TM,

Now you won't have to work so hard to do what you want, because you only will have you to worry about. Second, someone mentioned recreation. Take up something in the day light, fishing is good, hiking is good, swimming is good, but get into the sunlight. Sunlight coupled with exercise will really change your attitude. I know the "pounding" of a good dark club can be fun, but it is more fun when you are not trying to forget something or get beyond something. Heck, take up tennis, anything.

A new era in your life is starting and you have many many years to enjoy it. I know you wish you could have shared it with the woman that you have loved for so long, but she made other decisions. And she has not shown any indications of changing her mind, so it is time to "move on" and start to enjoy your life. Trust me on this, if you move to Austin YOU WILL HAVE A GREAT TIME. Been there done that, got the W to prove it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Keep us updated but you have no idea how your life is about to change and it will change for the better once you decide to let it.

God Bless,

JL

OK.

Where to begin…


I have been working out of town in Sweetwater, TX, and had no internet access for the previous three days. Much has happened since Tuesday.

I had given instructions to my attorney to file the papers Wednesday morning, June 22…what would have been our 9th anniversary. I was then going to see if my WW would call me at all to wish me a happy anniversary (which I strongly doubted), then call her late that evening to inform her of what I had done. I even wrote out a letter, nice but firm, communicating everything I wanted to tell her.

But she jumped the gun on me.

My phone rings on Tuesday, and lo and behold, it is the long lost WW! I answer it as I always do whenever she has called me in the past, “Is he out of your life yet?” She then tells me that she has failed one of the three tests that she had to pass in order to be able to practice this year. The next time she will be able to take the aforementioned test will be March ’06. So she could either move back to TX, and be unemployed, because there are no 1 year residencies offered anywhere in the state, or stay in CA, and try to get a 1 year residency again. Of course, since her career is WAY more important to her than our M, she chose the latter.

I proceeded to tell her about the impending filing, and she became livid. She wanted to go with the papers she had originally filed in CA. It would be easier for HER. Are you noticing a pattern here? It is always about HER. I told her too bad, I had paid the attorney, and the papers were going in. She then tried to bait me with how we were going to be together in the end, and that she wanted THIS marriage to die, so we could start a new marriage that was clean. We had both screwed this one up too much. BLAH BLAH BLAH…

The long and emotional conversation ended on a goodish note. Then, yesterday, when I returned home, I had a notice that I have a certified letter waiting for me at the post office. She is trying to serve me the CA papers!

I haven’t yet accepted them, and probably won’t. I have to talk with a CA attorney first. I will then have to contest the venue, and my TX attorney believes we will win that battle. But it is going to cost me much more $. Thanks, WW.

One thing I waited to do was put a restraining order on her…my attorney said that it is standard in 90-95% of the D cases. It is to keep her from buying big things, canceling credit cards, or changing locks, etc... I was waiting because I didn’t want to piss her off. Too late now. The order is being filed presently. Sees like we are going to war…

This is just too much. After all the waiting, reaching out, Plan B, and all the rest…


I am done.


I will NEVER reconcile with this selfish (dare I say evil?) woman. I am sad, but happy that this becomes soooooo much easier this way. She knows not what she has done. The gloves are a’ comin’ off.



TM

TM,
I am sorry that you are now to this point. But know that I believe you have made the decision you have had to make. It appears that by leaving CA, you chose flight versus fight in order to try and save the M. You have now chosen fight. I hope you win. Just maintain your dignity through the rest of this. I believe that will enable you to heal quicker. Biblically you are entitled to this D, so no worries there. Hold your head high and go with confidence that something great awaits you on the other side of this. Again, I will strongly urge you to walk with God, and ask the Holy Spirit for guidance. Your faith will not let you down. Remember the scripture where God tells us...."why should you worry? I provide for even the sparrows of the earth. Are you not greater in my eyes than the sparrows?"
Please keep us posted on the progress and know that you are in my prayers. Let God lead you to your happiness.


"you gotta have a good imagination,
if you are gonna live a life of hope."
Jack Ingram

Hi, TM.

I am glad to see that your taker is riding shotgun for a change. Keep the conflict avoider in the trunk, where he belongs.

She is in shock because you stood up to her. Good deal.

She didn't surprise you much this time did she? This is good. It means you have become a bit more shrewd. When you first start seeing a bad case of entitlement in someone else, it is pretty ugly.

Now, quit worrying about it and go on with your life. Let the legal system and your lawyer do their job. That is what you are paying for.

Don't give in to feeling sorry for yourself or her. Now is not a good time for that.

Hang in there TM.

