Hiya Bob:
I had never seen this post before. Of course most of my time has been spent on the Recovery forum. For some reason, GQII always irritated me. I don't know why and I mean it, I haven't a clue.
In my opinion, your post should be a sticky on GQII if ever a sticky was allowed here.
If I haven't thanked you lately for your wisdom and example, here it is Bob
THANK YOU!As a personal observation, you are not at all comfortable wearing the horns. Neither am I. You seem a bit more uncomfortable than me, so maybe it is time to share my view on those pesky horns. See, I understand the male internal shame that goes with the horns. Well, at least for me, I cannot speak for you. When I found out I was wearing the horns of a cuckold, I went into a panic for all the good and usual reasons and then moved forward relentlessly toward recovery. You were one of the advisers that cautioned me correctly that there were stages to recovery.
I guess I never shared this before:
In addition to all the other stuff a newly betrayed has on their mind, I did some thinking about my attitude about suddenly and unexpectedly being a cuckold, complete with the horns. I was NOT happy with that besides the feelings of betrayal, etc.
Then I had a couple of epiphanies.
The first one is that I realized that there were not only a ton of guys out there wearing horns they didn't like or ask for, there were also a ton of guys out there who had no clue they had acquired appendages that signified that their wives had no honor and they were now in the unpleasant class of cockold.
The second thought I had was that I had the horns, would always have the horns and it didn't matter if I stayed or went or if our relationship were restored or what not, I would be "Blessed" with the horns no matter what.
My final thought on the subject is kinda convoluted. (Yea, what else from Larry ) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
See, cockold horns are intended to label a weak male, one more suited to doormat than manhood. This is why so many males reject the prospect of saving their relationship; they think they can run from the shame, the horns, at least in my view and my opinion. I quickly realized I could run but I couldn't hide. Even if nobody else could see the horns, they were there and permanent.
But I didn't see myself as a weak doormat kinda male.
I realized that the only way I could mitigate those #%%$# horns was to be the man. I mean, think honor, duty, family, country and all that manhood stuff. In other words, just because my spouse lacked honor and betrayed me, that did not mean that I had to play that game too, or even run away. So I stuck it out, honored my family and worked to restore my relationship with my wife.
And thereby decided that doing the right thing was the only way I could keep my self respect as a man, a father, a husband and a keeper of my promises even the face of having those same promises - the marriage contract - torn assunder and thrown in my face. So I did the right thing as much for me as for my family and spouse. It was what it was and is what it is. And life goes on.
I no longer view the horns as shameful. I view them as a reminder to always do the right thing, no matter what.
Larry
