TM,
I would also admonish you about substances including, but not limited to, alcohol. You, my friend, need to keep as clear of a head as possible. If this goes to a courtroom divorce, you need to have full control of all of your faculties. I would suggest total abstention of anything that might cloud your memory or your judgement until all of this is resolved. You need to be the absolute best you can be. Dont fall into the trick of medicating yourself in hopes of making this easier. It will do no good. You will have to deal with the emotions sooner or later. I think sooner is better for healing. You should be of one mind right now, and that mind should be clearly focused on doing what is best for your future. It might sound selfish, but this is about you now. Take care of yourself and dont encumber yourself with anything that will hold you back. Expect God to bless you beyond your wildest imagination. Just prepare yourself to accept God's blessing and dont limit Him in what He wants to do for you. I will be praying for you. Oh yeah.......Go see Joel!



"you gotta have a good imagination,
if you are gonna live a life of hope."
Jack Ingram

Just an update for those who have been following my story...

I am in Denver doing a job right now...a job that I used to be so very motivated, even driven, to do. I no longer posses that drive...in fact, I despise being here. I guess I link this work with the previous eight or so years of my life, and all the goals that I had with my WW, that have since evaporated. I did this type of work, even though I saw it as not living up to my potential, in order to be able to allow my WW to follow her dreams. Now that she is irrelevant, this work is not just tiresome, but oughtright painful. I think this may be the last job I go and do. I am seriously considering moving my timetable up for returning to school.

I have court on Monday in order to make the temporary restraining order permanent. Although this is pretty run-of-the-mill stuff, I don't know what to expect. I am fairly certain that my WW will not fly in for the hearing, but she may surprise me. I will post an update after the hearing.


TM

TM,

This is making a lot of sense. I think you are following a very natural evolution of things. Giver is worn out, taker is going to help out...as it should.

God Bless,

JL

TM,
I totally understand where you are coming from on this job issue. You can probably tell from my postings that I have loved my career in baseball for a long time now. But, I too, have had those thoughts of memories haunting me if I continue in this career. After all, I met WW here at the ballpark. We spend many 4th of July's here together. She sat by my side while I ran audio for the 2002 Texas League Championship series and was with me as the final out was recorded. She was our good luck charm during that series. Whenever she was running late the team would struggle, but as soon as she would sit down in the sound control room we would start kicking butt. We forbid her to leave except between innings and only to go to the restroom. I bought her a championship pendant for her contribution. It was the exact same as the face of my championship ring. I will never forget that stuff and I wonder what the effect of those memories will be on me in future seasons.
I have thought about starting my own company as a result. Is it the right thing to do? I dont know. One thing for sure though, I dont have to make that decision today. And neither do you. I will wait until I am led to make that decision.
By the way, hope I didnt offend you with my admonishments. It was given with the best of intentions.

JL -

Thanks. I just don't want my taker to "take" over completely, and become a selfish person, just like my WW...

WCNT -

I need admonishments, trust me. I know what is right, and what is good, yet I seem to choose the dark side right now. I have a pretty tough hide, so don't worry about ticking me off.

Lakewood church has its grand opening this weekend at the Compaq Center. I am not going this weekend, because it will be crazy, but I will go in the near future, as I told you I would.

BTW, could you email me when you get a chance? I have a couple of questions for you. geckogoon@yahoo.com

--------------

I am considering going surfing on Sunday, so that means no late night partying on Saturday night/Sunday morning. Which is a good thing. I had quite the weekend last weekend.

I have never surfed, but my good friend wants to teach me. So why not? I picked up snowboarding fairly quickly, so surfing shouldn't too much worse. Plus, the wipeouts will be far less painful.


TM

So I went to court Monday morning.

I was thinking this was going to be a run-of-the-mill hearing...a formality. But lo and behold, my WW shows up with my BIL's wife, and a third woman, whom I find out later is my WW's newly hired attorney.