What do you think about changing your username. How about ToughMan? Same initials.

God bless,
Gimble

TM,

I've been followin' your post but haven't had anything to add beyond what everyone else here has (and their supposrt has been fantastic, as usual) -- but this one time I wanted to say, Good Job, Man!

I know it is with resignation that you finally "move on down the alphabet" as you put it, but at least you are seeing her for who she is. You will accept entitlement and selfishness no more.

I look forward to seeing you grow and heal. I know you still have a ways to go, TM, but after being stuck in a rut for so long you really have made a leap.

Best wishes,

StillLovingHim

WCNT, Gimble, and SLH...

Thanks for the encouragement. God knows I need it. Since the original anger of what she is doing - trying to serve me - has worn off, I am again a bit down. I was driving last night, and had to drive right by where we went on our first date - in 1990. It really triggered me.

I have to make a fairly large decision here in the next few weeks...whether to stay here, and enroll in a community college for one semester, live at home, and stockpile some $...or move to Austin, and return to UT. It would be considerably more financial strain to do so this fall, but emotionally much easier on me.

Once that decision is made, I will fly to LA, and drive my things to Houston and/or Austin...

I sure hope the old addage, "Time heals all wounds..." holds true. For now, my wounds are still gushing my lifeblood away...

Sorry to be so morose, but I awoke weeping this morning...er...afternoon, actually. Just another dip on this insane rollercoaster.


TM

TM,

Have a good cry. It cleanses the soul. I would opt for the more difficult but more straight forward approach to school. Go to UT. It might be harder financially, but it entails fewer moves, fewer decisions, and less chance that you might not end up where you want to be. While stacking money and going to a community college has some advantages, it delays the beginning of your life yet another 6 months.

Further, I believe you will hear from your W again and you want to be settled, both feet on the ground and your sights set when you do. If your degree from UT and subsequently med school is your goal, go for it NOW. Trust me on this OK.

Further once you are in, if something comes up, you will often find that a big Univ. will cut you some slack with regard to taking a semester off IF you have proven to be a good student.

Go for it TM.

God Bless,

JL

TM,
I am with you man. This coaster ride is something else. Just when you think it is flattening out here comes a big dip and that side to side action.
You know how I was looking forward to going to the lease yesterday. Well, I went. I got up there and BIL and FIL had moved all their feeders and blinds off of the place. I knew they were going to do that, but something about seeing their old spots completely vacated made me sad. Its one thing to lose my WW, and it is another thing to lose my hunting partners. We shared a lot of great times up there together. Drank a lot of coffee, had some great meals, played a lot of dominoes late into the night....and we harvested a few fine animals for the freezer. I hate losing that with them.
Be strong man! Remember what that one friend of mine told me......"this too shall pass."



"you gotta have a good imagination,
if you are gonna live a life of hope."
Jack Ingram

JL-

I know what you say is true. I am just wondering if I will be so emotionally distraught that I may end up underperforming in my studies...I cannot afford to have my GPA be less than stellar if I want to attend a good med school. I will keep everyone informed of my decision.

WCNT-

I, too am very upset about the loss of my in-laws. Because my family was pretty messed up, I somewhat "adopted" my MIL and (now deceased) FIL as my own. They were closer to me than my actual parents. In fact, we are also partners ina business venture. I am not just D'ing my WW, but am losing my adoptive parents as well.

It is just so sad that such destruction can be wrought on a family.

-------------

Ya'll would be proud of me. There was a world famous DJ playing at a downtown club last night that I was going to go see...I ended up working out and riding my bike around until 1 am...no clubs, no partying...just healthy, mind-clearing fun.

I looked at a new bike I am going to buy as well yesterday - a 600cc GSX-R, only 1400 miles on it...I will probably pick it up sometime this week. I have outgrown my baby Ninja 250. The gixxer is sweet!

TM

Warning: This is a disrespectful judgement and a immature thing to say...but I will say it anyway.

As a total aside, the fact that your Wayward failed a GD podiatry board test of all things (not to be ever confused with a "real" medical board test) is a BIG SCARLET LETTER for her career FOREVER.

She is out of the residency game for a while and this $hit has a way of following you wherver you go. Forever she will have to explain this whole mess to State medical licensing authorities, hospital staff boards, and insurance credntialing agencies. This is NOT something that you want to have to advertise in these days of managed care and higher costs of health care......ESPECIALLY in a filed like podiatry that has suffered a great deal in today's healthcare climate.

This is the 1st step of many in "karmic energy" that your Wayward wife will have to make payements on. She is just NOW going to start feeling the repercssions of HER LIFE'S decisions.

