that would be like hopeing I would leave my wife. They have their issues obviosly, And I hope they are able to work theirs out, like I mine, He has 3 kids, it would not be fair for them. He has his issues to work out and that does not involve my W. I just have no feeling for him, He is a stranger passing by. I met him twice, and any other sitch, he might be a nice guy, obviosly, my W liked him. But it does no good to dwell on his faults as it does no good to dwell on my W faults. I don't like or justify what they did, but I does me no good to hate anybody.

see, this OW has had other MM...in fact was using my H (w/ his permission of course!) to "make him jealous"... apparently her "pregnancy" and subsequent "miscarriage" was not enough to bring the other MM to her side permanently so she thought my H might do!! Apparently the other MM was very upset when he found out...WTH did he/she expect?!

Such a soap opera I was sucked into! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Plus, she interacted w/ my children (w/o my knowledge of what was going on at the time) as if she was gonan be their "friend" or maybe even step-mom.... Over my dead, rotting corpse! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> She acted all sweet and friendly... DD13 feels very betrayed cause she thought this lady was just being nice to her and now knows that she was just trying to impress her Daddy!!

This is where I can honestly say that never...there will never be another "mom" for my children (I will seriously disappear)... and where they were involved I am still trying to deal with that. Very dumb and so, so wrong! They should have never been around the two of them interacting....never!!!!

isn't it amazing, all that goes on, What do people think? just want to slap them upside the head and say, "umm... Duh"
I am sorry you have so much pain to deal with. My sitch is so easy compared to you and alot of other BS's here. I can't even imagine what I would do if someone else thought for any moment, that they could parent my Children. God help them.
but mine are old enough to see stuff for what it is. I actually have become closer to my kids through all of this, odd huh?

well my kids have also drawn closer to me through this, also...I am the "stable" parent! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

But to hear DD13 say she should have seen it happening... to say that part of her knew that it was going on but didn't want to believe it... so hard to hear my child having to deal w/ adult issues that should have never been a part of her world!!

DS11 even has been in it some... he found OW's cell phone in his Daddy's car and of course FWH lied about it, but son still told me. I actually defended H cause I thought, no way, DS must be mistaken! When I asked FWH about it he came clean and apologized to his son. Poor guy! And good for him for having more integrity than his dad!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Now baby girl is ok, she is the center of the family universe and she had a real rough time when Daddy moved out...cried herself to sleep in my arms wailing for her Daddy to come home, wanted to kill him then! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> But she has leveled out, he is still around and she is feeling more secure. She has told me "mommy, I don't want a new Daddy"... <sniff-sniff>... what can you say to that?!

I suppose all you can do is hug and love her and tell her you know, can't lie or decieve them, they pick up on that everytime, like you said, you are the stable one. My kids don't know about A, It is not discussed in front of them, They just know we are going thru some tough times, and they hug us and usually give us our space when needed. Daughter knows, have talked briefly w/ her to let her know if she needs to talk, I am available or if she would prefer a IC, I would make sure she see's one, W does not know she knows, and at this point, I won't tell, cause I think W would go into a huge funk, that I couldn't deal with. Besides, DD does not want to talk about it. so we go on and have a better relationship than befor. pretty awsome.

Well our kids were around FWH and OW alot since they often went to work w/ him and she works at the gym where his office is...

Plus, the older two would've known anyway... esp since FWH has moved out (1st on his own, came home for about a week and then I put him back out when I realized he was still talking w/ OW!) MC agreed w/ the kids knowing (not details, but that Daddy had an A w/ OW and we are working on healing) cause they were involved alot d/t FWH stupidity and inablity to think about anyone but himself! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

NC is just two weeks old for us and he still sees her several days a week (but swears there is no talking, no nothing)... it has altered my kids' lives alot. They no longer want to go to work w/their Dad and they are missing the friends they had there. I did the total exposure thing, so everyone at the gym knows. Have no idea why OW was not fired (H is a tennat, not an employee). It is a family atmosphere and she has brought all kinds of drama since she started there less than 6 months ago.

One reason it may "appear to be easier" on a WS than a BS is simply time.

My wife found about the A six months after it started. When she found out about it and confronted me, I already had spent quite a bit of time thinking about the situation. So, while it was "brand new" to her, it wasn't to me. I couldn't react with shock, surprise and dismay because it wasn't a shock or a suprise to me.

As an example, suppose you were out of the country and someone you were close to died. When you return six months later, you find out. The people who were around when the person died had already grieved and had recovered from the death. You, on the other hand, would be in shock over it and would start to grieve. You would be emotionally "out of synch" with everyone else.

I think it is that way for BS and WS. WS knows about the A and understands what is going on. BS doesn't, so BS reacts as one would expect him/her to react. WS, who has known about the A, is more concerned about the "discovery" than that the A happened.

I already had spent quite a bit of time thinking about the situation. So, while it was "brand new" to her, it wasn't to me. I couldn't react with shock, surprise and dismay because it wasn't a shock or a suprise to me.
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I think I read something to this effect somewhere else and boy is it enlightning(sp). I can see how this could apply. Just wish I didn't have to try to understand any of this. But, I have to, so I post and read, post and read. Thanks for everyones help.