I have read some of your post. Does traveling help you get your mind off of your wife and how much you miss her or does it just make you miss her more? I am a school teacher and I thought about traveling during the Summer or trying to move in the Summer so I won't be at home depressed about the way things are with us. Also, I was hoping if I was not here maybe he would really miss me, maybe it would make him wake up, & see what he could lose. Do you think all of this makes your wife miss you & realize what she could lose?

TM - take care of yourself I have all these people here at MB. Just like you. Its just that I respect you and think you are a wonderful man. I wish you well and a woman who will appreciate how great you are. I have realized over these past few months how special we all are here at MB. All the BS that are here. We are the ones that have not cheated. We have morals and values. Last night I asked my WH if he wished I was more flirty - like some of the other women I watch. He seemed confussed so I mentioned another woman who is a very sexually flirt woman. He said OH NO - I do not like women like that . I did not say OH I TOUGHT YOU DID. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
I just smiled. I have never flirted -never knew how. Always looked over my shoulder when a guy hit on me thinking it must be soemone else. I hae been told I am very attractive by lots of men. However I always thought they were being sweet.

TM,

Glad your trip to TX was uneventful. Hope the one to NYC is as well. Keep us updated.

God Bless,

JL

TM,

Just a bump to see how you are doing.

God Bless,

JL

Everyone -

I have wanted to post an update, but, alas, MB was down...

I am in NY (technically New Jersey at EWR) and am heading home tomorrow. In the 10 years or so of travelling, I can honestly say this has been the WORST trip of my career. Everything that could have gone wrong, did. I think to myself, "Why does God want to kick me while I am down?" But I survived it....I have been relaxing this evening (since I missed my flight by 10 minutes - last flight of the day) at the airport and drowning my sorrows somewhat. I leave at 7am tomorrow for home.

I have been in contact with my WW, but only by text message, and only regarding the trailer that sold on Sunday on Ebay. The buyer is supposed to pick it up on Friday.

Other than that, my life is OK. I am not suffering the withdrawal that I was afraid of....I guess because she and I haven't lived together for almost 4 months. I am trying to keep myself busy to keep from brooding too much. It seems to be working, although if my work continues to go the way this job has, I will be re-thinking my choice of contracts in the near future!

I am torn over my opinions of returning to Houston tomorrow. I am not looking forward to being around my mother so much, but I can't wait to be able to talk with my sister face-to-face, AND, I am going to look at and/or buy my Ninja motorcycle on Thursday or Friday. Vroom vroom!

I hope everyone survived the MB blackout. Luckily, I have been very busy, so I haven't had the opportunity to sit and refresh the announcement screen over and over, waiting for MB to come back up.

Oh yeah, also, I was hanging out at one of my customers nightclubs on Saturday (free drinks for me all night), and there was a fairly attractive girl that majorly came on to me.....and I didn't act on it at all....best not to complicate my life further at this point.....I was fairly drunk, and still refused! Go me!

TM

OK,

Back in Texas, with my mother (please God give me patience with her) and my sister. I have had to TM my wife a few times this week regarding the trailer, but that should be completed by tomorrow. Text message seems to be the best way because it has to be so concise. No talk of us.

I am in somewhat of a numb stage...not really thinking much about the whole sitch....I guess I have been on overload lately.

I booked a trip to Sinapore this morning - just to go. There was this great fare sale, and I am going to be a little short on miles this year, so why not?

$586.00 taxes included, with one overnight in HNL on the way there. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Oh, and I may be picking up my new Ninja tomorrow....

It sure sounds like I am going through a mid-life crisis, huh? It is a crisis, alright. Just a little bit early thanks to my WW....

TM

I picked up my bike today! I rode it for about 2 hours tonight, and had a blast....

I drove by my MIL's house while out riding, and she was outside working in the front yard. I stopped for about ten minutes, as I have yet to see her since I moved back to TX, and chatted. Afterward, I felt worse than I have since I left CA. I guess I just re-opened some slowly closing wounds. Maybe I should have not gone by.

I am starting to feel the beginings of withdrawal. I find myself even having dreams about her on a regular basis.....but the distance between us has helped me escape the chaos. Although I am sad, I am much less panicky, stressed, or anxious.

The downside to living/being here is dealing with my mother, and feeling like I am in limbo generally. If I am going to be divorced, then I would put my energies in one direction....if we are going to be reconciled, I would work on an entirely different set of priorities. I feel so goalless - a very unfamiliar position for me to find myself in.

