I had a chance to go out while here in NYC, and ended up staying in tonight...all alone in my hotel room.

This was a big step for me, considering that Sandra Collins was playing at Crobar - a world famous DJ at a world famous club...VERY hard for me to pass up...

But I have to get up at 9:30am tomorrow to work here, and I need to return to my former state of responsibility.

It is hard to sit alone so much. I guess I will just have to get used to it. I used to enjoy my alone times because I was always with my wife when not out on the road...now I am alone at home and alone on the road...

I sure hope whomever said that this experience will build character is right...


TM

TM,
I read this somewhere:

"(In the process of going through a divorce) If you don't experience periods of intense loneliness, then you haven't really loved."

Like you, I never had a problem being alone before... my STBXW and I spent a lot of time together, and the few "alone" times were good for me. Now, when I'm alone (which is too frequent), and I think about WHY I'm alone, then it gets tough.

I could ramble on, but I won't :-)

The point is... loneliness is part of the deal. It stinks, but don't let it scare you too much.

Hi, TM.

She will hurt you, on purpose. She will try to make you feel guilty. She will try to blame you for the state of your marriage. "If you had only waited, I would have.....". There will be no closure. Users don't understand closure. They either win or get mad.

Closure is the two of you signing uncontested divorce papers on the hood of your car in a grocery store parking lot.

God bless,
Gimble

Well I made a huge mistake today...or a huge home run - it depends on how you look at it.

I had a "trial run" and called my WW this morning.

In th conversation, I found out she is now completely jobless, and living on loans from her mother. She will not be able to take her board exam until March, and she has no plans to seek any employment unitl then. She also has halted all work on our house - we had a pipe break when it was vacant, and got $25,000 for a new kitchen from the insurance company, but the checks must be cut straight to the contractors. She was advised by her attorney to wait until the D is done to resume work on the house so it will appraise for less.

I am a sucker, still. I felt sorry for her and her situation, and I wanted to talk with her. We talked for over 5 hours, and the end result was the same that is always is...she blames me for everyhting, thinks I am an angry person, and is glad to be away from me. She still thinks she is entirely justified in all of her actions. I also found out that both my MIL and my BIL's wife have betrayed me deeply. Seems blood is really thicker than water.

All in all, a heart wrenching experience....BUT....I am so angry with her that I no longer have that desire to even care about where she ends up. I am going to fight her in this D until the bitter end. And it will get VERY ugly. I have a hard time leaving vengence to God. I want justice served so badly, I sometimes forget what is said in the bible - that vengance is His.

I have some great ammo that could get my WW to potentially lose her degree. And some other things that could get her to be unable to be licensed in any state. She broke some laws, and I have proof. I hate to blast her this way, but I really want to....

The reason I said it might be a good thing the way the discussion turned out is that my heart is closing to her and her fiscal and emotional situation. Originally, it hurt me to know she was having such a hard time...now I could care less...I want to say I relish in her pain, but I wouldn't go that far. She is/was still the love of my life and I don't think I will ever relish her pain.

She is definitely no longer the girl I fell in love with. That person is completely dead...at least right now.

Too bad. 'Cause she was quite a woman. Now she is just a child. And a vindictive one at that.


TM

Hi, TM.

Quote:
=================================
We talked for over 5 hours, and the end result was the same that is always is
=================================

So, why did you do it?

You already knew what the outcome would be when you started.

You really need to figure out exactly how to lose your addiction to the thing she feeds in you. I have iterated what she feeds off of in you, here on this forum, as have others.

How many times are you going to share a pipe with her?

I hope you are learning something from your experience with her, TM. As is, you are still an easy mark. I wish that weren't still true, for your sake.

God bless,
Gimble

Any money from an insurance company that is for use of a mutal asset is most likely a joint asset. It is to replace an item that was there to begin with. Get with your lawyer, I think she will have to either replace the item or split the difference. You might want to consider holding back from the court this info early on and let it come out later in in court showing a another unsavory side of your wife to the judge. Bottom line she will show you no mercy so show her none in return!!