Needless to say, I was shocked. Not only that she showed up, and that she finally decided to hire an attorney, but that she was there with K, my BIL's wife. K had told me, just the day before, that "I don't want to get involved..." This was in response to a question to her about whether my WW drove to Houston with her OM or not. She refused to answer the question, which was an answer in itself.

So my attorney calls me out into the hallway and tells me that they have filed two motions to end the D proceedings here and continue the ones in CA. She also tells me that she has brought a recording of a voicemail that I left for my WW telling her how I knew she was trying to serve me papers from CA.

My lawyer was a bit disgrutled with me, but didn't think it was a huge problem. We waited out turn to be called, and went before the judge. We were both questioned by both attorneys under oath. And guess what??? After all the facts were presented, some reluctantly by my WW, both motions were dismissed! IOW, we won! The TX D filing will proceed, and now if she tries to have me served in CA, I can have sanctions filed on her and she will have to pay all the lawyers fees...

She was also very arguementative in front of the judge, and my lawyer was constantly objecting to her because of "narrative" - which were upheld every time.

It was a very nervewracking process, but I am glad that major hurdle is behind me. There are many more to come, though. I am looking forward to being completely free of her...master of my own destiny once again.

-------------

I also went surfing for the first time yesterday. I was much more challenging than I thought it would be. Not to mention that the swells were much larger than normal due to the hurricane in the gulf. I was able to stand up a handfull of times, with no major injuries incurred. Only a little board rash, and some sunburn. All in all, a very fun day.

Oh, and I layed my bike down for the first time on Sunday night. I was stopping to turn through a median, and there was a puddle on the road from some earlier rainfall...my back tire locked up and I couldn't stop fast enough to keep from hitting the curb. It was a low speed collision, and thanks to my frame sliders, my bike only suffered a slightly bent brake pedal and some scratching on the lower part of the fairing. I have some road rash on my hip and a bruise, but that is all. I had my jacket and helmet on... I was shaken up a bit, but AOK overall. Like SLH said, it is not a matter of IF, but a matter of WHEN you will lay your bike down. I have learned to be more careful, if mothing else.


TM

Have all your ducks in a row!!! It sounds like your wife is going for your throat. Your wife is truly gone. In these proceedings don't think of her as who she was...but as a person trying to do you harm legally and financially and treat her that way. She has unleased her lawyer and friends so unlease yours....No Mercy!!! Good Luck!!

It gets worse...

I rec'd some papers on Saturday from my attorney. It seems now that my wife has lost her attempt to change the venue to CA, she is counter-filing on me for D...on the grounds of adultery! OMG! What gall she has! She is trying to claim that the marriage fell apart because of infidelity on MY part??? Has the woman no shame?

I have been very sad since finding out about this. Not because of the increased legal wrangling this is going to cause, but because I still thought she has some decency left in her. I now know she is no longer, and will probably never be, the woman I used to love. That woman died a while back. It makes me sad to see someone that you cared so ddeply for turn into such a monster - a monster with no remorse whatsoever.

This is going to turn VERY ugly awfully quickly if she continues like this. I have a few things that I didn't think I was ever going to have to use in the D process that I may have to pull out now. I will not elaborate on them here, though....

I never imagined it would be this bad. Pure evil.


TM

You are so better off without her. You have a much brighter future to look forward to when this is behind you.

Chin up...be strong.

Ok no more mr nice guy.. pull out everything you have and use it. If you can get a picture of her and OM in Texas. That should shut her up. I would even have BIL wife K testify about OM. Have her questioned since she is there. Man she is really going to mess up her life.

TM,

Don't forget to request the presence of OM at the divorce trial. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> I am sure that will be fun could also request the presence of OM's W as well.

Are we having fun yet. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

God Bless,

JL

I didn't realize how strongly these turn of events would affect me. I have been very depressed over the previous three days. I am sure it didn't help that I had a raging weekend. I went out five nights in a row. I have been hibernating ever since, having trouble even getting out of bed.

I thought I was past most of this. I accepted what life had dealt me and was dealing with it pretty well, IMHO. But the rollercoaster has taken another unexpected dip, one that I didn't see coming.

