curly17 & KMT,

If you are a church goer, your church might have some support. In my church, my pastor is using MB <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ... and I am one of lay conselors helping out.

The whole idea is ... you can't do it alone, you can't do the samething over and over again and you have to have support to hold you accountable for your actions.

curly17, you are taking the right step in throwing away any possible mean of contact w/ OM. You change your environment such that when you are weak ... you have no way of getting your fix. I hope you are open and honest with your H such that your H could help you out.

-rh-

Hi kmt -

FLT2M pointed your thread out to me. I've just skimmed through it, but if the theme is how to stop thinking about A and OM, I thought I would copy one of my replies to someone else this morning. (Sorry, I can't remember how to make a link).

"Just some food for thought - Immediately after d-day, my pastor (also our MC) suggested that I not even pray for FOM, because that kept my thoughts on FOM. Our feelings follow where our thoughts go. So, the theory is that if we change our thoughts, our feelings will change.

I vehemently disagreed with the pastor during those first few weeks, didn’t believe him, and I thought he was terribly mean. As time went by, though, (it’s 2 ½ years later now), I discovered that the theory really works.

Change your thoughts, and your feelings will change. We can’t change our feelings, but we can change our thoughts. It takes determination and time, but it is possible. You can’t help it if you have a trigger (see a car like his, whatever), but you can stop yourself from dwelling on it and letting your thoughts go further on the subject. Tell yourself, “Don’t go there!”

After I would have a trigger, and felt awful, I would ask myself, “How much of this am I doing on purpose?” When I was honest with myself, I discovered I could save myself a lot of heartache by changing where I let my thoughts go.

“Still hard to think of NEVER talking again to a person who meant so much and had so much impact.”

When enough time goes by with NC (including not dwelling on thoughts of OM), you will be surprised that even the above feeling changes. As the “fog lifts,” reality sets in and you will be able to see the A and OM more clearly for what they really were. It’s easier to recognize and admit the OM’s flaws, and believe it or not, he can actually lose his appeal.

I know what it’s like to want to stop thinking about OM and feeling like I wasn’t able to, but the good news is, I learned I really was able to. I would ask myself “Do you control your thoughts, or do your thoughts control you?” I wanted to be in control of my thoughts, not vice versa."

Anyway, hope this helps.

God bless,

Rose