TM

I text messaged my WW yesterday over an unpaid health insurance bill, and, lo and behold, today my phone rings and it is her. I answer like I told her I would...."So, is he out of your life yet?" She ignores the question and starts to discuss the health insurance issue. I wanted to stop her and refer her to the text message system, but folded. We talked for about 20 minutes, mostly about financial stuff, but then talked about my new bike and my safety. She started to cry, and told me how she really was worried about me on the motorcycle. That led into how she missed hearing my voice, and how she missed me so much. I tried to be detached, but it was hard. We got off the phone soon thereafter, with a nice goodbye (no ILY's on either part).

I feel better for being able to talk to her, but I wonder if I should have just let the call go to voicemail.

Oh yeah, and I worked out at the gym for the first time in years last night....boy am I sore today.....


TM

Plan B clock reset to ZERO.

She has her TM fix and goes back to other man confident that TM is still waiting for her return at her leisure.

Please go dark on her, TM.

God bless,
Gimble

Of course, TM is also getting his fix from her...which still resets his clock to ZERO and prolongs his own pain.

TM. I hope you have a great trip to Singapore. When is it scheduled for?

I know, I know....

Both of our clocks are reset...

Trix- My trip is for 4/29 - 5/4, with an overnight in HNL on the way there...

TM

I will be offline - for the most part - for the next week and a half or so....sending the ol' laptop in for repair before my warranty expires...

Everything is quiet here right now...no chaos....but no excitement either. A very limbo-istic life for me...

I guess I will go out riding for a while today - it is a beautiful day here.

TM

I am little low today....had a dream (nightmare?) about the WW this morning - can't remember the details anymore, but I woke up very sad.

I tried to lift my spirits by going to workout, and it has helped some.

I sometimes think I should go ahead and file - I think of all the things she has done, said, etc...and I think how difficult it could possibly be regarding children. She is 37 now, and I don't see us trying to have kids for at least a year, if not two....we don't need anything additional on our plate if we are going to try to reconcile our M. So she will be 39-40 when our theoretical 1st child would be born - and I would want two...

Should this even be a consideration regarding whether to reconcile or not? I dunno. Right now (thank you, Mr. Rollercoaster) I feel like just giving up on her. I know I could be very happy with someone else down the road. I guess this plan B may be having its intended effects...on me. I am starting to picture myself single again more and more.

I am going out tonight - an old buddy of mine is the manager of one of the big clubs here in Houston, and invited me to check it out tonight, then go to an after hours club - I probably won't see home until the sun has risen tomorrow <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

And no, I am not going out for the women - I have a taste for trance music - you can't find it in most of the regular clubs here - too many have fallen prey to the invasion of hip-hop and bubblegum pop music.

Oh, and I am going to meet ncwalker and maybe Squggle tomorrow - hopefully not too early <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> for lunch or coffee....I am looking forward to meeting my 1st MBer.

TM

Boy, do I need to slow down...I guess I am trying to fill the void left by my WW with partying...I went out to the aforementioned clubs on Saturday, went to bed at 8:30 am Sunday morning, got up at 11am to make my 12 noon lunch with ncwalker and Squiggle, went back to bed for about 3 more hrs, got up and did a few things around the house, then went to another club (another one of my customers) until 2am this morning...

I think the alcohol brings your emotional state down in general...so maybe I should lay off for a while.

I am heading out of town on Wed for work - I guess that will keep me out of trouble for a little while.

TM

TM,

Actually, lack of sleep will really bring you down. So slow down, you are in your 30's now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Seriously, hope you had fun with NCW and Squiggle. As for children, will that is an issue at some point.

But, I am guessing there is no need to decide until there is evidence that this might work or not. I take it your W has not gone on her trip to South/Central America? When does that happen?

I also take it that she has NOT ended the A with OM? The call is all yours, but get plenty of sleep before you start making these decisions.

God Bless,

JL

Hi, TM.

I agree with JL, slow down. You can burn out, even at 31.

I suggest you get involved in something that wears you out, makes you sleep well and makes you stronger at the same time. Hint, it doesn't involve women, alcohol or loud music :-)

Since you mentioned kids, I wanted to ask you; how interested are you in becoming a father?

All the best,
Gimble

JL and Gimble -

Thanks for the replies...

Yes, I need to slow down...I am going to be working for the next five days or so "on the road" - so I should stay out of trouble...

JL -

The trip is scheduled for the end of May through June 5th or so...

The affair is supposedly over, however he still lives with her as a roommate for the time being. Now before anyone hits me with construction materials, let me say - I know this is possibly...probably BS. But I am in plan B, and am not doing any investigations to prove or disprove her statements. So is the A over? I don't know. Is she still in contact? Definitely.

I know what you are hinting at Gimble - working out/exercising...and I do that at least three times a week right now. Some would argue that women are very involved - maybe the main reason - that they go to the gym. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> And, dancing burns quite a few calories...as long as you don't replace those burt calories with high-calorie alcohol...believe it or not, I do dance quite a bit.