Get away from this mess as fast as you can.

LM

editted to add: I am not as dummb and as badd a speler as my posts show. I am just to lazy to edit themm.

LM -

I always appreciate your insights, especially regarding my WW's chosen profession.

I am getting away from it ASAP. It's gonna be ugly tho'.

Karma rocks.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


TM

Just a quick update...

Nothing from the STBXW. I have TM'ed her a few times regarding financial stuff, but no response. Apparently, she owns my life insurance policy, and will have to sign it over to me so I can change the beneficiary once we are D'd.

I also received my first bill from the lawyer, and it is amazing how fast the dollars get used up.

But the thing I am most excited about, is I picked up my GSX-R last night. What a machine! I put it through its paces - got it up to 145 mph...it tops out at about 170, but I don't think I want to go that fast...145 was scary fast already. Don't worry, I don't drive like that regularly....

A beautiful bike...I have been out in the 98 degree weather riding half of the day today. Even with the heat, I wear a jacket and helmet, just to be safe.

I am tempted to ride it down to the beach on Monday, just to spend some time on the road on my bike. It makes me so very happy to just be on it....

I hope everyone has a happy 4th...


TM

SWEET!!!! I love it!

TM, What color is yours?

You could always go to UofH in style on that baby, should you decide to. . .

Yup, here in TX we are actually given a choice on whether or not we want to wear our helmets on our bikes. Natural Selection? Darwinism at it's finest? It's all-too-common to see people here, even in chilly weather, minus a tough leather coat and helmet. In fact, a lot of them parade around in muscle shirts and shorts with tennies. Can we say ouch? Imagine how that would feel, skidding across the hot pavement at 130+ mph!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/ooo.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

We had a RiceBurner too when Tiger and I dated/first got married and those were some awesome times. I miss it, I really do. I don't miss wearing all that leather jacket, gloves, pads, jeans and boots in 100 degree Texas heat <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> but the raw power of that engine beneath you is amazing and breathtaking. I never have laid a bike down, but that's just my lack of hours on it. . . I know I would have if I had kept riding. My H laid it down 3 times (and he is the most careful soul I know when it comes to MCing).

Just try not to kill yourself, 'kay, TM! LOL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Where on earth do you ride (you mentioned a beach)? The Bollivar Penninsula? That's where I go to ride my horse --(it's fun to take him waaaay out into the water and swim) and we have great times. Be careful though, if you've a delicate constitution (LOL) --- and here's why. . . (a funny for you)

the last time I was riding way out on the Penninsula by High Island I discoverd BUNS -- Bolivar United Nudist Society!!! I $^it you not! It was quite innocent I assure you. . . a friend and I were just enjoying our afternoon, horseback riding through the waves and such when I had gotten off my horse to check his hooves and make sure the rough shells we had ridden through did not damage his hoof wall (we had just had his shoes removed, and his feet were sensitive). I realized -- too-late -- that I could not get back on, as I always ride bareback. . . and as I was scouting around for something (big piece of driftwood? Sandbar? Chair??? LOL) to stand on so I could clamour onto his back, I realized a TOTALLY NAKED MAN was walking towards me, to offer assistance!! Had I been prepared, this may not have flustered me, but I was stunned to realize after really looking around that no one was clad except my friend and I, LOL.

All in all, the nude man helped me get back on (first time I've ever gotten a leg up from a nekkid man, <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />) and then he and his friends (M & FM, all ages but no children) all came over and greeted us, asked to pet our horses, etc. They even invited us to their Bar-B-Q and to have a few beers, but it was getting late and we had to get going. They were some of the neatest nicest people, with not a hint of lasciviousity or self-conciousness about them. After a while, I really forgot they were unclothed! (Yes, really!)

My H thought this was hysterical. I would've liked to have seen HIM get a leg up from a naked man! ROFLOL!

Just thought I'd share. I wonder if BUNS will be out there this Holiday? I was told they go out a few weekends a month or so. . . but haven't driven out there to see, LOL.

Have a Happy 4th!!!


slh

SLH -

Mine is yellow and black. I have a matching leather jacket, helmet, and gloves...no pants and boots yet...

I was going to go to Galveston, but ended up hangin' around Houston. I am loving riding it, though. Even in traffic! I will be careful on the Peninsula...thanks for the warning... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

-----------------

I spoke to my WW today...I hate when I have to do that. I was right in assuming she was coming in for the 4th of July - her family has a place in the countryside that has a big 4th of July parade every year...we hardly ever have missed it...but her mom LIED to me, and today I called her on it. She admitted the lie, but asked to not be dragged into the middle of our D...I guess I somewhat agree with her.