When will this ever end? I have gotta get functioning again. This is not who I am.


TM

I hope that you didn't mean raving for 5 nights...major partying. I will be glad when you get away from this crowd and move to Austin for a fresh start. I get concerned for your health and well being. Addiction is not pretty. You are heading in the wrong direction if you are still heavy into that scene and taking stuff that you shouldn't. I wouldn't want you to escape one too many times. Please get a hold of yourself and be safe. You need a clear head and calm heart. Use prayer and meditation or something more constructive to help you deal with your pain. I know this is an awful rollercoaster ride for you.

Raging, not raving....just partying hard...lots of clubs, drinking, afterparties, etc....although Thursday night was a Paul Oakenfold/Armin Van Buuren concert - not technically a rave, but close.

TM

I rec'd a call from my WW the other day, to my surprise...

I let it go to VM. She wanted to discuss the situation with our two cats - I cannot have them at my mother's for much longer, they are having too many hairballs on the light colored carpeting. I had sent my WW an email. She said in her VM that she wanted to talk to me about it...that email was too cumbersome.

I replied to her with a TM - "Let's keep communication to TM and email. Sorry."

Haven't heard from her since.

I know if I talk to her we will end up discussing other things than just the animals. And I can't do that anymore. I need to be completely uninvolved with her in every way.

I am going to CA soon to drive the rest of my belongings now in storage back to Houston. What fun.

I am starting to tire of the bar and party scene, finally. Last Saturday was a huge party/event that is put on only once a month, and usually I enjoy so very much. This time, I was fairly unexcited, and just stood around for the most part. I really didn't want to be there.

I am starting to turn the corner and becoming productive once again. I am not happy yet, but can see happiness in my future. Happiness apart from my WW...


TM

Well, I leave tomorrow for NYC, then Denver, then finally LA. I will visit some friends in lala land, then head out in another truck LA->Houston. I am not looking forward to it. It is as if I am taking the last thing connecting me to California, and thus to my WW. The last strands are soon to be cut. I am starting to fear the finality of it all...even though I know I could never take her back at this point.

I wanted some advice from y'all...or at least your perspective. I was considering sitting down with my WW while in CA (assuming she will meet with me) and have a last face-to-face...that is, one that doesn't involve judges and lawyers. I wanted to have a sort of closure I guess. Up to this point, I have kept all communication very concise, and all about "business"...no R talk allowed when we do communicate. Sort of a Plan B even though we are in the D process, and I no longer care to save my M.

My question is, do you think this is a good idea? I want this closure, but I am also worried about re-opening some closed, or at least closing, wounds. I am not sure if the outcome will be a net positive or negative. I am not sure what I expect to get out of it, but since we have no little ones, once the D process is through, I will cease to communicate with her completely.

I guess I want to properly say "goodbye"...


Thoughts?



TM

The sad thing about seeking closure with someone who is not sober or sane, is that the alien doesn't follow the script which allows closure. Thus, you are likely to come out feeling more frustrated, more un-peaceful than if you just gracefully choose no contact by your choices.

This woman wants to hurt you. She will do anything she can to prevent your sense of closure. So don't seek her out. Closure for someone grieving a death doesn't come from one last conversation - treat this situation that way - because the woman you love IS dead, or existed only in your imagination, so there is no last conversation possible with HER. The Pod Person you are divorcing will get juiced on the idea that you have to see her one last time... get it?

TM,

KL is probably right about what will happen, but I suspect you will always regret not trying to talk to her one last time. I would suggest that sit down and think about what you want to say and why because the conversation is likely to be one way or turn into an arguement.

So if closure is getting a few things off of your chest do it, but do it in a public place like a restruant or something.

God Bless,

JL

I agree with KaylaAndy on this.
I think it will only hurt you to see her again and it could delay your progress toward healing. Kind of like most other times you've spoken to her since you left.

Thanks for the input thus far. I will mull this over in the coming days and decide for myself...anyone else who would like to contribute, feel free to do so.


***Edited****


TM