As to children...yes I do want them...eventually. We were going to be concentrating on that during this exact time period in our lives - until the A derailed our plans. Now, I don't see us even trying for a year or two...kids are enough of a strain on a solid marriage.....I can only imagine trying to divide our efforts between a new baby and marital recovery.

TM

It's 5am here in Minneapolis.....and I so want to call my WW right now....but I won't. I will post here instead.

I have been starting to dream about her more recently. They are usually good things, or nonsensical ones. I am hoping that this may be a good sign of my gradual internal healing - that my dreams are not nightmares when the WW is involved in them...but I am no Freud, so who knows?

I thought being out on the road would keep me out of trouble, but I was wrong....I finished up early today with work, so I ended up going to a club here in Minneapolis - I went and returned home absolutely solo - but I did party a bunch. The dance floor is my escape from everthing painful...give me a throbbing crowd, a 120 decibel electronica beat, and a little Vodka with Red Bull to grease the skids, and I am on top of the world for what seems like eternity. I know this sounds strange coming from a guy, usually its the ladies that just want to dance.....I have been into electronic music since I was in Jr. High school.

I had a few opportunities to persue some women there, but I had to keep telling myself that I was there for the music, not the girls....I pretty much kept to myself all night.

So now I am debating, do I go on to sleep for the whole 2 hours before I will need be up to catch my 10am flight? Or would it be better to just stay up straight on through? I can sleep on the plane and tomorrow afternoon....

I am leaning toward staying up....I hate waking up after such a short length of sleep...

I am not sure I can keep living in limbo like this for another two months until my WW will likely be free from the OM's influence. I am not sure I can make it that far without any movement in either direction....


TM

Hi, TM.

I am glad you had a good time dancing. Since you described a rave like environment, I hope you are avoiding the edited.

You don't have to live in limbo-land forever, TM. You are running hard right now, and that is making your adjustment even harder.

Rest is good for your mind. You can't sort out your problems nearly as effectively with a weak, tired brain.

Let me toss a few thoughts out at you for consideration. Ladies, please read somewhere else for a bit. Guy talk below.

You are 31 years old with no children and a bright future. With a few personal issues settled, do you know just how attractive a guy like you would be to a younger woman? I don't mean the one-night-standers. I mean good solid women of character and substance.

I am certainly not telling you to forget about your wife, but I am telling you that you need to begin to live as if you are moving on. Start getting your confidence back. Start taking care of yourself. All nighters on the dance floor isn't where you are going to find your answer. You've got to stop being a victim, TM.

Stop looking to your wife for comfort. Stop looking to her for your sense of purpose and peace. That behavior (grabby/needy) is part of what you are addressing now. It needs to go. Most spouses find it unattractive. Find your own peace, comfort and confidence. Learn to take pride in what you know and do. As you do that, others will notice.

Go and study heros. Figure out why women find them so attractive. Figure out what qualities they possess, so that you can build something similar into your life. Ask the ladies here what they find attractive in a man, and what they find unappealing. You might be surprised at the answers.

All the best,
Gimble

Gimble -

Thanks for the thoughtful post...

I know you are right about what qualities are attractive to women....and I know I have the ability to work through my issues and eventually find peace. But not right now. I feel like I cannot move in ANY direction until my WW's residency is over at the end of June.

Right now I feel like a fish out of water, flipping and flopping, trying to find peace, stability, and happiness.

I am absolutely miserable living back with my mother, but to sign a 6 month lease on an apartment right now would be, IMHO, premature. She has fallen back into some of her familiar behavior patterns, and I will no longer allow her to manipulate and control me. So needless to say, there is stress at the house. I am working through the book "Boundaries" - and starting to try implementing new boundaries with my mother...I have always had a very hard time saying "no" to her...a great cause of strife between my wife and I occurred over this very fact.

I am not resuming IC until I know where I will be living for the next period of my life....no use getting through all the background info, just to quit and move again in two months...so that resource is unavailable to me right now....

And, as I discussed in a prior thread, I have somewhat of a bad taste in my mouth for church, because my mother relentlessly pushes me to go...anything she is associated with, I instinctually avoid.

So I am really in a no-man's land right now....and I have re-discovered something that allows me to put all my worries behind me temporarily, and just be in the moment.

Is this a solution? Definitely not.

BUT, it is my way of coping for now. I am thinking this is a stage I will eventually pass through....but I wonder if this may even be necessary for me to do....kinda exorcising my demons, so to speak....

The time will come - not too far in the future - when I will have to return to school, and focus on my future....I have a hard time right now looking to the future - I can't yet let go of the past....


TM