Another bit of interesting news...my WW, while out in the country, was bitten by a poisonous snake...she had to go to the hospital and everything...maybe God is trying to send her a message....snake? Man's fall? Conincidence? I dunno...

She was really rotten to me today, though. Told me that she wanted everything out of "her" house...including my smaller motorcycle out of the garage. The house, mind you, is vacant, and under extreme contruction. There is no reason, other that to spite me, that she would want this. She also wants all the keys, and for me to change all my mailing addresses - I use her mother's hair salon as a business mailing and shipping address - so as to sever all ties with me.


She even told me if I went ahead and served her the TX papers (which are in the works) that she would never sign over my life insurance policy to me.

She is so full of anger and vitriol, it amazes me. This is from someone who caused all of this!

Oh yeah, and she then has the audacity to say that I am trying to hang on to this...the memories, the family, etc....I told her in no uncertain terms that I was completely done with her - I don't want to see her again, talk to her, or anything. I even told her I no longer loved her, and she can no longer hurt me.

Silly WW! Pain is for someone who still loves you!



TM

TM:

I think you are doing good. I think your Wayward STBXW is probably correct in some of the things she said. I don't think you are quite at the point of "not loving her anymore". It is a hard thing to do, but you are clearly on your way to that point.

I would even limit how you talk to her even more. Talking to her is probably a "setback" for you in personal recovery. That is ok, it is all understandable.

Are you still thinking of premed studies?

Sour......

LM-

I am still leaning in that direction, although I would probably get my BS in something else, so I would have options should I decide later on that I didn't want to go that route. Maybe even chem E or mech E....I dunno....

I have tried to keep everything via TM and email, but she rarely, if ever, responds to them. I really don't want to talk to her...it just gets me worked up.

I may not be at the point of not loving her anymore, but her actions are sure speeding that process along.


TM

I am such a jacka$$...

I went out last night drinking with a buddy of mine and some of his friends...and one of the guys was this guy from France...we were both flirting with this one girl, then it got tense between us. I am no fan of the French, for many reasons...even long before the war in Iraq....SO...it started to get ugly. NExt thing you know, I was TRYING to start a fight.

I have never started a fight in my entire life. I have been in a few, but probably not in about ten years. I actually was itching for a fight last night. I wanted to take all my anger and pain from all this affair/divorce crap out on this smarmy Frenchman. His buddy even told me that if I fought the French guy, I had to fight him too...I told him I would even go two on one. I have never acted like this in my entire life!

I at least had the decency to not start swinging. I wanted to step outside and square off with either, or both, of them. I even think I may have been able to take the two of them I was so mad.

It is amazing how these damn A's can change you. Both for the better and the worse.

I feel guilty about it now. But life goes on.


TM

Maybe you need to back off of the drinking..before you let it get the best of you. I was afraid you were going to say you were drunk and got in an accident with your new bike.

Please be careful. I know that you are looking at this change in your behavior and won't want to make a habit of it.

Center yourself TM. Maybe you could take up Kung Fu or Tai Chi...my older son teaches Chinese martial arts...it has really been a help to him. He is the Internal Grand Champion (Tai Chi).

Peace to you.

Trix -

I took Tae Kwon Do years ago, and have considered resumming my training. Even a heavy bag would help. I am definitely not going to make a habit of picking fights. I was looking for someone to bear the brunt of all my angst, and he was just at the wrong place at the wrong time when he was being smart to me....

-------------

I just rec'd a call from the process server here in Houston...

And we got her! She has now been served. The CA papers are now irrelevant. Yipee!!

I was really worried about getting her served in CA, because she could avoid service fairly easily the way her house is situated, and I don't know where her new residency is located.

She is going to be pi$$ed now...she has to come to Houston every time there is a hearing. Our 1st hearing is on the 18th to make the temporary restraining orders permanent.



TM

Hi, TM.

Quote:
==================================
She is going to be pi$$ed now...she has to come to Houston every time there is a hearing. Our 1st hearing is on the 18th to make the temporary restraining orders permanent.
==================================

Very good, TM. A touch of reality for a directionless player. Outstanding.

Now, on the the almost fights. Chemistry 101, TM;
Alcohol initially increases testosterone, in males and females. That can make people want to fight or screw or both. So, unless you don't have a particular need for your front teeth or a straight nose, cut out the sauce, and find something to do other than frequent places where people want to fight or screw or vomit in your lap <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Good news about the venue.

Feel free to email me if you need to.

God bless,
Gimble